As Devin Nunes Threatens More SLAPP Suits, He May Have To Explain Why Cows Can Type In His First SLAPP Suit
from the cows-that-type dept
It has become abundantly clear that Devin Nunes, who once co-sponsored the "Discouraging Frivolous Lawsuits Act," has decided that the best strategy to all of his critics and any reporting that calls him out is to file completely bullshit SLAPP suits against those critics. It started with the lawsuit against a satirical cow and has continued with more lawsuits against reporters, political researchers, newspapers and political strategists. Given that he's gone on all in with that strategy, it's no surprise that he says he's going to sue CNN and the Daily Beast this week, both of whom reported on stories about Nunes that look pretty bad for him.
Because it seems clear that Nunes really doesn't want you to read these stories, you should probably know that the Daily Beast story quotes indicted Rudy Giuliani associate Lev Parnas's lawyer Ed MacMahon saying that Parnas "helped arrange meetings and calls in Europe" for Nunes when he visited there last year, while CNN quoted a different Parnas lawyer saying that, among the meetings set up, was one between Nunes and disgraced former Ukrainian prosecutor Victor Shokin. Let's be clear, if these reports are false, then it's possible Nunes would have a claim against Parnas (or potentially Parnas' lawyers,), but not the news orgs reporting what he said. And it seems telling that when asked whether or not the story was true, Nunes did not deny it:
On Sunday, Bartiromo asked Nunes a very straightforward question — “Were you in Vienna with Shokin?” — but instead of answering, Nunes railed against the media and threatened to get litigious.
“I really want to answer all of these questions ... but because there is criminal activity here, we’re working with the appropriate law enforcement agencies, we’re gonna file all this — everyone is gonna know the truth, everyone is gonna know all the facts — but I think you can understand that I can’t compete by trying to debate this out with the public media, when 90 percent of the media are totally corrupt,” Nunes said.
He continued: “And because this is criminal in nature, and because it’s so bad, it’s so slanderous, we’ve got all the facts on our side, and we’re going to file in federal court, because I’m not gonna sit here and try to compete against the media that I have no chance of winning with. I will win in court, and they’ll have a chance to cooperate, and they’ll have to show how they work with someone who has been indicted, which is likely conspiring to obstruct justice.”
Just to be clear, this is all utter and complete nonsense. Their reporting isn't criminal. It's certainly not "slanderous." This is Nunes throwing shit at the wall rather than responding to a serious journalist's question.
Somewhat hilariously, Nunes also claims that when he sues both media properties, he doesn't think they'll show up in court and he'll have to chase them down.
Devin Nunes says he thinks CNN and The Daily Beast will not show up to court but he will track them down and hold them accountable pic.twitter.com/7qJnZOxMb9
— Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) November 26, 2019
In that video, talking to Sean Hannity, Nunes says:
I have a bet for you Sean: CNN and the Daily Beast are going to run for cover. They're going to fight this. They're not going to show up in court. They're not going to accept service. But at the end of the day I'm going to track them down, and I'm going to hold them accountable.
If I were Sean Hannity, I'd take that bet and double down. I'd bet a decent sum of money that assuming Nunes actually moves forward with this very dumb legal strategy, that not only will those two media companies accept service and show up in court, they'll show up with lawyers eager to blast these cases to smithereens and make Nunes look like the petty frivolous SLAPP-suit filing loser he is. I'd also imagine that both media operations might actually be willing to jump straight to the discovery process, as I'm sure they'd actually love to let their lawyers depose Nunes.
Meanwhile, back in that very first case, against the satirical Twitter cow, you may recall that Nunes himself admitted that these lawsuits were really fishing expeditions to find out who various journalist sources were, a claim that was made even more obvious in that case when his discovery demands were made public.
