Disagreements About Video Game Addictions
from the not-quite-there dept
We've seen plenty of stories about psychologists claiming there was a problem with people being "addicted to video games", but now some actual research is being done, and one psychologist is saying that video games are no more addictive than school or work. That is, unlike alcohol or drugs, there's no chemical dependency issue - it's a self-created addiction. However, plenty of video game players describe themselves as addicted, and that's good enough for many psychologists - who point out that self-described video game addicts often end up having "family conflict and romantic failure as a result of their hobby." Of course, one could claim that the family conflict or romantic failures made the person retreat more into the video game - or even that both the problems and the excessive video gaming were caused by a third factor. However, it's probably just easier for psychologists to bring in new business by claiming video game "addiction" causes all the problems.
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Re: role playing game addiction
The store owner told me he could have taken 1/5 less than the $242 in CASH. ($198) My stepson says it is "none of your business" and I don't have to tell you anything. He lives with us for free and owes over $500 in back bills that we know of and threatened that he'd 'rather die by freezing than go to a homeless shelter." Yeah all of us in the family think the twins have an addiction to gaming that is ruining their life. I told his mother, come spring we are setting him out on his own with his $500 tax refund. Last year we housed both young men in an apartment we own for 8 months. They put in one job application in the 8 months, slept till 3 - 5 in the afternoon, kept the apartment like a pigsty and fought with each other and were rude to us. I've had it.
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addiction sucks
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Gayland
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replying to your post
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video game addiction
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addict?
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Video Game Addiction
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Re: Video Game Addiction
francly I'm feed up with it. Don't get me wrong I'm glad my husband has a hobby......but come on.....Shouldn't your family come first?
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My husband does nothing but go to work, play his computer, eat, shit and sleep. Thankfully we don't have, and never will have children. As soon as he gets home from work (in IT, so he's on a computer ALL DAY) I get a quick kiss and then he's off to his study to "get changed" (this means take off his shoes, turn on his computer and make sure the net is up). He makes an apperance when his dinner is ready, eats in record time then is back to his study and on the computer again. He makes another appearence a few hours later for his nightly toilet trip and then spends a few more hours on the stupid thing before going to bed. Every day is like this. Weekends he sleeps till noon, plays games unitl it's too late to help around the house or yard, eats etc... and goes to bed somewhere between 2-4am, sometimes not till dawn.When after hints or nagging, he does help me somehow he makes such a fuss about it and always wants thanks, like he's done me a favour. Why can't he just be a responsible adult and accept some responsibilty for the care of our home, and even more OUR RELATIONSHIP. I rarely go to bed with him, and have generally got so used to him not being around I'm not all that sure I want him to change anymore. I certainly don't like him anymore and am sick to death of coming off second best to a machine.
Having said all this, I just want to make a point that computer addiction is real and is ruining relationships.
I resent my husband spending hours talking to strangers and playing games with them when he virtually ignores me and my needs. He even once told me that he couldn't stop what he was doing because "he didn't want to let his guild down!"
He gets crabby and irritable when he can't play for an extended period of time - just like I do without a cigarette - so those of you who think this is not a real addiction - try living a day in my shoes and you'll get just how real this is!
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Re: Video Game Addiction
I am engaged to a wonderful 36 year old genius man, who owns his own companies. He works from home doing financial/stock trading. There is a lot of down time in between trading etc. He used to use that time to cook-an old passion of his, do laundry-garden etc. NOW for the past year, he plays EVE. The game is an addiction in every way. To hear other woman and men say their significant others are also Up into all hrs of the night, escaping, its compforting. I have seen a social fun person, turn into a shut in! He never leaves the house, and the arguing we have because he wont get OFF THE GAME! Is horrible. what it does to the spouse who is left alone all the time to entertain yourself, makes you feel like your single but without the benefits of being single!
He plays until 3am, falls asleep on the couch after playing and doesnt come up to bed.SO now we arent even married and he sleep in another room!
He has gained a ton of weight, he has developed Alopesia-hair loss in one spot! His diet is disgusting. he literally makes a quick meal and takes it in there!
what do you do, when you've told him you have 3 months get it together, or I'm canceling the wedding. You cancel the wedding, and he still plays!
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"addiction"
If a person wants / needs to run from his / her life, they'll find a way.
The inanimate object is usually not to blame. A close examination of the person and what they're trying to escape is what's in order, not a new Temperance Movement.
