Lost An Email? Just Call The NSA!

Too Much Free Time

from the backup-and-disaster-recovery-for-idiots dept

Tue, Sep 3rd 2013 12:36pm — Timothy Geigner

Throughout all the reporting on the NSA's massive surveillance programs, both international and domestic, you'll occasionally hear an increasingly common response: let's just all troll the hell out of them. The idea, of course, is that the NSA's collection of everything ever simply sets up a massive problem of extrapolating the number and size of haystacks in which they must find the terrorism needle. Anyone pissed off about how the American government is treating them via spying on their activities might suggest that they surreptitiously insert a bunch of likely flagged words into normal communications just to make things a bit tougher on the agency. And, despite the fact that these suggestions are usually made half-seriously, often accompanied by nervous laughter and a quick review of surroundings to ensure no black vans are present, the NSA has acknowledged the problem and has said it is prepared for the trolls. This is in response to entire websites devoted to online antics and shenanigans, all designed to make the job of the NSA just a tad bit more difficult.

But not all such antics need take place online, as evidenced by my new personal hero, a man in Holland who called the NSA to retrieve and an email he said he'd accidentally deleted. This is what brilliance looks like. The logic is as flawless as the hapless NSA receptionist is flummoxed. In case you can't see the embedded video, this wonderful man called the NSA's general number and claimed he accidentally deleted a Gmail email and that his local computer repair tech had suggested calling the federal agency, since they obviously have a copy. What follows is a lengthy conversation with a woman, who is likely just trying to do her job, that should probably be up for some kind of comedy award.

But take note, people: this doesn't work. While the NSA certainly may have your email, but they won't serve as your backup provider. Which is just as well, since that'd take a significant revenue stream away from me, personally. Thanks for not intruding everywhere, NSA.

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Filed Under: backup, email, nsa, nsa surveillance, pranks

19 Comments

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Vic, 3 Sep 2013 @ 12:56pm

And, despite the fact that these suggestions are usually made half-seriously, often accompanied by nervous laughter and a quick review of surroundings to ensure no black vans are present,

Ahh, the good old times. That phrase describes PRECISELY how it was in the Soviet Union when I was growing up there (late 1960s to very early 1980s)!
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- Atkray (profile), 3 Sep 2013 @ 1:04pm
  
  Re:
  Let me be the first to welcome you home to the USA. We wouldn't want you feeling homesick.
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Michael, 3 Sep 2013 @ 12:59pm

I wonder what kind of trouble he is going to be in for recording the phone call?
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- Jeff (profile), 3 Sep 2013 @ 1:07pm
  
  Re:
  Why?!?
  
  The NSA probably recorded it also!
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out_of_the_blue, 3 Sep 2013 @ 1:11pm

Confirmed Google gives your Gmail to NSA.
Other than that, this childish prank call laboring a joke invented months ago is... childish. And to write it up for Techdirt is... only too typical.

Remember pirates: Google can rat you out to the MPAA!
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- jupiterkansas (profile), 3 Sep 2013 @ 1:20pm
  
  Re: Confirmed Google gives your Gmail to NSA.
  As is your comment.
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- Anonymous Coward, 3 Sep 2013 @ 4:27pm
  
  Re: Confirmed Google gives your Gmail to NSA.
  That's just not possible. Search queries and googleapis don't prove anything.
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Transmitte (profile), 3 Sep 2013 @ 1:25pm

" While the NSA certainly may have your email, but they won't serve as your backup provider."

They should serve as a backup, considering how much of my f'ing tax dollars are being shit down the hole on them.
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Wolfy, 3 Sep 2013 @ 1:27pm

Back when Bush Lite and "Dead-Eye" Dick Cheney "lost" all those emails about outing Valerie Plame, I kept wondering if ANYONE in the press would notie publicly (so Congress wouldn't be able to ignore) the NSA undoubtedly had copies of the "lost" emails.
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- wto605 (profile), 3 Sep 2013 @ 1:48pm
  
  Re:
  Nonsense!
  
  The NSA has established it doesn't engage in "illegal" spying (according to the DoJs definition)... since embarrassing the sitting administration is clearly illegal (according to the DoJs definition) they probably never even saved the emails.
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Trevor, 3 Sep 2013 @ 1:54pm

Well
Just do a FOIA request on yourself, and for the cost of a notary and 8 months of your life*, you too can access all of your lost emails, as well as every thing else you have ever done!

*give or give 2 years, and a whole lot of red tape. This offer not valid in the lower 50 states, unless some lackey accidentally sends it to you.
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OldMugwump (profile), 3 Sep 2013 @ 2:13pm

Kudos to him. Both he and the nice NSA lady stayed polite and professional the whole time.

But he's not a US citizen, so doesn't get to participate in our socialized, government-run free email backup system.

NSA should really offer to restore his email for a small fee. It would go a (very small) way toward paying for the cost of our American Stasi.
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letherial (profile), 3 Sep 2013 @ 4:04pm

Thats so funny, that poor employee...still, more people should do this
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Anonymous Coward, 3 Sep 2013 @ 4:25pm

hahaha
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ECA (profile), 3 Sep 2013 @ 4:26pm

Iv always wondered
This has been in my mind for many years..

If you want to get MJ across the border, WHY NOT spay a light amount around EVERYTHING??

Take a small amount of stems and pieces and boil it abit of alcohol for a short time and poor a water mix, around cars Gong back and forth across the border.
You could even sit on the Side of the main road and just Spritz Cars as they go by..

You would saturate the area to the point that ANY/ALL dogs could smell would be MJ..

HOw crazy could this be?
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- Anonymous Coward, 3 Sep 2013 @ 7:54pm
  
  Re: Iv always wondered
  This is the steganography problem. Unless you were sitting and doing this ALL THE TIME, the mere fact that it's happening at the time means that a shipment is in process. The cost of searching every car for this time probably isn't too high.
  
  Plus, if you're only spraying one side of the cars, and suddenly there's a car that the dogs report a positive signal on BOTH sides of the car... then that's the one to search. So you find a way to only store the drug on one side of the car, but then the cost of searching goes down, as they only have to search half the car!
  
  tl;dr: (counter-)security is hard
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Anonymous Coward, 3 Sep 2013 @ 5:00pm

Video not always appearing
The video does not show in all browsers because you omitted "http://" from the beginning of the iframe SRC tag.
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vic toews, 3 Sep 2013 @ 11:31pm

Canada wants to have unlimited spy abilities as well
there was a similar outcry when Canadians were told they were with the government or the child pornographers
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nasch (profile), 4 Sep 2013 @ 7:30am

NSA
Want to thank the NSA for the great job they're doing? Send them an email! Just send it to anyone, they'll get it.

Want to apply to work at the NSA? Call 1-800- any number!
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