Comcast Lobbyists Give Lawmakers Golden Tickets: Secret Phone Numbers To Reach Good Customer Service

from the giving-a-damn-is-a-special-perk-just-for-you dept

Tue, Dec 23rd 2014 8:04am — Karl Bode

Comcast has certainly been pulling out all the stops to get its $45 billion acquisition of Time Warner Cable approved by regulators. That has involved calling everyone who opposes the merger ignorant and unreasonable, paying minority groups to parrot the company's positions, and generally repeatedly denying all of the competitive and monopsony concerns raised by deal critics. All while the company's top lobbyist, David Cohen, busily dodges lobbying rules by pretending he's not actually lobbying (he seriously calls himself the company's "Chief Diversity Officer").

Comcast has employed some forty lobbying firms to court DC politicians, and offered up cash donations to 32 of the 39 members of the House Judiciary Committee that recently held hearings on the merger. In a piece exploring how David Gregory lost his job on "Meet The Press," (and the rise of Comcast's David Cohen as a K Street powerhouse) the Washingtonian points out that Comcast lobbyists have also been busy handing out special "VIP cards" to DC lawmakers. These cards feature a single-use phone number that will prioritize your customer support call:

"Comcast also had an even more personal way of sucking up to Washington. Its government-affairs team carried around “We’ll make it right” cards stamped with “priority assistance” codes for fast-tracking help and handed them out to congressional staffers, journalists, and other influential Washingtonians who complained about their service. A Comcast spokeswoman says this practice isn’t exclusive to DC; every Comcast employee receives the cards, which they can distribute to any customer with cable or internet trouble. Nevertheless, efforts like this one have surely helped Comcast boost its standing inside the Beltway and improve its chances of winning regulatory approval for its next big conquest: merging with the second-largest cable provider in the country, Time Warner Cable."

Comcast's customer service is, as we've noted a few times, historically awful. As in, surveys show it's worse than nearly any other company in any other industry, which is no small feat. Comcast CEO Brian Roberts frequently complains that this is simply because the company's so large, and that statistically you're simply going to have a lot of squeaky wheels. So amusingly, in addition to throwing cash at DC lawmakers, Comcast is using actually giving a damn about your customers (or the illusion of giving a damn, as Comcast employees tell me these cards are common and don't actually do all that much) as a "special perk" you can only get if you're immeasurably annoyed with the company -- or a DC lobbyist that can help it out.

What's the over/under on a larger Comcast someday waking up and realizing that the company should focus on giving everybody decent customer service?

Thank you for reading this Techdirt post. With so many things competing for everyone’s attention these days, we really appreciate you giving us your time. We work hard every day to put quality content out there for our community.

Techdirt is one of the few remaining truly independent media outlets. We do not have a giant corporation behind us, and we rely heavily on our community to support us, in an age when advertisers are increasingly uninterested in sponsoring small, independent sites — especially a site like ours that is unwilling to pull punches in its reporting and analysis.

While other websites have resorted to paywalls, registration requirements, and increasingly annoying/intrusive advertising, we have always kept Techdirt open and available to anyone. But in order to continue doing so, we need your support. We offer a variety of ways for our readers to support us, from direct donations to special subscriptions and cool merchandise — and every little bit helps. Thank you.

–The Techdirt Team

Filed Under: customer service, david cohen, lawmakers, lobbying, lobbyists, merger, policymakers, vip
Companies: comcast, time warner cable

55 Comments

If you liked this post, you may also be interested in...

Reader Comments

The First Word

“

Presumably these priority cards have the word "shibboleet" on them.

—observer

”

Subscribe: RSS

View by: Time | Thread

Anonymous Coward, 23 Dec 2014 @ 8:23am

"paying minority groups to parrot the company's positions"

Wait? Are you saying that those minority groups are not actually advancing their cause and instead parroting a bunch of dogmatic or political diatribe to "shake down" organizations for money and good public will?

Say it isn't so!!!!
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Yes, I Know I'm commenting anonymously, 23 Dec 2014 @ 8:25am

Betting is that "Decent customer service" will soon be a premium offering (i.e. an offering at a `premium' price point) in a tiered customer support offering. These cards are only a test to see what could effectively be the minimum level of service that people are willing to pay for.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Comcast Employee, 23 Dec 2014 @ 8:30am

Tell the real story
Every Comcast employee (yes EVERY) gets these cards to give out. They're called "We'll Make it Right" cards. They aren't just being given to high profile people. Your grandma can get one. That guy that makes the weird drawing in your mocha latte can get one. YOU can get one if you ask a Comcast employee that has one on them.