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One part missing
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then if anybody toches my precsis games they would get hurt, my roommate broke all 12 of my ps2 games as a joke..i beat the living crap out of him and almost killed him..now im in a single dorm(which i like)
now i love being addcited to games cause
during classes when i focus on them i memorylize the lessons faster,
when i concintait on diffrent things i focus more,
now say what u wanna say, but its my choice to be like this, any body can stop it its just the freame of mind. i just dont wanna iv always been a lone gamer since growing up, and am going on to be a preogranmor for a game company so it has not ruined my life it has helped it. so soon i will be up all night on some companys computer programming some new game and getting paid.
excuse the grammor and spelling my keybored is messed up.
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noobs
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married to a video game addict
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Our marriage is being ruined, he has poor bonding with our 8 yr old son (psychologist even involved its so bad) and mostly due to his excessive online role playing games. I stupidly assumed that when kids came along that someone as intelligent as him would realize that he needed to cut back. HIs idea of spending time with our 2 year old is having her watch tv in the same room that he is playing his stupiud games. Give me a break.
I mean, 1-2 hours per day is fine but he plays 35+ hours per week when he is home from work. I am not even attracted to him anymore. He denies a problem, and has every excuse about how much he plays. He is self-centered and self absorbed. I don't know what to do anymore.
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from the husband's perspective
I am the husband you woman are talking about. I am addicted to video games and am looking for a way out. It's not so much an addiction to video games as it is to computers in general. Like right now--sure, I'm not wasting life on a video game, instead I'm googling how to quit video games and typing a message on a thread I've never seen before. It's a tricky thing.
Life is good, I'm married to a wonderful woman, own a house, make good money at my job, have two cars and a motorcycle in my garage, yet here I am, googling "quitting video games" after just playing for 3 hours straight. I have my first child on the way, and I can't do this any longer.
I tried quitting multiple times, selling all my stuff, playing chess as my "one game", the list goes on and on. It comes in cycles, sometimes I do good, then there's weeks where all I do is game. World of Warcraft was the worst. I averaged 50 hours a week, on top of a 40 hour job and school. Sleep was not an option, niether was hygene--too much time wasted. WoW was the first game I played 24 hours straight, I only got up to pee and ate at my desk.
Everywhere I go there's computers, and I have to be on them. Work productivity suffers as I'm checking all the latest forums I belong to, or find some online game.
Well, I'm going to exercise some restraint, and get off this computer. I just wanted to let you know the other side of the story. Perhaps we should start an online Computer Anonymous--DOH!
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Re: from the husband's perspective
fall in New York City. I'm doing research on video game/ internet
addictions. If you are experiencing this or know someone who is, I would love to talk to you. If you are fed up with your spouse / partner's addiction we would love to speak to you as well.
This could be your chance to share your story with the rest of America and receive advice from our host (a licensed psychiatrist).
Feel free to call me at our toll free number:
1.888.372.2569 (ext. 4294), or you can email me at
newnytalkshow@yahoo.com.
Thank you!!!
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Re: from the husband's perspective
We've shopped Victoria's Secret, done movie night for grown ups, gone to bed early for our sakes, took dance lessons (his idea) but it crowded his game time. I wake at 4:30 a.m. work all day, pick four kids up from three different schools, come home to fix dinner and do the house cleaning, homework and bath kids. I am exhausted, lonely, and heartbroken. I have given up the nagging, wouldn't dare touch his computer, and am watching my marriage slip away. I no longer ask for his help and he just exists. What is it that gets you guys addicted? I can't get his attention, the kids can't get his attention, and he is playing his life away. Any suggestions?
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Re: from the husband's perspective
Father God, I come to you as one desperate. I need you in my life, I need you to change my situation and I need you to save me from my addiction. Save me and change me. amen.
You might think I'm crazy, but try it and then judge for yourself.
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She hardly ever spends time with dad, unless she is sitting on his lap while he is playing the game.
Maybe if we seperate, he would value the time he spends with her.
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No matter how much I tell him it is affecting his life with me and our 2 daughters he won't give it up.
Last week I finally had a melt-down and I thought I finally got thru to him. Tonight you can stick a fork in me because I AM DONE!
I told him I don't mind if he plays -- but last night he missed dinner with us because he was playing. Today he came home on his lunch break and played and then after work. I am so frustrated. His excuse is that his buddy can only play certain times and "it happens to be during our time".
My husband is leaving for IRAQ in September and I can honestly say I can't wait.
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Re:
fall in New York City. I'm doing research on video game/ internet
addictions. If you are experiencing this or know someone who is, I would love to talk to you. If you are fed up with your spouse / partner's addiction we would love to speak to you as well.
