DailyDirt: Modern Computer Dating
from the urls-we-dig-up dept
There are search engines for just about everything. Computers help people find all sorts of things faster and easier, so it's not surprising that computer dating is decades old (and started out with punch cards). Technology has gotten a lot better, but has online dating really improved that much?- Online dating sites claim to be able to find soul mates, but studies suggest they can only provide introductions -- and more often than not, they instill a "shopping mindset" which is not conducive to building lasting relationships. Some psychologists even doubt the possibility of creating algorithms that could successfully match people for real romance. (But experts also scoffed at the first chess-playing computers, too.) [url]
- In 2005, Steven Carter, the director of research at eHarmony, described how his work to create predictive models for compatibility became the basis of his dream job. Carter is probably a bit biased, so where is some peer review for eHarmony's research? [url]
- Perhaps some intense linguistic analysis can predict dating success. Apparently, people who have similar speech patterns are more likely to date each other. Watch your use of pronouns, folks.... [url]
- To discover more interesting tech-related content, check out what's currently floating around the StumbleUpon universe. [url]
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Filed Under: algorithms, compatibility, dating, natural language processing, nlp, psychology, relationships
Companies: eharmony
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But it's fine as long as you film it. The (I'm just making a porno) defence.
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Electric Gonorhea, the noisy killer.
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I am more concerned about intra-computer dating
I saw that movie. Computer dating should be outlawed.
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Re: I am more concerned about intra-computer dating
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Perhaps he should've spent more time on website security
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The third article is half-interesting; the last half of it makes some pretty bold claims without substantiating them. I would have like to see some proof rather than a plug for his book, but I guess that's NPR.
For the bias of the second article, it at least wasn't overtly pushing a point. Yes, he's still operating on the assumption that a predictive model is possible, but it doesn't come across as unapologetic promotion of his site.
Overall, not a very interesting collection of articles, though perhaps I'M biased because dating, as an activity or topic of conversation, simply doesn't interest me.
I'll give Cook some credit - the relationship I've had for a year did indeed spring up out of a friendship. So perhaps the question people should be asking themselves is not "How can I find my one true love?" but "How can I be a better friend?" I think the answer to this is simply to better understand yourself and the people around you - learning why people act the way they do.
Since the point is perhaps to examine the influence of technology on dating, I'll also mention that my friendship started online. I do not believe, however, that technology offers much outside of greater exposure, as far as relationships go - rushing into a relationship online or in real life seems like it would have about the same success rate.
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But experts also scoffed at the first chess-playing computers, too.
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Online Dating
I met my Wife on FaceBook through a mutual friend she and I had. She was not on my friends list and she made a comment that made me laugh. I friended her there immediately and it took 7 days of those awkward "hi, how you doing?" chats. We finally made it to the weekend and broke the ice. We found a lot of common ground (both of us have Asperger's Syndrome) and for an entire week we stayed up until 4am just chatting. It was getting close to Valentines Day and we had decided to meet each other at a half way point between our Appartments (she lives about 90 miles away from me). It was our first date. I was so excited that I felt as giddy as a school boy around her as we paraded together around the outlet stores.
There is one quip pro quo to doing online dating that I really don't like. You do not have the same references to the person other than what they write, and you have to pay a fee to get to know someone. At least with Facebook and through the mutual friend system, you can ask people about the person who just friended you. And its absolutely free. My wife (God bless her) actually asked my friend if I was a creep before she knew me.
The rules regarding FaceBook are simply know her mutual acquaintances IN REAL LIFE.
Someone is bound to ask me "Why not date someone you know well?". My only answer to this is that you already know about this person, whereas an acquaintance, you hardly know the person. I find the best way to get to know someone is when you haven't known them all your life and may or in my case may not of heard of them until that one special comment that makes you LOL.
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Re: Online Dating
On the other hand, it's probably better and certainly cheaper than getting a membership at imadesperateloserbutpleasedatemeanyway.com or meetadesperatefatgirl.com or wherever. :)
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First, dating will be very expensive. Plane tickets cost hundreds of dollars. Driving seems cheaper at first, but the gas cost these days is still likely to come to over one hundred, plus it becomes a week-long trip. How much money do you lose if you miss a week of work off without pay? If you're unemployed the missed work disappears as a problem, but you're also unlikely to be able to afford the gas (or even have a car at all, and bussing will cost nearly as much as a plane, and be slower and more inconvenient, though the TSA is working hard to make air travel just as bad). And if they are intercontinental unless you're rich you're SOL. Plane tickets across oceans cost a fortune, you'll have to miss days of work anyway at those distances, and going by ship would mean missing weeks of work.
OK, suppose you're rich then, or at least wealthy enough to be able to afford weekly two-way plane tickets to Metroville, The Other Coast or car/bus trips to Small City, The Other End Of Your Own Coast. The relationship gets serious; you've really hit it off. Now what?
Now, one of you has to quit his or her current job and go through the ardurous, slow, and expensive process of moving to a new city. Whoever it is will lose their current local social support network. In this economy there is likely to be a long time before he or she manages to get a new job. For a long time, whoever moves will be at the mercy of their new romantic partner, utterly dependent on them for financial and social support, having been uprooted and transplanted away from all previous cheap-to-access support and sources of income. It's going to be painful no matter what, ending long friendships and workplace relationships, and it's a significant gamble. It's very likely neither person will be willing to go through that, and that makes the relationship DOA.
And now, what if one of you did move? Then what? Already, a commitment bigger than most marriages has been made, but in a one-sided manner with one partner taking on all of the downside and risk -- jumping there straight from "seeing each other maybe once a week"! If there are ANY problems at all this asymmetry is going to create serious psychological/relationship issues. And Murphy's Law says there will inevitably be problems. Likely, the problems, combined with the asymmetric commitment, will drive a wedge straight through the relationship, and it will implode messily.
Failing that, it becoming an unhealthy codependent relationship seems likely to be an-ever present risk, unless the transplanted partner quickly finds a job and develops local friendships and contacts in the new city that are independent of his or her partner.
Of course, the above issues are generic to long-distance relationships. The point is that they are very severe obstacles, combined with the fact that pretty much [i]all[/i] web-forum-originating relationships are bound to be long-distance unless the forum is on a local-interest topic or in a language spoken in only a tiny geographic area.
So, if you're going to go the forum route, all I can recommend is that you don't.
Failing that, your best bet would be to move to northern France and learn Basque.
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1. My cousin flew to his current wife, racked up Delta Frequent Flying Miles, used those miles to go on a honeymoon :-)
2. My wife was definitely worth the 80 to 90 mile drive :-) And it was like a mini vacation for me each trip up or for her, each trip down.
The point is, dating costs money....but the long term relationship that grows will last a lifetime :-)
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So, anyone got a useful online dating suggestion applicable for the 99%? ... Anyone? ...
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eHarmony success
In one case it matched a woman with a suspect in her murder.
Pamela Butler didn't know Jose Cruz was suffering from PTSD and had a violent past. eHarmony missed that in their scientific screening.
http://njnnetwork.com/2010/04/pamela-j-butler-still-missing-from-washington-dc/
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dont look for love, let it find you
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