Healthcare.gov Violates Open Source License

Lobbyists Looking To Call Themselves Something Else: Here Are A Few Suggestions

from the suggest-your-own dept

Fri, Oct 18th 2013 7:39pm — Mike Masnick

Like many people, I have a somewhat negative visceral reaction to the concept of lobbyists and lobbying. However, my thinking has been shifting, in large part due to last year's This American Life episode all about lobbying, where you begin to realize that lobbying is a symptom of a messed up campaign finance system, rather than "legalized bribery" as some believe. All too often, it appears, politicians are chasing down lobbyists, trying to get donations, rather than lobbyists "offering up" something. Besides, in theory, having people who can help educate clueless politicians about important issues could be a good thing -- if those politicians are actually hearing from all sides on an issue and then making a decision based on the facts (I know, I know, stop laughing...). Of course, that's not the system we have. At all.

And, because of that, many people blame the lobbyists, and, indeed, under today's system, many lobbyists engage in highly questionable practices, because the potential returns are so high.

Given all of this, it appears that lobbyists are trying to "rebrand" themselves. Apparently the preferred name is "Government Relations." Yes, it's the perfect kind of whitewash of "lobbyist." However, the NY Times has suggested "Congress Plus" as a more appropriate name:

We suggest “Congress Plus” as a more truthful name for an industry that employs more than 400 former members of the Senate and House, plus former Congressional staff members estimated in one study to total 5,400 people over a recent 10-year period. Not to mention untold dozens of lobbyists who smartly shift back and forth to Congressional committee posts as the electoral pendulum makes partisan swings that prove increasingly lucrative for experienced insiders.

So, what are some other suggestions for how lobbyists should rebrand? Here are a few suggestions, and we welcome more in the comments:

"Corporate Congress"
"Corporate Congressional Liaison"
"Special Interest Wrangler"
"Government Guide"
"Legislative Influencer"
"Regulatory Realignment Specialist"
"Senate Sherpa"
"Government Guru"
"Congressional Connector"
"Lawfluencers"

We await much better ideas in the comments.

Thank you for reading this Techdirt post. With so many things competing for everyone’s attention these days, we really appreciate you giving us your time. We work hard every day to put quality content out there for our community.

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Filed Under: lobbyists, rebranding

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horse with no name, 18 Oct 2013 @ 7:40pm

how about
Calling themselves "bloggers and tech gurus"? That seems to work around here pretty well!
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Oct 2013 @ 7:53pm

Government Purchasing Agent.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Anonymous Coward, 18 Oct 2013 @ 7:57pm

Remora
Enough said.
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That One Guy (profile), 18 Oct 2013 @ 7:59pm

Why go for anything complex, call them what they are: 'Symptoms'.
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Oct 2013 @ 8:06pm

Lawmakers.
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Oct 2013 @ 8:09pm

People In Government (PIG)
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Sheogorath (profile), 18 Oct 2013 @ 8:23pm

Here's an idea
I think it would be better to allow lobbyists to ask their favourite politicians for the legislation they want in return for a campaign donation, much as they already do, but instead of being able to donate directly, the funds go into a pool that's shared out equally to all politicians running for office. That would give all politicians equal standing, no matter what their platforms.
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Oct 2013 @ 8:32pm

You missed Congressional Crooks as option.

There are others I would use, but it seems they are more traditionally used in the porn industry and I wouldn't want to give porn a bad name by being associated with our elected officials (local, state or national)...
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Oct 2013 @ 8:37pm

Re: how about
Calling themselves "bloggers and tech gurus"? That seems to work around here pretty well!

Hahahahahahaha.... Isn't that the truth.
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Anonymous Anonymous Coward, 18 Oct 2013 @ 8:43pm

Re: Here's an idea
So, instead of a few 'bent' congress critters, they all get bent?

Better to remove money from politics, in each and every form. That would give equal standing.

