Is The Internet Diluting Friendships?

from the or-just-making-old-studies-obsolete dept

Fri, Jun 23rd 2006 3:19pm — Mike Masnick

Okay, sure, you may have 50,000 friends on MySpace, but how many would you consider close confidants? A new study is suggesting that the combination of the internet and longer work hours means that Americans have fewer "close" friends. We may know new, interesting and different people from around the globe -- but have fewer and fewer really good friends than we did twenty years ago. Of course, as the researchers admit, one reason this could be true is the way the survey was worded. They asked about how often people "discuss" important matters with friends -- but admit that many people may not consider emails or instant messages "discussions."

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53 Comments

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myspacedoutfamily, 23 Jun 2006 @ 4:22pm

friends
I have found that I have lost touch with many friends and don't see them as often, but not due to the internet, more due to moving around and changing jobs and divorce (that was a big one for changing contacts with people)....I have found more people I haven't talked to since high school and made contact with many old friends through Myspace that I wouldn't have found otherwise.....I also helped a friend find a child that he hadn't seen since she was little on the internet because of an ugly divorce......

I don't think the internet is to blame at all....but I will agree with longer hours, less time, etc...
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Rikko, 23 Jun 2006 @ 4:32pm

Other way around for me
I keep in better touch with my friends with email and IM as an option. It's silly to suggest that talking to people through a computer makes you less social, but I'm sure the Luddites spouted that nonsense when the telephone came around, too.
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Alan MadLeese, 23 Jun 2006 @ 4:37pm

MySpace and my theory
TD: I have been here before yammering about MySpace and -- I know not whether this is ethical to hype one blog while visiting on another -- I can't help but chip in here and say, hey, my name is Alan MacLeese and I have posted thirtysome rants on the Konspiracy Korner blog, a department of the Sounds of Crickers Chirping, and these rants point out that, two-and-a-half months after I posted on Catbird Seat the fact that secret ownership, disgraced West Coast business baddies, created and then peddled in a murky firesale to Rupert Murdoch, the biggest success, social networkwise,on this here planet and put forth two cabin boys, Tom Anderson and Chris DeWOlfe, as fronts and supposed creators of the virally successful site, when in fact these two couldn't, in my arrogant opinion, found dick. Or Jane. And buried in my rants on two blogs on the Konspiracy Korner corner, is my thought that, rather than joining networks of cretins, the smart AMerican child of the turn of the century would be better advised to retreat to a corner and read a lot of books and purposefully stay away from the pernicious influence of other young cjhildren, most of whom will lead you down the primrose path. The theory then, for the survival of the race, is lthat we encouraqge sullen withdrawals of the young, so they can truly figure out the serious of the shit going on around themk. Except, of course, for the situation here in Hallowell maine, which is. well above the rest of the nation but what can you expect, all the rest of you are from away.
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- Anonymous Coward, 23 Jun 2006 @ 10:02pm
  
  Re: MySpace and my theory
  Friggin' crackhead! Get a life away from your computer. For christ's sake, you can't even follow a simply topic!
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- Hungover, 24 Jun 2006 @ 11:46am
  
  Re: MySpace and my theory
  I'm not one to usually bust balls for grammer or spelling, but the run-on sentences in your post literally made me nauseous. Please stop doing that. Other than that , interesting conspiracy theory.
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- ZA, 24 Jun 2006 @ 9:28pm
  
  Re: MySpace and my theory
  That was 10 minutes of my life I wish I had back. That was probably one of the worse writings I ever had the misfortune of reading. If you choose to use big words, you should make sure you are using them in the correct context.
  
  Alan, your writing is a grammatical train wreck. Personally, I wouldn't be so proud as to use your real name.
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- Anonymous Coward, 24 Jun 2006 @ 10:27pm
  
  Re: MySpace and my theory
  I think you need to back away from your computer, go find some of these real 'friends' we're talking about. Some food and sweet lovin' wouldn't hurt either. Then, work on your english skillz a bit.
  
  Though, I must agree. I personally have always been a bit detached socially, and not sticking my toes in any of the social drama going on around me, and not caring to, leaves a lot more energy and time to look at the world differently.. through a clearer lens.
  
