NYPD Puts Terrorism On The Run By Ordering Twitter To Turn Over Parody Account User Data 'Linked' To Brooklyn Bridge Flag-Switching
from the because-you-can't-know-how-low-you'll-sink-until-you-try dept
Late last month, some audacious pranksters (or possibly ultra-dangerous individuals) snuck to the top of the Brooklyn Bridge's two towers and replaced the American flags with the universal symbol for surrender: white flags. Or to be more specific, bleached-white American flags.As city law enforcement mobilized into "panic mode," a tweet claiming responsibility went out from a long-running parody Twitter account:
Earlier today we hoisted two white flags to signal our complete surrender of the Brooklyn Bridge bicycle path to pedestrians.
— Bike Lobby (@BicycleLobby) July 22, 2014
Earlier today we hoisted two white flags to signal our complete surrender of the Brooklyn Bridge bicycle path to pedestrians.The New York Daily News fell for it. More surprisingly, the Associated Press did as well, infecting an untold number of local outlets with its automated breaking news feed. In their hurry to be proven fools, the Daily News and the AP ignored both a) EVERY TWEET EVER MADE BY THE ACCOUNT and b) the second line of the account's profile.
An all-powerful enterprise.The parody account heaped more scorn on the two news agencies, suggesting they google "Dorothy Rabinowitz," the inspiration for the account. Rabinowitz, a Wall Street Journal editorial board member, once famously said, "The bike lobby is an all-powerful enterprise," as she attempted to protect average New Yorkers from the two-wheeled menace that was "begriming" upscale neighborhoods with "blazing blue Citi Bank bikes."
Parody account.
Apparently, the NYPD can't take a joke. Sure, it's taken DNA from the "crime" scene, along with grabbing cell tower dumps, surveillance footage and searches of the ALPR database for plates spotted in the vicinity, but it can't seem to wrap its mind around a parodic tweet from a parody account.
Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance’s office has issued a subpoena for information about the Twitter account @BicycleLobby.It's the real deal (embedded below). The straight-faced subpoena demands that Twitter turn over:
The anonymous, satirical account announced Friday that the company Twitter had received a summons to appear before a grand jury against John Doe defendant in a criminal investigation.
“On Monday, Twitter alerted this account that it had received a subpoena from the office of the District Attorney of the County of New York,” the account tweeted Friday afternoon — clarifying that it was being “100%” serious about the legal notice.
Any and all records including but not limited to account opening documents, user Contact information (subscriber information, including email addresses, billing information, associated telephone numbers), Group Contact information, and all available IP logs for the Twitter account(s) associated with the following…If Twitter fails to do so, it may be facing "imprisonment for one year." The subpoena also warns Twitter against notifying the end user:
Pursuant to 18 USC § 2705(b), this Court orders Twitter not to notify or otherwise disclose the existence or execution of this subpoena/order to any associated user/accountholder, until the conclusion of this investigation or otherwise by court order.If Twitter didn't just shrug this off, then it's likely the investigation has concluded or the court has rescinded its order. The subpoena went out on July 23rd and the account holder was notified August 4th. The person behind the parody account has retained legal assistance, not that he or she should actually need it. The NYPD's investigative "technique" apparently consists of grabbing as much data as possible (surveillance, cell tower dumps, "DNA," parody Twitter accounts) and running it through some sort of angsty, terrorism-fueled centrifuge until either a) discretionary spending is increased for counterterrorism units or b) the actual culprit outs him or herself by walking into the police station, dripping with
While there is legitimate concern that a highly-symbolic structure (like a flagpole atop the Brooklyn Bridge) could be so easily accessed (and without leaving a trace despite pervasive surveillance), the response so far should raise serious questions about the NYPD's counter-terrorism skills.
Cops were similarly stumped, although they hoped some answers might come from the quintet caught on blurry video crossing the bridge about 20 minutes before the tower lights went out and the flags were stolen around 3:30 a.m…The answer, of course, is to add more cameras to the exact spot where something has already happened. Someone "inside the police department" posited that it could have been a dry run for a terrorist attack, and the response has been a lot of barn-door kicking and the hassling of any other person who might cross the Brooklyn Bridge on foot during the early hours of the morning.
The graveyard-shift cops who missed the trespassers jumping a locked gate, scaling the two towers and hanging the bleached flags will not be disciplined, police sources told The News.
This clumsy fear-driven thinking is only exacerbated by willing accomplices like the NY Daily News -- the same entity so quick to claim a parody Twitter account did it -- which rushed out this reductio ad absurdum headline the next morning:
That's how the NYPD ends up throwing more cameras at the same spot the previous cameras captured the flag-switchers at work, as though more unwatched eyes will somehow prevent an attack. And that's how a local judge signs off on a subpoena ordering Twitter to hand over user data on a clearly parodic Twitter account -- one that has also claimed to have faked the moon landing. If our main "weapon" in the War on Terror is "swift and disproportionate" reaction, no wonder everyone in the intel community believes we're "losing."
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Filed Under: bike lobby, brooklyn bridge, nypd, parody, privacy, secrecy, subpoena, white flag
Companies: twitter
Reader Comments
The First Word
“For every indignity, right repressed, right ignored, money spent... these idiots were unable to stop this event.
