The SOPA/PIPA Protest Shows Why There Needs To Be Complete Transparency With TPP

Do Not Discuss The Movie You Just Saw

from the don't-want-to-infringe dept

Thu, Feb 2nd 2012 3:38pm — Mike Masnick

Lots of folks have been sending over Jacob Sager Weinstein's rather amusing -- but all too close to true -- satirical pre-movie warnings. Here's just a snippet, but you should read the whole thing:

Any remaining memories are yours to keep and enjoy, provided you do not discuss them with others or make them available via mankind’s collective unconscious. In addition, your experience of this film may not be remixed in any form; dreams involving any of its characters must adhere strictly to the film’s actual plotline and running time, and must also comply with copyright laws in your state or territory. Any sexual fantasies based on it may not exceed the film’s M.P.A.A. rating.

I won't spoil it for you, but make sure not to miss the explanation of the checkboxes at the end that need to be checked (or not) to agree (or not) to certain terms.

While it's satire, as with any good satire, what makes it funny is how close to reality it is -- and just how much the folks at the MPAA would love to have the ability to do something like this.

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Filed Under: movies, warnings

49 Comments

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Gothenem (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 3:46pm

Comment
I would like to comment on this article, but I did not read it, because I did happen to use the provided earplugs and blindfold.

In addition, since I do not actually know what the article was about, I can't comment because my comments may actually exceed the MPAA Rating on the article.

Hopefully I didn't record any of the article on my human brain, and I will be purging my computer of all data just to make sure it didn't accidently create redundant backups of the article.

[X] I checked this box to verify that all recorded medium has been scrubbed and destroyed. I have also spoken to the web developers with Lousiville Sluggers, but I don't seem to remember why I needed to speak to them.
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Feb 2012 @ 4:01pm

Lacuna Inc., anyone?
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rubberpants, 2 Feb 2012 @ 4:09pm

This comment is Copyright 2012 Rubberpants You may not copy, summarize, or refer to this comment in any way. The word "comment" is also Copyright 2012 Rubberpants. You may not store this word in your neural network or muscle memory. Stop reading now to avoid liability. I said, stop reading! You have now violated my innate intellectual property rights and are guilty. Please escort yourself to thought prison. If you do not wish to escort yourself, several representatives will arrive to assist you shortly. Please stay where you are.
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sehlat (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 4:16pm

Actually, the "baseball bat wielding ushers" are obsolete
There is new research being done on erasing recent memories in trauma cases. If it works, the MPAA may insist on moviegoers undergoing the treatment after each showing. I mean, it will mean more revenue, won't it, as people buy tickets to see the movie they don't remember seeing?

Of course, there may be unexpected side effects of the treatment...
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Rabbit80, 2 Feb 2012 @ 4:19pm

My choice...
I chose the second option because the third option is technically impossible because the first option has no above. Therefore the first option stands as valid and not applicable to option three. I didn't understand the fourth option as I am thick and only speak one language!
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Feb 2012 @ 4:20pm

FUD.
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Digitari, 2 Feb 2012 @ 4:27pm

Re: Re: Re:
talk about a prophetic rant

but, if ya think about it, aint it already like this?

(anyone else notice you have to "submit" to post here?)
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Lauriel (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 4:32pm

Re:
Funny Until Disproven?
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TtfnJohn (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 4:32pm

Re: FUD
There as no fear, uncertainty or doubt about what the article laid out as the permissions for discussing a motion picture protected by those terms and conditions (see below) with exactitude and precision.

One cannot be in doubt of the outcome should one in any way infringe on the copyright and it's attending terms and conditions in any way at all with the possible case of the final check box which appears to be an amalgam of French or Spanish or some dead language. However you are not excused in case you do not understand as ignorance of the law, whoops, terms and conditions is no excuse.

We do however wish to add that the nature of the warning about sexual fantasies omitted that any X or XXX rated fantasies become the property of these film makers complete with cast members listed so that we may produce that movies for our own enjoyment and profit.

Consider yourself warned.

We will not tolerate any infringement of our copyright or our terms and conditions and failure to do so will be harmful or perhaps fatal to certain areas of you gray matter.
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Colin, 2 Feb 2012 @ 4:33pm

Re:
Aw, get a sense of humor, will you?
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vukovar (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 4:35pm

I'm still trying to figure out what box to check....
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Anonymous Anonymous Coward, 2 Feb 2012 @ 4:51pm

Re:
I think I will just go to the bathroom. Maybe I can get it out via one orifice or another.
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Hephaestus (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 5:22pm

Re:
I just posted your comment on my blog. :p
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Hephaestus (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 5:26pm

Re:
The late 1990's called and want their acronym back.
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Nick Burns (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 5:35pm

MPAA == The New Thought Police
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ltlw0lf (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 5:40pm

Re: My choice...
didn't understand the fourth option as I am thick and only speak one language!

