Bank Of America Rewrites Its 'We-Don't-Need-No-Stinking-America' Patent Application

from the that'll-fool-'em dept

Wed, Nov 26th 2008 2:22am — Mike Masnick

theodp writes "Bank of America has taken steps to cover up the original we-don't-need-no-stinking-America sentiment of its patent application for Country Assessment, which described BofA's innovative way of dealing with the problems of 'a typical American employee [who] demands a high salary, good benefits, a good work environment, vacation time, and other job-related perks' -- relocating jobs to India or the Philippines. BofA has instructed the USPTO to strike its remarks about why employing Americans is such a bad idea, and to replace references to India and the Philippines with 'Country X' and 'Country P'. How clever. By the way, BofA came under fire Tuesday as news broke that CEO Ken Lewis, who is currently preaching 'tough love' for the Big 3 automakers was quietly spending $7B of his spare cash to up BofA's stake in China Construction Bank after snagging a whopping $25B in U.S. bailout money."

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Filed Under: offshoring, patents
Companies: bank of america

43 Comments

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ECA (profile), 26 Nov 2008 @ 3:11am

Dont mind me
Can you say...
"Can I hire a gun man"??
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Joe, 26 Nov 2008 @ 3:29am

credit card
I've had a credit card with Bank of America for 8 years with a hefty credit line and I'd say they've treated me rather nicely. But if their dismay over hiring American works is so great, then I may have to move on myself.

If they chose to go down this path, then they should also change their name to "Bank of Not Americans".
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Shohat, 26 Nov 2008 @ 3:32am

Bailout
The purpose of the bailout money is to allow firms to continue doing business they consider profitable, which I assume includes increasing the Bank's stake in a leading Chinese bank. So they are using the money as intended.
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- Anonymous Coward, 26 Nov 2008 @ 5:06am
  
  Re: Bailout
  The point to the bailout was so that lender's (such as banks) could still LEND. So people could still get loans and the economy doesn't halt.
  
  Instead you have half of the banks just taking it and doing whatever they want with US tax dollars that are SUPPOSED to be getting injected back into our own economy. CEO bonuses, investment in foreign corporations, and expensive trips to Aruba don't sound like they're using it as intended to me.
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- interval, 26 Nov 2008 @ 8:11am
  
  Re: Bailout
  Unfortunately, however, we live in a world of human beings, not robots, and as such, it simply looks bad. This is precisely the same picture of the three largest manufacturers sending their corporate heads to Washington with their hands out; each having been delivered in his own corporate jet; or world's largest insurance firm receiving a huge portion of TAX PAYER money and then blowing a few mil on a corporate retreat. It just LOOKS BAD.
  
  Sure, you can thumb their noses to the tax payers, raise a big "fuck you" middle finger to the US, and still get a big pot of my dough, then use it to move your business to China. All perfectly legal. But would you really want to? Would you still have the balls to solicit my business (read: My Money?)
  
  I laugh every time I see one of those feel-good ads for BofA on tv.
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billyjoebuckbob, 26 Nov 2008 @ 4:13am

Bailout
Actually, the purpose of the bailout is to provide the banks with funds to lend within the US to keep the credit markets open and moving. Therefore, BofA's increasing of its stake in a Chinese bank or any other bank goes against the spirit of the bailout and the regulators (yes, I know that I am being naive) should remind them of that.
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brando3456, 26 Nov 2008 @ 4:16am

WTF???
Are you freaking kidding me?? WTF???
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thomas, 26 Nov 2008 @ 5:05am

bonuses?
I would think companies would be more interested in using the bailout money to bailout the executives extravagant lifestyles by giving them whopping big bonuses this year. After all, why not give the executives a good 10% of all bailout money? It's not like they give a s**t about Americans. Why doesn't bofA change to Bank of No Country. They could move all of their people out of the country and have only ATMs and videophones in the banks so they would not need to employ any humans in the building. Think of the money they could save. Just picture trying to do business at the bank when you are talking on a crappy videophone connection to someone in the far east who doesn't think in English!

I'm waiting for the **AA to ask for a bailout because of piracy causing losses to their businesss.
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Canadian TechDirt reader, 26 Nov 2008 @ 5:10am

Who wrote that?
Was it an American executive employee of BofA who receives "high salary, good benefits, a good work environment, vacation time, and other job-related perks" that wrote the patent application?
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Anonymous Coward, 26 Nov 2008 @ 5:10am

I was not happy when BofA bought MBNA where I had my credit card. Now I have a good reason to cancel it. I may only be one "typical american employee" but if a bunch more did it......

