That Anonymous Coward's Second Techdirt Favorites Post Of The Week

from the back-again-for-more... dept

Sat, Oct 5th 2013 12:00pm — That Anonymous Coward

OHAI Tourists!
*pulls on orange vest*

For those of you not shaking your heads in disbelief that I'm here again, I'm That Anonymous Coward.
People mostly just call me TAC, my current claim to fame is appearing in 4 sets of exhibits submitted to Federal Courts by Pretenda and its agents, as well as suing to unmask me for intentional infliction of butthurt... or something.
I coined the term Pretenda.
I am harsh, snarky, and pretty entertaining.
I am a legend in my own mind, and the stuff of nightmares for copyright trolls.

Now if you'll all take your seats here on the short bus, the tour can begin, as soon as I get past this pesky club Mike put on the wheel.
Hand me that canister... a little liquid nitrogen works wonders on stuck locks.
Multitool please....
Now we connect wire 1 to wire 3 and... we're off.

Palantir (named for that creepy orb from Lord of the Rings that lets you spy on hobbit beauty queens changing), got $196 Million in funding. Let's ignore the absolute failure of the people behind it, and how they planned to use the tech to undermine Wikileaks for private customers. And they would have gotten away with it, if not for those pesky kids in trendy masks. So a company, who has no problem creating fake information, is being funded to gather more 'real' information for the government or anyone else with a briefcase full of cash.

Oh everyone smile at the traffic camera, it's gathering our images to update your status on NSABook.
Given the errors most data aggregators have... you are probably all George Takei.
Everyone smile and say Oh My!

Everyone wave at that nice policeman hiding in that alley... being anonymous online is okay for him, but everyone else should register themselves.
I wonder if he works for this guy. I guess its open minded thinking like that, that leads to stuff like this.

Ok everyone roll up the windows, this is a bad neighborhood. Those dark forbidding towers, the fire, the brimstone... Nope its not Mordor, one does not just tour Mordor... this is the Surveillance Suburb. *DUMDUMDUMMMMM*

I'd bother to narrate but this neighborhood is like the most insane HOA ever.
Pouring money into companies, making us all less safe, with nothing to show for it.
If you question them, you're a freaking terrorist.
They scare everyone with ZOMG the terrorists will win, even as they do way more harm.
Protecting the cash cow is more important than people knowing the truth.

Ok this place depresses me... here let's just do a doughnut in Rep. Rogers lawn...

*BaBang*
Whoops sorry that was a pretty big speed bump, oh wait no it's just EA's latest fail.

Let's pay a visit to my favorite place, the Copyright Troll Cul-de-sac.
We should be safe, with the Government shutdown those nice men from ICE are cooling their heels at home.
Just up here on the left, and this clicker I "found" opens the gates....

Given the amazing lengths some countries are going to appease the IP cartels, well this is confusing.
And well this just seems to fly in the face of the horrible times they claim...
They have given up buying the laws they want, they just think they can say it and make it law.

Yes it's time to hit the wayback machine Peabody for background, as you should have learned last time I had the wheel... I go where I want, last tour I went offsite to Ars.

I was talking about this lawfirm, Steele Hansmeier LLC and their boy wonder lawyer Brett Gibbs.
They stood before a Judge and admitted they mislead the court in the original complaint, that the discovery wasn't enough to identify the infringer and wanted the court to allow them access to pretty much anything with a computer in it in the target's house.
My crystal ball is that good, I saw what was happening and well popcorn futures are way up as the comedy keeps coming.
It would be funny haha but the wheels of justice are slow, so its more funny utoh.
See that battered McMansion? The one that looks like its been hit by the wrecking ball a bunch of times, and somehow is still standing? Prenda Prime, it's pretty much Steele Hansmeier with new siding.
HA. I think the upcoming holidays might be a little chilly.
HA. They 'represent' him, and their best answer is we think he'll have a good answer?
HA! And the cash they owe, piles up higher.

I guess gaming the justice system will finally catch up with you.
The irony, it burns. How big does the lie have to be when even a staunch copyright advocate calls you out?

What is this little dark alley... oh this is where the patent trolls are breeding.
Much like the copyright trolls they are filling peoples heads with dreams of imaginary dollars... that never seem to make it to their greedy hands.
It is almost like some people want these trolls to succeed and keep the world from moving forward.
They extract money from people who innovate so they can spend more money to keep themselves alive.
Heh, lemme flick on the high beams.... look at them run!
Ok it's gross back here, let's get out on the road...