I am not yet convinced that lobbyists are 'good' in any way. It interferes with the communication with the constituents, whom the representatives are supposed to represent. The concept of them being 'consultative' without being 'manipulative' seems like a contradiction of experience based upon, well, the last 60 or so years of my lifetime.
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Nick (profile), 18 Oct 2013 @ 8:46pm

The REAL Lawmakers.
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Karl (profile), 18 Oct 2013 @ 8:53pm

Re: how about
That seems to work around here pretty well!

Actually, around here, "Anonymous Coward" works more.

And I do mean "works" in the sense of "employed."
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any moose cow word, 18 Oct 2013 @ 9:20pm

"Corporate Congress" has already been used in the scifi show Continuum, but still apt nonetheless. 1984 seems to be the template for our current government, this will probably be the next.
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geekwithsoul (profile), 18 Oct 2013 @ 9:29pm

Embiggened Grifters
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Oct 2013 @ 9:39pm

Target Practice.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 18 Oct 2013 @ 9:57pm

How about "Embedded Policy Development and Implementation Technicians"?
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DV Henkel-Wallace (profile), 18 Oct 2013 @ 10:31pm

Just call them what they are
Campaign fundraisers.

Election Facilitator.

It doesn't sound so sinister when you hear that Duke Energy hired a lobbyist or Facebook opened an office in D.C. But if you hear that Exxon hired a new Chief Election Facilitator it would be calling a spade a spade.
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Balveda, 18 Oct 2013 @ 11:10pm

Exponential Enablers
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 18 Oct 2013 @ 11:20pm

Wealth Transfer Facilitators (WTFs)
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Oct 2013 @ 11:26pm

you left out two other possibilities. "slaves" or "serfs"
which ever defines them better. whatever everyone else is.
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Oct 2013 @ 11:58pm

I got a couple
"Parasites" and "sugar daddies"
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 12:09am

Politically Unaccountable Technocratic Agent (PUTA)
[ link to this | view in thread ]
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 1:12am

Re: how about
horse with no name hates it when due process is enforced.
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silverscarcat (profile), 19 Oct 2013 @ 1:25am

How about...
Official bribers?
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Andrew F, 19 Oct 2013 @ 1:28am

Turdblossoms?
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 1:50am

Democracy Subverters?

Congress
Usurping
Nation
Trasher
S?
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 1:53am

Suppliers of Cash and Underwriters of Money

You figure out the acronym.
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Robert, 19 Oct 2013 @ 1:58am

Substitute Political for Drugs
It seems the drugs industry provides a full list of potential names;
Political Pusher
Political Bagman
Political Dealer
Political Trafficker
Political Dealer
Political Pedlar
See just swap out the word 'Drug' for Political and 'ewww' it all seem more accurate and even worse than lobbyist, truth hurts.
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 2:33am

Corrupters Of Government (COG).

They are just cogs in the machinations of the 1%.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Stosh (profile), 19 Oct 2013 @ 2:44am

CHUD
Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 3:22am

Organgrinders

The Senate and Congress are the monkeys
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Josef Anvil (profile), 19 Oct 2013 @ 3:23am

Bribetards
[ link to this | view in thread ]
chiller, 19 Oct 2013 @ 3:32am

test samples
Guillotine blade sharpness test samples...
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 4:27am

Murder Facilitators

MFs
[ link to this | view in thread ]
spectator, 19 Oct 2013 @ 4:35am

Strings of Puppetmasters
Strings of Puppetmasters with a brown nose
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Zem, 19 Oct 2013 @ 4:40am

Herpes
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Zakida Paul (profile), 19 Oct 2013 @ 4:49am

Why is it that when people think of lobbying, they only think of corporate lobbying? Lobbying is not an inherent evil because it allows for all people/special interest groups to have a say in policy making. If lobbying were banned, what would happen to all the charities who interact with government every day? The activists who bring petitions to their representatives everyday?

Here in the UK we have a really bad piece of legislation on the go that has been suitably dubbed the 'Gagging Bill' that seeks to seriously limit the power of ordinary people to influence government.

Of course, corporate lobbying has got out of hand with companies spending eye watering amounts on lobbying efforts. This should be drastically curbed but NOT at the expense of the public and special interest groups.
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Zakida Paul (profile), 19 Oct 2013 @ 4:52am

Re: Re: Here's an idea
"I am not yet convinced that lobbyists are 'good' in any way."

