Don't Forget To Read The New Disclaimer For The Internet

from the be-careful dept

Fri, May 5th 2006 5:44pm — Mike Masnick

Yesterday, Rob Hyndman noticed an impressive disclaimer for a rock preserve, noting that he wanted to include similar language in future contracts. Lawyer David Canton couldn't resist and used the disclaimer as a model for a wonderful new disclaimer for the internet that we agree should be a must read for all internet users:

Business is unpredictable and unsafe. The Internet is dangerous. Many blogs have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the blogs. The Internet is covered in slippery slopes with loose, slippery and unpredictable footing. The RIAA can make matters worse. Patent trolls are everywhere. You may fall, be spammed or suffer a DOS attack. There are hidden viruses and worms. You could break your computer. There is wild code, which may be vicious, poisonous or carriers of dread malware. These include viruses and worms. E-mail can be poisonous as well. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the Internet, blogosphere, ISP’s or other features, natural or otherwise.

In related news, we have finally updated our poll, thanks to a suggestion from Barry Lefsky for a new poll topic: Which Internet Concern Worries You The Most?

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35 Comments

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LOL, 5 May 2006 @ 7:28pm

too funny
That about takes care of all complaints. Now just remind people that some parts of the internet are nature preserves and not to disturb what they find there.
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Anonymous Coward, 5 May 2006 @ 7:37pm

It seems to me that many ISP's DO attempt (claim to attempt) to protect you as an "added value" option.
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Howard Lee Harkness (profile), 5 May 2006 @ 8:19pm

To put things in perspective...
...we all live on the thin interface between molten rock and hard vacuum. And we worry about safety on the internet.
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j, 5 May 2006 @ 10:04pm

What's the internet?

=) just kiddin'! Everyone have a great day!
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derfaust, 5 May 2006 @ 10:18pm

it is one of those nets the you inter.....
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Anonymous Coward, 5 May 2006 @ 10:19pm

Re:
lol....

it is one of those nets that you inter.....
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Owned, 5 May 2006 @ 10:50pm

Owned
Owned!!!1
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pwned, 5 May 2006 @ 11:14pm

pwned
You mean pwned!
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TheDude, 6 May 2006 @ 12:00am

Mandatory
All ISP's should make all users sign this!
It would make bitching about the internet impossible.
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Complain, 6 May 2006 @ 2:04am

I hate Verizon.
For real. I wish I didnt have to go through Verizon. They are nosy.
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chris, 6 May 2006 @ 2:27am

no no no
the internet is the webbing that is in mens swim suits.. I know, I have some..
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Anonymous Coward, 6 May 2006 @ 9:44am

i like bikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Charles-A. Rovira, 6 May 2006 @ 10:31am

Caveat Emptor
That was a long winded way of saying some thing that was summed up in two words.
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Scott, 6 May 2006 @ 10:36am

You forgot a few dangers...
You forgot to mention the child molesters, scam artists, porn at every turn, and disturbing videos of people getting hurt and killed. Not to mention unspeakable sights such as goatse - that is, a man's hyper-extended anus.
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Anonymous Coward v3.2, 6 May 2006 @ 10:40am

MPAA
If the RIAA will make matters worse, then the MPAA will hunt you down, and kill you!

TV has become the enemy, and you can do something about it!
http://www.tvbgone.com
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Ant, 6 May 2006 @ 11:14am

A funny disclaimer from a decade ago or so...
This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. Known as Hellman's east of the Rockies. Beware of greeks bearing gifts. Beware of gifts bearing greeks. This side up. Don't take any wooden nickels. Don't take candy from strangers. Void where prohibited. Caveat Emptor (Buyer beware) Caveat Vendor (Beware of street people). Donde esta el bano. Beware of DOS. Look both ways before crossing the street. All your base are belong to us. Always wear safety belt. Always wear deodorant. Don't forget to breathe. If you park, don't drink...accidents cause people. This supersedes all previous notices.