Part of the fishing expedition is a subpoena to Adam Parkomenko, a Democratic political strategist, who Nunes appears to think is somehow connected to the satirical accounts. Parkomenko hired lawyer Scott Surovell, who filed one of the most fun legal documents you'll ever read in support of his motion to quash the subpoena. There's the technical stuff -- claiming various process and rules violations regarding how the subpoena was issued, but that's not what has gotten the internet all excited. But then, the memorandum has some fun in explaining why the entire lawsuit is frivolous nonsense, including highlighting the lack of opposable digits from cows:
Both of these anonymous Twitter accounts are blatant parody accounts. No reasonable person would believe that Devin Nunes' cow actually has a Twitter account, or that the hyperbole, satire and cow-related jokes it posts are serious facts. It is self-evident that cows are domesticated livestock animals and do not have the intelligence, language, or opposable digits needed to operate a Twitter account. Moreover, by purporting to be from a cow, with the excessive use ofcow puns and cow imagery, it is plainly evident that it is not a serious news outlet. Defendant "Devin Nunes' Mom" likewise posts satirical patronizing, nagging, mothering comments which ostensibly treat Mr. Nunes as a misbehaving child. In light of the content, a reasonable person, reading the accounts in context, would not take Defendant "Devin Nunes' Cow" or Defendant "Devin Nunes' Mom" to be serious accounts imparting actual facts about Plaintiff. They are parody accounts. As such, the statements at issue in this case lack the defamatory sting necessary to state a cause of action.
Clearly, Mr. Surovell is unfamiliar with the popular children's book Click Clack, Moo; Cows That Type (which is actually a lot of fun), but maybe he doesn't have young kids. I don't think it would change the argument much, either way.
And, of course, all this has really done is opened up yet another opportunity for people to dunk on Nunes and call out questions about his actions. Indeed, Parkhomenko is now raising some questions about who is funding Nunes' legal spree:
Nunes makes *zero* from the fake farm and has reported *zero* in political legal fees to his Henrico attorney. So just who is funding this frivolous attack on me, his mom, cow and Liz? (pro-tip: corporate in-kinds from an attorney are illegal for a member of house) #Conspiracy
— Adam Parkhomenko (@AdamParkhomenko) November 29, 2019
If Nunes thought these lawsuits would create chilling effects and silence journalists and his critics, it appears he may be mistaken.
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Filed Under: 1st amendment, adam parkomenko, defamation, devin nunes, devin's cow, devincow, free speech, intimidation, lev parnas, slapp, ukraine
Companies: cnn, daily beast
Reader Comments
The First Word
“'I represent a district in California, we have highly intelligent silicon valley supercows!'
'But your farm is in Iowa, Mr. Nunes, your cows are as illiterate ad the people who believe your spiel. Why are you suing in Virginia again?'
'... Er... Something, something witchhunt! Fusion GPS! But her emails!'
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Devin Nunes, to his lawyer(s): Dig up, stupid!
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Some evidence Nunes can use:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Click%2C_Clack%2C_Moo
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Methinks Devin Nunes has spent too much time looking at the ass end of his family cows...he seems to believe his bullshit is reality.
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It should be fairly obvious. Nunes' farmer buddy wants his cow back so is funding these lawsuits to find out who the cattle rustler is.
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'I represent a district in California, we have highly intelligent silicon valley supercows!'
'But your farm is in Iowa, Mr. Nunes, your cows are as illiterate ad the people who believe your spiel. Why are you suing in Virginia again?'
'... Er... Something, something witchhunt! Fusion GPS! But her emails!'
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Re:
I'm willing to bet his cows have a better understanding of the First Amendment and defamation law than Devin Nunes does.
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Re: Re:
You can be certain that Nunes understands first amendment law quite well. He also understands the legal system, and how it can used to unjustly bludgeon his opponents. Just like a military defense, it costs far more to defend against every possible attack than it costs to launch an attack.
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May I present:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYD8WRJTFRY
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Re:
Someone needs to come up with @DevinNunesChicken and @DevinNunesDuck in a hurry!
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I’d say we also need a @DevinNunesGoose, but even geese aren’t as evil as Nunes.
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Re:
Not even that goose. You know the one.
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Re: Re:
The untitled one?
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The referenced statement (and Nunes' related statements/actions) made me think- is he setting himself up to be the next Republican Presidential candidate?
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Very funny. But frankly, there is some Ukrainian fox toxoplasmosis variant or whatever else going around in the Republican party that renders them oblivious to bullshit or even makes them seek it out.