Even the charities who bring their interests to government? They are lobbyists.

What about the people who start petitions for a cause and bring those to governments? They are lobbyists too.

There is more to lobbying than corporate lobbying and I really wish people would remember this.
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 5:08am

Banditi.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 5:44am

Money launderers.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
I Forgot, 19 Oct 2013 @ 6:02am

BBG
Big Brother Gropers
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Andrew Norton (profile), 19 Oct 2013 @ 6:04am

"The defendant"
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Violynne (profile), 19 Oct 2013 @ 6:35am

I'm surprised no one has offered the most obvious, the name everyone uses now:

Assholes.

Okay, maybe it's just my word, but it does have a nice ring to it and it's the only word which truly emphasizes the people who seek to destroy civil liberties of others.
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Wolfy, 19 Oct 2013 @ 6:35am

Re: Names
Bribists.
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Nick (profile), 19 Oct 2013 @ 6:57am

Democracy Perverts
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 6:57am

Re:
Elected politicians are meant to represent the people that elect them. Lobbyists always represent some special interest group. Therefore with lobbying, the politicians listen to a representative of a group, some of whom claim to represent the people, but in all cases are only answerable to the people who fund them. The result is that special interest groups, including corporate lobbyists, have a disproportionate influence on the politicians and frequently drown out the voices of the electorate. This helps to alienate the electorate from politics, as it appears that the politicians are representing the lobbyists, not the electorate.
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MacCruiskeen, 19 Oct 2013 @ 7:02am

Re:
Legislative Engineering? Legislation Innovators? Let's go down and see what's cooking in the legislation lab! Hmmm this one's still in beta, not ready for release yet...
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Bengie, 19 Oct 2013 @ 8:07am

hmmm
D-Bags
Economic Espionagists
USA haters
Democracy Destroyers
Greedy Bastards
Lew Perverters

Lobbyists is fine, people know what it means.
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Pixelation, 19 Oct 2013 @ 8:34am

Lobbyist suggests they are still in the lobby.

Officists would be closer to the truth.
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Spaceman Spiff (profile), 19 Oct 2013 @ 8:44am

My vote is for
GevernmentAL - AL as in a$$ l!k3er...
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Pixelation, 19 Oct 2013 @ 8:53am

I suppose we Citizens should get a new name too.

Non-Combatant Casualties
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Edger, 19 Oct 2013 @ 10:10am

One more that comes to mind...
"Consigliere"
"My father made him an offer he couldn't refuse... Luca Brasi held a gun to his head, and my father assured him that either his brains, or his signature would be on the contract".
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DannyB (profile), 19 Oct 2013 @ 10:44am

Politician Puppetmasters
Politician Puppetmasters
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 11:38am

Why not just tell it like it is:

Corporate Shills
Corporate Pimps
[ link to this | view in thread ]
eroticreader, 19 Oct 2013 @ 12:13pm

Lets call them corporate S.L.U.T.S.

Scandalous
Legislative
Usurping
Traitorous
Scumbags

It is sufficiently derogatory and fitting enough for those who resort to such practices.
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phils, 19 Oct 2013 @ 12:24pm

American
Survey
Specialists
Helping
Out
Legislative
Efforts
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Uriel-238 (profile), 19 Oct 2013 @ 12:40pm

Re: Re: Re: Here's an idea
Apparently, the lobbyists themselves seem to think that what they do is morally questionable. Otherwise they wouldn't be looking for a name change. The term lobbyist is not intrinsically derisive.

I think lobbyists who appeal to the merit of their cause, rather than by purchasing support are Special Interest Groups. Not sure, though.
As of this posting I have not received a US National Security Letter or any classified gag order from an agent of the United States
Encrypted with Morbius-Cochrane Perfect Steganographic Codec 1.2.001
Saturday, October 19, 2013 12:37:47 PM
lemon hymn turtle carpet bulb minute square college
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Uriel-238 (profile), 19 Oct 2013 @ 12:42pm

Re: Re: Re: Here's an idea
Incidentally, charities seldom spend more than 50% of their contributions on the cause they allegedly support. In fact, most spend less than 20%.

