FBI Director: The Internet Is The Most Dangerous Parking Lot Imagineable

from the james-comey:-bad-at-analogies dept

Mon, Oct 6th 2014 2:27pm — Mike Masnick

FBI Director James Comey was on 60 Minutes on Sunday, in a segment that will continue next week as well. Apparently next week is when we'll find out his views on mobile encryption and whether or not the FBI is spying on all of us, but this week, he gave us a tiny hint towards the end of the segment, in which he discusses why the internet is so dangerous. As far as I can tell, the summary is "don't open attachments" (i.e., the same advice that you've been hearing for a decade, and which has little to do with many internet threats today):

Scott Pelley: Do people understand, in your estimation, the dangers posed by cybercrime and cyber espionage?

James Comey: I don't think so. I think there's something about sitting in front of your own computer working on your own banking, your own health care, your own social life that makes it hard to understand the danger. I mean, the Internet is the most dangerous parking lot imaginable. But if you were crossing a mall parking lot late at night, your entire sense of danger would be heightened. You would stand straight. You'd walk quickly. You'd know where you were going. You would look for light. Folks are wandering around that proverbial parking lot of the Internet all day long, without giving it a thought to whose attachments they're opening, what sites they're visiting. And that makes it easy for the bad guys.

Scott Pelley: So tell folks at home what they need to know.

James Comey: When someone sends you an email, they are knocking on your door. And when you open the attachment, without looking through the peephole to see who it is, you just opened the door and let a stranger into your life, where everything you care about is.

Scott Pelley: And what might that attachment do?

James Comey: Well, take over the computer, lock the computer, and then demand a ransom payment before it would unlock. Steal images from your system of your children or your, you know, or steal your banking information, take your entire life.

About the only thing I get from all this is that FBI Director James Comey is bad at analogies. Yes, you shouldn't click on attachments from unknown people, and you should even be careful about attachments from known folks. But that makes the internet the "most dangerous parking lot imaginable"? Perhaps the other thing I've learned is that James Comey doesn't have a very strong imagination.

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Filed Under: attachments, cybersecurity, internet, james comey

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Dark Helmet (profile), 6 Oct 2014 @ 1:51pm

How am I even alive?
I've been internetting for YEARS. I would have thought 4chan would have killed me a long time ago, even if that AOL email voice guy didn't....
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- Gwiz (profile), 6 Oct 2014 @ 2:27pm
  
  Re: How am I even alive?
  I would have thought 4chan would have killed me a long time ago, even if that AOL email voice guy didn't....
  
  [screeech...boing...boing...click...screeech....ping...dong]
  Welcome. You've been DDOSed
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- Trevor, 6 Oct 2014 @ 2:37pm
  
  Re: How am I even alive?
  Well, 4chan is a busy guy. He can't get to everyone all at once...
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  - Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 3:02pm
    
    Re: Re: How am I even alive?
    I hear 4chan and Anonymous go drinking when they get off of work
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  - Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 3:29pm
    
    Re: Re: How am I even alive?
    Well, 4chan is a busy guy.
    
    Especially since he's always hanging out around the pool telling everyone the pool is closed because AIDS. Wish he would get a job already.
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- Ninja (profile), 7 Oct 2014 @ 4:05am
  
  Re: How am I even alive?
  How am I even alive?
  
  Wrong parking lot?
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Trevor, 6 Oct 2014 @ 2:36pm

But don't worry about us collecting information on everything you do on your computer.

It's just metadata.
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Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 2:44pm

Be afraid! fresh from the FUD factory
Better hide under your bed Mr. Comey and cover your eyes. We are coming to get you. MUHA HA HA HAAA
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Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 2:46pm

I'd be more scared of being physically beatup and raped in a parking lot, than I would be of catching a computer virus.
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Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 3:00pm

Let's extend the metaphor!
When someone sends you an email, they are knocking on the door. And when you open the attachment, without looking through the peephole to see who it is, you just opened the door and let a stranger into your life, where everything you care about is.