  Regarding the topic of the thread though.. I've got about three core, close friends. I'd of had about the same in 1900, and if I'm still alive I'll probably have the same in 2100.. assuming they're all alive too. Everyone else, well, nice to know 'em, but thats it.
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- Taylor, 25 Jun 2006 @ 2:26am
  
  Re: MySpace and my theory
  woah dude....
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- Me Me, 6 Jul 2006 @ 3:42pm
  
  Re: MySpace and my theory
  I want some of his drugs. I agree with your truth about the facades to deflect attention from the real agendas. Corporate bastards with smiling faces and fat wallets turning the world into a shopping mall full of people who have been told they are individuals. But wait, they all wear the same brand of clothing, bought with their overpriced credit cards. Anyhow, I'm no longer searching for the truth, just a good fantasy.
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I, for one, 23 Jun 2006 @ 6:07pm

True, but oversimplistic
Complex, and not what it seems on the face of it imho. Perhaps the stats are right, they seem/feel right from what I know about youngsters behaviour here and in the US, but the conclusions are off base I think.

Sociologically there's a lot of withdrawal going on. People are less trusting of one another. Parents are more fearful and suffocating. Public spaces are more intimidating with security guards, police and cameras everywhere harassing young people. There's almost a replay of the 1950s "rock n roll" era going on where kids are pariahs in society.

You can't easily separate cause and effect here, but I think the internet is just filling a gap that is being denied to them in reality. Given the choice most kids would still be out making real friends, but their environment is too hostile for that so they take the poorer substitute.
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- Taylor, 25 Jun 2006 @ 2:32am
  
  Re: True, but oversimplistic
  True, but I think the internet also allows people to be more aware of what's going on in the world, prodives them information about contructive interests and hobbies, and allows them to contact people of any sort, friends, or even strangers. I think the opposite parts of the world can start to understand eachother without even knowing it, just simply by communication, like in forums like this. On the other hand, althought were in a digital age, a lot of people are still computer-illerate. A great precentage of society has refused to become part of the digital age, including those under 21.
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j4kk, 23 Jun 2006 @ 6:51pm

True
I think this is very true. Alot of people get so wrapped up in online things that they don't actually have the gumption to just go out with their real friends. Also I think IM conversations can be useful, but in alot of cases they have seriously f**cked up relationships between people, myself having experienced. The interent is a dangerous thing! ;)

-j4kk
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TA, 23 Jun 2006 @ 7:04pm

Irony
Isnt it kinda ironic that people are bagging on the internet and how it makes people less social or how it is a "dangerous thing" when this whole thing is ON the internet :)
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John Varjebedean, 23 Jun 2006 @ 7:10pm

i dont have any friends, my number is 1-248-953-4859
call me
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I, for one, 23 Jun 2006 @ 7:24pm

1-248-953-4859
Jon, I tried to call you but Busty Beth said something about being all wet and on the bed. Please appologise to your mom for me for getting her out the bath.
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Anonymous Coward, 23 Jun 2006 @ 7:54pm

I can't wait until AI reaches a level where it becomes more practical to have a friend built to your specs than it does to have a real one. Here is how the conversation would go: "Friend, on." "Helloooo and welcome to e-pal. Let me tell you about these interesting products before we begin!"
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Mr. K., 23 Jun 2006 @ 8:51pm

Needs definition
The definition of "close friend" needs to be clearer. Many people I know I would call a friend, while others acquaintances (people I work with) however if you're talking about someone who would help me in a time of need at their own expense, or loan me money to make rent or something, that is not many people. Most people are friends only insofar as they get something in return.
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Arochone, 23 Jun 2006 @ 8:56pm

