We Have The 'Criminal Charges' Patrick Zarrelli Claims He Filed Against Our Writer, And They're Not What He Thinks

from the that's-not-a-criminal-case dept

Fri, Nov 13th 2015 11:44am — Mike Masnick

Earlier this week, we noted that "website reputation management" dude, Patrick Zarrelli had sent us a large packet of papers claiming that he had "filed criminal charges and bar complaints in seven states" against a group of people, including our own Tim Cushing, because Tim had written a blog post making fun of Zarrelli for a spectacular failure in trying to get certain articles about the lawyer Gary Ostrow removed from the internet. You can read all the details at previous posts, but Zarrelli claimed that he was filing "criminal charges and bar complaints" against Cushing and a small group of lawyers -- Scott Greenfield, Mark Bennett, Brian Tannebaum and Sam Glover -- who had all made fun of Zarrelli's ridiculous claims.

As we noted in our original post, the cover letter made these (typo-riddled) claims, but the large packets of paper, showed no details, no explanation of any laws broken, no legal filings, no lawsuit, no "criminal charges" and no "bar complaints." All that it included were stacks and stacks of paper printouts of screenshots of blog posts, blog comments, tweets, Facebook comments and a few profile pages. I hadn't had them scanned originally, but after a bunch of people asked for them, I had a poor, overworked colleague of mine here at Techdirt scan them all in. And, then, the good folks over at PINAC were kind enough to reach out to the Ft. Lauderdale police and get a copy of the "Incident/Investigation Report" that it had on the matter.

In my original post earlier this week, I noted that "it sounds like he may have just whined to some law enforcement folks in Florida who probably filed it in the garbage file where it belongs" and indeed that appears to be the case. These are not "criminal charges." These are Patrick Zarrelli wandered into the Fort Lauderdale Police Department and told someone in the lobby basically "but people on the internet are being mean to me!" and they wrote it all down (not even spelling Zarrelli's name correctly) and almost certainly then did absolutely nothing with it. The filing also spells Tim Cushing's name as Tim Lushing. Here's the crux of it:

Contact was made with the reportee Patrick Zayrelli in the FLPD lobby. Mr. Zayrelli advised that he works for Dependable Website Management which is a cyber bullying and reputation management company. He says that his client Attorney Gary Ostrow hired him because a group of attorney`s were attacking his character and tarnishing him reputation on line due to an incident that occurred with him years ago.

Mr. Zayrelli stated that his company contacts the parties and ask them to take their posts down, which is what he said he did when he called all the listed attorneys but each one of them became defensive and started cursing at him. He was especially concerned because according to him, one of the attorneys Brian Tannebaum who practices in Miami told him that he would have BSO deputies arrest him.

Mr. Zayrelli said that the next day after he called the attorney`s all of his social media accounts (facebook,twitter) were all filled with negative posts about him by all of the attorneys and some had even posted pornographic material on his facebook

The report itself lists Zarrelli's client, Gary Ostrow, along with all of the previously named folks, and one more: a lawyer named Dan Hull, whom we hadn't previously seen connected to all of this, but there he is. Notably, the report says there are "0 Victims" and doesn't list anyone's name as a victim (probably because there was no crime). Hell, it lists Ostrow in the same part as with all of the people Zarrelli was complaining about.

There's not much of a story here other than confirming what we originally suspected: there are no "criminal charges." Whether or not there are "bar complaints" I imagine we'll have to wait to find out. And, again, if Zarrelli is seriously contemplating filing a civil suit in Florida, as he had claimed, he really ought to familiarize himself with Florida's anti-SLAPP statute, because I can assure you that every one of the people he is threatening are deeply familiar with it, and will certainly make use of it to get Zarrelli to pay any of their legal fees for filing a bogus lawsuit.

Anyway, the complaint and all of the contents of the envelope that was sent to us are embedded below. Zarrelli appears to have made a horrible "reputation management" person, and an even worse internet lawyer.