This is misleading reporting and you should be ashamed of yourselves. I know it's hip to ride the Comcast hate bandwagon, but shouldn't you have a shred of journalistic integrity here?
[ link to this | view in thread ]
observer, 23 Dec 2014 @ 8:31am

Presumably these priority cards have the word "shibboleet" on them.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Sean Murphy (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 8:35am

Monopoly Promotes Abuse.
And here we have a great example of the Cable Monopoly giving special treatment to the Violence Monopoly to ensure that the Violence Monopoly keeps the Cable Monopoly from having to deal with a competitive marketplace.

Worse, it's being done with YOUR money.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 23 Dec 2014 @ 8:41am

Re: Tell the real story
This is the first time I've heard of such cards.
Can we get some confirmation from a Comcast employee that every employee gets them to give out?
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Michael, 23 Dec 2014 @ 8:45am

Re: Tell the real story
So the company with the worst customer service reputation of any other company has hundreds of thousands of cards that improve that experience in the hands of it's employees?

This program doesn't seem to work very well.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Michael, 23 Dec 2014 @ 8:46am

I have to assume that the secret phone number is simply the number of another company.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
frank87 (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 8:49am

Re: Re: Tell the real story
He can confirm the story by telling us th number.
Then we can check.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
John Fenderson (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 8:55am

Re: Tell the real story
"Every Comcast employee (yes EVERY) gets these cards to give out."

Yes, just as the article mentioned.

Interesting, though, that despite having nothing but trouble with Comcast customer support, I'd never heard of the existence of these cards until now. Every Comcast employee may get them, but they don't seem very eager to hand them out.

"This is misleading reporting"

What is misleading about it?
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Capt ICE Enforcer, 23 Dec 2014 @ 8:56am

Bandaid Fix
The overall message is still we have garbage service.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Michael, 23 Dec 2014 @ 8:59am

Re: Re: Tell the real story
It's very misleading. Right in the headline:

Secret Phone Numbers To Reach Good Customer Service

With or without one of these cards Comcast customer service is awful.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 23 Dec 2014 @ 8:59am

Re: Monopoly Promotes Abuse.
Well, in the defense of the Cable and Violence Monopolies...

WE keep giving them OUR money!

What reason do they have to make any changes?
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Baron von Robber, 23 Dec 2014 @ 9:06am

Re: Tell the real story
So let's go with the premise that Comcast has a line to 'good customer service' (pfthahaha).

If every employee has them and passes them out, then it's likely the finite resources of 'good customer service' (teehee) will be overrun and become normal, shitty Comcast customer service.

So what is the point?
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 23 Dec 2014 @ 9:09am

Re:
No, the secret password is 'shibolet', a mispronunciation of 'giblet'.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Karl Bode (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 9:09am

Re: Tell the real story
"Every Comcast employee (yes EVERY) gets these cards to give out."
If you read the article, it points that out -- twice. In fact, I noted it's particularly funny that politicians think they're getting special treatment when these cards exist everywhere.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
ltlw0lf (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 9:13am

Re: Re: Tell the real story
This program doesn't seem to work very well.

Sadly, it does work very well, though apparently not for Comcast. My cable vendor (not Comcast) has the same process, though it isn't really a secret. When the technician arrives at your house, after they complete whatever it is that they were sent to do, they automatically give you their business card and tell you to call the number on the business card for up to six months for issues related to whatever they did.

I had a problem once with a device that wasn't working properly. The technician arrived and replaced the device, then a couple weeks later the new device failed. I called the number and he came out the next morning to replace the device and track down why the devices were failing (which turned out to be a ground loop issue in that their cable line was improperly grounded and the device was becoming the ground for everything else attached to the cable.

It was nice being able to call directly to someone who was already aware of the issues without having to re-tell the problem and go through the scripted troubleshooting for a problem that wasn't mine to begin with.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
nasch (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 9:27am

Re: Re: Re: Tell the real story

Sadly, it does work very well, though apparently not for Comcast. My cable vendor (not Comcast) has the same process...

If it's a different vendor, then it's a different program. The Comcast program isn't working very well. Your experience with some other ISP is irrelevant.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Margaret, 23 Dec 2014 @ 9:27am

The only service provider at the house I have just moved to is Comcast. I have been trying for nearly 4 weeks to set up service and they have been no shows for 3 separate appointments. Each time I call Comcast repeatedly and I am assured they are coming. They will not put a supervisor on the phone but instead tell me one will call me. Never happens. It has been "escalated," an investigation has been launched, blah blah blah. Still no one has come to my house to start service. I have tweeted corporate but gotten nowhere. Just unreal.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
nasch (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 9:29am

The wheels are already greasy?
Comcast CEO Brian Roberts frequently complains that this is simply because the company's so large, and that statistically you're simply going to have a lot of greasy wheels.

