Things Not To Do When On Trial For Stealing Computers: Steal The Court's Computers

from the just-saying dept

Wed, Sep 20th 2006 4:02am — Mike Masnick

Not that we fully understand the mind of a criminal, but, generally speaking, while you're on trial for committing a specific crime, you should probably do your best to make yourself look innocent. That probably includes not committing the identical type of crime. Especially in the courthouse where your case is being tried. Of course, no one ever said that you had to be smart to be a criminal. Apparently a man was convicted of stealing a computer after he stole computers from the courthouse during his own trial for stealing computers elsewhere. He says he did it "for personal reasons" and as his way of "asking for help." It would seem like there are better ways to ask for help, but, now it looks like he'll be getting somewhere around five years of "help" in prison.

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37 Comments

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French coward, 20 Sep 2006 @ 6:18am

He was probably looking for an F1 button.
Not very funny, I admit...
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Claymore Black, 20 Sep 2006 @ 6:35am

"I needed help, and I didn't know how to ask for help," he said. "And I guess, in my crazy way, that was my way of asking for help. Help with my drug problems, help with my sanity."

He's smart enought to self analyse himself and come to the above conclusion and yet we are suppose to believe is BS that he was asking for help by stealing computers. NO you are a THIEF... you steal stuff because you are a scumbag.
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Anonymous Coward, 20 Sep 2006 @ 6:48am

Re:
"He's smart enought to self analyse himself and come to the above conclusion and yet we are suppose to believe is BS that he was asking for help by stealing computers. NO you are a THIEF... you steal stuff because you are a scumbag."

He's a scumbag because he steals, yet chances are you are sitting on plenty of MP3s at home that you didn't pay for....
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Robert, 20 Sep 2006 @ 6:50am

Great!
I not only love this article, I especially love the writer and wit. You guys always make my day!!!!!!!!!
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Anonymous Coward, 20 Sep 2006 @ 6:58am

Re: Re:
Listening to mp3's is not stealing. "I found them"
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Liam, 20 Sep 2006 @ 7:04am

Finders Keepers, Losers Sues Us.
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Claymore Black, 20 Sep 2006 @ 7:04am

"He's a scumbag because he steals, yet chances are you are sitting on plenty of MP3s at home that you didn't pay for...."

You are right... I admit it. I have illegal MP3s... but I'm not trying to claim it's a cry for help. My comment wasn't taking a "moral high ground". I was stating that you need to own up for what you do and not tried to hide behind some ridiculous "reasons".
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Anonymous Coward, 20 Sep 2006 @ 7:16am

Commenter #3 = RIAA Mole lackey!!!!!!!!
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Mike w/covad, 20 Sep 2006 @ 7:17am

goble-de-goop
I found a Babara Streisand CD on the side of the road, should I have mailed it to IRAA?
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friedclyde, 20 Sep 2006 @ 7:21am

Hilarious
This is probarbly one of the most hilarious articles written by you guys. Apparently this is also the first time I have visited you guys. Anyway it was a good read :)
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Jake, 20 Sep 2006 @ 7:24am

Re: goble-de-goop
What is the IRAA?

Did you mean RIAA? Took me a minute.... LoL :)
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Baddhabit, 20 Sep 2006 @ 7:31am

Re: F1 key? wtf?
Hey .. the F1 key as the first comment.. What the hell.. No not funny at all... This isn't funny either.. but maybe you meant to say the "any key"...

Sigh... Ametuers..
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DJ Twiztid, 20 Sep 2006 @ 7:33am

wow...if we have mp3's we are scumbags for having them. YAY team scumbag! What I'd like to know is WTF is so wrong that you have to steal to get help. It sends a much stronger message if you shoot someone or better yet. yourself!
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Rabid Wolverine, 20 Sep 2006 @ 7:33am

Dumb crooks...
It's a wonder ther human race has survived this long...
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dataguy, 20 Sep 2006 @ 7:38am

Re: Re: F1 key? wtf?
In MS applications the "F1" key will display the help file. Try lighting up a bit.

btw the "f7" key invokes the spell checker - to bad that doesn't apply to browers ;-)
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Anonymous Coward, 20 Sep 2006 @ 7:39am

You're only surviving as long as 'we' let you.
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DJ, 20 Sep 2006 @ 7:43am

Re: Re: Re: F1 key? wtf?
Yeah I got the F1 joke. Not enough to get a laugh. Hell didn't even get a chuckle or a titter. But nice try though.
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dataguy, 20 Sep 2006 @ 7:45am

Re: Re: Re: F1 key? wtf?
That should say "lightening up".