This could be your chance to share your story with the rest of America and receive advice from our host (a licensed psychiatrist).
Feel free to call me at our toll free number:
1.888.372.2569 (ext. 4294), or you can email me at
newnytalkshow@yahoo.com.
Thank you!!!
[ link to this | view in chronology ]
fall in New York City. I'm doing research on video game/ internet
addictions. If you are experiencing this or know someone who is, I would love to talk to you. If you are fed up with your spouse / partner's addiction we would love to speak to you as well.
This could be your chance to share your story with the rest of America and receive advice from our host (a licensed psychiatrist).
Feel free to call me at our toll free number:
1.888.372.2569 (ext. 4294), or you can email me at
newnytalkshow@yahoo.com.
Thank you!!!
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video game addiction
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Re: video game addiction
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mother's addicted
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Room Mate Addicted!!!!!!!
I think its a disease and needs to be cured.
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Room Mate Addicted!!!!!!!
I think its a disease and needs to be cured.
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Room Mate Addicted!!!!!!!
I think its a disease and needs to be cured.
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Room Mate Addicted!!!!!!!
I think its a disease and needs to be cured.
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cheating husband
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my husband just signed my 7 year old son up for ga
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Through
Signed,
Broken Dreams
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Married for 7 months now to a man who is a full fledged gamer....i am gradually loosing hope of making marriage work..
He does'nt want to leave me so i will give me enough time to make changes....
We dont even have physical relationship...
is this also an after effect of the game?
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selfish disease
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anonymous coward?
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Stuck in the living room
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Alone and unhappy
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Husband just beginning
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It could be chemical
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ARE VIDEO GAMES ADDICTIVE?
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jbhvciscqhvkhvgscjbwdchjbhbcdhjbcdhjbdevbhj
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wife
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This study is sponsored by The Center for Survey Research at an anonymous private university in Southern California. The results will be used to help understand how video game addiction affects the lives and family members of those who are inflicted with this illness. In addition, this vital information will help further the understanding and pattern of depression in video game addicts, determining weather it is a beneficial angle of treatment.
All your answers will be kept completely anonymous and confidential. The questionnaire take about 12 minutes. Your participation is voluntary. If you have questions at any time about the survey or the procedures, you may contact Ginny at Ginn182@yahoo.com.
I would like to thank you in advance for your participation. Video game addiction is a devastatingly real challenge for thousands, both for families and addicts themselves, and with your help we may one day begin to better treat this disorder effectively.
Click Here to take the survey
This survey is safe and SPAM FREE
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Husband's gaming an addiction not an obsession
After feeling very depressed by our lack of communication, I have started living my own life the way I want to. Tip toeing around his anger and his lifestyle has been limiting mine. His gaming addiction is his problem and only he can fix it. So until I can figure out whether to give up on our relationship or not, I can continue to build my self esteem and live my life fully for me, and not let his addiction become the slippery-slope into depression and co-dependency.
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Where do you draw the line?
I am 35 years old, married, with a child on the way. My wife and i have had an on-going disagreement about gaming addiction. Currently I play World of Warcraft 2 nights a week (usally starting at about 8 EST and going to 12). I also occassionally play some evenings if she falls asleep early (I'm just naturally up til about 11:00) or on the weekends (if we're not doing anything better than watching TV, becuase I get bored after about 3 hours or so).
So I guess my question is where do you draw the line between a hobby and an addiction. Since people want to cite the rush of endorphins as a factor, you could also call golf, hunting, going to strip clubs, dirtbiking addictions (and hey, at least gaming is cheaper usually and keeps me at home).
All input welcome
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Re: Where do you draw the line?
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Son Lost to EverQuest
One day when I called him (on the rare occassion that he answered his phone) he said he had a very bad day. Someone who came to help him, ran the other way and was killed! I was shocked. I thought he was talking about a real person. It was another gammer on EverQuest! I knew then that this was a bigger problem than I realized.
My son told me when he got his new computer, that he was getting a game called EverQuest and that it had a nick name of EverCrack. I said what does that mean. He told me that some people say it is addictive like crack. I said, you know you have a compulsive addictive personality and I would be very careful if I were you about getting involved in something like this.
He went into this with his eyes wide open.
Well, that was 2 years ago. He has gained 100 pounds, his lovely house that he use to be so proud of is falling into disrepair. He HAD a home repair business that he had incorporated. Since this gaming started, he has refused to take on work to support his corporation. He has a job as a cook. He works 32-40 hours there and he heads straight home to play.