The rest goes to the engine that generates revenues.

So are charities good? Questionable.
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MacCruiskeen, 19 Oct 2013 @ 1:17pm

Re: Re: Re: Here's an idea
It is true that the legal basis for lobbying is the constitutionally guaranteed right to petition the government. Therefore, any limitations on lobbying would have to be done in a way that respected the rights of individual citizens. Not that anyone in Congress has any motivation to do that.
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Coyne Tibbets, 19 Oct 2013 @ 1:20pm

Legislative Interest Enforcer (LIE)
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Davey, 19 Oct 2013 @ 2:07pm

Re:
Or how about just Weasels?
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Wolfy, 19 Oct 2013 @ 2:55pm

Re: Re: Re: Here's an idea
Your "charities" and "petitioners" are usually fronts for corporate concerns.

Can you say astro turf?
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BLiP, 19 Oct 2013 @ 3:32pm

Shady Legislation Under Terrible Supervision - SLUTS

Money And Legislation Workshops Are Reoccurring Events - MALWARE

Valuable Inside Relations Under Siege -VIRUS
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 6:08pm

- Exotic dancer, after all they all grab the pole and do the dance already.
- Law surveyors
- Law salesman
- Facelaw adimin.
- Law handyman.
- GoG - Government over growth.
- Boom, boom lawmaking, We all like parties right?
- Strange public agency growth. SPAG's
- D&D G-Player. The G is not for gay/gal/girl/groupie is for government dude.
- Stripclub negotiator.
- Bench lawmaking, how do you call the people who get benched and still keep screaming what others need to do?
- Wamlaw.
- Law making clerks?
- Up & Down people.
- NIC - Non Interactive Character
- NPC - Non Playing Character.
- FAAP - Future A.A. Participant
- Marvin Gaye Lawmaking, There is no "donation" low enough.
- SAS - Shark Attack Session.
- Law raider
- Law rider
- Carousel operator.
- Merry Go Round VIP.
- Government Resources Analyst Personnel.
- Congress barnacle.
- Parasitic law making.
- BDSM - Bureaucratic Deep System Manager
- COG - Children of G.
- Law Dealer.
- Law Pimp.
- Law Pumper.

OMG I could spend the whole day doing this.
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 6:12pm

Re: Just call them what they are
Facilitator is euphemism for lub?
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jt, 19 Oct 2013 @ 6:43pm

scumbags
[ link to this | view in thread ]
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 7:59pm

More labels from someone who 'does not like labels'
But Mr Masnick, you recently said you were not "into" labels, you would rather look at the substance and facts..

But I guess when it's the hatred for the US Government, you'll just say ANYTHING !!

I am very sure, there would be a great number of 'labels' that could (accurately) directed towards you.
A least you've developed the art of writing a "FLAMEBAIT" piece.

I am sure your "insert label here" readers are really impressed !!!
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 8:05pm

Mr Masnick
You write letters representing your interests groups to politicians, so I guess you are a lobbyist as well !!!

Which label do you prefer ?
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 8:07pm

Re: Re: how about
you should know, the truth has no place here on TD !!!
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 9:21pm

Re: Re: Re: how about
Not your faux truth anyways :)
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 9:44pm

Skunkworker - work the skunks
Imageneer - dream laws up.
Weirdlawmaking - law making based on spooky behavior at a distance
Lobotomist - responsible for transforming laws into vegetables.
Wannabegov - poser trying to pass for lawmaker.
MOTS - Master of the skunks.
GC - Gloryhole clerk.
Cabbie - they all ride the government hard all year long.
Lawshisper
Govwhisper
Lawwasp - the sting is a bitch.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 19 Oct 2013 @ 11:11pm

LoF - Lords of the flies
[ link to this | view in thread ]
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horse with no name, 20 Oct 2013 @ 1:54am

Re: Re: how about
No I don't, but I do dislike flaming baiting trolls.

