The Onion Puts Out An Equally Accurate Report On Recording Industry Revenue Issues

from the sounds-about-right dept

Fri, Mar 19th 2010 3:01pm — Mike Masnick

Ah, leave it to The Onion to successfully encapsulate the state of the recording industry with a report that is basically as accurate as most of the reports that come out of the RIAA these days:

The Recording Industry Association of America announced Tuesday that the combined revenue brought in by Warner, Sony, EMI, Universal, and countless independent music labels in 2009 totaled $18. "The music industry is back," RIAA representative Doug Fowley said. "Not only was Kenny Chesney's Greatest Hits CD purchased at a Knoxville, TN Borders for $12.99, but we also had two songs downloaded through iTunes, and our ringtone sales reached three." Fowley added that as long as no one returns or exchanges the CD, the music industry would continue to be a vital and creative force in American culture.

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Filed Under: earnings, recording industry, satire

22 Comments

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BearGriz72 (profile), 19 Mar 2010 @ 2:43pm

ROFLMAO
Win!
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Mar 2010 @ 3:13pm

missed by about 10 billion. thats okay
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Mar 2010 @ 3:28pm

Re:
*Whoosh*
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Mar 2010 @ 3:41pm

Re: Re:
*Whoosh* - Agreed.
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Reason2Bitch (profile), 19 Mar 2010 @ 3:45pm

Re:
Well.... they are talking about just the sales income. What about all the money they get by threatening innocent people (You downloaded 3 songs. Now pay $30,000 or go to jail).
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Mar 2010 @ 3:47pm

Re: Re: Re:
no whoosh. just a stupid story by the onion that has nothing to do with reality.
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Mar 2010 @ 3:51pm

Re: Re:
Lawyers are expensive. Musicians? Not so much. Dime-a-dozen.
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Mar 2010 @ 3:52pm

Re: Re: Re: Re:
Satire has everything to do with reality.
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Mar 2010 @ 3:55pm

Please seek help for that whooshing issue.
Pulse-synchronous tinnitus can be an important indicator of chronic IH. It is described as a whooshing, whistling, humming or marching noise heard in one or both ears that is in sync with the pulse. It is also a subjective noise; it can only be heard by the person who experiences it.

This form of tinnitus is caused by high intracranial pressure compressing blood vessels. It often accompanies severe headache and the other symptoms of chronic IH.
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Mar 2010 @ 3:56pm

Re: Re: Re: Re:
Thank you for defining exactly what the *whoosh* was and then still repeating it.
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Mar 2010 @ 4:03pm

There is some confusion - the industry you refer to is the popular entertainment industry music is made elsewhere
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Mar 2010 @ 4:28pm

Re:
Yeah, the recording industry is a smaller subset of the music industry but don't tell the recording industry this or else they will freak out, man!
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Mar 2010 @ 6:41pm

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
again got the idea. its just dumb, and it is even dumber that masnick would refer to this as an accurate report. how truly odd.
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Anonymous Coward, 19 Mar 2010 @ 7:15pm

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
He didn't say accurate; he said "equally accurate." But continue being whooshed, please.
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harbingerofdoom (profile), 20 Mar 2010 @ 7:45am

Re: Re: Re: Re:
you're not from around these here interweb parts are you
o.0
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Flakey, 20 Mar 2010 @ 8:36am

The onion's satire
I've gotten a many a chuckle off The Onion's satire articles. Often so dumb or so twisted as to be possible in today's world of suing anything that moves and could turn into profit.

It's a shame this one isn't true. It would eliminate the 90% of the industries ill will by it's customers until a new Dracula emerged. The present industry is just like a vampire, no one deals with it without giving up their life blood and that's often not enough for them.

I personally am on boycott of the idiots. I would rather see them shackled to the inside of a wooden barn, the door barred, and then burned to the ground in hopes the next version might have a little more sense to it than the present one if you get my figurative drift on the idea.
I don't believe the present industry and it's system is fixable.

News that the entire industry made such a figure would be sure to shackled the doors and end all court actions, all attempts at bribing and placing idiot laws by the industry, and any more attempts at making treaties such as the ACTA treaty that can't stand the light of day.

If I were to wish for a Christmas present this year, this would be it.
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Greevar (profile), 20 Mar 2010 @ 8:50pm

Someone still buys CDs?
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Jesse, 21 Mar 2010 @ 7:38am

RIAA FTW
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Anonymous Coward, 22 Mar 2010 @ 7:17am

Re:
Epic WHOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHH !!!!
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Anonymous Coward, 22 Mar 2010 @ 8:10am

I
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Big_Mike (profile), 22 Mar 2010 @ 10:44am

Re:
LOL "Someone still buys CDs?"

Funny thing is, yes they do but the record industry would want people to actually think that never happens so you will feel sympathy for them.

And the guy who said this
"no whoosh. just a stupid story by the onion that has nothing to do with reality."

HAHAHA, Hello, McFly! "it's called Satire." "A common feature of satire is strong irony or sarcasm"
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Anonymous Coward, 22 Mar 2010 @ 10:47am

Re: Re: Re: Re:
double woooooosh!
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