341510172076 (PDF)341510172076 (Text)

Sam Glover Mn Bar (PDF)Sam Glover Mn Bar (Text)

Mark Bennett TX, CO Bar (PDF)Mark Bennett TX, CO Bar (Text)

Scott Greenfield NY State Bar Min (PDF)Scott Greenfield NY State Bar Min (Text)

Brain Tannebaum FL, IL Bar (PDF)Brain Tannebaum FL, IL Bar (Text)

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Filed Under: brian tannebaum, dan hull, first amendment, free speech, gary ostrow, mark bennett, patrick zarrelli, police, reputation management, sam glover, scott greenfield

40 Comments

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Anonymous Coward, 13 Nov 2015 @ 11:53am

How's that again?
...Dependable Website Management which is a cyber bullying and reputation management company...

Does Dependable Website Management really call itself a cyber bullying company?
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That Anonymous Coward (profile), 13 Nov 2015 @ 11:55am

There are butthurt people out there, and this is their story... *DUMDUMMM* Law & Order: ButtHurt Investigations.
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Roman, 13 Nov 2015 @ 11:56am

I believe there's some sort of crime called "wasting police time" or something to that effect in New York that leads to five days community service. Anything exist like that in this state?
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Blackfiredragon13 (profile), 13 Nov 2015 @ 11:56am

My only reaction
LOL

Seriously though, Zarrelli must either be completely delusional or he is doing some REALLY good drugs.
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S. T. Stone, 13 Nov 2015 @ 11:58am

Re:
Jack McCoy wishes he could take a dope like this to court. Easiest win of his career.
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Anonymous Coward, 13 Nov 2015 @ 11:58am

Re: How's that again?
… a cyber bullying company?
They probably meant “a cyberbulling company.” No “Y” in there—it's a common mistake that people make.
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Just Another Anonymous Troll, 13 Nov 2015 @ 12:00pm

Re: How's that again?
At least they're upfront about it.
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Anonymous Coward, 13 Nov 2015 @ 12:04pm

"not even spelling Zarrelli's name correctly"

I think they attempted to do him a favor by keeping his correct name disconnected from his rambling, crazy complaint.
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Anonymous Coward, 13 Nov 2015 @ 12:07pm

"But Mommy, they made fun of me! waaaaaaaaaaah!!"
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sman88 (profile), 13 Nov 2015 @ 12:10pm

Zarrelli must have the IQ of a turnip.

And sorry to all you turnips out there. Didn't mean to offend you.
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Anonymous Anonymous Coward, 13 Nov 2015 @ 12:12pm

News Flash
The futures price for corn nearly doubled this morning after current demand skyrocketed. Investigators looking into the fluctuation claim there appears to be linkage to a website called Techdirt. Those familiar with the investigation were scratching their collective heads trying to parse the relationship between persons know as Careon, Streisand, Greenfield, Glover, Tannenbaum, Bennett, Zarrelli, Cushing, Ostrow, and Hull because seemingly these people have never met one another. The lead investigator who prefered to remain un-named said more information might become available after reports were received from the Fort Lauderdale Police Department, though what connection they might have to corn prices remains unclear. When asked when the demand spike might return to more normal levels, commodity brokers said “Well, we think that will happen when reality returns for a certain deluded individual, though given the current circumstances that might take a while.”
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Anonymous Coward, 13 Nov 2015 @ 12:16pm

Is it too late to invest in Popcorn futures?
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Gwiz (profile), 13 Nov 2015 @ 12:27pm

Re: My only reaction
Seriously though, Zarrelli must either be completely delusional or he is doing some REALLY good drugs.

I'm leaning towards the "REALY good drugs" side of this since he goes by the moniker "Kid Chronic" and is pictured wearing a "Kush" hat.

http://kidchronic.com/patrick-j-zarrelli-aka-kid-chronic/
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WDS (profile), 13 Nov 2015 @ 12:37pm

Tim on the Run
With such grave charges pending, Tim needs to make sure he avoids Florida.
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Roger Strong (profile), 13 Nov 2015 @ 12:38pm

A Confession
When I launched my browser-based "Reputation Management" game, I forgot to replace Techdirt, SimpleJustice etc., with fictional organizations. Now it's emailed legal threats to a bunch of real web sites on behalf of some 12-year-old who can barely spell, with no knowledge of how the legal system or adult world works.

