SF Wireless ISP MonkeyBrains Tries To Crowdfund $325 Million For A Satellite
from the or-something dept
Well, this is amusing. San Francisco wireless ISP MonkeyBrains (who some friends use and love) has posted an IndieGogo crowdfunding project in which they're seeking $325,000,000 (yes, that's $325 million) to build a satellite to deliver internet access. The "tiers" are interesting. The lowest is $5,000 (two people have claimed those already!) but then quickly escalate to $10 million for the second tier. Of course, if you pay that, you get a gigabit internet connection for 5 years (only 5? guys, c'mon!). The full description of the project is worth reading:Obviously, this is a joke by MonkeyBrains, but it's still interesting to see. It appears that they're trying to use this as a bit of a marketing effort -- not all that different from some of the products we've offered for sale in our store. The reason people like crowdfunding goes beyond just the money-raising part to the fact that it can also be an effective marketing platform. Here, it looks like MonkeyBrains is testing out the marketing aspect with little likelihood of actually using the fundraising part.Abstract
MonkeyBrains is a local ISP in San Francsico. North Korea just launched a satellite; we want to as well.
The Cost Breakdown of Launching a Satellite
A quick internet search reveals that this is the cost for getting a satellite into orbit:
- Satellite manufacture: $150M
- Satellite launch: $120M
- Launch insurance: $20M
- In-orbit insurance: $20M
- Satellite operations (15 years): $15M
Faster Internet!
Our initial research seems to indicate having a satellite in orbit may not speed up your internet at all. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satellite_Internet_access#Geostationary_unsuitable_for_low-latency_applications]. However, if more research doesn't bode well for a geostationary satellite, we will take all of the $325M to fund either:
- Fiber to the home.
- A balloon tethered to the Farallon islands.
- a hovering drone over the Bay.
Trust Us
Some people just can't beleive we want to make the Internet Faster and Cheaper (and more Out of Control) than it already is. Your money will be spent well, and San Francisco (and possibly -- if funds allow) the entire Bay Area will benefit. We have set this fundraiser as Fixed Funding, so there is no risk of sending MonkeyBrains a little bit of money from your wallet without many other people feeling the same way.
Oh, and don't miss the video, in which they explain their plan to use UFOs to deliver little pieces of internet from the satellite to your computer.
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Filed Under: broadband, crowdfunding, marketing, satellite
Companies: monkeybrains
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I doubt Google will wait too long before they start expanding their service area.
Option #1
Ten million for five years.
Option #2
Step 1
Move to KS buy a $500,000 house.
Step 2
Sign up for 1gbps connection offered by Google. ($4,200 five years)
Step 3
Take your remaining nine million four hundrered ninety five thousand eight hundred and fucking live it up.
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The "Dear Bay Area" Rant...
I want to bring to your attention that a local ISP called Monkey Brains, is attempting to acquire $325,000,000.00 for a sattelite designed to bring faster internet to the Bay Area and Silicon Valley.
Normally, I'd find it amusing, your part of the country tends to come up with a lot of internet companies with catchy names. I thought Google was a funny name, until I realized what they were able to accomplish.
Anyways, Monkey Brains should be an example for you. First of all, over a period of 3 to 7 years, you couldn't read a CNET article or comment in any Bay-area tech magazine without someone whining and complaining about AT&T unable to provide service. My phone and cell service is fine! In any situation, if your able to acquire $325M, please look at yourself in the mirror, and consider lobbying for less strict design standards for buildings and community planning/development.
If $325M goal can be reached, it means that your design standards have caused a $325M problem.
Then again, you know what? Go ahead and continue to have AT&T DSL. It works real well, where cities work with utility companies to develop smart services.
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Sure, your web page will download quickly after the 3 to 4 seconds it takes for your request for that page to overcome the LAT..
Nothing you can do about that, cant make light travel any faster, or geo sat's any lower.
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There are some things it would be really good for though.
Downloading/Streaming huge files. "fap" lol
First person shooter games.
Babysitting.
A outdoors microwave.
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total delay 240ms (1/4 of a second)
that's over 10 times the Latency you can get with a DSL connection. (somewhere around dialup speeds for response)..
a lot of money for a lemon.
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So uhh...
I assume they haven't actually planned for that...
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Re: So uhh...
1. fancy name change, likely to something like "MicrosoftNetwork" or "MSN",
2. only use Internet Explorer
3. require a Hotmail address
4. have blocked services so certain games won't work
5. have special discounts on Windows Mobile Phone hardware.
6.require special dialer software that only works with Windows.
But
7. The Bay Area design specs will quickly be updated to not allow dishes larger than 10", rendering the entire effort useless. Bawhaha!
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But ... in this case the satellite will actually work.
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Re: You are thinking inside the box.
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Inside every joke is a brutal truth
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Quick! Hand me a nano-second!
Oh here she is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEpsKnWZrJ8
Still, very nice viral marketing campaign, maybe they'll get the money and beat Google to the fiber-to-desktop market there in the Bay Area.
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