NSA-To-English Dictionary: I Don't Think These Words Mean What You Think They Do

from the if-you-can-redefine-the-language dept

Fri, Aug 2nd 2013 6:45am — Mike Masnick

For the last few weeks I'd been meaning to write up a "dictionary" of how the NSA translates certain words, completely different from the way any other English speaker does, in order to argue that what it does with its surveillance programs is "legal" under the law. I hadn't gotten around to it because every time I started, it seemed like there was more breaking news. Thankfully Jameel Jaffer and Brett Max Kaufman from the ACLU beat me to it, and put together a fantastic NSA lexicon, which highlights how the NSA has simply changed the meaning of many basic English words in order to argue that their efforts are, in fact, legal and above board. You can and should read the full and detailed explanations that Jaffer and Kaufman have put together for each word, but I'm going to take their same list and simplify it down a little. In bold is the word, and after it is what the NSA thinks it means.

Surveillance: When we actually access full content of your calls and emails, but not when we access all the data about who you talk to, where you are and what you do.
Collect: When we run a search on data we ~~collected~~ er... "stored for safe keeping."
Relevant: Everything. It might become relevant in the future, thus it's relevant today.
Targeted: As long as we're collecting the info for an investigation that involves a "target" then any info is "targeted" even if that info has nothing to do with the "target."
Incidental: Everything that we collect... er... store that may become "relevant" at some point but isn't now even though it's "targeted." In short: everything.
Inadvertent: Stuff we did on purpose on a massive scale that looks bad when exposed publicly.
Minimize: A term we use to pretend that we delete information on Americans, but which has many exceptions, including if you encrypted your communications or if we have a sneaking suspicion that you're 51% foreign based on a hunch.
No: When said to Congress in response to questions about whether we collect data on millions of Americans, this means "fuck you."

I would imagine there are a few more words that will need to be added at some point.

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Filed Under: collect, definitions, incidental, laws, legality, minimization, nsa surveillance, relevance, surveillance, targeted

32 Comments

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Jim, 2 Aug 2013 @ 6:49am

Translations
per the Closer: Thank You can have many meanings, including FU
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ThatFatMan (profile), 2 Aug 2013 @ 6:54am

Classified
1. A tool used for feeding limited information to congress under the guise of "oversight".

2. Stuff the public already knows but we still don't want to tell them anyway.
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Machin Shin (profile), 2 Aug 2013 @ 7:06am

Inconceivable!
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Aug 2013 @ 7:07am

This dictionary lacks Oversight.
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Aug 2013 @ 7:07am

I think Lewsis Caroll got there first.

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean�neither more nor less.
"
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TheLastCzarnian (profile), 2 Aug 2013 @ 7:18am

One more fot the lexicon
My Grandpa always used to say, "when someone says, "trust me", they really mean, "fuck you.""

The NSA and Congress are a shining example of this.
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Aug 2013 @ 7:19am

War: Peace;
Freedom: Slavery;
Ignorance: Strength.
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Pixelation, 2 Aug 2013 @ 7:46am

Constitution; That worthless piece of paper, meant to be ignored.
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Aug 2013 @ 7:49am

Re:
Oversight: Having someone that can tell other people there are no abuses going on no matter what is really happening.
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out_of_the_blue, 2 Aug 2013 @ 7:54am

* Direct access (to Google and Facebook servers):
Oddly, that one is straightforward, using the XKeyScore front-end.

When you think surveillance, think Google!
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Aug 2013 @ 7:56am

Follow the leader
Isn't this just following in the foot steps of the U.S. Supreme Court? Remember Obamacare, where USSC redefined the word "taxation" from the centuries established meaning of "giving money to the government" to "giving money to anyone you are told to give it to, by the government". So why can't the NSA or anyone else with a lot of guns/bombs/drones do the same?
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That One Guy (profile), 2 Aug 2013 @ 8:02am

Re:
Just like the agency that uses it.
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RyanNerd (profile), 2 Aug 2013 @ 8:06am