You better not try and talk to him when he is on his game (which is about 8 hours a day). He is deceptive and irratable if you query him on things that should be getting done like, paying his taxes! I am honestly afraid that because he is 36 years old that there is no hope for him. He is lost and probably will never return.
The sad part for me is that I feel like my son has died. He has stopped celebrating Christmas, Easter, birthdays, Mother's Day and any other family event. He gets "put out" if we want to celebrate his birthday. I can never count on him for even the slightest of things. I used to get disappointed and depressed. Now, I expect NOTHING and nothing is what I get. At least, I'm not disappointed.
I've had cancer twice and I might as well be a stranger on the street. His grandfather is 82 and would love to just get a call from him on ocassion. He never does anything thoughtful for anyone. He cares about noone and nothing except his gamming.
His father was an alcholic and I lived with him for 16 years and my life was hell. I see in my son the same behavior: (1) He gets angry and blows up easily and he turns it around so that you are the problem. (2) He has let himself go. He looks like a street bum (3) He honestly has lost any feeling for other people (his grandparents, his parents, his siblings, his friends). (3) His whole world is in his game. (4) If you try and tell him to give up the game and choose his family and life, he will say he chooses gamming.
What is going to happen to him when we are all gone and he is left alone in life and all he has is his game? For me as his mother, it is a sad futuristic picture of him and it scares me. He could end up in prison from not paying his personal and corporate taxes, loose his house and car, his freedom, his health, never find love, never have the experience of having children. He reminds me of the cocaine addict who doesn't care if he looses all and even his life; just as long as he has his cocaine.
What is a mother to do? It's very hard to walk way from your son and just stand and watch him throw his life away. But I don't see that there is a thing that I can do to help him.
I think that I might as well admit now that my son is gone, get through the grieving and move forward into a life without him.
If someone has another approach or suggestion, then please share it with me.
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Re: Son Lost to EverQuest
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video game addiction
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Hmm.. What are the lines
I play games around 3 hours a day. A solid 3 hours practicing with my team, and then more than that before a tournament. Maybe 5 hours a day tops. I work a part-time job, go to school, do very well in school, and am getting money from two ways now. What's so wrong with that?
Sure, some people play role playing games for way too long. But i think most of the problems are when people get into a role playing game like WoW and play all day long.
Competitive gaming is just breaking through into a whole new area, more and more people are getting interested in it. It's even going to have a Television Program soon on one of the main stations not some like super high "no-one-watches-or-knows-about-it" channel.
I wonder, will doctors go to every LAN competition and make a mass diagnosis to everyone there that they are addicted to video games, then start a huge line for some stupid drug.
Sounds like people are afraid of this electronic evolution, these games are being called e-Sports. Electronic sports, and they really are. They're mostly FPS games, and require extreme hand-eye coordination skills, team work, team chemistry, communication, and you need to develop a natural "flow" of your team that the other guys just can't stop because they're thinking of themselves when you're thinking of the team.
Does that sound just like any other sport, except instead of training at the gym, you train on the computer?
Whatever, i understand where the wives are coming from, and if the guy actually can not stop playing, like he physically just can't do it he will just go right back to it, then i guess get therapy but for the most part people are not addicted to video games. They are a hobby. (unless all hobbies=addictions=need treatment= more money for the people calling them addictions)
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Gaming is Addictive
As I was reading the posts from the wives side of the story, it was quite interesting to hear that they had the same complaints that my wife was giving me.
I go to work and earn the majority of the money for our household. In fact, after constant nagging, I even started doing household chores such as dishes, laundry, and vacuuming. Doing these household chores, and earning the money, seemed to me like I was holding my end of the duties. What more was there? Why must I be nagged about when to go to sleep? Why must I be nagged about what to spend my time doing? Why can't my wife respect my hobby of playing video games? Men have hobbies [whether sports, golf, fishing, video games, movies, etc. ] and like to do them! Is that so wrong?
The problem with addiction to gambling is that you may lose tons of money and become a bankrupt and broken individual. The problem with alcohol or drugs is that you become physically addicted and become dysfunctional. Further, you have serious mental and physical ailments, aside from inability to perform effectively due to them.
So what's wrong with gaming too much?
1) Time: The whole time-space continuum seems to disappear when you’re playing. It's so much fun that 1 hour seems like 5 minutes. I have literally played some games for over 24 hours straight. This obsessive behavior is what actually made me do well in school. I could actually concentrate on stuff really hard for longer periods than others around me. I was the guy who would stay up all night to study for final exams and do well on 'em. So, I did well in school. At school, I had the smarts to delete addictive games from my computer so I could get back to studying while at school. Now that I'm out of college and in the work force, making decent money, that reason went away. I don't have homework, so I can play all I want at night! (At least, till I got married...)
