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The Latest iPod Killer -- Breast iMplants

Bleeding Edge

from the hi-dr-nick dept

Thu, Oct 13th 2005 9:07am — Carlo Longino
Researchers at BT Laboratories say that within 15 years, women will be able to store MP3 players and their music collection in breast implants. "One boob could hold an MP3 player and the other the person's whole music collection," apparently. The implants would transmit sound and be controlled over Bluetooth, and could also work with sensors to detect heart murmurs, blood pressure increases, diabetes and breast cancer. Sounds really great and everything -- but what happens when they come out with a new model with bigger capacity, a color screen, or plays video? Sounds like the upgrade could be pretty painful. The BT boffin says, "if a woman has something implanted permanently, it might as well do something useful" -- but why just breast implants when it seems like they could be implanted anywhere? Why not make buttocks more useful, or shins? But I guess that's the perk of a BT research job -- sit around all day thinking about boobs and music.
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20 Comments

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  1. identicon
    WhiteNoize, 13 Oct 2005 @ 9:54am

    Nice!

    I'll mary the first girl who gets this! But wait, will that make them lumpy? Good thing MP3's don't skip! Now if they would put a speaker in each one... Hummmm

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  2. identicon
    Jimmy, 13 Oct 2005 @ 10:03am

    Wow..

    Makes me wanna get an ipod shuffle implanted in "lil Jimmy".

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  3. identicon
    Mark Baker, 13 Oct 2005 @ 10:13am

    New model what?

    "but what happens when they come out with a new model with bigger capacity"

    You have to ask? 8-)

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  4. identicon
    Ron, 13 Oct 2005 @ 10:15am

    hacked boobs?

    I hope that bluetooth is more secure by then. I'd hate to have my wife's breasts hacked into.

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  5. identicon
    Boilerbob, 13 Oct 2005 @ 10:20am

    My new pick-up line

    "Let's go to my place and listen to music!"

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  6. identicon
    A. Guy, 13 Oct 2005 @ 10:22am

    Re: hacked boobs?

    [insert anti-virus joke]
    naw....thats just gross

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  7. identicon
    Mikey, 13 Oct 2005 @ 10:35am

    Re: Wow..

    better yet, those sony players with the memory stick might come in handy for the male..Id have a lot of storage capacity myself.....

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  8. identicon
    JBB, 13 Oct 2005 @ 10:45am

    Video, eh?

    So, honey, what's on the Boob tube tonight?

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  9. identicon
    Pete Austin, 13 Oct 2005 @ 10:47am

    I get to be the first to say...

    Stereo!

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  10. identicon
    Hans Mast, 13 Oct 2005 @ 10:51am

    No Subject Given

    "But I guess that's the perk of a BT research job -- sit around all day thinking about boobs and music." Haha! That would be the perky part of the job.

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  11. identicon
    Dan, 13 Oct 2005 @ 11:19am

    No Subject Given

    "but what happens when they come out with a new model with bigger capacity, a color screen, or plays video?"
    I wonder where the screen would go. Would the resolution be bigger or smaller depending on the size of the person?

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  12. identicon
    Mr. Big, 13 Oct 2005 @ 11:35am

    ILarger!

    No point in making iPods smaller then.

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  13. identicon
    Ryan, 13 Oct 2005 @ 11:56am

    Next Apple product...

    I think apple should market this service.. and call it "iTits"

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  14. identicon
    don, 13 Oct 2005 @ 12:21pm

    boob toob

    Really, I think this is a bunch of Malarky. Kinda funny though

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  15. identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 13 Oct 2005 @ 12:51pm

    No Subject Given

    Just great! So now men can say they were just interested in our “music collection” when they’re staring at our chest?! At least come up with a similar product for men……..it obviously would require less memory… and would theirs send a signal to the guy if he’s erroneously “downloaded” his music collection on someone else’s “drive”?! Don’t get me started! ;)

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  16. identicon
    Seamus, 13 Oct 2005 @ 4:37pm

    LOL > boob tube

    If there are MP3s in there, I'm sure it won't be long until being an investigator for the RIAA becomes a popular part time job. I could use a night job like that. ;)

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  17. identicon
    Bryan Anderson, 22 Oct 2005 @ 10:08pm

    ipods in boobs

    I'm sorry but i dont want to be fucking my girlfriend, go to grab her boobs and feel a lumb.... "um... honey... whats that lump in your breast??"

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  18. identicon
    GRiM_BoB, 27 Dec 2006 @ 2:27pm

    If I were a girl, I would gladly make my breasts but bluetooth devices with some flesh-padding and nipple-button-dials.

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  19. identicon
    Jimbo, 28 Dec 2006 @ 5:33am

    So how would they be powered? Do they tap into the body's energy supply? Does this mean increased calorie usage? It's the idea that keeps on giving!

    [ link to this | view in thread ]

  20. identicon
    Chris_2009, 17 Apr 2007 @ 5:35am

    Oh My!

    How would you charge the device would you have to shake your boobs like you do with the flashlights.

    [ link to this | view in thread ]


The Price Of Anonymity Is That It Will Be Misused
Who Needs Internet Access When There's No Water?
Super Expensive Internet Kiosk Business Not Just Stupid, But A Scam
Samsung's Goldilocks Flash Pricing Gets It In Trouble
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