Chubby Checker Checks His Lawsuit Against App That Checks Your Chubby

from the penis-jokes dept

Finally, our long, national nightmare is over. If you'll recall, last year I brought you the story of Earnest Evans, better known as 60's rock legend Chubby Checker, and his lawsuit against a smartphone app designed to measure the size of a man's naughty bits, better known as the Chubby Checker. Should you need a refresher, the rocker sued HP and Palm for $500 million under the auspices of trademark, unfair competition, and publicity rights claims. This, by the way, was in reaction to an app that had been downloaded a grand total of 84 times. One would imagine the rebuke from the court would have come quite swiftly.

Not so much, as it turns out. It took until quite recently for the case to be settled, with the unfair competition and publicity rights charges dismissed, but his trademark claims allowed to go forward. HP, likely not wanting to bother with any of this, and certainly not admitting any guilt, paid to have this go away.

The company claimed in a motion to dismiss that it had authorized the app without knowledge of Chubby Checker’s trademarks, and that upon learning of them in the 2012 cease-and-desist letter from Evans’ attorneys, had removed the app within days. A judge sided with Evans that he was "internationally known" as Chubby Checker and that HP's "detailed" app approval process should have discovered his name. Evans' trademark infringement claims were allowed.

Honestly, I still don't get it. What is the chance of confusion here? Earnest is a decades old rocker and this app measures penises. Where's the customer confusion?

It probably doesn't matter all that much. While there were no terms of the settlement disclosed, it seems pretty clear reading between the lines that no serious amounts of cash are changing hands here. All that this might have accomplished is to remind everyone that Chubby Checker still walks the Earth, which I guess might be some kind of publicity. Why he'd want to tangentially associate himself and his stage name with penis-measuring applications, on the other hand, is beyond me.

Filed Under: apps, chubby checker, earnest evans, secondary liability, trademark
Companies: hp

Chubby Checker Sues Two Companies For $500 Million Over Wang-Measuring App Downloaded 84 Times

from the you-can't-make-this-stuff-up dept

Here's a question that has been keeping me awake for the past several years: what would I call a smart phone application designed to approximate the size of my naughty parts? The answer, of course, is to call it the Chubby Checker, which is exactly what a company did some time ago. Apparently 1960's rock and roll legend Chubby Checker is so pissed off about it that he wants approximately all of the money (by which he means a hell of a lot more money than) the app ever made. And, for some reason, he wants it from HP and Palm, who no longer offer the app at all due to the platform being completely dead, and who appear to have complied with his requests in every way. There's a joke about Palm being involved in a penis size app, but most of it is too vulgar for Techdirt's audience. Let's just say the punchline is "That's what I call two in the hand and one in the bush!" and get back to the story.

Checker's lawyers are seeking half a billion dollars for the "irreparable damage and harm" caused by the Chubby Checker, an app for Hewlett-Packard's Palm OS platform. "This lawsuit is about preserving the integrity and legacy of a man who has spent years working hard [editor's note: HA!] at his musical craft and has earned the position of one of the greatest musical entertainers of all time," explained lawyer Willie Gary.

Yes, according to Willie [editor's note: his name had to be Willie, didn't it?], an application from a company now extinct, released for a mobile platform also extinct, has caused irreparable harm to a rocker from the 60's. Okay, apologies for digging into this, but that's what the post requires. A chubby is a term for a man's wang. If you're going to check it out, chubby checker describes the app. Sorry, but that's the deal. And I want to know who, out of the grand total of 84 people who downloaded this app, in any way thought about The Twist, or in any possible way thought that this app was endorsed by the 71 year old man born Earnest Evans. Because here's the thing: if you associated a penis and a song about a dance in which you twist into knots, you're a masochist and an idiot. And, frankly, the tarnishment aspect of their complaint is the most reasonable part of it all.

That's because of their ridiculous request for $500 million for an app downloaded 84 times on a platform now defunct from a company also defunct. And their filing is against HP and Palm, not the actual app developer, who actually took the app down in September of last year, the same month when that same filing shows Checker's lawyers first sent HP/Palm their cease and desist (filing embedded below). So, they took a dead app for a dead platform that almost nobody downloaded and injected all of it back into the public news realm, and Checker's/Evans'/Whoever's lawyers claim the app is the one causing harm to the brand? It seems a hell of a lot more likely that filing this ridiculous lawsuit is going to cause harm to Checker's brand than anything HP or Palm did. Per their own hilarious press release:

The lawsuit alleges that the egregious and flagrant acts of Hewlett Packard and Palm, Inc., if not stopped immediately, will permit Defendants to enjoy profits to which they are not entitled.

Newsflash, guys, there is no current way for HP and Palm to profit from this app. This entire suit against them is ridiculous. If 3rd party sites are still offering it, go file spurious trademark lawsuits against them and then lose in court. HP did everything you asked and you're still suing them for an astounding $500 million, even though they didn't create the app or have anything to do with it. Meanwhile, you're making your client look like a chubby (get it?).

Filed Under: chubby checker, chubby checker app, publicity rights, secondary liability, trademark
Companies: hp, palm