Time To Redesign The Hotdog... But Watch Out For Patents

from the can-someone-patent-a-bun-that-doesn't-fall-apart? dept

Wed, Mar 3rd 2010 11:33am — Mike Masnick

You may have heard the stories that went around recently suggesting that hot dogs need to be redesigned because they're "potentially lethal to small children." Yikes. Reader Michael Bazelewick sent this in while noting that he'd heard this for years -- and even back in the 80's he had a solution: hollowing out the hotdogs with a 4" kitchen corer -- and his daughter cutely nicknamed the resulting product "hole dogs." So when he heard about this new pediatric warning, he went looking to see if any of the hotdog makers were offering pre-hollowed dogs -- and instead discovered that in 2006 someone had applied for a patent on hollow hot dogs. Seriously. It's still an application, but the fact that it hasn't been thrown out yet is pretty scary (Update: As was, snidely, pointed out in the comments, the patent was considered "abandoned" last month after a failure to respond to the USPTO -- but still, that means it took years before the application was rejected, and even then the rejection is only for abandonment, not entirely due to the (lack of) merits). So, by all means, go ahead and redesign the hotdog -- but please don't patent it.

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Filed Under: hot dogs, patents

36 Comments

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Anonymous Coward, 3 Mar 2010 @ 11:55am

Every patent should be automatically rejected if it hasn't been granted within a set period of time. If the person really thinks they have something they will just reapply.
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Cohen (profile), 3 Mar 2010 @ 11:59am

I'm going to patent my new invention!!
It's called the "aciculate hot dog splitter". It consists of a sharpened metal blade that is drawn lengthwise along the hot dog surface.

The hot dog can then be split into two sections that are each covered with mustard, relish, or other condiments.

The hot dog and condiments are then enclosed within the bun and eaten.

The smaller section of the hot dog as is less likely to cause choking.

I will enforce my patent rigorously.
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NAMELESS.ONE, 3 Mar 2010 @ 12:00pm

PRIOR art
before its stuffed its hollow already....DUM

and why not reinvent a hammer so we can gouge the construction workers and thus bilk home buyers for more cash

HEY why not do real stupid patents like the toothbrush that talks to you. LOL.

a method to inform a person to sanitize and clean the oral area of a humans mouth.
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qhartman (profile), 3 Mar 2010 @ 12:03pm

Seriously?
I'm not sure what is more absurd, the patent, or the idea that this enough of a problem that it actually needs a solution. What is so magical about hotdogs that they are more likely to choke a kid than any other solid food? Really though, hotdogs are barely food in first place and people should be more concerned about the health problems of successfully ingesting them rather than the problems associated with not...
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:Lobo Santo (profile), 3 Mar 2010 @ 12:12pm

Re: Seriously?
Here here!

Besides, can you just imagine the stupid commercials?

[Commercial:] Are you having trouble eating your hotdogs? Does that constant choking bother you alot? Can't afford deep-throating lessons? Then do we have a solution for you! Our new choke-free* hotdogs!! Buy yours today!!!

*Choke free hot-dogs may induce choking if used improperly. Please read instructions and terms of service before attempting to use.[/Commercial]
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Dark Helmet (profile), 3 Mar 2010 @ 12:17pm

Re: Re: Seriously?
"Can't afford deep-throating lessons?"

I'd like to take a moment to offer extremely innexpensive deep-throating lessons to all the ladies of the world...
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DS, 3 Mar 2010 @ 12:23pm

Re: Re: Re: Seriously?
He said Deep Throat, not roof of the mouth tickling...

Oh snap!
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DS, 3 Mar 2010 @ 12:24pm

Re: I'm going to patent my new invention!!
I have the same patent, but I use knissors, so I guess we're safe.
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Cohen (profile), 3 Mar 2010 @ 12:26pm

Yes. Seriously
The number of children who choke on hot dogs each year is more than enough.

The circular shape of a hot dog is exactly the right size to plug up a child's esophogus.

However, it does not take a new design to avoid the problem.

Just cutting the hot dog into vertical halfs and then quarters is enough to avoid the problem.

If you want to check it out, slip a circular piece of hot dog into your 3-year-olds mouth and then watch if he turns blue.
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Dark Helmet (profile), 3 Mar 2010 @ 12:26pm

Re: Re: Re: Re: Seriously?
I'd argue, but I can't.

