Translating Chris Dodd's Sanctimonious Bluster On Internet Protests Into English

Say That Again

from the thank-us-later,-chris dept

Wed, Jan 18th 2012 10:05am — Kevin Marks

Following the MPAA's "statement" concerning today's internet blackout, Kevin Marks offered up a useful translation for us to post.

WASHINGTON--The following is a statement by Senator Chris Dodd, Chairman and CEO of the Motion Picture Association of America, Inc. (MPAA) on the so-called “Blackout Day” protesting anti-piracy legislation:

Senator and CEO - let's lead with the revolving door promises to politicians

“Only days after the White House and chief sponsors of the legislation responded to the major concern expressed by opponents and then called for all parties to work cooperatively together,

Why are my former colleagues listening to their constituents about legislation? Don't they stay bought?

some technology business interests are resorting to stunts that punish their users or turn them into their corporate pawns, rather than coming to the table to find solutions to a problem that all now seem to agree is very real and damaging.

Maybe if we keep saying copyright infringement is a real problem without evidence, they'll believe it.

It is an irresponsible response and a disservice to people who rely on them for information and use their services.

How dare they edit their sites unless we force them to under penalty of perjury and felony convictions?

It is also an abuse of power given the freedoms these companies enjoy in the marketplace today.

Tomorrow was supposed to be different, that's why we bought this legislation.

It’s a dangerous and troubling development when the platforms that serve as gateways to information intentionally skew the facts to incite their users in order to further their corporate interests.

Being the gateways and skewing the facts is our job, dammit.

A so-called “blackout” is yet another gimmick, albeit a dangerous one, designed to punish elected and administration officials who are working diligently to protect American jobs from foreign criminals.

I am high as a kite

It is our hope that the White House and the Congress will call on those who intend to stage this “blackout” to stop the hyperbole and PR stunts and engage in meaningful efforts to combat piracy.”

What have the Romans done for us? Apart from instantaneous global communications, digital audio and video editing, the DVD, Blu-ray, Digital projection, movie playback devices in everyone's pockets and handbags...

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Filed Under: blackouts, chris dodd, condescension, pipa, protect ip, protests, sopa, translation
Companies: mpaa

69 Comments

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Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:12am

Ah, Chris Dodd, the man who helped slay Glass-Steagall. How'd that work out? Oh and Chris? 2008 says "hi," by the way. You never call.
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iamtheky (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:15am

hyperbole and PR stunts and engage in meaningful efforts to combat piracy.

Because 'piracy' isnt a hyperbolic term? And we can engage in a meaningful conversation when they gain a meaningful understanding of the technology in play.
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- Almost Anonymous (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:38am
  
  Re:
  """Because 'piracy' isnt a hyperbolic term?"""
  
  Don't forget 'stealing stealers' and 'thefty thiefers' in your hyperbolic analysis!
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  - Marcel de Jong (profile), 19 Jan 2012 @ 4:27am
    
    Re: Re:
    Is 'grifting grifters' out of vogue again?
    [ link to this | view in chronology ]
Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:15am

Shillish and Corporatese are probably easier languages to pick up than most, though only the truly mentally vapid ever master it.
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Adam V, 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:15am

I should point out for the sarcasm-challenged that saying "I am high as a kite" in a line-by-line breakdown of PR-speak goes back to Mark Pilgrim (whose site seems to be down) and John Gruber.
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- Adam V, 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:19am
  
  Re:
  My bad, the Gruber & Pilgrim links were at the bottom of the original page.
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- Anonymous Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:26pm
  
  Re:
  I think they are a little higher than a kite.
  
