Girlfriends Against Video Games
from the missing-an-opportunity dept
A few years back a single friend of mine was talking about buying a Playstation, explaining that it was a decent substitute for a girlfriend in terms of both time and money commitment. He was joking, but soon after that Sony actually started a brief advertising campaign that suggested women buy their boyfriends a Playstation to keep them out of trouble -- making sure they were home playing video games rather than out. Perhaps the company should reintroduce that campaign, as Joystiq reports that a group of upset girlfriends at Kansas State University has started the group "Girlfriends Against Video Games" as a support group for women whose boyfriends spend way too much time gaming. Of course, there are some who might note that if the the guys are spending more time with video games than their girlfriends, then that relationship has other problems to deal with. Update: It's beginning to sound like this whole thing was just a big stunt to get some folks on MTV. Oh well.
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No Subject Given
It does seem that when boys are bored, they play video games or seek out forms of entertainment... but when girls are bored, they look for something to complain about.
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I used to game a lot more, that's for sure. The difficulty is this; She is perfectly happy to come home from work, and watch TV from 5:30pm to 10pm or so when she goes to bed. She doesn't understand that I cannot watch more than an hour or two of TV before I want to slit my own wrists. I'd much rather be surfing the net or gaming if I'm not out doing the other things I enjoy. Thank god for wireless lan and the old laptop. A least then I can sit there and read while she's lost in TV land. Even that is barely tolerable for her. She really would prefer that I sit there and vegitate with her, whether we are talking or not.
She refers to my computer activities as "my game". Despite the fact that I have cut my gaming down to an absolute minimum, she says all I do is "play my game". I'm blown away by her complete lack of understanding about why I would rather be gaming than waching the tube.
There is the other extreme though. There are guys out there that try to manage a relationship/wife, while gaming nearly every spare minute they have. Good luck with that. My advice to those people is to just get out of the relationship, and game until you are sick of it. Worry about getting a girfriend or wife later when you have the ability to control you habbits better.
I think my gaming night, combined with the wireless laptop has been a good middle ground for me. I love gaming online and have been hardcore about it for 10 years now. I don't plan to stop gaming ever. My father is 57 years old, and he's still gaming. Just have to balance my time with the little woman unless I want to be married to a bottle of Jergan's Lotion.
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Is this what I have to look forward to after getting married? If so, count me out!!! Casual relationships make my gaming life so much better. I should never have to ask permission to play videogames - especially if the alternative is sit blankly at a television screen viewing reruns of HGTV, HSN/SHOP, OXYGEN, LIFETIME, E! or even the SOAP network.
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I think the problem is that [in this article] these women have settled for only what they can obtain. These women want a boy that they can mold and create into something else from what they originally found them at. These women fit into the same category as, "I don't care what this man likes and dislikes. I will change him into the kind of man I want."
I'll tell you for darn sure though, If a woman wants to change me and I don't want to be changed... I will be out of that relationship in a heart-beat (I would DTB!). Any man who lets himself be controlled by another person (woman or not), has issues he needs to solve on his own... before getting himself involved with another human being.
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PS2 widows
Just make sure before you settle down that your mate knows 'whatcha see is whatcha get'. My guy's been a gamer for as long as I've known him and I love him just the way he is.
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I'm one of the lucky ones
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So don't think your wife is just beinf annoying, she wants you to take a freaking hint.
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When I wake up, he's playing, when I go to sleep, he's playing....
I tried to talk to him about it, but he gets pissed and says "why are you trying to control me? why cant I do what I want?"
I thought a relationship involved making a few sacrifices if you really cared about the other person. I don't want to control him but I would like to at least go out...
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I can see where she likes to watch t.v. all night-I do the same thing. The reason I do it is because I work all day and just want to sit and not have to think or interact with what I am doing. However, I can see where anyone would get sick of so much t.v.-what I have found that works is doing chores and watching t.v., that way, it's broken up and not so borring.
I hope things continue to go well with you-I know how rough it is to be an individual in a relationship-you have a great idea and I think that if I can implement it, our relationship will work a little better.
On an off note-I HATE games now...my fiance plays them so much that he ruins the surprise of every game that I had any sort of interest in...now I do web development to spend my time.
I think that if you explained to her that you can't watch t.v. all day and suggest something else you can do-a walk in the park, a game of tennis/badmitten, a movie, surfing, or anything else that you might like to do together-providing an alternative helps-I have found that when I want my fiance to get off of his games, I find something else to do, and most of the time it works.