I have never liked BofA, and this only adds more fodder.
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Anonymous Coward, 26 Nov 2008 @ 5:18am

I feel bad for Ken Lewis. With a mere pittance of an income, poor benefits, unhealthy work environment, no vacation time and no job-related perks at all. What keeps him working at that dump? It's time to move on to greener pastures dude; China, perhaps.
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Sam, 26 Nov 2008 @ 5:19am

@ what point is america going to realize washington's burning, the bank has been looted by the bankers, and the rats are ditching ship...

don't worry folks. It won't be too long before us americans are as cheap to hire as indians and paki's.

can you say guillotine? lol
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- Heywood, 26 Nov 2008 @ 5:43am
  
  Re:
  Isn't calling a Pakistani a "paki" like calling a black dude a certain word that starts with "n"?
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  - Anonymous Coward, 26 Nov 2008 @ 5:54am
    
    Re: Re:
    Indeed it is, and it's cause for getting your face punched in the right, or wrong, company. Whether it's ignorance or hate talking, people need to moderate themselves or Techdirt will end up with a listing on hatewatch.org.
    
    Stupid crackers, he said with no small hint of sarcasm.
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  - Anonymous Coward, 26 Nov 2008 @ 8:31am
    
    Re: Re:
    Yep and if the shoe fits , then wear it and wear it good...
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- Anonymous Coward, 26 Nov 2008 @ 7:01am
  
  Re:
  Yes, wanting for 3rd world labor doesn't make your nation great, it makes you a 3rd world nation. It's most likely 2 late now, but 10 years ago, we should have sealed our borders, kicked the illegals out, put high tariffs on raw materials going out of the nation, and on finished goods coming into the nation.
  
  We were in the same situation right before the great depression, just like we did then, we have waited way to long to implement these policies, now like their kids, our kids will pay. After 4 year of Obama, at least the Democrats dreams of controlling the population of a 3rd world country will be realized again.
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  - Crabby (profile), 26 Nov 2008 @ 12:30pm
    
    "the Democrats dreams of controlling the population of a 3rd world country"
    
    Ohhh... Smack!
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  - Crabby (profile), 26 Nov 2008 @ 12:30pm
    
    "the Democrats dreams of controlling the population of a 3rd world country"
    
    Ohhh... Smack!
    [ link to this | view in chronology ]
s, 26 Nov 2008 @ 5:57am

bailout
the bailout has been like giving someone seeds...instead of planting them, the executives are eating them.

go figure, you give someone who has a history of making poor choices and you think they are going to change? look at the statistics for instant millionairs.
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NullOp, 26 Nov 2008 @ 6:27am

What did u expect?
Relocating jobs and crapping on our own people for money, that bothers you? Their job is to make money. And if they can make more money by sending jobs overseas then they will do it. This great America of ours is a paper tiger because the people have lost the will to do anything about anything. If, when things like this happened, we were all in the streets and at the doors of the businesses doing things we considered wrong things might be different.
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Sam, 26 Nov 2008 @ 6:29am

calling someone by a truncated version of their nationality is 'racist' or 'hate talking'? Heywood are you a 'euro'?

i'm pretty sure i'm more offended when i call tech support and i get 'bill' who insists he lives in 'iowa' who now holds the job that the real bill in iowa used to have.

so if paki offended you directly, i sincerely apologize. But if you're a person like heywood here: way to obfuscate the real problem here. Q:"the house is on fire?" A:"Oh my gosh don't say a bad word."

jfc what is this world coming to.
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- Edward, 26 Nov 2008 @ 7:38am
  
  Re:
  Your right, Sam.
  
  To everyone else, excuse me if I don't say "excuse me" but rudeness is what made this country great! George Washington wasn't only the Father of our Country — he was the original party crasher when he crossed the Delaware to bring more Christmas cheer to the Brits and Hessians.
  
  I don't recall Truman phoning Tojo to let him know we were planning a belated Independence Day fireworks display in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I also don't think we gave the Indians any formal notice that we were planning to rezone the continent for railroads, mining, indoor stadiums and riding mower outlet stores.
  
  We just took what was ours and we're better off for it — otherwise I'd be writing this column with a quill pen in Japanese, German or Sioux in some wooden stockade in New England while my wife spins scratchy wool to knit my underwear!
  
  As Sam puts it, quit your whining!
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- Heywood, 26 Nov 2008 @ 12:34pm
  
  Re:
  I'm as American as they come. Pakistani's view "paki" as an insult, and so do I. When you use a racial slur like that, it removes any credibility you may have had. So don't try to make me out to be the bad guy here, you racist fucking jackass.
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  - Anon. American Cow., 2 Dec 2008 @ 12:40am
    
    Re: Re:
    Hear, hear! Heywood, I salute you.
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Anonymous Coward, 26 Nov 2008 @ 6:49am

Hm...
BofA just lost my savings account and any future funds from me.
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James, 26 Nov 2008 @ 7:05am

B0fa
That is it! It is all about America for me so now I must walk my money accoss the street to Bank of the West.
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Eastie, 26 Nov 2008 @ 8:22am

What a joke!
Until a few decades ago it was US and Europe who were selling their cheap industrial goods to "third world" countries and ruined their local economies. At that time globalization was good, but now it isnt, is it?