It's scary as hell rather than funny.
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People should buy copies of Click Clack Moo from their local bookstore and mail them to Nunes.
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Re:
Leave off the return address. Nunes might consider that to be threatening.
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At this point, I think he’d consider a stranger on the street saying “hello” to be threatening.
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Re:
Maybe not threatening, but he would definitely see it as slanderously defamatory and file a lawsuit.
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Re: Re:
How dare you say, "Hello," to me. That's it, I'm suing.
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Re: Re: Re:
Are you saying "Hello" to that old woman? Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say "Hello" at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred.
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Nothing is sacred, well except for the cow.
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We need animal commentators that don't back down from humans. Can we get DevinNunesEmu?
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Re:
Animal commentary ?
Someone ring up Tony Piro.
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Discovery will be fun
I really hope that CNN take the opportunity to force Nunes into turning over his trip details by asking the judge not to drop the case. The lawsuit costs them nothing if they get some good dirt out of it!
Regardless, I really hope all this ass-hattery costs him his seat in congress, but alas... with our cult-like followings of our two political tribes, that seems like too much to ask.
But it would be fun to have a PAC run some ads about it!
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This cretin takes being a mooron to a whole new level of mooronic behaviour.
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Director of Butt Licking
What kind of legal wizard can work that "title" into an official legal pleading?
Devin Nunes, Director of Butt Licking... Has a nice ring to it don't you think?? And strangely apropos....
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Overheard on a farm filed
Two cows are standing in a field, eating grass. The first cow says to the second cow: "Do you think this mad cow thing is over with? Are you concerned at all?"
The 2nd cow replies: "Why should I care, I'm a californian G.O.P. congressman!".
p.s. Nunes is always filing lawsuits - it's because he has a moo-d disorder
p.p.s. Nunes has a plan to find the Nunes cow account - Nunes will keep driving around until he hears the sound of hooves on a keyboard.
p.p.p.s. Seriously Nunes, it would behoove you to stop filing these lawsuits.
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Re: Overheard on a farm filed
p.p.p.p.s I'll show myself out.
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It's always funny to see politicians try to use the Trump defense method of sounding threatening while being guilty of whatever it is he is complaining about. I still dont know how Trump has gotten away with using that tactic for so long himself. I really hope that the news agencies can take it to discovery and have a field day with Nunes.
The guy will probably break down faster than when his demeanor sunk after hearing testimony from the impeachment inquiries.
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Y’know, I know this is just a fishing expedition, but why target Devin Nunes’ Cow? He already had Devin Nunes’ Mom and Twitter. Why throw in the Cow, which is even more obviously parody?
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Re:
Because it's making fun of him and therefore must be punished.
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Re: Re:
Because it's making fun of him and therefore must be remooooved.
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Re: Re:
I know. It was a rhetorical question meant to note just how stupid he is.
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Who's paying?
What I'd like to know is whether Peter Thiel is paying for these lawsuits, and if not him, who?
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Re: Who's paying?
I can't wait for some Epstein-like sh** to come out about Thiel. You just know that rat-bastard has some monumental skeletons in his closet.
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60 Minutes just came out against Section 230.
Good luck fighting that.
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Relevance
Um, how is that relevant to the article?
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It's not, they just like pointing to idiots who happen to agree with them in the mistaken impression that it would somehow make what passes for their arguments look better. It never does, but it's not like that's ever stopped them before, so flag and move on really.
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Today I Learned that CNN controls the world.
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That’s pathetic even for you jhonboi.
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60 Minutes is the final say on the law? That’s news to me.
Seriously, how does this actually change anything?
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Off topic.
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The COWgressman doth protest too much, methinks
The lawsuits against CNN and Daily Beast look a bit like an attempt at damage control more than anything else. Nunes looks like he's trying to contain knowledge about his Ukraine dealings from getting out to the general public, lest it leads to more investigation. I wonder if the Streisand affect will come into play here. We can only hope.
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Obviously they use voice-to-text software!
"Moo. Moooo, moomoo moo moo, moo!? Moo!"
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You did to yourself nunes
Nines:why are you doing this to me? WHY ME?
🐄:moo?
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