Anyways, I'm in the IT field, so there are always certifications and other things I could be studying rather than gaming. I could be improving myself. I actually have stepped away briefly to get certifications required for work, but have been going back to gaming as my reward afterward.
Aside, from the fact that you could be accomplishing things of academic significance with the time spent gaming, your friends and family are affected because you are lost in this alternate reality and ignoring the rest of society!
From a gamer's point of view, 5 hours gaming, really seems like an hour has passed in real life. So that is one reason people seem to be playing so long! To the addicted gamer, it really seems like they haven't played that much even if 8 hours passed since they started.
The ultimate problem with this loss of time is that you sacrifice sleep [important for health], time with family, and time that you could be bettering yourself in the real world. Most hobbies in moderation are ok, but too much of a hobby that does not return any social/economic/spiritual benefit in the real world can be a problem. Further, it may affect your work life, as you are late from not sleeping enough, and cause you to not want to go to work or do anything at all but play. Extreme cases of gaming addiction are people who don’t work, don’t study, play games, and become gaming vegetables. This is not good.
2) Don't feel like doing anything else but gaming: This one is the one that annoys me as a gamer. The whole of everything in reality becomes annoying. When addicted to a game, the only thing I want to do is play... Tv, movies, and other stuff are ok, but none of them are as entertaining and immersive as an online game. Men love competition, whether it is in sports or in online games. Winning in competitive games gives men a natural high and losing makes men have a natural urge to play harder... There is definitely something chemical there. When you have a choice between going shopping with the wife [Nooo!!!], or gaming, gaming is the natural choice. There's a funny email attachment that went around called "Lady Sitters" from the Man show. In it, they had a service called Lady Sitters, where a gay guy would come and do all the things that men hate doing with wives, whether it was shopping, watching soap operas, or talking and doing other womanly things. Wouldn't that be nice, but I don't want my wife spending time with other men, gay or not (though severe addicts may no longer care about reality...:P)
Anyways, the problem with game addiction is that you just don't feel like doing anything else. Nothing stimulates you mentally like the game. It's just so much fun... Why must you be bothered with anything else! Unfortunately, that doesn't quite fly when you are in a marriage or other human relationship. You ignore your duties as a spouse, parent, son, daughter, or sibling. Spending an hour or two with the wife seems like a pain in the butt and seems like you’ve done your duty so let me get back to playing. Needless to say, the wives find it annoying that you are less interested in spending time with them, and more interested in gaming. Even the time you spend with them, you are thinking about the game. The wives definitely don’t like that! I’ve been married 4 years now, and we have not had kids out of choice. Right now, gaming is too much fun for me to want to have to spend time rearing a baby. My wife doesn’t want to have kids if she is going to have to raise it herself, without my help!
It's not that you dislike the people or the real world around you, it's just that you find doing everything else annoying and just want to play. Why can't they understand that this is what you enjoy doing? You don't ask them to do things they don't want to do. Why do they bother you with doing things you don’t like? I’m not bothering anyone by playing! Why are you bothering me?
At least that is how I felt as my wife nagged me about my excessive gaming. She just didn't understand that I needed to get that one last win in before I quit, or in the case of RPGs that I needed to kill just a couple more monsters to go up one more level, or in action games I needed to get to the next save point, or in online games that you have to say good bye to your online buddies. You just get to wanting to do only the bare minimum of what you must in the real world, and just want to play. If someone wants to interrupt you while you are in the midst of a critical point in the game, you really find it annoying, as well.
The point of this section is that gaming addiction makes you feel like everything else is annoying and bothersome. When I stopped playing games for periods of time, I recall that I enjoyed doing things with my wife and doing social things too. My wife fortunately drags me away, and I do enjoy drinking beers with friends every once in a while. However, I have personally found that gaming is still more fun. Plus, beer gives you hang-overs. Bottom-line is that because you only want to play, others around you see you as anti-social and seemingly unresponsive. While you may be slaying monsters and saving the world in the gaming world, the non-gamers just see you sitting at your computer wasting time.