I think you mean squeaky wheels.

What's the over/under on a larger Comcast someday waking up and realizing that the company should focus on giving everybody decent customer service?

That depends on whether the FCC forces them to compete. If not, they will never give a damn about customers.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Alex, 23 Dec 2014 @ 9:33am

Not as bad as it looks...
To be fair, lawmakers and staff at the state and federal level often use this kind of access to help constituents who call their offices with problems. They can also help you with government agencies, which have liaison staff dedicated to giving special attention to requests forwarded by legislative offices. Next time you hit a brick wall in a bureaucracy, try calling your lawmakers.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 23 Dec 2014 @ 9:34am

So a service you pay for and expect customer service to come with it is so poor that even the company Comcast recognizes it's so poor at it, that it gives away what is in essence a lottery chance at getting it?

What this tells me is Comcast has a policy of poor service and does it intentionally. This is not accident, this is planned. This is what no customer wants in a company much less one proposed to become the biggest ISP in the nation.

Just on the basis of its customer service record were it up to me, Comcast would not have a chance to merge with TimeWarner.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Margaret, 23 Dec 2014 @ 9:38am

Re:
I think it is intentional too. They don't even try to schedule sooner than 10 days out. They don't put someone competent on the phone. They don't try to resolve problems or satisfy customers.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
John Fenderson (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 9:42am

Re:
You think that's bad? Just wait until you want to disconnect the service.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 23 Dec 2014 @ 9:43am

definitely a couple of things here that need sorting out.

1st. is an exploration into how much money Comcast has, how it accumulated so much, was it from ripping off customers as has been proven in the past that it does?

2nd. those in Congress and the Law Makers need to be investigated for bribery and corruption, but then i suppose they are more powerful than any of the security forces, so are able to go on their merry ways, getting whatever a company wants to throw at it to achieve their ends
[ link to this | view in thread ]
John Fenderson (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 9:45am

Re: Not as bad as it looks...
"To be fair, lawmakers and staff at the state and federal level often use this kind of access to help constituents who call their offices with problems"

And how does that make it "not as bad as it looks"? That some lawmakers use the bribes*ahem*perks they're given in the best possible way doesn't mean the bribe*ahem*perk isn't as bad as it looks to begin with.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
ltlw0lf (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 10:06am

Re: Re: Re: Re: Tell the real story
If it's a different vendor, then it's a different program. The Comcast program isn't working very well. Your experience with some other ISP is irrelevant.

True. They are different programs. However, dismissing the fact that other vendors do the same thing with different results is not irrelevant.

What it points to is what Techdirt has called the Cargo Cult mentality on the part of Comcast. Other people are doing this with some success, so Comcast implements it, and then doesn't understand why it is failing because everyone else has implemented it with success.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
John Fenderson (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 10:07am

Re: Re: Re: Tell the real story
Good point. I stand corrected.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Dave Cortright (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 10:20am

Upgrade to our Gold customer service package for only $19.99/month and we'll actually solve your problems
So basically Comcast has implemented "fast lanes" for customer service, and they are using them to bribe politicians to legalize "fast lanes" for their service. At least they are consistent.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 23 Dec 2014 @ 10:25am

Re: Tell the real story
I'd like to get one. Then I'd like to use it to get Comcast to come out to my neighborhood and do something about the wiring that's laying on front lawns (instead of being trenched) and the distribution boxes that have (variously) missing, ill-fitted or broken covers -- oh, and the distribution boxes that have garbage bags taped over them.

I have made a point of noting this to every Comcast technician that I've seen in the neighborhood since 2001 -- y'know, if I'm out walking the dog when they show up or something like that. I would estimate that this happens 2-4 times a year, so by now I've reported it 25-40 times.

See if you can guess what's been done. Go on, guess.

So if there's a Comcast hate bandwagon (is that a thing?) then I'm on it. And I want a seat in front.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Bill, 23 Dec 2014 @ 10:39am

I got one once
We had such crappy service with Comcrap that it wasn't a question of IF our cable went out, but WHEN was the next time it would go out. We had over 2 dozen internet outages in 1 year! I am for Title II, the Kansas Corporation Commission did advise me that IF you have Comcrap phone service, they CAN and WILL step in, as that counts as a public utility.... FYI

Anyway, the tech gave us a make it right card.... we tried using it.... it resulted in the same responses. There was no "special treatment". We knew the techs and they new us... they were nice guys, but the things they would say about Comcrap! WOW!!!!