I've removed all traces of my game from the server, and all traces of it instigating this incident. I should have stuck with a Candy Crush Saga clone.

Or I can just rename this one Ego Crush Saga.
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Anonymous Coward, 13 Nov 2015 @ 1:00pm

Re: Re: How's that again?
Makes sense, taken together with his other spelling and grammatical gaffes.

Was I the only one going crazy reading the PD's filing, which appeared to be competing with Zarrelli's own prose for number of spelling and grammatical errors?
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TechDescartes (profile), 13 Nov 2015 @ 1:25pm

Before you get too excited, box #1 of the report clearly states that Tim and the others committed the crime of “Information”. They will be coming to extradite Tim shortly…
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David, 13 Nov 2015 @ 1:25pm

I can imagine the bar complaint.
Whether or not there are "bar complaints" I imagine we'll have to wait to find out.

His bar complaint likely was that they refused serving him alcohol when he was actually in fullest possession of all the wits he ever had.
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Zonker, 13 Nov 2015 @ 1:40pm

I imagine that Tim "Lushing" would be even more fun to hang out with than Tim Cushing:

"Hey Mr. Lushing! Put down that piña colada and stop running around in nothing but your underwear! You're getting the trolls too excited!"
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L. Bagga Douchay, 13 Nov 2015 @ 1:51pm

Pretty sure that, were they so inclined, Cushing et al could file a criminal harassment complaint against the jackass, and said jackass would be charged. And some states have laws about against using judicial process to harass...would any apply here? The devil's in the details.
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Roger Strong (profile), 13 Nov 2015 @ 1:57pm

Re:
It doesn't sound like Zarrelli is worth the trouble. So far he's just amusing.
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Squirrels Without Boarders, 13 Nov 2015 @ 1:59pm

Re: Tim on the Run
Everyone needs to make sure they avoid Florida.

Fixed that for you.
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Baron von Robber, 13 Nov 2015 @ 2:13pm

Re:
They say you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip.
And you can't squeeze a thought out of Zarrelli.
Excellent comparison. :)
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Anonymous Coward, 13 Nov 2015 @ 2:53pm

Ignorance is bliss (no, not the XP wallpaper).
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Zero, 13 Nov 2015 @ 2:53pm

Operation Righteous Cowboy Hotdog Fury
Is it time to go fully reactionary on Mr. Zarelli and his hurt internet feelings? Or would that constitute "internet bullying"? Maybe you should leave him a voicemail Mike, congratulating him of his clumsy attempt at his criminal case. Just to put this to bed
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Anonymous Coward, 13 Nov 2015 @ 3:12pm

Did Zarrelli only talk to himself in the lobby and then fill out that filing? It looks like his work.
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Anonymous Coward, 13 Nov 2015 @ 3:20pm

just wondering ...
Are there any PDF readers that will auto-orient pages?

The pages on these PDFs are oriented in every direction but upside down (or maybe even including upside down, I'm still reading).
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Klaus, 13 Nov 2015 @ 3:20pm

Kindergarden
Taking to law with crayons. This is the country that....

I don't have the heart to go on...
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Mark Wing, 13 Nov 2015 @ 3:29pm

Zarrelli would be more successful with bogus copyright infringement cases then bogus criminal charges if he would just slime a little further up the ladder. The copyright system favors the insane, so he might have a chance.
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Derek Kerton (profile), 13 Nov 2015 @ 3:55pm

Childish As The Butt of A Monty Python Skit
This reminds me of a Python skit, the Fish License
http://www.montypython.net/scripts/fishlic.php

Where the pythons make fun of the childish way a man uses official paperwork and the Municipal bureaucracy for purposes clearly misunderstood and misaligned.

