This Week's Bad Photoshopping Lesson Comes From Scientology

from the the-thetans-did-it dept

Thu, May 16th 2013 4:01pm — Timothy Geigner

The universe has a sense of humor. I'm convinced of it. See, as someone who believes that humor is a wonderful way to deal with otherwise disheartening topics, I'm amazed at how often the world around me will give me something to laugh at when I'm feeling blue. Take the world's current climate on the topic of religion, for instance. It'd be very easy to get down in the dumps over the Westboro Baptist Church, religious fundamentalists engaging in acts of terror, and the never-ending saga known as the Middle East "peace" process. None of those things are laughing matters. But then, reading the forlorn expression on my face, the universe sends me another story from the Church of Scientology.

The Tom-Cruise-iest religion on the planet took a break from their attempt to destroy free speech to celebrate the grand-mega opening of their new ironically named Ideal Organization in Portland by producing the worst photoshopped picture this side of the Iranian military.

The crowd was around 450-750 people. But the church claims it was more like 2,500, and it Photoshopped in the proof. Except the proof is about as convincing as your thetan's origin story. In reality, there were no people in the right-hand side of the photo. There was actually a line of rented trees set up to block the view of people not so friendly to Scientology (see the photo below), as well as police blocking off a four-block radius for the event. And it's not just that the picture was doctored, it's that it was done quite poorly. They added people right on top of the trees in the altered section.

Tony Ortega has the two photos that demonstrate this. First was the "official" photo from the Church which is clearly photoshopped.

And then a shot from a different angle showing that the people on the right section above aren't actually there.

What was an attempt to make turnout of the "event" look bigger than it was resulted in, at best, Scientology looking silly yet again for their combination of secretiveness and lying about their own events. Or, at worst, it suggests that Scientology turns human beings into a kind of hybrid tree-people, in which case we're all going to be subject to an aphid plague that may undo all of humanity. Ahhhh!

So a word of friendly advice to my Scientologist friends: brainwashed graphic designers are a better asset than brainwashed Tom Cruises. For ever and ever. Amen.

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Filed Under: exaggeration, photography, photoshop, scientology
Companies: scientology

41 Comments

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Tom Landry, 16 May 2013 @ 4:26pm

anyone remember the awesome web series "You Suck At Photoshop?"

Helpful PS hints while you experience the abysmal life of the narrarator. Loved it.
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S. T. Stone, 16 May 2013 @ 4:30pm

I don�t want to become a tree-hybrid!

Besides, my spirit plant is a sunflower.
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Anonymous Coward, 16 May 2013 @ 5:16pm

They must have attached a body thetan detector to the camera lense
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Anonymous Coward, 16 May 2013 @ 5:57pm

New Home
"The Church's new home is the landmark Sherlock Building, originally constructed in 1893 and listed today on the National Register of Historic Places."

I don't know why that bothers me, but it does. Could there be some ulterior motive to their choosing a protected building as their "new home"?
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Anonymous Coward, 16 May 2013 @ 6:08pm

Fuck L Ron Hubbard and fuck all his clones.
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Louanne, 16 May 2013 @ 6:25pm

Gross neglect of any journalist duty
To report this on the 16th, when several major newspapers have pulled the report after it turned out to be false, is just one thing: journalistic neglect and a scary carelessness about facts.
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Marie DeMars, 16 May 2013 @ 6:34pm

oh dear...
...and once again we prove that Owning the programs doesn't make you a Designer...
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Louanne, 16 May 2013 @ 6:40pm

False
Censored my other comment, didn't you? Here is another one:

Photoshopped my ass...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=QucQK4dU77w

Daily Mail, Washington Times, Gizmodo Australia, all pulled the story. Why: because it's a LIE. No only the 2,500+ that were there (including myself) know that. Also those that know what a "extreme wide angle lens" is do.