FSCK someone got funding restored for ICE, everyone duck down while I get us out of here.
STAY DOWN!
Well Mike can have those bullet holes filled with bondo...again...

I would be depressed about all of the NSA coverage, except my paranoia apparently was well founded.
Looking at the few revelations so far, can people understand why Occupy, LulzSec, & Anonymous scare the crap out of the powers that be?
We had paramilitary action against citizens exercising their right to protest.
Fun fact pepper spray is banned for use on soldiers in war because it is chemical warfare, but hosing down citizens seems to be perfectly ok.
'Merika - home of the meek and surveilled.
Maybe those they demonize most are the ones who are done being meek.
Maybe we should stop accepting what they tell us, as it's clear they have no problem lying to us, and educate ourselves about them.
Not everything they do is well received, but when people fight back it gets messy.
I guess CFAA is the digital firehose being turned on protestors.

And back to the parking lot...
Ohhh look! Everyone wave at the drones we aren't supposed to know about.

So we've watched our rights get stripped away.
We've all paid the tax on innovation, and gotten nothing but more bad laws.
If you question those rights we all think we still have, they call you names and start digging for dirt (or farm that job out).
Is anyone scared that the guy in the Guy Fawkes mask is making sense?

Republicans are red, Democrats are blue, the really sad thing is, neither side gives a fsck about you.

Oh hey, Mike did my $25,000 ever show up?

You can use part of it to have the tour bus fixed up.

And that was part of the week that was.
I remain,
TAC

Thank you for reading this Techdirt post. With so many things competing for everyone’s attention these days, we really appreciate you giving us your time. We work hard every day to put quality content out there for our community.

Techdirt is one of the few remaining truly independent media outlets. We do not have a giant corporation behind us, and we rely heavily on our community to support us, in an age when advertisers are increasingly uninterested in sponsoring small, independent sites — especially a site like ours that is unwilling to pull punches in its reporting and analysis.

While other websites have resorted to paywalls, registration requirements, and increasingly annoying/intrusive advertising, we have always kept Techdirt open and available to anyone. But in order to continue doing so, we need your support. We offer a variety of ways for our readers to support us, from direct donations to special subscriptions and cool merchandise — and every little bit helps. Thank you.

–The Techdirt Team

39 Comments

If you liked this post, you may also be interested in...

Reader Comments

Subscribe: RSS

View by: Time | Thread

Rikuo (profile), 5 Oct 2013 @ 12:25pm

Absolutely fucking wonderful, TAC. Great stuff. Here's to hoping you write more end of the week articles in the future.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Trails onna phone, 5 Oct 2013 @ 12:29pm

new favourite saying
Intentional infliction of butthurt. Love it.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
davnel, 5 Oct 2013 @ 12:50pm

Totally brilliant, TAC, keep up the great work. Now if we can just get those idiots in DC to read and heed. Wouldn't that be something??
.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
sophisticatedjanedoe (profile), 5 Oct 2013 @ 12:59pm

Thanks, TAC, it was a fun bus ride :)
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 5 Oct 2013 @ 1:46pm

Don't know why I enjoyed the reading, but anyways thanks, that was a fun read.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Raul, 5 Oct 2013 @ 1:55pm

Hilarious! Thanks for the entertaining tour ride.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Michael, 5 Oct 2013 @ 2:07pm

Wish I could afford to have your 4 line poem on billboards all over Arizona.

Thanks for the ride.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 5 Oct 2013 @ 3:17pm

Awesome Stuff ... encore?
[ link to this | view in thread ]
That One Guy (profile), 5 Oct 2013 @ 4:01pm

That was awesome, wish you could give articles funny votes, this one would definitely garner a ton of them.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 5 Oct 2013 @ 5:00pm

Re: new favourite saying
From an expert on butthurt.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Paul, 5 Oct 2013 @ 5:17pm

You just raised the line:
Now, how are you going to top this??
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 5 Oct 2013 @ 6:12pm

Another week of Masnick CENSORSHIP ABUSE
why? he has to stifle free speech somehow.

If he finds someone able to prove him wrong so often, he has little choice but to censor me.

He cant have someone questing him on the truth of what he says can he ????

Its sad in a lot of ways that Masnick puts himself up as the champion of fighting CENSORSHIP and working hard for free speech.

Hell he uses it enough as his subject matter, its just a terrible shame, that little bit of power has got him by the balls.. A power that now he has tasted he cant give up..