Mike Masnick: Why don't you deal with this troll?
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Anonymous Coward, 20 Oct 2013 @ 2:26am

Re: Re: Re: how about
so you call on masnick to censor thing because you don't like it, for him to abuse free speech, and censorship so you can get your own way..

Its just possible that Masnick stands up for free speech, and is against censorship.

I don't have to like what you say, but I will die for your right to say it. Is it possible that Mr Masnick is of the same opinion?, or do you think free speech and censorship should be selectively applied simply to accommodate your biases ?
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Blue Adept (profile), 20 Oct 2013 @ 4:27am

How about
F.U.C.K.E.R.S (For Upholding Congressional Knowledge & Eternal Rectum Suckers)
[ link to this | view in thread ]
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Anonymous Coward, 20 Oct 2013 @ 6:47am

Re: Re: Re: Re: how about
Masnick's toadies and lickspittles only care about freedom of speech as it applies to their ability to obtain the copyrighted creative output of others without compensating them for it. That's their idea of F-R-E-E speech.
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Anonymous Coward, 20 Oct 2013 @ 8:05am

Cartels ,
Overlords,
The Masters,
Earlobe Ninjas,
Dingleberry Cartel Crew= DCC,
Earwax Conglomerates of America = ECoA,
Honorless America Killers = HAC,
Corporation Kings,
Serial Killers ,
Remember folks Corps think they a a single entity a person
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Mike, 20 Oct 2013 @ 12:59pm

Re: How about
I like it. Except I think it should be Sucking not Suckers.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
ipgrunt (profile), 20 Oct 2013 @ 1:14pm

Simply, they are called:

My Constituency

I have no trouble with lobbyists, per se -- it is the money they dispense that causes corruption.
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JMT (profile), 20 Oct 2013 @ 5:07pm

Re: Re: Re: Re: how about
"I don't have to like what you say, but I will die for your right to say it."

The line you have quoted refers to government censorship. This is a privately owned and operated website, and you have no legal or moral expectation of free speech. You and everyone else here are granted the privilege of commenting, and Mike can take steps to prevent you from commenting is he so wishes. Techdirt has an extremely high tolerance of purely trollish behaviour, but I have no problem at all with someone who contributes nothing of any worth (i.e. not even a dissenting opinion) being prevented from commenting.
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Anonymous Coward, 20 Oct 2013 @ 5:55pm

Re: Re: Re: how about
Whined the Prenda fanboy.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
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horse with no name, 20 Oct 2013 @ 10:21pm

Re: Re: Re: Re: how about
"so you call on masnick to censor thing because you don't like it, for him to abuse free speech, and censorship so you can get your own way.. "

I am only asking Mike to deal with off topic flaming trolls. "prenda fanboy" comments have little to do with the topic at hand, and are rather false on top of it. You can see that the entire discussion here has been uprooted by your trolling.

It's sad that Techdirt chooses to ignore your very obvious actions.
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Rocco Maglio (profile), 21 Oct 2013 @ 5:58am

A large number of lobbyist lobby the Obama Administration. The administration is responsible for the day to day running of the government. Many of the most contentious issues of today are being done through the admininstation the EPA (carbon tax), HHS (ACA implementation), etc. The names of lobbyist that were developed ignore this reality. Here are some names that reflect this reality.

Friend of Administration
Presidents Bag Men
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Anonymous Coward, 21 Oct 2013 @ 7:11am

burn!
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 21 Oct 2013 @ 7:37am

Re:
Criminals.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 21 Oct 2013 @ 7:38am

Prisoner #452368
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 21 Oct 2013 @ 8:08am

Voices in our Lawmakers' Ears (VILE)
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Brock Phillimore (profile), 21 Oct 2013 @ 9:59am

Political Pimps
[ link to this | view in thread ]
crade (profile), 21 Oct 2013 @ 10:40am

Electoral circumvention engineer
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 21 Oct 2013 @ 12:15pm

Re: how about
I see that you are calling on Masnick to block trollish comments that are off-topic or do not add to the discussion. Why do we not start with you? Certainly your attempts at disparaging those that post and comment on this site is of little to no value to the conversation. The rare few of your posts ever seem to approach anything that could be considered contributions.
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