3) Online gaming is more addictive than gaming with a computer alone!!! Most computer games where it's the player vs a computer world made up of only computer characters are addicting until you finish the storyline. They have a set beginning and ending. With many online games, the biggest difference is that there is no end. With strategy games, you can play with a different group of players every time, changing the dynamic of the game. This makes it even more fun, because every game is so unique because you are playing against another set of humans in every game. With RPGs, you are not only playing in an alternate world, but you are also socializing in this world with other players. As you become stronger, you help other players, and form teams. It's just a lot more fun than what a computer alone could do. You don’t feel like you are anti-social at all, because you are socializing with your online friends and having fun with them. The non-gamer may not understand this, but you as a gamer feel happy and immersed in this other world. This makes gaming far more addictive today than it was when I was in college. At least back then, I could finish the story line and get back to studying again.
4) Severe addiction can lead you to loss of sleep, forgetfulness, degraded performance at work, no desire to work or do anything but game, get divorced, fail at real world events such as school, lead to you becoming unreliable for anything other than gaming, and even lead to health issues.
Here are some stories where gaming indirectly led to loss of life. These are extreme cases, but I actually heard this on the news:
I've heard of a couple that was so addicted to an MMORPG game that they left their infant at home to play at a PC Gaming Center. They meant to play for just an hour, but wound up playing for 3-5 hours or so. Their baby who was left unattended at home died. It was neglected in some way that caused it to die. It's important to have at least one spouse who is responsible! [Also, ensure your children, especially infants, are always attended to. Get a baby sitter or have grand ma look after the child!]
On another note, I've even heard of someone that played for so long without moving (over 24 hours) that the blood in his leg clotted up, and when he stood up, the clot went into his heart or brain. He died on the way to the bathroom. [Make sure you move around a lot and stretch during long gaming sessions!]
What is the solution to the gaming problem?
Ok, so what is the solution. Well, reading this forum definitely helps. It made me realize that I may indeed have a problem. At least my wife would probably think so. After having another fight over my gaming and lack of time spent with her, I realize it. I wish that she could just understand and pick up gaming, as well. However, I guess that is not going to happen. Not everyone likes gaming and computers. Plus, the story about the couple that ignored their parental duties with fatal consequences above is another reason that you probably want to have some balance in life, relationships, and gaming. I don’t think I’m as extreme an addict as some of the other gamers, but gaming has definitely not been good to my marriage. To identify and accept that there is a problem is the first step. The next step would definitely be to start making a serious effort to reduce the amount of time devoted to gaming, avoid online gaming in particular, or quit all together. There are definitely other hobbies out there. Though, at this time, I don’t know of anything quite as fun as gaming… The point being that we’ve got to try to find that balance between the real world and the gaming world. Gaming as an addiction is generally less costly than gambling addiction or drug addiction. However, it still puts a strain on your time, relationships, study, and work. Admitting you have a problem and trying to do something positive about it is definitely a first step. Wish me luck, as I try to patch up my marriage and reduce the time I play. My wife is still angry at me right now, so I need to go grovel and promise to be better now. :P
Good luck to others involved with gaming addicts. If you are a non-gamer, I hope this helps you understand the gamer's mindset. There is hope!
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Wife doens
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Wife doesn't want to admit it's an addiction
This is too much.
Someone please tell me what the heck to do.
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GAMING ADDICTION
MY CAREER IS AT A STAND STILL,AND TOP OF ALL THAT,I GAINED OVER 50 LBS IN THE PAST YEAR OVER THIS GODFORSAKEN GAME.I NEED HELP!!! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!
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Re:
After reading your comments, I really feel for you and your child. Yes, absolutely, you deserve much better than this. Your husband's behaviour is unacceptable. I can only imagine how stuck you must feel (I don't have children yet but am married to an addict).
Your husband's defensiveness is very similar to my husband's defensive, as well, his inability to moderate. I went through a phase of asking the same thing, "if only he can just moderate". But this never worked. I'm not sure if this is helpful for a video game addict. Afterall, can an alcoholic moderate his/her drinking and kick the habit? Or a drug addict, gambling addict etc. etc.????
I am testimonial # 76.... I am sorry I don't know what to tell you in terms of advice, but smashing my husband's computer and games felt excellent in the short term.
Just wanted to reply to your posting in the hopes that you feel less alone. If I ever come across some constructive results/advice, you will be the first to know.
Cindy
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I Left Him for It
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Video Games are addictive!
I have and still am addicted to Video Games, especially in the weekend when there is no school. I'm 16 and have lately NOT being playing Video Games such as Psi ops on PS2 or Diablo 2 on the computer and after a few weeks of not playing it, I've feel incredible. Before I was depressed whenever I was away from my precious PS2 or computer but now I don't really think about it.