  Jet? No. Space Station? Atmosphere is gone, but still in the grips of earths gravity? Not yet. On the way to Mars? Now we are getting closer.
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- Kevin Marks, 19 Jan 2012 @ 12:11am
  
  Re: high as a kite
  I did thank John and Mark in the original blogpost (linked at the top)
  [ link to this | view in chronology ]
ArkahnX (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:18am

That was great. But really, they get so worked up when anyone who isn't in their tight circle of people who donate money to them tries to stand up for themselves, and call them all sorts of names, but are in absolute denial when the names they call others are thrown right back at them, with evidence! I sincerely hope that the internet can continue to push back after these bills and maybe even remove more idiotic restrictions that have been placed by these legacy players.
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:22am

"some technology business interests are resorting to stunts that punish their users or turn them into their corporate pawns, rather than coming to the table to find solutions to a problem that all now seem to agree is very real and damaging."

Some industry business interests are resorting to stunts that buy politicians and turn them into their corporate pawns that insist on hastily passing a one sided bill after only allowing mostly corporate interests a voice in congress rather than coming to the table to find solutions to a (non) problem that (not) all now seem to agree is very real and damaging.
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- Chosen Reject (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:55am
  
  Re:
  This is the line that bothers me the most. Listen to what he's really saying here:
  Only days after the White House ... called for all parties to work cooperatively together, some technology business interests are [asking their users to contact their representatives], rather than coming to the table to find solutions...
  Right after he admits that the White House called for all parties to work together, he then complains that the technology companies are asking the public to be a part of that. Instead he only wants companies to work together. It is really appalling that he's miffed that the public is being asked to be engaged, even though the White House asked for "all parties". It shows how he really feels about the public. We aren't a party to him. We aren't even to be considered. We're just cogs in the machine to him, wallets that need to be opened, bank accounts that need to be withdrawn from.
  
  Chris Dodd, screw you and go DIAF.
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  - Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:10am
    
    Re: Re:
    This part is also interesting.
    
    "It is an irresponsible response and a disservice to people who rely on them for information and use their services."
    
    The assumption is that users are somehow entitled to their services and so denying them their services is a disservice. No one is entitled to their services.
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  - Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:20am
    
    Re: Re:
    "It is also an abuse of power given the freedoms these companies enjoy in the marketplace today."
    
    So these corporations aren't supposed to exercise their freedoms (and hence they're supposed to have no freedoms).
    
    Only big govt established monopolist corporations can have and abuse their freedoms, influence, and money by being permitted to contribute as much as they like to political ads under free speech pretexts. The moment someone challenges the govt established monopolists these free speech arguments don't apply. The corporations are people too argument only applies when it favors us.
    
    "designed to punish elected and administration officials who are working diligently to protect American jobs from foreign criminals. "
    
    So exercising our free speech and protesting a bill is punishing elected officials now? We're supposed to simply allow congress to pass whatever bill it likes with no resistance no matter how much we disagree with the bill, otherwise we're somehow punishing them?
    
    When they signed up for this job this is what they signed up for. It's their job to consider criticisms and protests against various bills so that they can better represent their constituents. What, is that too much work or something? If you don't like it, find another job. Oh, those jobs might suck too? Work sucks, I know, but the rest of us have to work too. and dealing with protests and considering them when drafting legislation is part of your job.
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    - Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:21am
      
      Re: Re: Re:
      when it favors them *
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    - The eejit (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:02pm
      
      Re: Re: Re:
      Have a look at the work Stephen Colbert is doing to discredit SuperPACs in the US electoral system. Now, if only the same could be done to the MAFIAA.
      
      Oh, wait...
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  - Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:15pm
    
    Re: Re:
    Chris is full of it. Almost 90% of what people interpret as "a real issue" is something they need to see on their local TV News channel or read in the paper. This issue has almost been totally off the radar untill just recently (with the exception of the internet of course).
    
    For a pious Chris to claim that this has bee an open forum is disgusting. Then he goes as far to say the public consists of a bunch of mindless drones following the orders of their corporate masters.. Insulting!!! ITS STILL WE THE PEOPLE... RIGHT CHRIS!!!!! YOU SMUG LITTLE NEOPHYTE!
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crade (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:24am

"It is also an abuse of power given the freedoms these companies enjoy in the marketplace today."
I think this statement is more telling as it stands than the translation..