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No Subject Given
I believe that any woman who is fed up with her man's gaming habits ask herself what she can offer him instead. If she only wants his undivided attention, there's a problem. However, if you're offering something even remotely stimulating, such as a board game, a night out to dinner, a day on the slopes, whatever, and he's still ignoring you, there is a definite problem, and it's definitely HIS problem.
Don't get me wrong... A quiet evening of "us time" is okay, as long as a) "us time" isn't "all the time", and b) you at least try to make it interesting... rent a movie and prepare a nice dinner together.
"Hold me while I watch TV" is never acceptable, no matter how many romantic moments you've seen in movies. If you can't think of anything interesting for the both of you to do, then let the guy go play games while you watch television, and just be comfortable that you're both together and you're both keeping yourselves occupied in your own ways.
But guys, don't over do it. Every now and then, on your way to the bathroom or to get a drink, give her a kiss and engage in conversation. You're both doing your own thing, but you're not ignoring one another completely....
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The point was, when she has nothing better to do, TV is fine with her. It's NOT with me, I prefer to play BF2 and frag all the mindless fodder. It causes a problem between us because she thinks I should be perfectly content sitting next to her on the sofa. Yeah, she can be selfish, but I've been married to her for over 11 years now (I'm only 34 years old). I accepted that flaw a loooong time ago. I just wish there was some magic statement I could make that would help her understand.
As for what you have to "look forward to" when you get married.... I gave you a tiny friggin snapshot of my life as it pertains to my gaming habbit. Try not to hurt yourself thinking about it too much. In the end, she just wants me to hang out with her as much as possible. Luckily we go out and do things quite a bit, so I don't feel to bad about denying her sometimes.
I have some hardcore gamer friends that practically live in the games. I've been there, I understand the feeling/need/draw, but I had to make a choice. Get a divorce and game my arse off (alone), or keep my gaming where it should be, as a hobby, not a religion. As I said, I seem to have struck a balance where I still get a good chunk of gaming in each week, and my woman is not giving me a hard time.
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Get a Dog instead
If you ask me now, it's less hassles. BUT... Her breath stank, she stole the covers, she even crashed my car once. If the cop car she did it in front of had had a video unit, I would have laughed about it sooner with $10,000 or more in my pocket.
I am not saying never, but all the women I have ever met that WERE worth the hassle let me know. For now, I have Honey- AND I can cook!
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too much?
whenever i do go down, i usually stay for like 7 hours and i get 1 maybe 2 hours with him alone. the rest he is playing his game (call of duty). i don't really know what to do. it gets really freakin boring laying there on his bed since he has no chair in his room. i watch tv way too much and it's always repeats anyway so i usually fall asleep. i've picked up hobbies to do while sitting there instead, but it still leads to utter boredom. quite frankly, i'm fed up with only getting so little of his time. i don't go down to say hi and fall asleep. i can do that at my own house. i go down to spend time with him, but he shows more emotion and dedication to that computer game and his online gaming friends than he does to me or this relationship. his attitude just goes haywire if his team sucks, he's always switching teams and when they lose he like gets all angry and takes it out on me.
i have things i want to do with my life and i want him to be there, but his dream is to game for money, even though he spends about 90% more money then he does in winning any tournaments. but to him my life should be waiting for him and being by his side, supporting his every move.
oh not to mention, i get called 'lazy' by him too cause i don't do anything besides sleep. what does he expect having to lay in a bed for so long, i'm bound to just sleep even if i'm not tired. truth is, i suggest so much to do but i have to schedule it around his gaming and oh yeah, that means in 2 minute intervals with hours between alone while he plays. he's said we'd start doing stuff and then bails out and says, "oh i have a match or scrim."
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gaming too much
whenever i do go down, i usually stay for like 7 hours and i get 1 maybe 2 hours with him alone. the rest he is playing his game (call of duty). i don't really know what to do. it gets really freakin boring laying there on his bed since he has no chair in his room. i watch tv way too much and it's always repeats anyway so i usually fall asleep. i've picked up hobbies to do while sitting there instead, but it still leads to utter boredom. quite frankly, i'm fed up with only getting so little of his time. i don't go down to say hi and fall asleep. i can do that at my own house. i go down to spend tiee with him, but he shows more emotion and dedication to that computer game and his online gaming friends than he does to me or this relationship. his attitude just goes haywire if his team sucks, he's always switching teams and when they lose he like gets all angry and takes it out on me.
oh not to mention, i get called 'lazy' by him too cause i don't do anything besides sleep. what does he expect having to lay in a bed for so long, i'm bound to just sleep even if i'm not tired. truth is, i suggest so much to do but i have to schedule it around his gaming and oh yeah, that means in 2 minute intervals with hours between alone while he plays. he's said we'd start doing stuff and then bails out and says," oh i have a match or scrim." i don't know what to do anymore.