Rather than consider it might just have been a protest (or perhaps because protesting means you are a terrorist now) they are pouring buckets of cash pursuing "something" so they can have a perp walk.
Those charged with protecting the violated site, will face no repercussions for the complete failure in their duties.
The parody is the NYPD.
The joke is lost on everyone because it isn't funny.
A bad event happened once, the overreaction and expansion ushered in by fearful people brought much worse terrorism to the city.
NYC is in the control of terrorists, who feel their holy mission trumps the alleged rights of those they hold hostage.
That the impossible dream of stopping all bad things can happen... if only we throw more money at it, violate more rights, violate more laws, and keep executing undesirables with impunity.
If it were a 3rd world country, wouldn't we have sent in "military advisers" to help the repressed people by now?
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At last!
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Re: At last!
*looks at prison*
I think we're gonna need a bigger jail.
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Re: Re: At last!
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(US prison population 2.2m Gaza population 1.8m)
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Re: Re: At last!
I think it would be enough to remove the harddrives and stack them on top each other in 1-2 cells.
They did something bad so they dont get protective packaging and that way they dont need too much space. They might get a scratch here and there if you stack them but hey, it's prison!
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http://imgur.com/MQRVu1X
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Not to mention panic and fear always sells, so it's hardly a surprise that they wouldn't pass up a chance to stir up more of it.
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Please
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Re: Please
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logic?
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Re: logic?
The dumb bad guys always explain their evil plans and must leave clues for the good smart guys to follow.
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Re: Re: logic?
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Re: Re: logic?
https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20140131/09523326059/david-cameron-says-snoopers-charter-i s-necessary-because-fictional-crime-dramas-he-watches-prove-it.shtml
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Re: logic?
It wouldn't be so much of a dry run as a warning if they were serious or just a politically motivated hoax if they were bluffing.
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Re: logic?
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Re: Re: logic?
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Cui bono?
They are the ones who are terrorizing people for a gain. Deliberately.
Their other terrorist partners don't need to bother to do anything anymore.
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Re:
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Of course you're "losing". One of the main aims of terrorism is to spread fear and, on the basis of this story, you're doing that without terrorists actually having to do anything. It's hard to "win" a "war" when the enemy doesn't even have to engage you for them to achieve their aims.
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For every indignity, right repressed, right ignored, money spent... these idiots were unable to stop this event.
Rather than consider it might just have been a protest (or perhaps because protesting means you are a terrorist now) they are pouring buckets of cash pursuing "something" so they can have a perp walk.
Those charged with protecting the violated site, will face no repercussions for the complete failure in their duties.
The parody is the NYPD.
The joke is lost on everyone because it isn't funny.
A bad event happened once, the overreaction and expansion ushered in by fearful people brought much worse terrorism to the city.
NYC is in the control of terrorists, who feel their holy mission trumps the alleged rights of those they hold hostage.
That the impossible dream of stopping all bad things can happen... if only we throw more money at it, violate more rights, violate more laws, and keep executing undesirables with impunity.
If it were a 3rd world country, wouldn't we have sent in "military advisers" to help the repressed people by now?
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Jail Bird ">
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Documents show that GM knew about the faulty ignition switch for year, admits 13 people were killed by the faulty ignition switch, all after being caught lying about not knowing; NO JAIL.
Twitter hosts parody account that claim responsibility for the erection of two white flags exposing the awesome terrorist fighting skills, and billions of dollars spent in surveillance by the NYPD (with the help of the CIA) over the years. NYPD now tells Twitter if they don't turn over the account information, JAIL.
"One of these things is not like the others. Which one is different, do you know? Can you tell which thing is not like the other? I can't tell you, cause I might end up in jail."
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Re:
The first two atrocities were committed by those in authority, therefore, they do not get jail.
The third was someone making fun of the incompetent NYPD, with all their anti-terror budgets, security theater, and general sense of paranoia at every turn. That MUST be punished to deter us pointing out the incompetence of those in authority (especially with those in authority who have so much money to throw around, despite their obviously shitty performance).
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"Maybe it is high time to get these guys behind bars."
Yeah, someone might want to investigate what the DA has been smoking.
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This time it was a flag, next time it could be:
- JOAN RIVERS
- a box of INSTANT OATMEAL
- NOTHING AT ALL
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Re: This time it was a flag, next time it could be:
Perhaps someone will push her off...
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Re: This time it was a flag, next time it could be:
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this is really a case for internal affairs
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Alright people
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Re:
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I saw what you did there.
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I know, it's a terrible thing to do to a New Yorker. The carnage will be horrible! But the survivors will come out hardened, more liberal and with a healthy respect for the all-powerful bicycle enterprise. (Also a craving for Thai food and sushi.)
But they'll never get rid of the taste of bugs.
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Apropos for the NYPD?
I've got nothing to do and all day to do it
Well I'd go out cruising, but I've no place
To go and all night to get there
Is it any wonder I'm not a criminal
Is it any wonder I'm not in jail
Is it any wonder I've got too much time on my hands
--Styx
Apropos
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Muwahaaaaa
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Where's the NSA?
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