That happens if you believe Tony Ortega: you get proven wrong in no time.
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Ian, 16 May 2013 @ 8:25pm

Quick to Judge and WRONG
What if I told the writer of this article and all you haters just waiting to dog pile on anything you deem less than yourself that YOU ARE WRONG? HERE"S THE PROOF! The video PROVES there were people there! Now, have you learned a lesson about rushing to judgement? So sad... http://www.bizjournals.com/portland/blog/real-estate-daily/2013/05/scientologists-positioned-for-gro wth.html
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PolyPusher (profile), 16 May 2013 @ 8:37pm

It'
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Larry, 16 May 2013 @ 8:38pm

Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG
I'd say that I'm sorry you spent all that money "learning" your "religion" and that you should just drink whatever cool-aid they provide you.

Oh, and Tom Cruise sucks as a human being.

(So does Travolta)
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JonIE, 16 May 2013 @ 9:14pm

Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG
The guy with the blue shirt in the bottom of the squared-off area has his twin standing next to him, doing the exact same pose, mirrored.

It obviously must have been photochopped from a picture taken at the same time, but from a different viewing angle.

Slide No.2 in the photo gallery is the full image: http://www.scientology.org/david-miscavige/churchopenings/grand-opening-scientology-ideal-organizati on-portland.html
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Anonymous Coward, 16 May 2013 @ 9:33pm

There is simply no reason to do this. Just take 3 steps to the left and take the shot. It will still look like a lot of people. Ridiculous.
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apauld (profile), 16 May 2013 @ 9:50pm

Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG
Nobody is saying that there were not mindless pod people on the street that day. There were just a lot less mindless pod people than you faux-scientists claimed.
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apauld (profile), 16 May 2013 @ 9:52pm

Re: Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG
I think you meant to say Tom Cruise sucks other human beings....
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techflaws (profile), 16 May 2013 @ 10:07pm

Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG
Now, have you learned a lesson about rushing to judgement?

Nope, we just learned that Scientology's drones are as gullible as necessary to believe in crap thought up by a guy who wrote bad Science Fiction.
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Watchit (profile), 16 May 2013 @ 10:47pm

Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG
you can see the editing in the footage when the yellow things(butterflys?) fly across the right side of the video and there's a blur where the image was doctored. And that's only just what I noticed from watching it once.
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Watchit (profile), 16 May 2013 @ 10:49pm

Re: Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG
ALSO! I don't see how anyone can deny the overhead picture embedded in the article showing only one side? Is this perhaps a case of doublethink?
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Cowboy Bebop, 16 May 2013 @ 11:31pm

I bet Tom did it.
ROFL WTF? I don't get what they were thinking and you'd think with Hollywood they could have actually did it flawlessly.

I mean I've done far better work on random Reddit images lol.. Next time they may want to jump over to the Photoshop Gurus forum and pay a few bucks to get some work done that's actually convincing.

Oh well tell next time, Hail Xenu.
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Anonymous Howard (profile), 17 May 2013 @ 12:00am

Re:
There's a real terrorist group, and what do the FBI and CIA do? Chasing shadows...

A meaningful way to spend tax money on them: in the form of guided missiles aimed at their leaders.
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Anonymous Coward, 17 May 2013 @ 12:52am

There is no "For ever and ever. Amen." or anything remotely similar in Scientology.

Scientologists do not worship, pray or believe in God.

Instead adherents are taught to believe that they ARE God. Although it masquerades as a church for tax purposes, Scientology is really a long series of 'self-help' type courses where people are taught things like how to scream as ashtrays in an attempt to levitate them. Suckers who have spent many years in the cult and paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to reach the higher levels are supposed to have supernatural abilities and god-like powers.

Scientology is an elaborate scam to fleece the gullible.
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Anonymous Coward, 17 May 2013 @ 12:57am

Re: New Home
Wait a damn minute. I seem to remember there being a law on the Portland books that if you owned a historic place, even if it was a residential building, you had to be open 1 day a year to all comers who wanted to see the inside of it (in order to allow people to experience history and view historical landmarks). Many homeowners chose Christmas Day, since they knew no one would ever show for it.

So we have access, and now all we need is someone with motive to do something terrible/awesome/hilarious.
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teka (profile), 17 May 2013 @ 2:18am

It also looks like the people in the far upper left section are also "digitally enhanced".