Quite the opposite for me
I dunno about the rest of the world, by my only close friends, the kinda friend I tell EVERYTHING to (more than I'll even tell my girlfriend), I know online. I never knew them offline. And that's a big part of the reason why I trust them. I know who they are, I know where they live (exact address), full name, brothers, sisters, parents...wouldn't be surprised if I found the mother's maiden name in my AIM logs somewhere...don't know it off the top of my head though...lol. Closer than I've ever gotten to anyone I knew offline.
I know who they are, I almost always know where they are, I know who they're with (not just names...I actually know the people), I know everything they do...hell, I know more about what they do than any CIA or NSA spies would ever be able to find.
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- gzfethwpo@mail.com, 23 Jul 2006 @ 11:14am
  
  jdcqb wpku
  pmdy hcgnk kbhpjawuq dmpzfe ietcnalvf rqakijx baupowq
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john, 23 Jun 2006 @ 9:15pm

online friends
you can be more who you want to be. alot of kids who ten years ago might not of had alot of friends now have 10000 friends online. it takes away alot of the awkwardness of trying to be cool. i say more power to online friends it makes the whole world smaller and more important.
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Sean, 23 Jun 2006 @ 9:17pm

Hmm..
It's really funny when people refer to myspace as 'friends'. But people may think that the internet is screwing with peoples social life but it really is kind of the opposite. It can improve their social life unlike popular beleif. If you look at things like TeamSpeak or Ventrilo to just name a few, they allow you to talk to people and even search for chat rooms. Yes they may not be friends, but it's better to have someone to talk to than no one at all.

Also, people can meet people that are just like them and live near them that they normally would not meet, making them even closer friends.

Thanks my two cents.
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- Lewis, 8 Aug 2006 @ 2:19am
  
  Re: Hmm..
  True and not true. I can say truthfuly that it does in some way improve ur social life, I have 46 internet friends now at least but most of them live in other countries such as america and canada.
  
  It is also not true because it is unsafe to meet up with people you have never meet before but there are some that I like so much I would travel to them no matter the cost.
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  - Ash, 2 Jun 2008 @ 9:13am
    
    Re: Re: Hmm..
    Ive done my homework on you shadzy xD Hopefully this message will send you some kind of email that will make you realise that im still waiting for your return from where ever you are. Yes i know this was 2 years ago but please come back :(
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im robot, 24 Jun 2006 @ 12:27am

Not true. My real life social circle increased thanks to the Internet, some of the people I got to know online turned out to be some of my best friends in real life. Then again I'm not an American :P
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- Alain DeWitt, 24 Jun 2006 @ 1:04am
  
  Re: IM Robot
  IM Robot,
  
  You're right. You're not an American.
  
  You're a twit.
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Blaise, 24 Jun 2006 @ 1:04am

Different Medium
I find that the internet has enhanced many of my friendships, and has actually been a catalyst for some of my closest friendships (meaning, it was a starting point). I don't know about friendships which are only on the internet, and never reach a face to face level, but the internet allows the opportunity for no pressure one-on-one conversation where you might not otherwise have the chance. Most encounters we have with people are in a group setting, that is, at least until we become closer to them. But the internet allows for that one-on-one contact on a more regular basis. Also, dialogue through the internet allows for friendships to develop without the same amount of fear of imposing on someone else. Email, IM, Facebook/MySpace (( ew myspace )), phone calls, letters, and your tried-tested-true face-to-face normal-people talk are all different mediums to be used to communicate with other people and they all have their own advantages and disadvantages. The internet widens the range of options you have for communication with people. It can be used in a way that may encourage a hermit lifestyle, but I would argue that is a misuse and that the internet is not the problem. The internet, when used for it's advantages and not to necessarily replace other mediums of conversation, actually provides a wider range of options for social interaction.

I am a fan.
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Tommy Holefiller, 24 Jun 2006 @ 2:07am

I believe people are working more and the Internet is making it easier to keep in touch with friends and family. I found many old friends and visa-verse on myspace. I do believe all this tech is making us dumber in some ways. I remember when I was a kid I used to know all my friends phone numbers by heart. little page of paper posted next to the phone, now we have voice command and never see the numbers of our friends and loved ones. God forbid we lose our sacred cell phone. We would be stranded on a noncommutative island!! LOL!!!
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valentine, 24 Jun 2006 @ 2:26am

i need a white lover
i am black good looking african ,hoping to meet a good looking white lady as a friend.i live in south africa would not mind to exchange pictures and contact details if i found some intrested.
thanks
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dorpus, 24 Jun 2006 @ 2:54am

E-harmony? Hell with that.
I've got a profile on there just for fun, and the matches they send are not even close to what I'm looking for. I made it clear I'm a very un-altruistic type, and they just paired me with some liberal activist lawyer. So much for "computerized matching".
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- Matthew, 25 Jun 2006 @ 7:58am
  
  Re: E-harmony? Hell with that.
  