My work and attendance are up and everything is all roses but before it was a never ending cycle.
Whoever says that Video Games are not addictive are full of crap.
THEY ARE!
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Last Night I trashed my husband's computer and gam
Last night was another fight over his gaming addiction. I finally couldn't take it anymore and trashed his computer and all his games. It felt really good. I don't regret it for a moment. In fact when I think about it, I still feel like taking a baseball bat to the remaining pieces of his already smashed up computer on our garage floor.
After reading through several of the posted testimonials, I see our situation is not unique. I am concerned for my marriage and I am not completely convinced that smashing his computer and games will stop his behaviour. I see it is much more complex than this.
Reading testimonial number 27 was an eye-opener.
Stuck....
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Be careful
I think this video game addition phenomenon that seems to be affecting a lot men is more a society issue than just a single person's addictive/compulsive disorder. Perhaps it has something to do with men being brought up to believe it's okay to not grow up. Look on the commercials on TV and you'll see that in most cases, men are portrayed as total idiots (I think of Everyone Loves Raymond especially). I don't know, maybe when you see it enough, you begin to believe it. So now we think, well, I guess it's okay if I act like a child and avoid responsibility because everyone thinks that we're like this anyway.
Another issue may be that a lot of guys feel an emptiness inside that we don't want to admit or just can't talk about with our buddies for fear of "sounding like a chick" (please forgive me for sounding so pig-headed but believe me, this is what happens when I try to bring this up when I go out with the guys). I've tried to fill this void with exercise, religion, my career, whatever... I just can't seem to feel like there's a purpose in life other than the cookie-cutter template (goto school, get a job, get family, buy a house, have some kids, retire, fall pleasantly to pieces, etc.). And **NO** I'm not blaming my wife for any of this, not by any means.
So video games offer an escape: we get shit on at work, we get "nagged" at home, whatever, but when guys go into their games, everything gets blocked out. Someone wrote in another entry that 5 hours seem like 1 hour (more like 10 minutes, really). I couldn't agree with that person more. Life is a lot simpler to deal with in video games... hell, they even have some new online "game" called Second Life, which more than supports what I'm trying to say here.
I'm hoping that I don't fall back in... "Cindy" not only trashed my computer (which I obviously put back together, no, not to play games but to prepare for an interview) but she also cut up all my game CDs so I can't reinstall them. I guess this will help a little but honestly, the change has to come from within the addict. I find that generally speaking, men think in black and white... there's no such thing as moderation. If you want your guy to stop, there's no weaning off the game addition, it has to be cold turkey because otherwise, it's SOOOO easy to fall back in. I'd like to offer addiction counseling but I'm not sure if men are upto going to a "shrink" because it only make us feel like we're in the wrong (which we obviously are in this case) when in fact we don't see what the big deal is (there obviously is one of course).
So what to do...? Getting your gamer to admit he's addicted helps... it's kinda helped me. If you can show your addict a video or images of people addicted on drugs (where they lose interest in their families, friends, jobs, etc) and show the similarities to what's currently happening RIGHT NOW in their own lives, maybe it'll hit home. Maybe... they still have to admit that it's a problem first... and care that it's a problem.
Like I mentioned earlier, men think in black and white. If all else fails, I guess give the ultimatum: the games go or you go. You do deserve better, you really do.
Lastly... "Cindy", I'm sorry it had to come to this.
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Husband addicted to online games for years.... it
My husband has ADD and is addicted to online video games, he started with EverQuest and progressed to DarkAges and now plays World of WarCraft. It is his ever waking obsession, from the moment he gets home, as soon as he gets up in the morning, on the weekends, every evening, doesn't leave the house, doesn't bathe, doesn't pet the cat.
He suffers from classic low self-esteem, he's overweight (hard to imagine why?), and he has social difficulties, also his normal focus is really off. These games are the perfect solution. It allows him to hide behind a beautiful character, male or female, and to edit what he wants to say to people while sitting in his little room and neglecting reality.
Too all of you living with someone like this, take the responsibility for yourselves and repeat after me. I did not cause them to behave like this, every human being is blessed with free will and choice! No matter what the addict has said to you and my husband for years has messed with my head and told me that I make him depressed and he runs to the games.
Well the reason I am upset is because he plays the games, neglects to go out and form normal friendships with real people, doesn't like to leave the house, isn't working out and doesn't help with any cooking or cleaning. Not to mention doesn't have sex with me or try to be physically affectionate.