Except when it's the secret police. They don't need to knock on your door, because they routinely come into your house without you noticing. Sometimes they go through your things, sometimes they install cameras to watch you shower, sometimes they might even install a secret door into your basement. They might take pictures of you or your children sleeping, try on your underclothes, or look for evidence that the non-secret police can use to get a warrant.

Letting a stranger into your house without knowing them is, indeed, a bad idea. Having that stranger sneak into and out of your house without your knowledge or consent is an even worse idea. Having government agents do it without a warrant is also problematic.
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- Applesauce, 6 Oct 2014 @ 3:22pm
  
  Re: Let's extend the metaphor!
  "...Having government agents do it without a warrant is also problematic."
  
  Problematic? Not for us! Not a problem at all!
  - James Comey
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PRMan, 6 Oct 2014 @ 3:06pm

Hacktivists
My favorite was when he used hacktivists, pedophiles and terrorists in the same sentence.

Like, people who organize online sit-ins are just as dangerous as ISIL and child rapists.
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- Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 3:31pm
  
  Re: Hacktivists
  ...people who organize online sit-ins are just as dangerous as ISIL and child rapists.
  
  Finally someone admits what we all knew already! (Well, those of us who work in "security" and have an IQ below **Canadian** room temperature...)
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Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 3:13pm

Mr Comey,

If the internet is a dangerous parking lot, then you and your fellow agencies are the groups who roam the parking lot spying and detaining EVERYONE they run into, whether they are "bad guys" or people minding their own business.

Yes, this analogy is substandard, but your analogy is fundamentally worse, given your position.
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- Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 3:32pm
  
  Re:
  Mr Comey is trying to make communist comedy.
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orbitalinsertion (profile), 6 Oct 2014 @ 3:28pm

We don't want to educate you at all about the [terrible threat #7, #352, #86]. All you need to know is that we should be your internet colonoscope, don't fight it, it will only hurt more.
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Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 3:32pm

So I came over here for some light reading after being at:

http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2014/oct/06/digital-freedoms-terrorism-crime-uk

(Sample: "Britons must accept a greater loss of digital freedoms in return for greater safety from serious criminals and terrorists in the internet age, according to the country’s top law enforcement officer." )

and I find more of the same. Is there a concerted PR campaign or there a concerted PR campaign ? That's what I think too.
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Rich Kulawiec, 6 Oct 2014 @ 3:32pm

True only if you've made bad choices
"Yes, you shouldn't click on attachments from unknown people, and you should even be careful about attachments from known folks."

First, if attachments from anyone are dangerous to you, then they're dangerous from everyone. There are a kazillion compromised email accounts today, there will be more tomorrow, and heck, attackers don't even need to compromise an email account to plausibly impersonate "someone you know": a random email address at a random freemail provider with the right name attached to it will probably work.

Second, if attachments are dangerous to you, that's because you've chosen a poor email client, a poor application set, a poor operating system, or some combination of the three. The canonical example of this is course Outlook on Windows, but there are others. If you've made a set of poor choices like this, then you've set yourself up to fail, and it's only a matter of time until you do.

Oh, you can layer on anti-virus software (which won't work) and you can set up filters (which won't work) and you can tweak the settings on the server side (which won't work) and you can try to be hyper-vigilant (which won't work). If you actually want to address the problem rather than merely (futilely) try to wallpaper over it and hope it won't surface, then you need to make better choices up front...which isn't that hard.

Unfortunately, few people do that, which is why the "attachments are dangerous" concept persists. (Now...some attachments are annoying, because they chew up bandwidth and space and serve no useful purpose, but that's a different problem.)
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Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 3:33pm

I mean, the Internet is the most dangerous parking lot imaginable.

I don't know, I can imagine some pretty scary parking lots. Like the FBI lot with Mr. Comey trying to drive a Google self-drive car...
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Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 3:41pm

It's not a series of tubes
If you were crossing a mall parking lot late at night, your entire sense of danger would be heightened. You'd be on the lookout for cars coming from unexpected directions, their headlights turned off in the hopes of catching you unaware.