  E-harmony? Hell with that. by dorpus on Jun 24th, 2006 @ 2:54am
  I've got a profile on there just for fun, and the matches they send are not even close to what I'm looking for. I made it clear I'm a very un-altruistic type, and they just paired me with some liberal activist lawyer. So much for "computerized matching".
  
  I think this is more of a case of dorpus not knowing dorpus' self.
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ulle, 24 Jun 2006 @ 3:34am

online friends
being someone who stutters , really bad when I am nervous, I find it much easier meeting people online since luckly my keyboard does not stutter. This way by the time I actually meet the person for real they know me well enough to ignore my stutter problem
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- lewis, 8 Aug 2006 @ 2:25am
  
  Re: online friends
  Good for you. I am shy and also find it hard to make friends with people in person.
  
  should I tell some of my online friends my web addy so they can find out a bit more about me?
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  - David Akena, 22 Mar 2007 @ 2:55am
    
    Re: Re: online friends
    Hi, i am david,from Uganda.I would like to get intouch with any serious person from any part of the world.I am 23years old and i love music, travelling and playing games especially football and volleyball.Any willing person can drop me a mail and all mail will be replied.BYE
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Anonymous Coward, 24 Jun 2006 @ 4:23am

How many people have met their spouses and best friends online? The strongest "friendship" possible, in my opinion, must be that between husband and wife and now it's not uncommon for that friendship to have started and developed online. That should say something right there.

I think the problem is that this study's definition of "close friends" goes back to high school. It used to be that everyone had a small clique, perhaps of 4-5 people, that would do everything together. Others in the school may all be acquaintances, but not even really considered friends. With the internet, however, one may find themselves to be friends with half the school, and maintain a relationship with a much larger body of friends. Yet they may only have one or two "best friends" with whom they truly trust completely.

Is the internet impairing their relationships or taking away from their social needs? You tell me.
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- MySpacedoutfamily, 24 Jun 2006 @ 9:37am
  
  Re:
  I did meet my "spouse" on the net...we are not married, but have been living together for nearly 3 years...we met on Roommates.com because he was looking for a roommate to help him out because he was going through a divorce and he is partially disabled and needs daily assistance in chores,etc...i was also going through a divorce and needed a place to live.....he chose another roommate...it was the net that brought us together, we continued to chat online a bit....but it was lunches togethe since we worked near each other..and then drinks after work, then actually dating that created the true relationship...maybe it was just meant to be, but we are both happier than we have ever been and I don't think we ever would have met if it were not for talking online. I may have seen him in public and not looked twice ..besides I am sort of shy and don't just walk up to people in public and say...wanna be my friend?
  
  And there are myspace whores and others who only ad thier real friends to thier list.......I myself don't feel a need to put people I don't know on my list...only a few local celebs/radio dj's that I like so i can get thier blog updates, etc.
  
  Just because I communicat with my friends online doesn't make it my only form of communication though........I still have a group I hang with..we go to movies, events, out partying etc.
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Brian, 24 Jun 2006 @ 4:36am

Re: Needs Definition
I have to agree with Mr. K. on this one. I've never been near one of the social networking sites in my life but I've been online for decades now. My network of acquaintences and friends in the physical world has pretty much remained constant over those decades. In the online world, my network for both has expanded exponentially and I know for a fact that my online friends are far better friends than my physical ones to use the standard of another poster here. When a new computer or $1600 monitor shows up on your doorstep unasked for after a hardware failure or a check for several hundred dollars, again unasked for, similarly shows up, but your physical friends won't even spring for pizza, what's your standard of friend? I wouldn't hesitate doing the same for my online friends around the world but probably would for my own roommate.
What an odd world we live in, neh?
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- Celes, 26 Jun 2006 @ 8:10pm
  
  Re: Re: Needs Definition
  Personally, Brian, I'd be a little wary of any friend who sent me a new computer or $1600 monitor, even if I *had* asked. I will admit, though, that I've probably been subjected to more horror stories about unsolicited gifts than you have, most likely because I'm female.
  