This modified disclaimer may not be copied without the expressed written consent of whoever I stole it from.
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rekka, 6 May 2006 @ 11:26am

They have the internets on computers now? (sorry)
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CookieMonster, 6 May 2006 @ 2:38pm

Cookies
It doesn't say I can't have a cookie.

I want a cookie.

Cookie!!!
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annodeus, 6 May 2006 @ 3:06pm

Ant...the disclaimer forgot something
"not tested on animals" "dolphin safe"
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Craig, 6 May 2006 @ 4:40pm

huh
That disclaimer is friggen hillarious!
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kingoftown, 6 May 2006 @ 4:56pm

Re:
>> What's the internet? Download the internet here.
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Amnyonic-mous Coward, 6 May 2006 @ 5:05pm

RE; You forgot a few dangers...
RE;You forgot a few dangers... by Scott on May 6th, 2006 @ 10:36am

"You forgot to mention the child molesters, scam artists, porn at every turn, and disturbing videos of people getting hurt and killed. Not to mention unspeakable sights such as goatse - that is, a man's hyper-extended anus."

You know Scott, there's a reason you are finding that kind of stuff on the internet.
YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR IT!
Quit going to web sites like "http://rotten.com/" and you will quit finding sh*t like that! geeeze... it's not like that stuff just invades your browser without you typing something into the address bar or a search engine website.
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Irrelevant, 6 May 2006 @ 6:34pm

Re: huh
Just so you know, George Carlin performed the original 'complete disclaimer.' It's even funnier when you hear it out loud.
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big mike, 6 May 2006 @ 9:42pm

i want a pudding pop
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MaryAnne Dodds, 6 May 2006 @ 10:12pm

What worries me the most
What worries me the most is all the people out there that don't update, don't upgrade, don't scan or or do anything about the viruses, spyware and adware they get and forward to the rest of us.
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Technopundit, 6 May 2006 @ 10:48pm

Re: What worries me the most
Don't worry. Be happy.
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bit, 6 May 2006 @ 11:01pm

cookies
to whoever wanted cookies, this is what you got by clicking here: 6 cookies!

a cookie from:
ads.pointroll
atdmt
doubleclick
mediaplex
questionmarket
techdirt

BTW - these cookies follow you around, dropping crumbs everywhere and sending you junk mail.

Just so ya know.
*Bit*
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shableep, 7 May 2006 @ 1:47am

Re: To put things in perspective...
... at an even grander scale; we're just grains of life in the scope of the universe. And we worry about when we're gonna die. Pshhhhhh.

I understand what you're going for. But we can't denounce the seemingly petty in spite of its relative insignificance. Yes, respect the storm. But acknowledge the drop that makes it.
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address holder, 7 May 2006 @ 6:51am

lets get it OOn!!
Not true if earth is flat.
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j, 7 May 2006 @ 10:27am

At least our computers can't get the bird flu. If it can in the future, do you think they'll come up with enough vaccines in time??!
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world denounced, 7 May 2006 @ 2:41pm

Bird flu
What about humans getting computer viruses?
impathic pathways permeated upon seizures caused by violent flashings of the radiation tube.
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Anonymous Coward, 7 May 2006 @ 3:13pm

people need better understanding of computers and the internet. maybe if people started to learn about it there would be less spam, phishing, viruses, adware, spyware, and all that other stuff that haunts internet users. as long as those reach some people they will always be made, but the less the people those reach the less the people will be making them.
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Boris, 7 May 2006 @ 7:36pm

A Resolution
How about we stop being pussies, get rid of all the ISPs after we violently switch over to socialism, take control of the internet, and issue permanent bans to everyone who clicks here.

Can I get an amen?
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porthios, 7 May 2006 @ 7:51pm

Amen
"We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the Internet, blogosphere, ISP’s or other features, natural or otherwise."

However we do find the time to inspect your personal pc..supervise your history...and treaten your isps to give up all the goodies on who you are..that is all we promise.
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me, 8 May 2006 @ 1:22pm

You are likely to be eaten by a grue
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