Basically it goes:
- I want a license for my pet fish.
- You can't have one, there are no licenses for fish.
- Well, I bleeding well have one for my pet cat, Eric.
- There are no cat licenses.
- I bleeding got one, look! What's that then?
- This is a dog license with the word 'dog' crossed out and 'cat' written in in crayon!
- The man didn't have the right form.
- How much did you pay for this?
- Sixty quid, and eight for the fruit-bat.
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Anonymous Coward, 13 Nov 2015 @ 5:45pm

seems i read they plan to float a pilot for a new andy griffith show. i wonder if they've cast barney yet.
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Anonymous Coward, 13 Nov 2015 @ 5:59pm

Zarrelli is doing a great job!
I bet Gary Ostrow is quite happy with the reputation management that Zarrelli is providing.

Everyone is so busy talking about how Zarrelli is a few cards short of a full deck they have forgotten whatever stupid thing Gary Ostrow had some in the past.

Apparently Zarrelli is not that dumb after all, he found the key to improving your reputation online. Bury the bad crap under a mountain of someone else bad crap.
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Spaceman Spiff (profile), 14 Nov 2015 @ 6:52am

The Internet never forgives, and never forgets!
Tim, for now and forever more you will be lovingly known as Tim Lush-ing... :-) Enjoy your new moniker!
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Anonymous Coward, 14 Nov 2015 @ 7:29am

AFAIK, citizens do not "file charges", the DA does. A citizen files complaints which are then, possibly, looked into with, maybe, charges following.

Is this not correct?

With all the cop shows on tv, one might think it a good vessel for education in the judicial system - but Nooooo.
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Anonymous Coward, 14 Nov 2015 @ 11:42am

Re: My only reaction
I'm starting to worry that we're all making fun of someone with a severe traumatic brain injury. What if he got knocked in the head by falling detritus while rescuing a box of kittens from a burning building? This might just be his post-iron-bar Phineas Gage personality...
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Anonymous Coward, 14 Nov 2015 @ 6:09pm

Re: Re: Re: How's that again?
There is a big difference. Zarrelli is the one in a position where he has to convince others that his services are worth being paid for since he is the one providing a service. So spending the time to correct mistakes is naturally expected if he reasonably expects to be taken seriously on his end and if he wants people to believe this is really that important to him.

The police here aren't really dealing with anything important on their end and so I don't want them wasting my taxpayer dollars getting someone to spend a lot of time carefully writing up and proofreading such a pointless report. Just scribble anything as fast as possible to get this guy out of here.

If anything all the mistakes on the police's end here indicate to me how unimportant this is to them. As it should be. And if this isn't important enough for Zarrelli to proofread his own work why should the cops consider it important enough for them to proofread theirs.
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Anon, 15 Nov 2015 @ 2:28pm

As we noted in our original post, the cover letter made these (typo-riddled) claims, but the large packets of paper, showed no details, no explanation of any laws broken, no legal filings, no lawsuit, no "criminal charges" and no "bar complaints." All that it included were stacks and stacks of paper printouts of screenshots of blog posts, blog comments, tweets, Facebook comments and a few profile pages.

This is shamefully copying John Steele's empty lawsuit filing against everyone criticizing his shady bullying behavior. Is Zarrelli hoping to achieve the same notoriety as John Steele by following exactly in his footsteps?

Does Zarrelli care that he is dragging down his client before all the media, even though Gary Ostrow does deserve it?
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Ninja (profile), 16 Nov 2015 @ 7:08am

On a quick visit to the dictionary I've discovered that the verb lush is synonym to drink. So he basically mispelled the name to Tim Drinking. I thought I should register this here because I found it hilarious given the Tims we know AND that the guy seems to be on a drunken stupidity rampage (Zarrelli).
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Kronomex, 18 Nov 2015 @ 12:44pm

I'm betting Zarelli would lay charges against his local shop for not having any of his favourite artery clogging snacks in the day he visits. The man, and I use that word loosely, is a cretin.
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Mike, 26 Nov 2015 @ 12:13am

Anyone who has had any dealings with Patrick Zarrelli could have told you that he's a coke snorting crook, who has ripped off anyone who has ever worked for him. But his biggest ripoffs were the ones he saved for his clients. He was charging local Fort Lauderdale businesses that were trying to get exposure for their brands, thousands of dollars for an ad in the South Florida Chronicle, claiming he was distributing 50 thousand copies locally. But he spent their money on cocaine and only printed a few hundred. Good to see his karma kicking him in the ass.
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