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shut up
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shut up
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shut up
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shut up
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shut up
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shut up
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shut up
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I do not mind that he plays. he does make time for "just us", but there are many occasions where i am sitting staring at the back of his head while he is off killing hoard in Alteric Valley. HE tells me the more time that he plays when i am over the sooner he will be done. (he is PVPing right now. he wants to make it up to rank 12 out of 14, and then he will be done.)
I know that there are many men out there that can find a balance, but my BF can not. Mabye it's all the weed he smokes.
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And cexist gamer freak- get lost- go play on your little boy game (I dont know how you find time to annoy everyone on here when you have your precious gaming to do)- and leave us to moan in peace.
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I don't oppose of games, because i too play mmorpgs. I don't however spend 12 hours at a time on it.. i have other hobbies. My boyfriend used to have many hobbies, he played guitar, he made hemp jewerly, art, reading... and much more.. now he claims that his game (martial heroes) is his only hobby. I have to say, it's quite a turn off. I fell in love with an artistic, creative young man.. ya know what i mean? And now he does none of those things.
All i'm saying... game addiction is just as worse as drug addiction. He has no friends, a nagging girlfriend (if that's what you want to call it), he's gaining weight, and he's often depressed... what's the difference...and what's so acceptable about that?
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Support group
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wtf?
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boyfriend
what do you think, any advice
[if you cant say something in a respectful way, then please dont, i feel dum enough as it is in a forum asking about my boyfriend lol]
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WOW
I did not know that this many girls go through the same thing i do, My fiance is ridiculus wiht his dumb world of warcraft. i love games my self, but im starting to hate them, i am not nagging because i have nothing to do myself so i keep buggin him, its not that this is what he does, wakes up 30 minutes before he has to go to work to get ready, because the night before he stayed up all night to play his game, so than he goes to work, gone for like 6 hrs, comes home, walks striaght to the computer, turns his game on, asks me for food, plays all night again, and thats all it is, just keeps doin it every single day.. I just want to spend some time with him but he is too obsessed with that game, for example ill go hey go get us food, oh hold on im in the middle of someting, 2 hrs later are u gonna go get us food, no im in the middle of something, one sec. that is freaking ridiculous, i hope that all guys out there that are like that will end up ALONE.. because that is bullshit not to show any attention to someone that loves and cares about them so much , that they just put up with all this shit.. GIrls that are getting into a relationship with guys like this better get out of it asap, because their life will just get worse and worse, and the GUY will just start spending less and less time with you.. So good luck with everything, i dont think im gonna put up with this that much longer.. i think 4 years is enough.. ha ha and he has two months to change.. if he dosnt limit him self than im gonee.. peaceee im gonna find someone that will give me some attention..
Haa well at least now i know im not the only one out there... its pretty sad how many guys are like that...
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Stupid pigs
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This study is sponsored by The Center for Survey Research at an anonymous private university in Southern California. The results will be used to help understand how video game addiction affects the lives and family members of those who are inflicted with this illness. In addition, this vital information will help further the understanding and pattern of depression in video game addicts, determining weather it is a beneficial angle of treatment.
All your answers will be kept completely anonymous and confidential. The questionnaire take about 12 minutes. Your participation is voluntary. If you have questions at any time about the survey or the procedures, you may contact Ginny at Ginn182@yahoo.com.
I would like to thank you in advance for your participation. Video game addiction is a devastatingly real challenge for thousands, both for families and addicts themselves, and with your help we may one day begin to better treat this disorder effectively.
Click Here to take the survey
This survey is safe and SPAM FREE
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Looking for help...
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my boyfriend is a kind, loving, gentle, warm man, i wouldn't be with him if not. when i met him he was just leaving the last traces of addiction to opiates, after some years of flirtation with heroin he got badly addicted and was living on the streets begging to sustain a £100 a day habit... to his huge credit he had the strength to get himself off the streets and off the heroin, he returned to his mum's, started a methodone course, and started college... he healed himself of methodone and subutex addiction by insisting on ever decreasing doses as his doctor was happy to just keep him on the same dose and write him off. when i met him it was a few months after coming off the last of his subutex. sure he had a huge drink problem.. .which is now much less, tho he depends on drink and is a maintenance alcoholic he doesn't drink huge amounts... spends about £5 a day on alcohol...