  And, well, I've never had a physical friend who wouldn't spring for pizza if he/she had the cash. The same goes for me.
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Andrew Strasser, 24 Jun 2006 @ 7:09am

Certainly mine with our Govt. and the Christian Ch
I fel no friendship toward either of those organizations at this point they classify my health records and the studies of my health while lying to me about excorisms.... Great country we live in as they pump enough oil out of the ground to make Revelations happen when the world blows up I'll be with God and let all these Christians who put their faith in a man be damned to earth.
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Cool Cliftop, 24 Jun 2006 @ 7:33am

Circle of Friends
As I have aged my circle of friends has shrunk. As a young man in my 20's had a lots of friends and they meant everything to me. After college, the number started to dwindle, and then with the marriage and kids, career, the number of friends just kept shrinking. I guess it was because I was just not hanging out anymore. In the past few years I have rekindled old friendships through e-mail and the internet. It's cool, but never as cool as hanging with yer buddies like back in the day!
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Alienated, 24 Jun 2006 @ 11:11am

My Friends
I disagree, being a highschool student, I think the internet has made social situations worse. I have a group of five very close friends, but I did not meet them online, I met them in person which strengthed our relationship exponentially. The only reason I use the internet is to communicate with the friends I already have. I have tried to make new friends online, but it always feels to impersonal because I cannot trust them; when I talk to my "real" friends online I often say things that I would never say to their face and their online personlaity are completely different form what they really are.
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Blitze, 24 Jun 2006 @ 6:37pm

MySpace Friends
In my opinion people on myspace need to get a life in the first place. They dont have friends they have aquantinces.

MySpace is a huge place for fake friends for "comfort." Friends online can be great, like brothers or sisters but people that you meet because of your taste in music.. then are "friends" because you both like a band need lives and actual friends.

thats just my 2 cents..
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operator, 24 Jun 2006 @ 7:57pm

all i know is that peopel i've met on the internet are maybe better freinds thatn my real life freinds...
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Tashi, 25 Jun 2006 @ 12:14am

I've met several close friends over the internet that I've met face to face, including overseas. It was valuable information from my friends that alerted me of where to go and where not to go what to do and what not to do in foreign countries. A little common sense, obversation and critical thinking goes a long way in evaluating who you decide to be friends with. I find the people who find the internet isolating are those who misrepresent themselves (what they look like, what they do etc.)

Americans (and I am American) have a very bad habit of blaming technology for their societal dysfunctions. Right now, it's videogames and the internet. Older people like to talk about the good 'ole days. America was f'ked up in the 50s during Leave It To Beaver's era and it's f'ked up now. The sooner people quick looking for the scapegoat and look in the mirror the sooner America can get back to being a great successful experiment. I say that because right now, that experiment is failing.
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Noc, 25 Jun 2006 @ 7:15am

my take on this
personally i was on the net alot because, in public it wasnt the cameras that offended me, it was for one 12 year old girls hitting on me wearing as little as they could get away with withought being arrested for indecent exposure, i would consider myself a pretty mature person, because any girl who tries to show herself off like that in my opinion is retarted and if you want to be noticed by people who will be your friend, not just stare at you and yell boobs or something. i remember when i started playing games and going in chat rooms and all that, i saw alot of the same stuff, which is why i swore to never have an online relationship, and anyone who did id laugh at, then lo and behold i found the most amazing girl ive ever met on the net, pretty much an exact clone of me but in female form, and right now i moved a good thousand miles to be with her, and for the relationship we have even 8 months later, id never go back, im happier than have ever been, we both still play games, but we also go out all the time and just relax at coffee shops and make fun of people passing by...i might add that from first hand experience i say the most revealing dress ive ever seen completely see through with like dots over the breasts and privates and every time the dress shifted...well lets say i saw much more than i wanted, my and i about died laughing about "is this what the world is coming to??!!" i have lots of friends here and i royally hate myspace, but if you wonder why people isolate into the net, go to a mall and have a 12 year old stripper looking girl say "whats up sugah" and wonder why we hadnt done it sooner, its not the oppression and stuff like that thats happening its us ourselves.
...damn that was a rant, maybe i should start a blog xD
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DJ, 25 Jun 2006 @ 12:54pm