Masnick of ALL PEOPLE using CENSORSHIP to destroy open debate and free speech.

I guess if you simply are not good enough to respond to my arguments, you have little choice.

But you needing to CENSOR what I have to say, simply means I've won !!!

I must of, because if Masnick could develop an argument to counter mine he would.

I win, because Masnick need to abuse CENSORSHIP to beat me !!!!

Lets see if or when this post EVER gets posted, or if it is CENSORED by Masnick.

Because Masnick cannot deal with people questing his statements and catching him in lies.

Why is it you (like a lot of others you write about) need to resort to CENSORSHIP as opposed to free speech and open debate ??

Are you proud of yourself that you have to resort to what you claim to hate ?? just because of me ???

So you put your reputation at steak because you are unable to support your argument with the conviction of your words and actions ?

it is now 1806 PST Sat 5th October.

Lets see if this post ever gets posted, or if masnick need to abuse CENSORSHIP because he is scared to debate me !!!!

At least I have you scared Masnick, clear not scared to tell the truth, but scared enough to CENSOR !!
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 5 Oct 2013 @ 6:15pm

Coward !!!
Iv's seen some badly written articles in my time, but yours is REALLY, REALLY BAD !!!!
[ link to this | view in thread ]
That Anonymous Coward (profile), 5 Oct 2013 @ 7:49pm

Re: You just raised the line:
I won't know until I get tapped again for the job.

Its scary to be inside my head sometimes.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
That Anonymous Coward (profile), 5 Oct 2013 @ 7:56pm

Re:
Thank you, hopefully I will get tapped again... sooner than last time *cough cough cough*.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
That Anonymous Coward (profile), 5 Oct 2013 @ 8:17pm

Re:
They rely on tech to get to where they want to be.
Some of the best minds available have seen how anything they develop will be used to suppress people and have picked the other side.

They might be able to get corporations to screw people for a few pieces of silver, but that will get harder as the brightest work against them.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
That Anonymous Coward (profile), 5 Oct 2013 @ 8:18pm

Re:
Next time I'll pull over and hotwire the wrecking ball so you can swing on the Pretenda McMansion.
Bonus points if we tie Miley Cyrus to the front of it...
[ link to this | view in thread ]
That Anonymous Coward (profile), 5 Oct 2013 @ 8:23pm

Someone hold me, I'm scared.
Last time at just over an hour they tried to Godwin. (I don't think it was a serious attempt)

The grammar and spelling police were in full swing tearing apart my use of the language ignoring the message.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
That Anonymous Coward (profile), 5 Oct 2013 @ 8:41pm

Re: new favourite saying
Who knew it was an actionable claim?
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 5 Oct 2013 @ 8:58pm

I loved doing doughnuts in Mike Rogers front yard! So much fun.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Borg Tech (profile), 5 Oct 2013 @ 9:25pm

Bravo
TD has come a long ways to include guest writings such as these. (Applause)
[ link to this | view in thread ]
That Anonymous Coward (profile), 5 Oct 2013 @ 9:43pm

Re:
I MIGHT have taken umbrage to him calling me a basement dwelling idiot...
[ link to this | view in thread ]
G Thompson (profile), 5 Oct 2013 @ 10:00pm

Uhuh

backs away slowly knowing the bus is powered by Ponies

;)
[ link to this | view in thread ]
That Anonymous Coward (profile), 6 Oct 2013 @ 12:15am

Re:
DAMN YOU UPSIDE DOWN PONY MAFIA!
*shakes fist all dramatic like*

Ohai G ;)
[ link to this | view in thread ]
That Anonymous Coward (profile), 6 Oct 2013 @ 1:00am

Re:
I did not think that one up, I saw it on a picture somewhere and paraphrased a little from there.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2013 @ 5:42am

ROFL! Best post this year!

^^
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2013 @ 5:48am

Re: new favourite saying
is TAC the now RotoRooter Man?
[ link to this | view in thread ]
edinjapan (profile), 6 Oct 2013 @ 6:02am

Riding the shortbus
TAC,

The next time you offer me a ride on the short bus remind me to bring a helmet, flak vest, my elastic band Gatling gun http://hackedgadgets.com/wp-content/2/disintegrator_rubber_band_gun_2.jpg popcorn and beer.