There is nothing special about these cards, they are intended to make you feel warm and fuzzy inside and that is it.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
John85851 (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 10:46am

Re: The wheels are already greasy?
Greasy wheels or squeaky wheels...

Is it safe to assume customer service experiences fall on a bell curve? If so, then some people will have crappy service, more people will have poor service, most people will have average service, some people will have good service, and a small percentage of people will have excellent service.

We've been hearing from all the people who have crappy service, so where are all the people who have excellent service?
I know the press tends to inflate the crappy-service stories, but why doesn't Comcast itself start a marketing campaign to promote all the excellent customer service stories? Or have they just given up?
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Bill, 23 Dec 2014 @ 10:46am

Re:
Go to the local Comcrap office. Online and phone orders do not work well at all. The local office will take care of you. We moved out of Comcrap turf, that is why we no longer have it. We had crappy service at a MAJOR LEVEL. When we moved Google Fiber was moving in and that is one thing that we would have switched over to.

GO TO THE LOCAL OFFICE TO GET CONNECTED..... THEY GET A COMMISSION ON THE HOOK-UP.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
nasch (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 10:47am

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Tell the real story
What it points to is what Techdirt has called the Cargo Cult mentality on the part of Comcast. Other people are doing this with some success, so Comcast implements it, and then doesn't understand why it is failing because everyone else has implemented it with success.

Possibly, though I wonder if that gives Comcast too much credit. That is, they may understand perfectly well that this will fail. Rather than an honest but misguided attempt to improve customer service, it seems more likely to me that it's a cynical attempt to look like they're improving customer service without having to spend the money that would be required to actually do it.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 23 Dec 2014 @ 10:54am

Re: Re: Re: Tell the real story
I've heard of this for other companies, not just cable. The number on that card is for the tech. Depending on the company: if you call the general number and the work is under warranty, the tech may get their pay docked! By calling the tech directly the tech still gets paid for their time.

(Yes, I've seen a few techs who deserved to get their pay docked.)
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 23 Dec 2014 @ 11:12am

Re: Re: The wheels are already greasy?
The bell curve can be pretty narrow, so it may be hard to find anybody who had excellent service.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 23 Dec 2014 @ 11:38am

Re: Re: Tell the real story
If trash is left on my front lawn, I always pick it up and throw it away, even if that requires a pair of wire cutters. Same goes for garbage bags and other litter carelessly left about. We all have to pitch in to keep the neighborhood clean.

Once some cable laying folks left some conduit and other installation materials in a vacant lot near my house. After a couple of weeks where there was clearly no signs of activity, I simply took pictures and posted it all to CraigsList Free. The stuff was gone the next day. One man's trash is another man's treasure.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
limbodog (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 11:40am

Cards with secret passwords
I know that the SCOTUS has demolished campaign finance reform and allowed more campaign contributions, but surely the value of a card that lets you get good customer service from Comcast exceeds even that!
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Alien Rebel (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 11:44am

1st Class Peanuts in Gold Foil Taste Like, . .
I'm thinking the COMCAST VIP cards are no more significant than any other bit of gold-foiled ephemera handed out to the pampered ones. What class of human beings responds more to meaningless trinkets and shiny baubles than the political class?

Of greater importance IMO is an omission in the Hill's article on COMCAST's lobbying- one of my favorite D.C. critters was not mentioned, long-time COMCAST lobbyist former Sen. Don Nickles and his firm, the Nickles Group LLC. While the Nickles Group is only middle of the pack in terms of COMCAST's lobbying dollars (OpenSecrets.org) The New York Times mentions that Sen. Nickles is one of the hotshots on Comcast's Time Warner merger strategy team (NYT- Comcast’s Web of Lobbying and Philanthropy) And just this past week, one of Don Nickles' right-hand lobbyists, and dedicated servant of COMCAST, Hazen Marshall, was named Mitch McConnell's policy director. (POLITICO- GOP goes on K Street hiring spree).

May you continue to enjoy your fine COMCAST customer service in the coming new year, with help from the U.S. Senate leadership.
--
[ link to this | view in thread ]
ltlw0lf (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 11:49am

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Tell the real story
Rather than an honest but misguided attempt to improve customer service, it seems more likely to me that it's a cynical attempt to look like they're improving customer service without having to spend the money that would be required to actually do it.