But the Internet is not a car. It's a big truck.
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tomczerniawski, 6 Oct 2014 @ 3:46pm

Remember, folks. The internet is not a truck. It is more like a series of tubes. But it is also like a poorly lit parking lot where you may (and most likely will) be raped and/or killed. Don't attempt to protect yourselves too much from this possibility, however - the NSA is on the lookout for people who wield the magic key known as encryption. (The internet is unlocked by magic keys.) Those caught with the magic key are probably either terrorists or child molesters, so make sure to keep your magic key in your pocket while you navigate the poorly lit parking lot/series of tubes but not a truck that is the internet.

And that's what "Democracy" means.
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the threat to peace is the USA, 6 Oct 2014 @ 4:09pm

the fbi lol
ya form a guy who cant keep his own web server secure
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BlueLightMemory, 6 Oct 2014 @ 4:24pm

Block the FBI
He should have added that one of the best things a person can do is make it very hard for agencies such as the FBI and NSA to hack into your computer and spy on your communications.

Shame on you Mr. Comey for not being completely honest.
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Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 4:47pm

Oh the internet, FEAR!!! FEAAAAERRR! BOO! SCARY THINGS!
-James Comey

*shovels more American data into datacenter
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Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 4:55pm

re: True only if you've made bad choices
> that's because you've chosen a poor ...

> you need to make better choices up front...which isn't that hard.

I beg to differ:
1) if one has, as you say, "made a poor choice", it is because of the available choices and risk information. There are very few people who, given a set of options, will deliberately choose "poorly". Some poor choices are avoidable. Some are not.

Telling someone, for instance, that "they've chosen a poor operating system" (one of your choices, above) is asinine: changing an operating system is not an option for most of the devices of most of the world. I probably don't need to enumerate the obstacles. Just let me say that running your own private patched mail server with SpamAssassin (et al) is not feasible for most people.

Telling someone they've made a poor choice may make you feel superior, but it is unlikely to improve the case for your victim. Telling someone "look here for information about..." - before they've made that choice - is much more productive.

2) You make the assumption that all the risks are known - or knowable - beforehand. This is not true.

Case in point: Heartbleed. "Well, son, it looks like you've chosen a poor SSL implementation..." Yeah.
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- Rich Kulawiec, 6 Oct 2014 @ 7:11pm
  
  Re: re: True only if you've made bad choices
  1. You're right that some people make poor choices because they don't know any better: that doesn't change the fact that it is a poor choice. (Incidentally, I don't use SpamAssassin: it was an interesting idea, but subsequent developments have rendered it mostly obsolete for general purpose use.)
  
  As to informing people of better choices, some of us have been doing exactly that for years, in varying ways, with varying recommendations. I don't see that as the problem: I see the stubborn unwillingness to learn something that's mildly different as a much larger obstacle. (e.g. I've actually had people tell me, with a straight face, that switching from Outlook to Thunderbird was "too hard".)
  
  2. No, I don't assume that all the risks are known/knowable: that's exactly why I attempt to minimize exposure to the set of risks that aren't present known and may not be known until some indefinite time in the future. Your point about Heartbleed is well taken -- BUT that still wouldn't excuse making known-bad choices today.
  
  Hmmm. Didn't say that well. Let me rephrase: if we have in front of us choices that we know today are good, mediocre and horrible, we should choose "good" NOT because we believe it will still be the best choice two years in the future -- we have no way to know that -- but because it's the best choice today, based on the evidence in front of us. (Of course we should revisit that decision periodically: things change. And we should be prepared to change again should it become necessary.)
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  - nasch (profile), 10 Oct 2014 @ 11:57am
    
    Re: Re: re: True only if you've made bad choices
    (e.g. I've actually had people tell me, with a straight face, that switching from Outlook to Thunderbird was "too hard".)
    
