Behind The Veil Part 2: Let's All Look At Comcast's Customer Retention Playbook For Its Employees!
from the always-be-closing dept
Following one Comcast customer-retention rep's brave attempt to set the record for the most annoying cancellation call, The Verge put out a call for past and current Comcast employees to weigh in on just how rare or frowned-upon this sort of thing is. As the initial submissions noted, this sort of thing isn't so much frowned-upon as it is, oh, let's call it super-actively encouraged. So much so, in fact, that the latest confession dump on The Verge includes Comcast's employee handbook for customer retention reps, and it's exactly as infuriating as you think it is.
A current employee at Comcast who participated in the Comcast Confessions series provided The Verge with a copy of the 20-page guidelines the company uses for evaluating retention specialists. The guidelines are divided into 13 sections:It has all the hallmarks of a playbook designed to piss off and annoy someone who wants to cancel service. Legislated courtesy followed by manufactured empathy that devolves into the assertion of the rep's dominance on the call, all leading to a close of the "save." If you're not in some kind of sales role, this list probably doesn't look familiar to you. I've been in sales all of my life, however, and this is the kind of playbook you get in a sales role at a faceless mega-corporation. Trust me, it's as frustrating for the sales person as it is for the customer. But you know what this isn't? Customer service for someone looking to cancel their damned account.
1. Greet customer clearly
2. Clarify reason for call
3. Relate and empathize
4. Take control
5. Set the agenda
6. Ask targeted questions
7. Consider unstated needs / active listening
8. Take ownership / make offer
9. Overcome objections
10. Close the save
11. Confirm details
12. End on a positive note
13. Documentation
But the handbook does offer indirect advice on how to get past these Comcast retention people in the form of what "objections" cannot be resolved with some contrived buddy-talk and a "special" offer.
Save Attempt is Not Applicable in the Following ScenariosSo, if you're a Comcast customer looking to cancel your service, your playbook is quite clear. Once you are transferred to customer retention, you say the following: "I am cancelling my service because my home was hit by a tornado, flinging me out of the window and into an unknown address that I'll be sharing with someone who already has Comcast service. Also I'm dead."
-Customer is moving in with an existing Comcast customer (CAE must verify Comcast services active at new address)
-Customer is moving to a non-Comcast area (CAE must verify by looking up zip code)
-Account holder is deceased / incapacitated
-Temporary / seasonal disconnect and Seasonal Suspend Plan is not available in their area
-Natural disaster
-Customer doesn't know what address they're moving to
Happy cancelling, folks!
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Filed Under: broadband, cancellation, customer service, retention, sales
Companies: comcast
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My favorite answer to why I want to cancel is "because I said so."
If that fails, I usually follow up by telling them that they personally offend me and smell bad. I've never had to go beyond that.
I read somewhere about someone that just says, "God told me to save the money and use it to buy ammunition." Apparently, that never fails.
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Response to: GMacGuffin on Aug 6th, 2014 @ 1:13pm
Save time for both of you, look up a zip code they don't service, and tell them you're moving.
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Re: Response to: GMacGuffin on Aug 6th, 2014 @ 1:13pm
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Is General Electric in Schenectady a Comcast area?
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Re:
Credit Scores are a banking regulation issue, so good luck getting that fixed. There are several ways of dealing with harassment. Some legal, and some very satisfying.
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Re: Re:
You should be able to phone up your ISP and cancel if you please (obviously if your contract has ended).
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Not with Comcast, but I have had the experience with other large corporations where simply saying I didn't want something any more was not good enough. I would love to tell them all that I'm dead, but I always figured they'd want proof.
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Monty Python
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vuW6tQ0218
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"What? I can't hear you...can you hear me now?"
2. Clarify reason for call
"Because. Because." x infinity
3. Relate and empathize
"You don't understand, the dog & the CIA tortured me "
4. Take control
"Get out of my mind!!"
5. Set the agenda
"Hang on, what was that middle part again?"
6. Ask targeted questions
"I'll have to ask my hamster that question."
7. Consider unstated needs / active listening
"Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee."
8. Take ownership / make offer
"I'll take 1000 shares in Comcast"
9. Overcome objections
"Overrulled!"
10. Close the save
"Do I get a pony with this?"
11. Confirm details
"1000 shares and a pony"
12. End on a positive note
"I'll never hear you voice again?"
13. Documentation
"No need, I recorded it too."
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Soem of this is pretty silly
"Account is cancelled because of failure to address service concerns, billing will no longer be honored."
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Stop them at #3
If possible, record your entire call with the CS rep including the automated message when you call them. I figure you don't need to mention it, they already stated that the call may be recorded so they can't be unaware that the call may be recorded.
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Re: Stop them at #3
Wonder if that would actually be true? Any Lawyers or people who play lawyers on the interwebs know?
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Re: Stop them at #3
Sure the DOJ may come knock your door next morning but that's just collateral damage.
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Obviously...
Tell them "Sorry, but the sheriff is hauling my stuff out tomorrow for the bank that's foreclosing, I don't know where I'm going to be living until bankruptcy court has finished with me. I can tell you my bankruptcy attorney's mailing address if you want."
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Dead
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Re: Dead
Bad move. "Please call back then."
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Re: Re: Dead
"Account is cancelled because of failure to address service concerns, billing will no longer be honored."
To the dead in 3 days, deal. "Hi I'm already dead. I am actually a zombie at this point so all business dealings will have to go through my estate. Who does thats? I'm a freakin zombie, how the hell do I know?"
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Re: Dead
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So that explains it!
I called up to cancel the order and didn't get any garbage from them.
The few times I call support it's to get a new modem provisioned. (I buy my own and won't have their junk in my house)
I use DirecTV for my television. Much better service. The only time I have an issue is when there is really heavy weather.
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Re: So that explains it!
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Re: So that explains it!
This is wise, especially where the wireless router is concerned. Comcast's routers (that they rent) have software on them for surveillance, so they can monitor what's going on in the internal network. A quick peek at the settings when you log into one confirms this with a list of 'learned' devices, which is completely unnecessary and serves absolutely no purpose for routing.
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They all do it
That's how I've managed to keep my unlimited broadband, even though it was a limited time offer.
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Re: They all do it
"i saw an ad...and they are offering it for less. so i need to cancel"
talk big...they lower the price by $50 or more
everyone wins!
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Opposite
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"Why?"
"Because after (insert date) I won't be paying any bills I get from comcast."
"oh, is there anything we can do?"
"yes, stop sending bills. I'll leave the modem on the doorstep."
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- Customer has already installed alternative provider
Since I sometimes work from home, whenever I've switched I've always ensured a period of overlap so I'm not left unconnected in the case of problems on the install. I've never had a problem cancelling when I tell the first company that I've already stopped using their service because I have already installed an alternative (I expect they can verify realtime that their modem is off so I would never use this reason if it wasn't true). This usually gets the 'expedited cancel' so that the rep can move on to trying to retain the next caller in order to keep their stats up.
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Response to: Anonymous Coward on Aug 6th, 2014 @ 6:00pm
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Why not honesty?
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Re: Why not honesty?
"So do I sir/madam, but I still have to go through the list."
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Let problems solve problems
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they give grief even when the account holder is deaf
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Free Online Games
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