This is fun. Here are a few more:
Least Untruthful Answer: Being econmical with the truth.
FISA Court: Oversight.
Patriot Act: Our justification and authority to store all relevant data that protects you from terrorists and the boogyman.
Mark Udall (D-Colo) and/or Ron Wyden (D-Ore): Assholes that simply do not understand the need for our programs.
GCHQ: See, other democratic countries do what we do. What�s the big deal?
Legal: Whatever we decide would look like we are doing to prevent terrorism, child abuse and warts.
Senate Intelligence Committee: This is the committee that we give the least untruthful answers to when they ask about our programs.
Edward Snowden: Satan.
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Pixelation, 2 Aug 2013 @ 8:13am

Least untruth; I got busted.
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techflaws (profile), 2 Aug 2013 @ 8:19am

Re: * Direct access (to Google and Facebook servers):
When you think OOTB, think Bullshit (and clock on report).
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out_of_the_blue, 2 Aug 2013 @ 8:35am

Re: Re: * Direct access (to Google and Facebook servers):
@"techflaws"

When you think "techflaws", think vacuous one-liner ad hom.
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Aug 2013 @ 9:08am

Re: Classified
Classified is:

2. Information not expected to be seen in a positive light if it is distributed.

1. Something of a nature that could make someone we like not included under 1 look bad.
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Aug 2013 @ 9:35am

Re:
Oversight: Meeting with PR-department.
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stockholderssyndrome, 2 Aug 2013 @ 9:42am

Re: This is fun. Here are a few more:
Hollywood:We Have Money , We Win
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DCX2, 2 Aug 2013 @ 9:42am

Re:
Oversight: See definition of "Overlook". Look, sight, it's all the same thing...
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Ninja (profile), 2 Aug 2013 @ 10:52am

Re:
You, sir, are doing it right! I hope it reaches the funniest of the week ;)
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DOlz (profile), 2 Aug 2013 @ 11:10am

Re: Classified
3. A license to lie.
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Aug 2013 @ 11:20am

Re: * Direct access (to Google and Facebook servers):
You sound like the kind of guy that would argue we should ban cameras to avoid government surveillance. No thanks. Let's just stop the government from using the tools rather than breaking all the tools just because the government can use them too.
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Aug 2013 @ 11:53am

P-Cooker - No way in hell I'm typing that out.
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McCrea (profile), 2 Aug 2013 @ 1:17pm

Oversight
Having established a secret court to consider whether each and every usage is both legal and constitutional before deciding to approve such usages in all case.
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Aug 2013 @ 4:01pm

Re:
constitution; Obstacle or Hurdle
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Aug 2013 @ 6:55pm

Re: Re:
2. An impeedment to be over come
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techflaws (profile), 2 Aug 2013 @ 11:28pm

Re: Re: Re: * Direct access (to Google and Facebook servers):
And yet, only your vacuous one-liner ad homs are reported. It's almost too easy making fun of you ;)
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Anonymous, 4 Aug 2013 @ 7:03pm

Re:
Privacy Policy: It is our policy that you have no privacy.
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Jan Bilek (profile), 4 Aug 2013 @ 11:55pm

This is totalitarianism
This seems really important to me and not at all funny. I grew up in a totalitarian regime and this kind of re-defining common language was one of the most powerful tools the regime could use to retain power and keep people in constant fear. For example the crime of 'disruption of public order' could be used to put basically anybody to jail because the term could be twisted to fit any behaviour that the regime did not like - for example when you criticised some official or communist party member or complained about something publicly.

Actually I believe that the ability of the government or any other group of people to redefine common language and inability of people to force government to use their version of language means that the power distribution in society is seriously skewed and therefore this is a strong sign of failing democracy. It's really scary to observe that in the US
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DannyB (profile), 5 Aug 2013 @ 5:56am

Targeted
Targeted: As long as we're collecting the info for an investigation that involves a potential future "target" . . . .
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George Hilbert (profile), 29 Sep 2014 @ 6:01pm

Re: This is totalitarianism
The communists are here and have been for many decades. Their works are just now gaining intensity.
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