    And you think people like that might decide to switch operating systems?
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KRA, 6 Oct 2014 @ 5:04pm

I am Comey
My nephew crippled my computer after downloading god knows what. I told him that downloading files from the Internet was like opening the door to a complete stranger. Of course, he was 8 at the time.
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antidirt (profile), 6 Oct 2014 @ 5:28pm

About the only thing I get from all this is that FBI Director James Comey is bad at analogies. Yes, you shouldn't click on attachments from unknown people, and you should even be careful about attachments from known folks. But that makes the internet the "most dangerous parking lot imaginable"? Perhaps the other thing I've learned is that James Comey doesn't have a very strong imagination.

Nor do you if your best criticism is that he's bad at analogies. Journalism!
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- Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 5:41pm
  
  Re:
  Whined the chicken boy.
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  - This comment has been flagged by the community. Click here to show it
    
    antidirt (profile), 6 Oct 2014 @ 6:02pm
    
    Re: Re:
    Whined the chicken boy.
    
    Bawk! Careful though, if you challenge Mike too much, he'll go to great lengths to censor you while denying that he's doing so. 'Tis the TD way.
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    - Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 7:20pm
      
      Re: Re: Re:
      Then why are there so many people who complain about censorship here? Surely if Mike were to be hiding your posts, he'd hide all the trolls saying he's engaged in censorship, right?
      [ link to this | view in chronology ]
      - This comment has been flagged by the community. Click here to show it
        
        antidirt (profile), 6 Oct 2014 @ 7:35pm
        
        Re: Re: Re: Re:
        Then why are there so many people who complain about censorship here? Surely if Mike were to be hiding your posts, he'd hide all the trolls saying he's engaged in censorship, right?
        
        Mike admit, well, anything? You're kidding, right?
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        Just Another Anonymous Troll, 7 Oct 2014 @ 6:30am
        
        Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
        He wouldn't admit to anything. He would just 'censor' your rear end, and happy rainbows would fill the site, rejoicing in your mysterious disappearance. The very fact that you CAN post these things is proof that you are not being censored.
        Keep in mind that free speech means you can say what you like, it doesn't protect you from looking like an idiot, nor does it force anyone to read what you said.
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    - Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 8:16pm
      
      Re: Re: Re:
      What the hell is with dumbass trolls not knowing how flagging works?
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      - techflaws (profile), 6 Oct 2014 @ 10:32pm
        
        Re: Re: Re: Re:
        He knows, but he's just doing that: trolling.
        
        Which is why people will continue to flag all his posts without wasting time to actually see what he wrote.
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    - techflaws (profile), 6 Oct 2014 @ 10:31pm
      
      Re: Re: Re:
      Using censor in your typical lying whiny way?
      
      Clicks *report *
      
      You're welcome, keep it up, dude.
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    - Just Another Anonymous Troll, 7 Oct 2014 @ 6:27am
      
      Re: Re: Re:
      Antidirt, you're an idiot. Your posts are HIDDEN, not censored, because they can be viewed with a single mouse click. And they are hidden because you spew troll vitriol everywhere, and no one needs that.
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    - Anonymous Coward, 7 Oct 2014 @ 11:43pm
      
      Re: Re: Re:
      Bawk!
      
      Didn't take long before you started showing your feathers again.
      
      Anyone can tell there's no point in having an honest discussion with you, because your first instinct is to call everyone who doesn't agree with you a filthy pirate.
      
      Seriously, fuck off the wife's laptop. You're not fooling anyone.
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bshock, 6 Oct 2014 @ 7:12pm

James Comey is the most dangerous man in America
I'm willing to bet serious money that if we could look into the raw facts of what FBI Director James Comey has done in his career and what he takes responsibility for on a daily basis, we would be forced to conclude that he is the most dangerous criminal in the U.S.

This is the man that organized crime figures want to be when they grow up.
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Peter, 6 Oct 2014 @ 8:11pm

He is not bad at analogies...
he is bad at metaphors: 'the Internet is the most dangerous parking lot imaginable' is a metaphor, not an analogy. But you are right that he is particularly bad at these.