"Ceci n�est pas un box" means "This is not a box" in French.
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Just John (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 6:26pm

Perfect MPAA logic here, just like their accounting.
[ ] I agree that, for the purposes of box-checking, �above� shall be defined as �below� and �below� shall be defined as �above,� unless the box below is checked.
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Just John (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 6:27pm

Re: Actually, the "baseball bat wielding ushers" are obsolete
But you forgot?
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Just John (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 6:34pm

Re: Re:
I went to your blog only because you posted the funny on it.

Sadly, I cannot find the post of the comment. Did it already get DCMAed? Careful, it may get ICEed next...
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Feb 2012 @ 6:39pm

Re: Actually, the "baseball bat wielding ushers" are obsolete
Actualy they'll get even more revenue. You will have to pay a mandatory fee for this memory erasing procedure.
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Capitalist Lion Tamer (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 6:55pm

***SPOILER ALERT***
***END SPOILER***
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The Devil's Coachman (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 6:58pm

Re: Perfect MPAA logic here, just like their accounting.
These issues are most properly adjudicated by the Department of Redundancy Department, whereby all past recollections, present perceptions, and future intentions must be submitted for approval before execution. Your execution. Thank you for helping to ensure the future, by forgetting the past, and denying the present. Your efforts are appreciated. Or were. Or will be. Depending.
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John Thacker, 2 Feb 2012 @ 7:13pm

No baseball fans here?
MLB has been going with something similar for years, "Any rebroadcast, retransmission, or account of this game, without the express written consent of Major League Baseball, is prohibited" and various other slight variations implying that you can't tell your friend about the game without written permission.
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dev, 2 Feb 2012 @ 7:28pm

if you tell others the ending of this movie, or describe to them the plot, you will be breaking federal copyright law.
F. B. I.
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Feb 2012 @ 7:55pm

Re: Re: Actually, the "baseball bat wielding ushers" are obsolete
Thanks to the quality of your average Hollywood movie this would be a great buissness

Too bad the MPAA cannot change its business model
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Feb 2012 @ 8:01pm

Re:
Vader is Lukes father

Ahrrg
Help! A SWAT-team is storming my hou
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Feb 2012 @ 8:03pm

Re: Actually, the "baseball bat wielding ushers" are obsolete
The MPAA must find a way to recreate Alzheimer effects on people somehow it would be a boom for their business.

I can see they claiming, where would be artists if we cannot cause Alzheimer in people, how would we finance $200 million dollar movies, who will pay the workers the economy will sunk.

OMG is the end of the world without Alzheimer inducing movie experience how can we survive.
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trollificus (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 8:06pm

It's not FUD at all, it's reductio ad absurdam, which, while itself a logical fallacy, often has value in forcing a re-examination of the starting assumptions.

Now, use of a logical fallacy does not guarantee a false result. In fact, in this case, the starting assumptions are proven to be pretty accurate, foremost among them "IP owners (not artists) have no guiding principle save greater revenue generation from the 'property'." and "This has nothing to do with art, the common good, or established legal and moral principles." Then you examine the steps they've taken already, extrapolate, go a little farther and see what you get.

And look! The reductio turns out not to be so absurdam after all.

ps) "Ceci n�est pas un box" is a sweet and appropriate reference to Magritte's Surrealist painting "Ceci n�est pas un pipe"
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trollificus (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 8:08pm

@The Devil's Coachman:
In a budget-reduction move that will cost only $2B, the Department of Redundancy Department has been folded into the Office of Bureaus and Departments (though retaining its name, budget and physical resources, to be housed in the new $5B "Senator Redacted Memorial Office Building Complex Center")
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Al Bert (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 8:09pm

not a baseball fan
Dang, you beat me to it.
...and yes, something similar to the OP comment is always what goes through my head when i hear that nonsense. Next, they'll forbid thinking about the game with disappointment.
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John Thacker, 2 Feb 2012 @ 8:22pm