... wow is what helped him through his detoxes... a much cheaper habit and less toxic... however his addiction to it is profound, and depressing to be around... he is on incapacity benefit for mental health problems and so he is able to spend most of his waking hours playing wow...
...we have a beautiful baby daughter now and another baby on the way....this is my gripe, that we live in the country in a beautiful place but he only goes outdoors to go and get his daily alcohol, or for the occasional cigarette... he resents anything that calls him away from wow... i can't say he doesn't help at all at home, he does.. he minds the baby when i'm resting, mainly by keeping an eye on her as he plays wow... he does bits of housework as quickly and sketchily as possible,... mostly after i have got annoyed at him or upset feeling that i can't cope... he cooks every so often, as fast and no frills as possible... considering there are two in this home it ought to be gleaming and lovely instead it is a mess... i feel sad and guilty that i don't have the energy to give my daughter all the attention she needs as well as keep the house up to scratch but in these days of pregnancy i can't... and he turns a blind eye to most of the mess and then says there is nothing to do.. when his mum tells him off he has a go at me.. if i have a go at him i'm the nagging woman bitch... it's all pretty soul destroying at times but if it don't kill you it makes you stronger...
it is the way he resents any call on his attention, the way he stares inot a monitor for twelve hours a day and then wonders why he feels weak and drained.... it makes me feel sad, he can be such a lovely giving, tender sparkly person but wow seems to destroy these qualities. in the game he is very popular and i have no doubt he displays his best qualities... in reality tho it is a different story...
i don't think i am a needy person.... i wouldn't mind at all if he worked and just played some evenings.. but he plays all the time he can and these days we rarely see each other. i can say quite honestly that it is destroying our relationship.... he has a lovely daughter and family and he occasionally still tells me how important i am to him, but most of the time he behaves like a moody teenager (he is 31) and as if i am a nagging mum. no other partner i've had has accused me of nagging. but if you ask him to do something once or twice he doesn't do it tho he always says he will. if you end up doing it he always saysk 'you should have reminded me'. but if you keep asking it is classed as nagging. it feels like a no win situation.
but perhaps the problem is really a deep rooted laziness and the game is just an excuse.
at the moment i do feel his limited help is better than no help - at least i can take a shower or take out the dog and know the baby is safe with him. likewise a rest. but i do feel we are very far from being a well-functioning him. sometimes i feel i'm just waiting til the kids are big enough for me not to need him. i love him very much but it is already like having an emo teen around, that isn't an example i want the kids to take on board as how it is ok for a grown man to be. i hope he gets his head around this - he goes thru phases of getting the gaming down to a minimum after the chores are done - same with the booze - he was fabulous for a while after our beautiful baby girl was born. guess it is just a process. and maybe wow is great for having helped him off the opiates which of course are far more life-destroying. now we just need to cure the cure and i am doing my (hormonal) best to muster the faith that we can and will do that - together - and it may just make us stronger as individuals and also as a family.
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All of this forum
To prove this point, I can honestly say I know WoW players and yes some of them are extremely crazy about it but other just play casually and some that were crazy about it quit cold turkey and never looked back. Its all psycholigical.
To finish this part of my post I want to say a few more things. There are people who are addicted to running, eating healthy, etc because they are addicted to one of many things to name a few. 1) to try to Look like perfection, 2) they love the feeling of feeling like they are superb or even just the burn they get from running. And yes it could just be because they care about their health or want to be perfectly fit. Both situations are possible but you have to rememeber exactly that they are BOTH possible so don't just assume its one or another. There are people who are addicted to millions of other things candy, the rush of doing a 130 mph or skydiving, shooting a gun, I could go on and on. Now to close this part. It is possible to manifest his addictive personality into something more healthy like the formentioned of running or something more creative as to play a guitar well or paint or speak multiple languages. It isn't something that will change overnight and can't be forced it has to be introduced to a person as a challenge they choose to take. They have to feel like they want to do it not you wanting them to do it.
Now enough about that for now. THIS IS FOR ALL THE WIFES,GIRLFRIENDS, FRIENDS OF GAMERS.