The semi-overhead image seems to show the line of rented trees crossing the street somewhere between the black awnings of "Silverado"(male strip club) and the neighboring body-piercing shop (just before the exotic club, see the trace of red near the glare or light?) This pegs the blocked in crowd as an area only slightly wider than the frontage of the building at best, not stretching off into infinity down 3rd and Oak streets.
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The Real Michael, 17 May 2013 @ 4:31am

Re: Re:
The FBI did investigate Scientology way back when (for tax fraud), but L.Ron Hubbard came up with the genius idea to send his followers to track agents' every step, then threatened to go public with some of their more 'questionable' private activity. Needless to say, the investigation ceased.
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Anonymous Coward, 17 May 2013 @ 4:43am

Re: Re: Re:
"the investigation ceased"

I doubt that.
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Anonymous Coward, 17 May 2013 @ 5:27am

Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG
XENU! There, that oughta keep him in line.
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Shon Gale (profile), 17 May 2013 @ 5:53am

Scientology and Tom Cruise are wankers!
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RyanNerd (profile), 17 May 2013 @ 5:59am

Heber
President of the CoS hasn't been seen publicly since 2002.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heber_Jentzsch

http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:4wtY_Ga-iVEJ:freeheber.com/index.php%3Ftitl e%3DHeber_Jentzsch+&cd=3&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us
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REM(RND) (profile), 17 May 2013 @ 6:43am

The Obvious
You all missed it. Scientology is changing what its members are called as they arborize them: Saps.
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Dark Helmet (profile), 17 May 2013 @ 6:44am

Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG
Ian, are you a believer in Scientology?
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Anonymous Howard (profile), 17 May 2013 @ 6:55am

Re: Re: Re:
So let's say if the Al Qaeda sent members to the US to follow agents and then publish their actions the US would stop harassing them? :D
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The Libertarian, 17 May 2013 @ 7:11am

Re: L. Ron Hubbard
Scientology came out of a bet between Piers Anthony and L. Ron Hubbard as to who can make a successful religion. Apparently, L. Ron won the bet. I think L. Ron is laughing somewhere since Scientology is an exercise in how susceptible human beings are to an Authority figure.

Not to put down Christ, but Scientology shows how stupid people can be when it comes to following different philosophy. However, if you drop the philosophers of today in Hellenistic Greece or China of the Hundred Schools it would be a different environment. L. Ron and Piers would have a field day, and there would be no end to the competition.

Scientology is a philosophy since the religion came out of a bet and not out of spiritual inspiration. It might have been better if Scientology jump started another Golden Age of Philosophy -- it would be interesting if that time period restarted all over again.
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Anonymous Howard (profile), 17 May 2013 @ 7:13am

Re: Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG
Also note the confetti on the right side switching to light speed when the confetti on the left side reaches the camera...
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Anonymous Coward, 17 May 2013 @ 9:14am

Re:
and fuck all you hip gangster wannabe's
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Dirkmaster (profile), 17 May 2013 @ 9:52am

Re: Re: L. Ron Hubbard
Anyone know anything about the religion that Piers Anthony created? I'd be a lot more likely to believe in that one. I always liked his books more than LRH's.
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Dirkmaster (profile), 17 May 2013 @ 9:52am

Re: Re: L. Ron Hubbard
Anyone know anything about the religion that Piers Anthony created? I'd be a lot more likely to believe in that one. I always liked his books more than LRH's.
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The Real Michael, 17 May 2013 @ 5:21pm

Re: Re: Re: Re:
The difference being that Scientology has people in positions of power and influence, e.g. judges, actors, musicians, etc.
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The Groove Tiger (profile), 18 May 2013 @ 11:15pm

Re: Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG
Must be fresh out of The Hole.
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anonymouse, 20 May 2013 @ 4:20am

Old
Seriously i don't know why any site would even give them a small bit of attention, they are irrelevant in today's society and the only way to remove them is to ignore them the same as any cult.
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dennis deems (profile), 28 Jun 2013 @ 10:46am

Re: Re: L. Ron Hubbard
What does Christ have to do with it?
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Anonymous Coward, 28 Jun 2013 @ 10:50am

Re: It'
[Liberty Bell March begins to play]
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