Can't blame the internet
I have made more friends from being online than I would have due to the rush rush world we all live in. The friends that are close are the ones that have always been here. I personally find it easier to keep in touch with friends and family online.
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BlackCow, 25 Jun 2006 @ 3:25pm

pssh myspace
I dont need myspace to give me the illusion of haveing lots of friends. I dont have a lot of friends but the ones I do are good firends.
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Tom, 25 Jun 2006 @ 8:15pm

Not necessary a bad news
What is definition of Friendship?

In an old way, a person talking almost everything to her/his close friend(s). If this close friend happen to have a good knowledge of this topic, then you are lucky, othewise it is very tough to share it with this friend -- although a close friend.

I am a IT guy and have a lot of close friends also doing IT. Of course, it is very easy for me to share experience of C++, PHP, JAVA and AJAX with them. But I am interested in Fashion too, then this part of me is very hard to be shared with these close friends :-)

I think internet is just redefine a lot of things, including friendship.

Just my 2 cents.
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bob, 25 Jun 2006 @ 8:41pm

If technology has uprooted your social life, atleast you can grow some mold on myspace.
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Gandalf, 26 Jun 2006 @ 7:06am

Americans never had close friends, dont blame the internet. Americans get close friends when they are in highschool, move to college and never see them again, then, they graduate, and whatever friends they get at college, they are lost again, then they move to wherever their work takes them, and loose friends again....how can you have real friendship when you move around every time you are finally settled in?? Dont blame the net for it....
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Alan MadLeese, 4 Jul 2006 @ 11:59am

GRAMMARIANS GALORE
hi td, and i must respond in my run-on way to the righteous and overly incensed critics of my writing style or lack thereof. I would simply tell the carpers that neatness don't count when you are pissed, and I hav e purposely not worried about such shit in my three solid months of tyring to perform a good thing, inform the public about MySpace, and they hav e been lied to and I am correcting that and I dfon't givce a shsit for a typo or two and if whomever runs this site doesn't worry overmuch, perhapsd it's because this crackhead is tryhing to do something right, which is not all that easy when you are septuagenarian crackhead although in my defense I might also relay to the purists that I have also because been called a sot. So I've been working around the clock as a volunteer with a young blogger in Los Angeles for lo these three months and we are about to blow a few holes in the MySpace barge, and what have you grammatical wonders been doing alll that time, reading Strunk and White? Where are you're scrapsbook, bythe bye????
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Lewis, 8 Aug 2006 @ 2:15am

I find it easyer to make friends on the internet because they do not have to look at me. People take advantage of me at school so I no longer bother with real friends because I cannont trust them. I am classed as a nerd but I do not mind that because I enjoy learning, but I hate it when I work with friends and they make me do all the work. I feel as if I am a fool for not telling them that I am not happy with this. I now spend most of my life in front of a computer screen. I feel that I cannont tell my parents this because I don't know how to tell them. I am too shy to make friends with people in person. I can but it is harder to make friends. My friends list on a game I play on the internet holds a max of 50 friends that I can store. I have about 46. If I were to compare that to the list of friends that I have meet in person It would have a difference of 40. I cannont tel my friends that I do not like them any more as they would flip, but I think the only way for me to move forwards is to start again. In a new school with different people. Can someone please tell me any other ways I can move forwards in life with some friends that I can trust as much as I can trust the one's on the internet?

Please do tell me I would love some advice at the moment another internet friend wouldn't go a miss.

From lewis.gray@virgin.net
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Tukwasibwe martin, 24 Jul 2008 @ 3:48am

want afriend
hello,i would like to get afriend of any age and race from any country mostlikely from overseas.iam from uganda.

Good time.
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Chicago Interpreter, 3 Dec 2009 @ 7:11am

Good friends are hard to find. It requires a lot of time, communication and trust. A friend tested by time is better that a new friend. On line friends are nice to keep us company. Better if they can be good and trusted friend too in time.
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