"Third world" countries have adopted to globalism, have become educated, can create products efficiently and create a productive workforce. Now suddenly you raise your voice against globalization because you are losing jobs!
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Anonymous Coward, 26 Nov 2008 @ 8:38am

Casting aside the subject matter of this application, I am quite surprised to see copies of an obviously confidential document displayed on the internet.

I daresay the partners at Banner and Witcoff, not to mention the state bar, will undertake an investigation to determine if someone from the firm uploaded the document. The same will almost certainly take place at BoA.
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MadKat97, 26 Nov 2008 @ 9:12am

Hunter Thompson was right
Time to run these b4st4rds down Wall Street buck-naked with a cattle-prod. Whoops ... sorry ... didn't mean to denigrate b4stards.
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Kendra, 26 Nov 2008 @ 9:37am

BoA: too big to be considered local
There comes a time in which "Being Big" isn't necessarily an asset-- this usually happens during times when people value quality over quantity. Those companies that use their size to provide better quality will shine.
BoA by it's size and nature can't outperform my locally-based bank. This is why I left BoA. The tides, they be a-turnin', and BoA will need luck moving around in the 400-lb gorilla suit they've built over the years.
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Micmac, 26 Nov 2008 @ 9:50am

Re: B0fa
LOL James,
I already have my accounts at Bank of the West, but didn't you know that it is a subsidiary of a FRENCH bank?? I really like the way they are doing things, but they are hardly an "American" alternative.
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Pork 4 Mohammmed, 26 Nov 2008 @ 10:14am

Time to stop being sheeple
If these clowns (politicians and bankers) were actually afraid of angry mobs armed with pitchforks and torches they wouldn't pull this crap.
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- Crabby (profile), 26 Nov 2008 @ 12:34pm
  
  Re: Time to stop being sheeple
  Unfortunately, pitchforks and torches have been outlawed. It seems that we might accidentally put out an eye with the pitchfork, so all the pitchfork companies were sued into bankruptcy. And torches create carbon dioxide, which is burning up the planet, so of course we can't have them, either.
  
  Baseball bats are still legal.
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The Freedom Thinker, 26 Nov 2008 @ 11:14am

Thanks for the Information
It's not BofA's fault why not grab some bailout money its going to go to somebody like their competition. As for investing in China that's not a bad decision either. I'm sure this is how congress planned it. They want money to go to other nation's so that when we fall and our conquered they'll still have jobs. I'm just kidding. Their is nothing bad in this story at all. Except the fact the bailout exists. If the bailout didn't exist then it would be business as usual. The only thing that has happened here is that congress has decided to give the corporations something like $7.4 trillion dollars. (That number is no joke. Look it up. Bloomberg $7.4 trillion dollar bailout.)
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Anonymous Coward, 26 Nov 2008 @ 4:40pm

Get a life heywood, you Paki lovin imbasil!
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- Anonymous Coward, 2 Dec 2008 @ 12:43am
  
  Re:
  Look up a dictionary before you comment, you redneck nutjob prick.
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Allen (profile), 26 Nov 2008 @ 6:09pm

I appreciate that most of you are focused on the bail out angle, but seriously, the attempt to patent this says more about how warped the patent system is to me.
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Anonymous Coward, 26 Nov 2008 @ 6:27pm

BoDB
Sounds more like Bank of Douche Bags.
If they do not like it here, why dont they just get the F out ?
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Dan, 27 Nov 2008 @ 1:03am

Maybe they don't need no stinking bailout money either. Get the money from China or "X & P". The new acronym could BOX&P. We don't need no stinking BOFA!
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Anonymous Coward, 28 Nov 2008 @ 5:15pm

Those damn Paki's. Why don't they go after Bin Smokin?
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- Anonymous Coward, 2 Dec 2008 @ 12:45am
  
  Re:
  Are you outta your mind? Bin Smokin' spending big bucks is all that's keeping their bankrupt economy afloat right now.
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Canadian eh, 30 Nov 2008 @ 12:12pm

Bailout who?
There's a recession going on so the banks have enough (barely) brains to know that the people they loan money to won't be able to repay the loans. So the government gives them Billions to loan out anyway - brilliant. Then when the banks don't do what they didn't want to do with the money in the first place, everybody acts surprised.

Recessions clean out the deadwood and there is plenty of that in America today. Sorry that average people have to go out of work because companies are so badly managed, but that's the way it works every so many years. Maybe some of you are too young to remember the last five or six, but trust me - it happens pretty routinely in life - get used to it and prepare better by not racking up so much debt next time. Sooner or later the population will get worked up enough that they'll throw a few people in jail that look big but are small enough not to matter and everyone can get back to the business of rebuilding.

The bailout would never work anyway - it can only delay the inevitable until after a Democrat got elected and in power.
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Bigketeer (profile), 10 Oct 2009 @ 5:16am

Thanks for this information. It is useful for me.
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