God I both love and hate being Irish....
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taoareyou (profile), 3 Mar 2010 @ 12:28pm

Other dangerous foods
Additional foods on the dangerous for children list include:

Nuts, Seeds, Popcorn, Snack chips and puffs, Pretzels, Raw carrots, Raisins and other small dried fruit such as cranberries, blueberries, and cherries, Whole grapes, Fresh or frozen blueberries, Melon balls, Marshmallows, Large chunks of meat, poultry, and hot dogs, Peanut butter and other nut butters, Hard candy and cough drops, Chewing gum, Jellybeans, Gumdrops and other soft jelly candies, Gummy bears and other hard jelly candies

Source: http://life.familyeducation.com/page/39382.html

So basically, children should eat paste, as long at it is not a nut butter paste, or perhaps be fed via IV?

Perhaps it's not the foods that are dangerous but the lack of parental involvement during eating. If you are with your child and you teach them how to eat solid food properly and observe their progress, they will probably survive the dangerous ritual called dinner.
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Dark Helmet (profile), 3 Mar 2010 @ 12:29pm

Re: Yes. Seriously
"If you want to check it out, slip a circular piece of hot dog into your 3-year-olds mouth and then watch if he turns blue."

Feeding a kid hot dogs turns the into the Na'vi?
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Lowest Common Denominator, 3 Mar 2010 @ 12:33pm

Next: knives redesigned without pesky sharp edges
All talk of patents aside, it's utter shite to call for a redesign of a hot dog because parents are either too dumb or indifferent to be near their children while eating, or worse, to actually quarter a hot dog lengthwise so the pieces won't be a choking hazard.

Guess what? Grapes are even better for choking, as spheres don't require a specific orientation to plug a trachea. Let's genetically modify them bitches to grow in an annular shape.

Dumbass patents are one thing. Rampant dumbassery in the general public is another, and I dare say, is enabling greater heights/depths of patent and other dumbassery.
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John Doe, 3 Mar 2010 @ 12:37pm

I hope they do redesign the dog...
If they redesign the dog, I will come out with a line of old fashioned dogs to sell to the millions who prefer the current design. I will get rich I tell you!
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interval, 3 Mar 2010 @ 12:43pm

I have a hot-dog redesign tool, very easy to use; its called a knife. I don't know of any one with children who doesn't employ this fantastic new tool when serving this food to their children. So let the patents come; I hope the patent holders make gobs of cash, as I won't be using any such products.
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Anonymous Coward, 3 Mar 2010 @ 12:56pm

lol @ lack of "won't the PTO please think about the children?!?" comments
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Chris Meadows (profile), 3 Mar 2010 @ 12:59pm

Hollow dogs have been done before
Surely I can't be the only one who remembers those "chili dogs with the chili inside" called Frank'n'stuffs?
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Abattoir (profile), 3 Mar 2010 @ 12:59pm

Application is dead...
This is nothing more than a stereotypical knee-jerk reaction to the patent system from those who don't understand it. The fact that no-one noticed that the patent application was deemed abandoned last month is quite revealing. FYI: all patent applications are published after 18 months, and remain published, no matter how ridiculous they are. That does not mean they are considered "patents".

For those who want to double-check their facts before denouncing all patents, please check out Public PAIR from the USPTO. The facts that the attorney for the patent application in question had his telephone number disconnected, AND that the patent application had been issued a non-final rejection, are public information.
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Yakko Warner, 3 Mar 2010 @ 1:03pm

Re: Re: Yes. Seriously
Well, that should cut down on those suicides of people who were so depressed for not being able to find the "real" Pandora.

"See? You CAN be a Na'vi!"
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Yakko Warner, 3 Mar 2010 @ 1:06pm

Re:
*gasp* You use a KNIFE around CHILDREN¿¡¿¡

You... you MONSTER¡
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Anonymous Coward, 3 Mar 2010 @ 1:24pm

Re: Yes. Seriously
Ok, what fucking planet are these kids on? I have 3 of them and none have ever been stupid enough to choke on a hot dog.

Perhaps its just natural selection at work...
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Anonymous Coward, 3 Mar 2010 @ 2:11pm

From the it-ain't-an-application Department
You cannot say it is an application once it is dead. So, you may say that it is an "abandoned application," meaning it is freaking old news, but you cannot say it is an "application" because that would be misleading.
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Blatant Coward (profile), 3 Mar 2010 @ 2:15pm

What kind of human race would we be if we let children dumber than hotdogs breed. I say leave the hotdogs as they are, in fact, they need to be more dangerous, too many idiots making patents get through as it is.
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Anonymous Coward, 3 Mar 2010 @ 2:17pm

Re: Next: knives redesigned without pesky sharp edges
It's not dumbassery. It's doucebaggery.
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Anonymous Coward, 3 Mar 2010 @ 2:18pm

And the system worked!
Not only is it not an application, but an abandoned application, but the USPTO slam-dunked the rejection. So guess what? The hollow hot dog is fully available to be innovated to the max, and has been available to be innovated for decades, except, no one seems interested in innovating a hollow hotdog.