Hanlon's Razor and all, I'd be more likely to assume they are trying everything they possibly can to fix their problems so the FCC will allow them to buy TWC, but they are so lost and incapable of actually doing so.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 23 Dec 2014 @ 12:05pm

Customer service fast lanes , hmm ,but net neutrality isn't needed right.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
John Fenderson (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 1:18pm

Re: Re: The wheels are already greasy?
True, but in Comcast's case the entire scale is shifted down quite a ways. The peak of the curve where most people fall consists of bad service. The front edge is terrible service, and the back edge is reasonable service -- which is apparently rationed out by those semi-mythical cards.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
nasch (profile), 23 Dec 2014 @ 1:20pm

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Tell the real story
Hanlon's Razor and all, I'd be more likely to assume they are trying everything they possibly can to fix their problems so the FCC will allow them to buy TWC, but they are so lost and incapable of actually doing so.

Yeah it can be hard to tell the difference sometimes.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 23 Dec 2014 @ 1:34pm

Re: Re: Re: Tell the real story
Those cables and junction boxes are live. Well, except when they're not. Why do you think I see Comcast trucks and personnel so often? They probably could have avoided nearly all of those truck rolls if they'd sent a crew out to do it right, once, many years ago. But because they don't care about reliability or service or much else -- and why should they, after all? -- they never touch it unless something's broken.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
PRMan, 23 Dec 2014 @ 4:29pm

Re: Re:
It's a bible reference:

Judges 12
5 The Gileadites captured the fords of the Jordan leading to Ephraim, and whenever a survivor of Ephraim said, “Let me cross over,” the men of Gilead asked him, “Are you an Ephraimite?” If he replied, “No,” 6 they said, “All right, say ‘Shibboleth.’ ” If he said, “Sibboleth,” because he could not pronounce the word correctly, they seized him and killed him at the fords of the Jordan. Forty-two thousand Ephraimites were killed at that time.

They divided everyone up into haves and have nots.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 23 Dec 2014 @ 5:11pm

Re: Tell the real story
So not only do you have to pay for good service up front, you have to ask about some little trinket that most people don't even know exists?

This is supposed to be acceptable behavior? "It's your fault you didn't ask for good service after paying for it!" Really?
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous, 23 Dec 2014 @ 9:16pm

Re: Tell the real story
So you can give me one then right?
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 24 Dec 2014 @ 7:30am

the more bribes and deals a company makes the worse their service tends to be.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 26 Dec 2014 @ 10:14am

Damn, if I was still into phreakin, I would probably have found the most likely 800,877,866,888,855,number scanning away with...damn, I seriously forgot what kind of box allowed me to do this, certainly not the blue or yellow box, it was more complicated and involved my Atari ST and a modem.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 26 Dec 2014 @ 3:30pm

reminds
Golden Visa Portugal
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 26 Dec 2014 @ 11:45pm

Comcast
I worked at Comcast for almost 8 years and there is no such card that applies to employees or customers. A matter of fact I asked for business cards and never got them. Comcast use to have lead techs to handle repeat issues at a house. The biggest problems with techs and customers is you have 1 hour to find and fix a problem. 15 minutes for drive time and 45 minutes on the problem. If we requested more time at a house it was held against us and went against the tech departments combined end of year bonuses. All of Comcast issues come directly from the top. Techs are asked for their input but rarely used. I have tons of stories about horrible company. If any company needs a union thats it.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 27 Dec 2014 @ 7:09am

Re: Tell the real story
Um, Comcast Employee, they DID say that in the article. Perhaps you did not actually read it?
[ link to this | view in thread ]
va sutherland, 27 Dec 2014 @ 8:26am

Reaaly
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Edward Varmette, 28 Dec 2014 @ 1:39pm

Re: Tell the real story
Hi Comcast Employee
I beg to differ on this matter as I have been a Comcast customer for several years. And the only reason I have not changed is we are just getting Verizon available in my area. I have been very unhappy with my service and the customer service numerous times and have tried to be very patient with customer service personnel.
Never once has a service rep or the manager I have asked for a few times offered my family a card. So I am sure they only go to friends and family of the employees,and now politicians.
So you are obviously some kool-aid drinking management person.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous, 29 Dec 2014 @ 4:39pm

Re: Xfinity Signature Support
They already had that for years called Xfinity Signature Support. They ended the program at the end of 2013 and let go of all the techs. Their main function was fixing PC issues (malware cleanups) and setting up Third party equipment. The only actual real north american techs you could reach on the phone there. They now have something called "home networking support" which does not cost extra, but they only help with old comcast routers or their current gateways. These are also mostly north american but for the most part no where near the tech ability that XSS was, but still better then Tier 1 support. These cards actually don't get cs reps with any more power then calling the regular line, you might just get someone you can actually understand. -Former XSS Tech.
[ link to this | view in thread ]