An abuse of power my ass. Any power that comes from putting messages on their websites or taking down their website comes by way of their own honest efforts being appreciated by people and is theirs by right to do with as they wish. What right have you got to tell them what to do with their sites, services and assets?

Also, I seem to recall the oscars and other awards shows spouting off your own messages on these subjects in the past, to a much lesser effect of course since you are known for being corrupt and because you are pushing legislation when you should be working. WTF.
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- Ben, 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:12am
  
  Re:
  I love how he's saying these companies should not have freedom. Wait... they have freedom and you seem to think they should not? Right, Mr. Dodd. Last I checked, of the sites I saw today who put up notices, every company is a business, not a government entity. They have every right to do what they want with their website as far as I know. Dodd is a moron and I'm shocked he managed to get into office.
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  - Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:32am
    
    Re: Re:
    "Dodd is a moron and I'm shocked he managed to get into office."
    
    That's easy. He was elected by moronic sheep who voted the way the mainstream traditional media told them to.
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    - crade (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:59am
      
      Re: Re: Re:
      Nah, I'm sure he was just shoehorned in by someone with control over the political process :)
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- DH's Love Child (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:53pm
  
  Re:
  Actually any power these companies have is given to them by the people who purchase and/or use their products and services. Dodd is just pissed that Wikipedia going black will be noticed by more people than mpaa.org going black.
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  - crade (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 1:30pm
    
    Re: Re:
    It is certainly possible for companies to get power in other ways (by getting laws passed to ensure they get money, fraudulent practices, or by shooting someone and taking their money for example),
    but you can't use that sort of power by withholding your service.
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:Lobo Santo (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:27am

Honest Politician
How's that old saw go...
"What'd'ya call an honest politician? One that stays bought once you buy 'im."
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- TheBigH (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:25am
  
  Re: Honest Politician
  The content gatekeepers feel that, once they shovel over some "campaign contributions", the politicians they bought will belong to them forever. What a pity they don't feel the same way about the music and movies we buy.
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- Gary, 19 Jan 2012 @ 11:37am
  
  Re: Honest Politician
  Sounds like Will Rogers.
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Mel, 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:27am

"I'm high as a kite"..

Haaaa!

Typically guilty people accuse everyone else of doing what they are doing. The shock that everyone is seeing right through them is getting comical to watch.
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- Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:38am
  
  Re:
  Who likely has more intellectual prowess, the tech industry or the entertainment industry. The technocrats in Silicon Valley or the lawyers in Hollywood.
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- Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:42am
  
  Re:
  and, seriously, actors and actresses are known for being in rehabilitation for drug use. Yet I never see them get busted. Drug use is reminiscent of Hollywood and record labels in general.
  
  http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20110917/01561815993/cocaine-ring-used-universal-musics -interscope-label-to-ship-drugs-cash.shtml
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DannyB (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:27am

Dangerous and troubling
> It�s a dangerous and troubling development when the
> platforms that serve as gateways to information
> intentionally skew the facts to incite their users
> in order to further their corporate interests.

1. But it's okay if major news organizations, which are also platforms and gateways to information, owned by the proponents of SOPA, don't say a peep about this travesty until a public uprising makes it impossible to ignore.

2. How dare other corporate interests encourage, er I meant incite, their users to exercise their voice. What do they think this is -- a democracy of something?

3. Corporations exercising their voice to further their corporate interests -- how dare they! Next they'll be thinking that *their* corporations should have the rights of people, just as *our* corporations do.