Which brings up another point. Just for the sake of argument, let us say that this person got their patent on the hollow hot dog. Who cares? Would the patent have actually stopped anyone from doing anything? The answer has to be no since the hollow hot dog could have been innovated at any point within the last four or five decades and there was zero interest in innovating a hollow hot dog.

You would think that Mike would have better things to talk about than an abandoned patent application for a product that no one wants.

*sigh*
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Anonymous Coward, 3 Mar 2010 @ 2:30pm

Seems like LifeSavers candy is prior art that is hard to ignore. Choking hazard is exactly why LifeSavers have a hole and the name LifeSavers. Holes in food stuffs that make us choke is hardly a new idea.
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Anonymous Coward, 3 Mar 2010 @ 2:34pm

Re:
Did you read any of the posts above before you posted? The application is abandoned, dead, toast, worm meat, dead meat, a cadaver, etc.; i.e., it is an A-BAN-DONED application, not an application. The USPTO rejected the application in a way that the applicant was unable to respond.

In other words, this news is already old.
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Dark Helmet (profile), 3 Mar 2010 @ 3:01pm

Re:
"What kind of human race would we be if we let children dumber than hotdogs breed. I say leave the hotdogs as they are, in fact, they need to be more dangerous, too many idiots making patents get through as it is."

I agree. AND legalize abortion and and euthanasia. Whatever keeps the highways moving....
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Cohen (profile), 3 Mar 2010 @ 3:11pm

None of yours ever choked?
Too bad for the rest of us.
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Chargone (profile), 3 Mar 2010 @ 3:52pm

or, you know, you could just use proper sausages, which are, oh, at least twice the thickness of 'american hotdog' sausages, or wieners, or whatever you want to call the stupid things. (they're also about 2/3rds the length)

they only way you can choke on Those is if you don't bite through the skin properly, and if you've got that issue it's still attached to the solid part in your mouth, which you can reach in and pull on to clear the blockage... without making yourself puke. and that situation almost never shows up in the first place, and certainly not with small children, because the things are too big to swallow without chewing.

not that sausage is a good idea health-wise anyway... it's as bad as spam. possibly worse. how much of the meat in a sausage is actually meat rather than fat, breadcrumbs, and soy? well, if you go to an actual butcher who's any good, a fair amount. all of it if they're particularly good. buy it from a supermarket all nicely packaged up? very little indeed.

so, yeah, this all goes to show that a) the US patent office is lame, and b) sausages are evil.
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trilobug, 3 Mar 2010 @ 4:56pm

I eat my hotdogs from the side because I'm not gay. :p
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Anonymous Coward, 4 Mar 2010 @ 6:26am

Re:
You will have to explain how your description of sausages leads to the conclusion that the "US patent office is lame."
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Thomas (profile), 4 Mar 2010 @ 8:13am

Someone forgot...
hotdogs are relatively small. If you want real danger, try polish sausage (kielbasa) or German Bratwurst or Knockwurst; they are far thicker than puny hotdogs.

When I was a kid we used to eat hotdogs every week and somehow managed to survive.
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Raymond Samora, 27 Jul 2010 @ 9:53am

about the hot dog
my idea is to keep the hot dog like is. But put the hot dog threw a Tender riszer miachine
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Francisco Jose Rodriguez Valero (profile), 27 Aug 2013 @ 6:56am

Redesigning the Hot Dog bread
Method and apparatus for GEOMETRIC FIGURE NEW Hot Dog bread.

Method and apparatus for GEOMETRIC FIGURE NEW Hot Dog bread, which solved problems in their production, use, and when consuming the Hot Dog.
Request more information
Nuevo concepto de dise�o del Know- How para producir
"contenedor comestible" PAN ACANALADO (AHUECADO) para PERRO CALIENTE, (Hot Dog Buns cupped)
Listo para ser llenado, adem�s de ser homog�neo en sus otras caracter�sticas f�sicas y organol�pticas

Caracter�sticas Principales.
Moderno dise�o industrial e integral, que incluye elegante y ecol�gico empaque multiprop�sito, para la obtenci�n del producto cient�ficamente suave y FUERTE

Ud. Tambi�n puede participar de los grandes beneficios de la ECONOMIA DEL CONOCIMIENTO. Mayor informaci�n e im�genes del sistema, pueden encontrar en:
Www. Panificacion. Es
--
Francisco Jos� Rodr�guez Valero
Celular: +(57) 315 575 4078
Www. Youtube.com/watch? V=kSNjdilvXAg
Www. Safecreative.org/user/0712050034668
*www.panificacion.es*
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Mike pichette, 2 Mar 2019 @ 10:25pm

this type of hot dog bun was popular in the 1950s
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