As soon as you comment on someone else's spelling you are almost doomed to screw up your own response...
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wolff000, 20 Sep 2006 @ 8:06am

yea Right.
He wants help as much as a teenager wants to go to school (minus the wierd kids that liked school). This guy stole cause he could. I wouldn't say he was a scumbag just for stealing I do it all the time, software movies, and music but I admit I'm a thief. People that hide behind these BS excuses should be hung by thier testicles and flogged until they admit they did it cause they wanted to.
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Wha?, 20 Sep 2006 @ 8:14am

Re: Re: F1 key? wtf?
Don't you mean "Escape Key?"
As in looking for...
or
Is not working?
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me me me, 20 Sep 2006 @ 8:26am

Lighting up
no pretty sure he meant 'light up' ... as in some grass, then 'lightening up' is an inevitable consequence of that. so hey everyone's happy.

well actually i doubt it.. but wtf why not... it works
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SomeoneElse, 20 Sep 2006 @ 8:28am

Re: Re: Re: Re: F1 key? wtf?
"That should say "lightening up". " -- actually I found the misspelling to be MORE appropriate! Lighting up might actually help more people get jokes!!
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SomeoneElse, 20 Sep 2006 @ 8:28am

Re: Re: Re: Re: F1 key? wtf?
"That should say "lightening up". " -- actually I found the misspelling to be MORE appropriate! Lighting up might actually help more people get jokes!!
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Bubba Nicholson (profile), 20 Sep 2006 @ 8:37am

Here's the help the computer theif was looking for
Criminal behavior is a pheromone deficiency, easily remedied. Take any lipophilic vehicle food, I use new pieces of sugarless chewing gum, and wipe off the facial paternal pheromone from the shiny surfaces of a mature male "father-age" pheromone donor. (The pheromone is the greasy residue left on the mirror or plate glass after you push your nose on it and step back. Nearly 800 chemicals that mostly look just like butterfly pheromones, one unique in nature: sebaleic acid.) About 100 mg p.o. will give this computer-stealing criminal (or probably any criminal without organic brain damage) a new lease on life. Instantaneously, he/she will become crime free and begin a new life.

Side effects (there are always side effects): mainly, jealousy. If you sense a strange pheromone in the saliva of the person you are kissing you get jealous. Simple as that. Seems that intuition is chemoreception, huh?
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French coward, 20 Sep 2006 @ 8:49am

Of course, the F1 joke is terrible. I'm pretty sure nobody can find anything worse than this one.
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SomeoneElse, 20 Sep 2006 @ 8:50am

Re: Here's the help the computer theif was looking
Wow... That was either the most bizarre, brain-damaged theory about criminal behavior, or the most brilliant... No, on second thought -- definitely brain-damaged.
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Target Practice, 20 Sep 2006 @ 9:33am

Re: Re: Re: F1 key? wtf?
Heh, I actually thought the F1 joke was pretty funny... once he explained it. Don't know why people are all bent out of shape about it. It was more clever than the "lighting up" bit, certainly.
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mlvassallo, 20 Sep 2006 @ 9:35am

He said he had "drug problems" and he got arrested for drug possession as well. Chances are he is a crack addict. Crack addicts would sell their own teeth for crack if they could. There is no rhyme or reason behind it, just the drive to get money and more crack.

Has nobody seen New Jack City?
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Mike J, 20 Sep 2006 @ 9:39am

few things I have to metion. one, SHUT UP ABOUT MP3'S AND THE JACKARSES AT THE RIAA, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, THIS ARTICLE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH EITHER OF THEM.

On the real TOPIC, I thought it was hilarious, and I just thought DE DA DEE (mind of mencia) when I read the F1 joke. This criminal using an EXCUSE of its a cry for help. No your stealing and you know its wrong, if you need help ASK for it. Its american culture to blame someone else for everything from my daddy never loved me thats why Im a jerk to I am sueing the 7-11 because their air vent was too small and I got stuck in it while breaking in and went to jail becuse of it. (neither happened to me I was just wording them in first person for effect)

We need to wake up, take responcibility for our actions and behaviors, and stop playing the blame game.
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Anonymous Coward, 20 Sep 2006 @ 9:47am

well, no, it's kinda smart.

if he wants help, he can ask, but he'd have to pay. therapists, medication....hospital stays and the like? are there "free help places"???

plus it's a lot easier to steal something (a minor crime, per sey) and get "treatment" in jail. then you can get one of those nice after jail jobs, and be set. and how much did it cost you? a few years, all the while working towards something better?
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Anonymous Coward, 20 Sep 2006 @ 10:10am

funniest article ever
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ignatius KILLFILE, 20 Sep 2006 @ 10:20am

Re:F1
no, I think he was looking for the key combo' "Ctrl z"
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Anonymous Coward killer, 20 Sep 2006 @ 10:35am

Wtf
F1 joke is dead now. It was mutilated. Stop trying to make it "better".

Btw I have mp3s and Im proud of it. Why support the RIAA? There are many other ways to support the artists if they really deserve it. There are WAY too many "artists" that make shit just because it will sell and not because it is really true to them. Make music not garbage! (and yes I'm well aware I am completlely and totally off topic from anything, but I do not care!)
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Prometheum, 20 Sep 2006 @ 11:59am

Re: Here's the help the computer theif was looking
Though I've never heard of any of this, its most likely true. There's tons of shit chemichals can do, including cureing kleptomania, if you actually have that disorder.

and on the subject of the RIAA: My pirated hoarde is worth thousands. SUCK IT.
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DJ, 20 Sep 2006 @ 12:13pm

Re: Re: Here's the help the computer theif was loo
I second that. Bloody wankers. Cheers to the down fall of tyrony AKA RIAA
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DJ, 20 Sep 2006 @ 12:15pm

Re: Re: Re: Here's the help the computer theif was
Yes I know I spelled it wrong. Tyranny. Are you happy message board police?!
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MB Police, 20 Sep 2006 @ 7:32pm

Corrections Department
Yes we are quite happy!

P.S. May the RIAA die drowning in their own blood!
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