Now, if you could just do something about Aso and Abe I'm sure there would be dozens of salarymen and hundreds of Tokyo bargirls lined up to thank you personally.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous, 6 Oct 2013 @ 7:09am

Re: Re:
Up until the "Rolling Stone" interview I was a fan and staunch defender of Miley. Not so much now. What she said and advocated in that interview is irresponsible, dangerous, and downright stupid. She's headed down the wrong path, and who knows how many people she'll take with her. Maybe one day she'll look back on it and think about the harm her words may have caused. I just hope she wises up and gets back on the right path, and doesn't end up like Whitney Houston or Cory Monteith.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
That Anonymous Coward (profile), 6 Oct 2013 @ 7:12am

Re: Riding the shortbus
You want me to critique the outfits of hundreds of bargirls?!
There are limits to my tolerance for scantily clad women.

and the joke goes off in 3...2....1.... Boom.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2013 @ 5:44pm

Guy Fawkes Night
Guy Fawkes Night was the best fun for a small child, they sold fireworks in the shops, tom thumbs, penny bangers, It didn't matter some child blew off a few fingers when they held a cracker too long, and then there was the big bon-fire on November 3??, and much celebration of the anniversary of the burning of Guy Fawkes at the Stake. As an Adult I'm glad the Government stopped this "celebration", When the history behind this event is considered its inappropriate to mark such an evil day.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
That Anonymous Coward (profile), 7 Oct 2013 @ 4:20am

Re: Re: Re:
I think the larger issue it reveals is the failures of society and parents.

After pushing their kids to be more like Hannah Montana, that sweet innocent child image carefully crafted by Disney, they suddenly have to try and kill the idol worship they set in motion.

Ms. Cyrus is a person who doesn't have a duty to be a good role model. She is just like everyone else, her own faults and good points. The single difference is that everything she does is under a magnifying glass and reported on 2 minutes after it happens. To stay in the media spotlight, she is playing them like a fiddle.

To many people want to blame her for the ills their children are suddenly being exposed to, ignoring the nightly news telling them the same things.

I dislike Ms. Cyrus for being a media whore, but she is just the latest outside thing people want to blame their failure to parent their kids on.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
That Anonymous Coward (profile), 7 Oct 2013 @ 4:23am

Re: Guy Fawkes Night
History is written by the victors.
It is much more pleasant to focus on the death of an enemy of the state than all of the things that were done to make him an enemy.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Occupier, 7 Oct 2013 @ 7:49am

Re: Re:
Bravo!
[ link to this | view in thread ]
That Anonymous Coward (profile), 7 Oct 2013 @ 9:06am

Re: Another week of Masnick CENSORSHIP ABUSE
the meds... get back on them.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
That Anonymous Coward (profile), 7 Oct 2013 @ 9:06am

Re: Coward !!!
given your inability to be coherent, I'll take that as a compliment.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 8 Oct 2013 @ 7:32pm

Re: Another week of Masnick CENSORSHIP ABUSE
> rants about censorship
> timestamp confirms post was made and displayed on site immediately after posting

Yeah, maybe that's why no one "debates" with you, darryl the dipshit, because you lie through your teeth and do a fucking horrible job of it. Go slice your dick on a solar panel.
[ link to this | view in thread ]
Anonymous Coward, 9 Oct 2013 @ 1:51am

Re: Coward !!!
I'm guessing all those badly written articles were all written by you, and they've all had the use of the word [sic] "Iv's".
[ link to this | view in thread ]
dianna, 28 Oct 2013 @ 6:59am

Response to: Rikuo on Oct 5th, 2013 @ 12:25pm
Hi. All hilarious yet so sadly true to a degree. Every case is different. Some are actually before the one good judge in 30. Same as cops. There are good and bad those that break in your law abiding home on new years eve because you made a valid complaint? 8 uniforms 4 on me broken neck in collar , walker. Cane. Young. Worked hard . Gave always. Yet you sue the insurance
company for lawyers car and different lawyer who hit you. Owner city lawyer
Driver federal lawyer. Ex husband monster from cult his daddy has oil companies and is friends with judges. And all you do is try to survive and make a good home for the babies you love. They are killing me. They lie to my babies or set - leave em hurt because of me. Half have pulled away. We have false info we fight child welfare from. More to come if anyone wants truth before they put me on street to die cux I don't have money to pay debts that kept us going 12 years with -cant type anymore won't let me fix spelling and deleted words can't move cursor. Sorry. This is ww3. Its silent but very painfully deadly.
[ link to this | view in thread ]