Maybe the people will start to distrust traditional media somewhat and start looking for more on the dreaded Internet. (horrors!)
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- :Lobo Santo (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:34am
  
  Re: Dangerous and troubling
  ...and that's why those in power fear the internet, it could be a gateway to true democratization of power; as opposed to the faux democratization of power we've had up to now.
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  - crade (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:43am
    
    Re: Re: Dangerous and troubling
    They are actually trying to influence politics the right way, by appealing to the people... Heaven forbid!
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:42am

Free speech is only acceptable as long as it can't have an impact against govt established monopolists.
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Ron, 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:50am

?
Where are all the trolls today?
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- crade (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:52am
  
  Re: ?
  They are protesting in support of SOPA by witholding their services :)
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  - Almost Anonymous (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:41am
    
    Re: Re: ?
    A troll blackout? That's brilliant!
    
    To the trolls: keep protesting, you've got us on the ropes!
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  - That Anonymous Coward (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:21pm
    
    Re: Re: ?
    the Wikipedia Blackout screwed them, they can't find any questionable articles to spew information from.
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- Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:52am
  
  Re: ?
  In there dark holes hiding. They know they would be relentlessly attacked if they said anything.
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- Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:57am
  
  Re: ?
  They have nothing left to regurgitate. Their arguments have been thoroughly debunked. All they have left is to try to pretend that this is either just some stunt pulled off by some vocal minority or that it is Google manipulating people.
  
  Basically, they are trying to play down the implications of the blackout. Something that's kinda hard to do when you already have a co-sponsor of the bill bailing out in face of this opposition.
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  - rubberpants, 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:24am
    
    Re: Re: ?
    Never underestimate the power of trolling. You see, now some of the lines are:
    
    1. Encouraging people to contact their elected officials is "bullying"
    2. Since some objectionable sections have been removed from the bills, anyone who still doesn't support them isn't interested in "compromise"
    3. Taking down your own website is "an abuse of power."
    [ link to this | view in chronology ]
    - TheBigH (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:28am
      
      Re: Re: Re: ?
      You forgot
      
      4. Taking your business away from a company that supports things you don't like is a violation of the company's right of free speech.
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- Ron, 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:42am
  
  Re: ?
  Something is keeping them busy. I need a little bit of trolling sometimes. They make me laugh. Can anyone do some trolling for me? Or is it too difficult to be so absurd?
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  - Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:39pm
    
    Re: Re: ?
    I think Dodd's statement up there in the article fits the full-on trolling bill.
    
    Ticked all the boxes on the trolling checklist.
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- crade (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:07pm
  
  Re: ?
  or maybe they got the day off since a bunch of the places they are supposed to troll are down today. They didn't want to pay them full salary for only trolling have the sites.
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saulgoode (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 10:55am

I wonder if Mr Dobb's criticism of the blackout would've been so vehement had it been in support of the bills.
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- crade (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:00am
  
  Re:
  His "critism" is really telling to me.. It basically says that their efforts to influence legislation aren't driven by ignorance but actual malicious dishonesty. It is painfully obvious from their actions in the past that he doesn't believe a single word of what he says in this statement. They have been blatently trying to use their own "power" to influence people towards their own political views on this subject as much as they can. Now suddenly it's wrong? Common, how stupid do you think we are?
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  - Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:59am
    
    Re: Re:
    "It basically says that their efforts to influence legislation aren't driven by ignorance but actual malicious dishonesty."
    
    Be careful what you say, I have heard repeatedly over the years that there is a difference between malicious dishonesty and wilful ignorance.
    More than that, apparently making claims of fact about things that you have no evidence for doesn't even count as either of those but is considered a valid viewpoint.
    
    However I agree with you, people who make strong claims without having any evidence to support those claims are indeed lying.
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    - crade (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:17pm
      
      Re: Re: Re:
      I don't mean just that he doesn't have evidence, in this case he provides us with pretty plain evidence that even he doesn't beleive what he is saying. He is condemning the protest for being "Don't Copy That Floppy" or for being an anti-piracy speech at the oscars. It's blatently obvious, to me at least, that he must be either lying that he believes it is wrong today, or lying that he believes it isn't wrong when he does it.
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:02am

High as a kite
Please don't badmouth recreational drug users by comparing them to our elected representatives.
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:05am

Three down :
http://torrentfreak.com/senator-roy-blunt-drops-pipa-co-sponsorship-120118/
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:08am

"It is also an abuse of power given the freedoms these companies enjoy in the marketplace today."