He even mixes metaphors. Saying that the internet is the most dangerous parking lot imaginable and then saying that receiving an e-mail is somehow like getting a knock on your door is just confusing and betrays the kind of confused and non-analytical thinking that gets undergraduates F's in logic and English composition.
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- barb aque, 11 Oct 2014 @ 7:44pm
  
  Re: He is not bad at analogies...
  Well no matter how u slice it...he can say "Told you so." At least some parking lots have security and some are actually insured. Too much to post here as I have experienced out of body near death experiences caused by the www. Just wait and u will understand....
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Anonymous Coward, 6 Oct 2014 @ 8:12pm

it is as dangerous as believing in your constitutional rights, expecting accountability from your government. As well as demanding crimes that people commit are not covered up because "national security"

In other words anything that a free society would support is dangerous for those that are trying to turn America into a totalitarian run nightmare.
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Berenerd (profile), 7 Oct 2014 @ 3:54am

one question....
Since when are parking lots filled with cat videos and trolls?
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- Anonymous Coward, 7 Oct 2014 @ 4:42am
  
  Re: one question....
  Since 1984.
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Quizzys (profile), 7 Oct 2014 @ 4:02am

If the internet is the parking lot I have the best alarm system
There is so much worse out there than a email attachment. This FBI guy is a flop and the 60 minutes segment more seemed like a way to fill spot since there was not anyone interesting enough to put there instead of him. Be safe, there is so much protection software out there now there should be no reason you should get infected. Keep up to date on what the trending internet security threat is and take the precautions necessary to keep yourself secure.
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Anonymous Coward, 7 Oct 2014 @ 4:59am

FBI Director James Comey is bad at analogies.
Comey's as bad at analogies as a ballerina is at doing something she's not good at.
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peter, 7 Oct 2014 @ 5:54am

dangerous
Parking lots are dangerous?

Quick, close down all parking lots......(or at least only have parking lots approved by the government, monitored at all times, and only for those who can afford to pay for the 'improvements'.
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Anonymous Coward, 7 Oct 2014 @ 6:43am

I mean, the Internet is the most dangerous parking lot imaginable.

You know, he's so right about the danger of parking lots. I was considering going to the mall the other day, then I thought "wait, that parking lot is sure treacherous...I better stay home instead."

So many people underestimate the dangers that lurk in parking lots:

- Poor lighting
- Renegade carts
- Cars that are parked crooked
- No available spaces (GASP!)
- Stop signs
- Arrows
- Cart corrals
- Cars not in "Park"

ALL of these things are potential boondoggles that can totally DESTROY someone's life, given the perfect storm of circumstances.
And here we are - sitting in the comfort of our own homes, shielded from these realities that exist in parking lots all over America.
Here we are, smugly making fun of a man WHO CLEARLY UNDERSTANDS the dangers that lurk around us, and more importantly can protect us from said dangers.

I say we take the fight to the parking lots before they bring it to us!
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Anonymous Coward, 7 Oct 2014 @ 10:34am

I think there's something about sitting in front of your own computer working on your own banking, your own health care, your own social life that makes it hard to understand the danger.

But. I. Don't. Do. That!

So where is the danger? Why can't I see it? I think it is hiding under your computer
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pr, 7 Oct 2014 @ 7:01pm

Does anybody but me remember when "60 Minutes" was a term that brought terror to the hearts of evil doers everywhere? Shoot, it used to bring beads of sweat to MY forehead, just imagining that they might show up at any moment demanding an explanation of nefarious acts I wasn't even involved in.

Can anyone imagine Mike Wallace asking a government official a puffball question like "Do people understand, in your estimation, the dangers posed by cybercrime and cyber espionage?"
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Anonymous Coward, 8 Oct 2014 @ 5:04am

The Internet: The FBI Is The Most Dangerous Mafia Organization
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Anonymous Coward, 8 Oct 2014 @ 5:05am

NSA: Well, take over the computer, lock the computer, and then demand a ransom payment before it would unlock. Steal images from your system of your children or your, you know, or steal your banking information, take your entire life.
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Anonymous Coward, 9 Oct 2014 @ 12:35pm

The internet is not a large truck, it's a lot FULL of them
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