Gaming has many purposes some not as apparent as others. One is its just fun for some people a lot of fun at that. Or it could be a chance for them to take an alternate reality to where in the game they can fly fighter planes or be the hero cop or save the world, for some gamers it is a not only a alternate reality but a period of time where they can wind down. Now I forgot the exact term but I hope someone here has read the book about this and can relate. There is a book about childeren who are really picky when it comes to what they wear or stuff related to that but with this personality also comes traits like, it is easier for the child to eat dinner if you tell them the morning before what's for dinner because it allows them to adjust to it all day. Some childeren and I believe this could be true with adults need to have the ability to know what is going to happen before it does when it comes to clothes or food. Think about if your husband or BF gets upset if dinner isn't what you said or you spontaniously change plans. Some adults may not handle it well. Even if its his favorite dress shirt is dirty or you got him new shoes. Changes not announced in advance can sometime mess with certain peoples minds. Now I know your thinking what's the point of all this. Stay tuned it will become clear. With all of these traits listed a final trait I will add to this list. In this book and I've even seen this personally, my younger brother is this way and has been ever since I can remember. When he gets home from school he goes into his room for sometimes 1 to 5 hours and watches tv or plays video games alone. After that he has adjusted to being home and is completley fine. The point I'm trying to prove is tv for women is what video games is to men or childerent or even women. Its a time for them to forget the past part of their day and leave anything bad at the click of a button or controller and adjust to the home atomosphere. Now there's a flip side to this some people can walk in the door and keep the baggage inside till later and when the house is asleep pick up a controller or watch some tv.
Now I'm not trying to be sexest in any way but women do this a lot they come home and collapse on the couch and watch their favorite TV shows. Guys usually do the opposite they fire up their pc,xbox360,or ps3 or whatever it maybe. Women are not better then men. I can not believe women come on here and criticize Video Games. Do not, better yet you should not place blame any where other then on yourself. If from day one you entice him and he entices you or you both challenge each others minds with board games, or workout together or tell each other of your days or even find a 1 hour show where you can both enjoy that tv show. WOMEN you must remember that The HILLS, OR ONE TREE HILL OR THE VMA's is what you may like but it doesn't mean he does. You may love sex in the city or whatever new shows are on but your other half might not. Be considerate of what your other half wants and this does not me you men get whatever you want. Compromise!!!!!
Now I haven't meant to hurt anyone's feelings or sound like I'm almighty. I'm just speaking from a lot of studying and many many expirences. Not to mention helping others with problems like this. ADDICITION IS ONE THING but do not correlate them with Video games and your relationship.
I almost forgot. No person should ever try to make you give up your past times because even if you do to make them happy in the end you will be unhappy. No one should be condescending towards another ever. You are made of the very same things as the next person. You just have different structures, and brains. It we didn't we would all be the same! Guys if you wanna game then game! Girls if you wanna watch tv then watch it!!! But this goes for both sexes, never ever force your past times on another and treat them bad if they don't agree with them. Oh and guys I'm married and I play video games. My wife doesn't play but she loves her tv and girls get used to it. Get used to the fact that he doesn't have to be right next to you to show he loves you. Oh and just a hint and men I'm sorry for selling you out. But we have a 3 min attention span. Now this only pertains to if we are preoccupied don't try and have serious talks with us when we watching tv with you or alone or playing video games or working on a project for work. Just say when you have some time I wanted to talk to you about some things. This way he can give his full attention and don't expect men to jump up and say okay lets talk if a day or so goes by and he doesn't ask what you wanted to talk about say I just curious if you have 10 mins to talk. Guy the same goes for you. Don't do it when they getting ready for work or cooking dinner.
I must apoligize for any spelling errors this was all done by cell phone laying next to my wife who has fallen asleep watching tv of her choice in bed. Just thought you would find that funny.
Ill check back for replies ina few days and again sorry if I hurt your feelings any of yours.
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I was giving him head and he told me to stop because it was distracting him from his game...ladies, when that moment happens..when you try to pleasure him and he's more interested in the game than his girlfriend...dump his ass. I don't care how much you love him, when it gets to that point, drop him and move on. I would go over to his place and just watch him play video games. Alot of the time I left him alone, but even when I asked him to just spend some time with me, take a walk, watch a movie, even play games together he still said no. He didn't even want to KISS me it got so bad. I'm not making any of this up.
I finally snapped out of it and dumped him, and he couldn't care less. Now I'm married to an awesome nerd who plays games all he wants AND I don't even have to tell him to stop. He stops on his own, no one is controlling anyone, we do what we want, and we're happy with that. We both love video games, but we both know how to keep our priorities in check. Trust me, there are good guys out there, just dump the piece of shit you're with if he treats you anything like I was treated.
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