Google can do what it wants with its private property. If they choose to use their private property to protest bad legislation then I'm all for it.

One problem with IP extremists is that they don't respect property rights unless it's to their benefit.
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- Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:10am
  
  Re:
  One could simply point to Rupert Murdoch...
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  - Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:01pm
    
    Re: Re:
    Yeah, he put some website of his out of reach of people to make some kind of point about something, but as it's been gone so long, I can't remember what the site was. Some kind of web version of a newspaper I think.
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  - Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:42pm
    
    Re: Re:
    Oh, the guy who bought the predecessor/competitor to Facebook for 500 some million bucks just to see it languish in the bowl for several years then finally get flushed?
    
    Yeah, I'm gonna listen to *that* guy.
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:22am

I particularly love this line...
--------------
It is our hope that the White House and the Congress will call on those who intend to stage this �blackout� to stop the hyperbole and PR stunts and engage in meaningful efforts to combat piracy.�
--------------

Part of the whole trouble with making bills is closed door sessions where anyone outside the vested interests are not invited to input. It results in this 'no one wants this but us' problem. After all the vested interests didn't pay the internet, only the law makers it wanted to influence.

Maybe that's the source of the problem with engaging.
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- crade (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:26pm
  
  Re:
  My translation:
  It is our home that the government will censor this protest.
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  - crade (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:28pm
    
    Re: Re:
    err hope even.
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gorehound (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 11:31am

Chris Dodd is an Asshole !!! And a Liar of the first order.
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:00pm

Downloaded the Protect IP bill and read it.

Calendar No. 70
112TH CONGRESS
1ST SESSION S. 968
To prevent online threats to economic creativity and theft of intellectual
property, and for other purposes.

Can anyone tell me what "economic creativity" is?
How about "and for other porposes"?

I then read through the rest of the 63 pages of text. (31 of them lined out)
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- Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:01pm
  
  Re:
  porposes=purposes
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  - Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:12pm
    
    Re: Re:
    porposes=porpoises
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- Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:44pm
  
  Re:
  Hopefully that right there would send it down in flames when it got taken to court.
  
  Vague much?
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- Marcel de Jong (profile), 19 Jan 2012 @ 4:37am
  
  Re:
  Economic creativity? Perhaps cooking the books?
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 12:06pm

old fat bastards have no idea what they are doing..............soooooooooooooo frustrating!
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AnonymousCoward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 1:06pm

revolving door?
I think that the "revolving door" nomenclature for the jumping between regulatory positions and private firms is a little 2005ish. It seems more like a giant 3-car overhead door now. Hell. That's not even right. It's more like a duplex where they've knocked out the separating wall.
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eas, 18 Jan 2012 @ 2:37pm

You missed one:
or turn them into their corporate pawns

Because, well, that's Dodd's job, to be a highly paid corporate pawn. How's he going to make bank selling himself if other people are willing to give it away for free?
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Anonymous Coward, 18 Jan 2012 @ 3:31pm

Chris Dodd: "It is also an abuse of power given the freedoms these companies enjoy in the marketplace today."

Translation: "Do not mess with my new job or else, stop lobbying it for free you are stealing ma money"
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- TtfnJohn (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 7:57pm
  
  Re:
  Chris Dodd: "I thought I wanted to say something under my own name today than repeat myself once again as an Anonymous Coward troll on Techdirt"
  
  Translation: "Old habits are hard to get out of cause you didn't say anything new or sensible. Again."
  [ link to this | view in chronology ]
Makoto (profile), 18 Jan 2012 @ 7:46pm

Hyperbole?
The MPAA and supporters of this bill have said more hyperbole than we could possibly shake a stick at. The only difference: our hyperbole has actual evidence backing it up; yours doesn't.

Maybe it's time you were fired from your day job, Senator...
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