Re: not a baseball fan
Actually, searching through the archives, I see that TechDirt had an article on this 8+ years ago. Major League Baseball actually has tried to crack down on sites for just offering the stats, play-by-play, or box scores, such as to websites or phone apps. It's crazy, and probably only hurts the sport's popularity (like their obsession with removing YouTube videos of highlights-- way to keep people from talking about a great game or awesome play, guys!)
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Mr. Oizo, 2 Feb 2012 @ 8:27pm

Re: Re: My choice...
Its also the only sensible box to check :)
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Anonymous Coward, 2 Feb 2012 @ 9:18pm

Re:
How does this warning count as FUD? Trust me, you haven't seen some of my friends; they get into a rather murderous mood when other people begin discussing movies they haven't seen yet.
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gfgross (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 9:22pm

Disclaimer
I would like to post a comment, buy first all readers must agree to my disclaimer:

This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CARB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool. Process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated are. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. 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Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. This article is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. Article is provided "as is" without any warranties. Reader assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity article. No shoes, no shirt, no articles. quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from pets, birds and small children. Limit one-per-family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. You need not be present to win. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Instructions are included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Slippery when wet. Safety goggles may be required during use. Sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken. Call before you dig. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. Read only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Keep away from open flames. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. Smoking this article could be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician. Articles are ribbed for your pleasure. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Offer valid only at participating sites. Slightly higher west of the Rockies. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. must be 18 to read. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.). Other restrictions may apply.

This supersedes all previous notices.
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Al Bert (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 9:29pm

Re: Re: not a baseball fan
It only appears crazy if you mistakenly think that the entertainment industry is concerned with providing anything to any customers. The only concern is profit. To let people use the IP in any uncontrolled form is to suddenly establish a potential market where they have no guaranteed profit terms. They'd rather extract money out of service providers contractually.
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The Real Fake AC, 2 Feb 2012 @ 9:37pm

Re: Disclaimer
What? No mention of "Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball"?

Slacker.
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HumbleForeigner (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 11:00pm

OK
Can someone, for the love of the Gods, let me know when "Right To Read"
http://www.gnu.org/philosophy/right-to-read.html
Became less a warning that and instruction manual!

The original post was amusing, but think about it, how many in the *AA would *love* to be able to do this.

America rose up once in revolution, Taxation without representation ring a bell, that they fail to do so now with so many freedoms being encroached...it shows that the American people have become weak. As long as they have their bread and circuses they are happy.

*sigh* I wonder is mankind is worth saving, or should we become an object lesson to future races of "This is how to screw everything up"

"What is more important? My right to my culture? Or your claim to profit?
- Me
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The eejit (profile), 2 Feb 2012 @ 11:50pm

Re: Re: Re:
Nah, it got double-negative-gajillion probation instead. Only the blog owner and those on the Mariana Web can see it.
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AzureSky (profile), 3 Feb 2012 @ 12:26am

Re: Re: FUD
we also use this term to mean "fucked up data" in my little group of friends(depends on context)

but i agree with your post.
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Just John (profile), 3 Feb 2012 @ 1:08am

Re: Re: Re: Re:
So, who is the puppet master?
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Richard (profile), 3 Feb 2012 @ 2:59am

Re: Comment
I would like to comment on this article, but I did not read it, because I did happen to use the provided earplugs and blindfold.

Standard practice for MAFIAA trolls.
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Richard (profile), 3 Feb 2012 @ 3:07am

Re: Disclaimer
I would like to post a comment, buy first all readers must agree to my disclaimer:

This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required....

... Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.). Other restrictions may apply.

This supersedes all previous notices.

Sequence shortened.
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Anonymous Coward, 3 Feb 2012 @ 3:39am

Re: Re: Comment
MAFIAA trolls don't need blindfolds because their built-in horseblinkers work just as well
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Suja (profile), 3 Feb 2012 @ 5:12am

Re: Re:
holy shit
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Suja (profile), 3 Feb 2012 @ 5:16am

Re:
yes, you spread it, what about it?
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Anonymous Coward, 3 Feb 2012 @ 5:56am

Re: Re: Re:
Hey, let's slow down there. I don't know if that shit Rubberpants is copyrighting is perfect enough to be venerated as sacred. It was good but it was MPAA/RIAA god-like.
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Anonymous Coward, 3 Feb 2012 @ 7:05am

Re: Re: FUD
"French or Spanish or a dead language"? Seriously? You don't know what French looks like?
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Anonymous Coward, 3 Feb 2012 @ 10:01am

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
Luke Kanies
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Gary, 3 Feb 2012 @ 5:39pm

Re: Re: Re:
I have never infringed anything,but might start they're pissing me off LEAVE MY WEB ALONE!!!
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