I am a very good looking woman, I'm 26yrs old, I'm in the Mensa high I.Q. society, I have numerous hobbies and talents, I'm into animal rescue and environmental conservation, I am very spiritual and I believe in trying to find the goodness in all beings. I'm too smart and too together... that's how we are all supporting these addicts, the more they let go, the more we take on to ourselves.
I became the most amazing person I could possibly imagine to try and compete for his attention. I worked out with a personal trainer and had less than %17 body-fat, D-size tits, long pretty hair. I was in college studying to be a molecular biologist and in weekend evenings I bar-tended and made 300$ a night. I took art lessons to draw and I took piano lessons to learn to play keyboard. I volunteered with animal rescue groups, I wanted him to go out and hang out with guy friends. I enjoy going to clubs, bars, and concerts, I would even go out to strip-clubs... COME ON PEOPLE even other guys are saying this girl is almost perfect.
Every night it was the same he would come home from work and go straight to his computer and forget me until it was dinner time and then ask what there was to eat.
I did try to play the video games to understand them and to try and have some connection with my husband. However, I can't really stand them. I'm not learning anything new, it's not really helping to develop my hand-eye coordination, I have nothing to show for my time, I'm sitting on my ass for hours, and my poor pets are looking at me like please take me out in the sunshine.
My husband is a software developer for a major mortgage company, he spends his entire day from morning till night glued to the screen. I am certain that the EMF radiation he is exposed to in high levels I have measured with a K-11 EMF detector are elevating the symptoms of his ADD, but he just blows me off.
This man has sucked up years of my life, but thankfully I have done enough to improve myself mentally, physically, and spiritually that I know it doesn't have to remain like this forever. Thankfully I never had any children, although I would want to in the future with someone who is healthy. To all of you I suggest, get your lives together, save your money, take your kids and get the hell away from these people.
"The truth is that there is nothing more precious in this world that those people in our family, our friends, our pets, and loved ones. Every moment with them is sacred and fleeting, we never know when they will be gone and we should do everything to let them know we care at all times."
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Mobile phone game addiction?
Tetris Hater
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My husband has an addiction problem.....
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Re: My husband has an addiction problem.....
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Not sure where to turn
I feel invisible. I feel rejected. I don't know what to do. This is something we have talked about alot. A few years ago I set a time limit for him. But I don't want to be his mother. I want to be his partner in life. I love him more than anything, but I don't think I deserve to be neglected like this.
What should I do? Can setting limits even work? Does he need to quit altogether? He says he's not sure if he has a problem or not. I pray all the time that he will love me the way he loves his games. I also pray for the right words to say to him that will make a difference. We need help.
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Gaming advice
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My Husband was addicted untill he was caught
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Sick of this
I am a Gamer. !8 years old been gaming since I was 4. Yes I love the games. No I'm not an addict I have a little bit of common sense. I play WoW and all those other games you call evil. I have a job, amd going to colledge, m dating a wonderful girl and guess what? I still play video games. All you have to do is one thing. LEARN MODERATION. It's easy enough to take and addict of video games and turn them into a normal person.
Step one: Take all there games away. That simple, wait till they're out then take the games to a storage shed that you can rent out for a few bucks.
Step Two: Tell them why you did this and that they're not getting their games back for a long time. Bring some friends for this stage.
Step Three: Slowly start to phase the games back in one game at a time once a week. If signs of addiction continue take away the games longer.
Step Four: When they show no signs of addiction, give them back all the games for one week. If the addiction returns, repeat steps one through three.
Thats how simple it is. I've used it on my younger brother, it took a month, but now he is a responsible and functioning menber of society.
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my husband has chosen his computer over real life--and his family
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My husband neglects me for his PS3
Right when I felt like the only one in the world with this problem. My husband's video game addition is very bad. He starts playing his online ps3 war game as soon as he wakes up and this carry on until 4,5,6 and even 7 or 8 in the morning. He only talks to me briefy between respawning his game or when hes hungry. I never knew a grown man could be so influenced by a game. He doesn't have a job, a car, or a healthy relationship with his wife. I've explained to him many times how I felt about him constantly neglecting me for his game. He never remembers our conversations once he's started the game. Its like a drug. He never makes time for me and I sometimes think about having an affair because i'm so lonely in my marriage. I know this would only make the problem worst but many time I think he won't even notice if I did. Almost every night I go to bed alone. I really just want the constant gaming to reduce to maybe 3-5 hours a week. Hell, I'd be happy if it reduced to 3-5 hours a DAY! I just really miss my husband and I think by the time he realize how his gaming affects our marriage it'll be too late.
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Pangya Albatross Golf
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