Angry Patent Lawyer Still Angry, Claims PatentlyO's Dennis Crouch Is Both A 'Dickhead' And Violated CFAA
from the andrew-schroeder,-have-you-met-charles-carreon? dept
Oh boy. Tim Cushing recently had a post here about a very angry patent lawyer, by the name of Andrew Schroeder. The story of his unbelievable rant filed with the patent office was originally highlighted over at PatentlyO, by Dennis Crouch, who most folks in the patent business are well aware of because of the blog and his regular commentary on patent-related issues. After Crouch published the rant, the story caught on in the press and it got a bit of coverage, including on our site as an example of how not to conduct business before the patent office. Everyone has bad days. And the best thing to do is to admit that you had a bad day and move on.But that's apparently not how Andrew Schroeder rolls.
Our friends over at Above The Law have alerted us to the fact that Schroeder is back... and is he ever pissed off about people knowing just how pissed off he is. In what may be one of the worst-designed blogs ever made (and, warning, it's so badly designed that it doesn't even work at all if you have javascript turned off) Schroeder has announced that first, Dennis Crouch is the "Dickhead of the Year" for 2013 (I'm wondering who the past winners are) and (even better) that he believes Crouch violated the CFAA in finding and publishing his rant.
Both posts are filled with poorly designed graphics, mostly mocking Crouch, which Schroeder proudly takes credit for late in that first post. These aren't even "bad in an ironic way" graphics. They're just bad. In the way that someone is when they first discover how Photoshop works and suddenly thinks they're a master of design bad. But the rant is just as wacky. He never apologizes for the language he uses, beyond noting that it was "less than flattering." No, his focus is on the claim that his insane rant -- in which he accused a patent examiner of taking drugs, being drunk, not reading the patent application, of having to write with crayons and a variety of other euphemisms to suggest that the examiner has mental problems -- was a "confidential" communication between himself and the examiner, and revealing it involved both (a) illegal hacking into the USPTO site and (b) being a "dickhead" for thinking it might be entertaining to highlight his ranting.
One of the things I find fascinating about this whole ordeal is the fact that many of the articles written since Patentlyo’s blog post all assume that this was some sort of “PUBLIC” rant or tirade. Everyone assumes that this was some sort of “Open Letter” to the USPTO that I wrote to shame this particular Examiner (in fact, this was just between the Examiner, his Senior Examiner and me…and no one else). In fact, this was a confidential letter and anyone who tells you anything to the contrary is full of shit, I don’t give a fuck what they tell you.Uh, no, it wasn't.
From there, Schroeder goes into a big rant about how terrible it is to use the USPTO's filing system. That may be true, but so what? That has nothing to do with the inappropriate nature of his rant. Schroeder, however, connects the dots to claim that because the USPTO site is so complicated, he would have thought that it would protect his "confidential" communications better (there's an assumption in there that's not quite true...). He also includes some totally gratuitous ad hominem attacks on Crouch, because no Schroeder rant is complete without resorting to sophomoric trash talking.
He further complains that Crouch appears to be "sympathizing with the Examiner!" because no one could possibly sympathize with a patent examiner. Now, we're generally no big fans of patent examiners around here, because we tend to think they approve all sorts of junk patents, but I think it's rather easy to sympathize with the recipient of Schroeder's rage rant. Of course, Schroeder hates examiners for the opposite reason we do. He insists they're not approving nearly enough patents, and that their default is to reject patents. In fact, he gives an anecdotal "side note" about some mythical patent examiner who has a 100% rejection rate. That's amusing, since (as we pointed out recently) in 2012, nearly 90% of all patent applications were eventually approved. And Schroeder thinks examiners are too quick to reject?
In the second post, Schroeder insists that as far as he can tell it's absolutely impossible that Crouch could have found his rant in the PAIR system, and therefore, he believes that Crouch hacked into the USPTO's computers and violated the CFAA.
I’m gonna have to crowdsource this one because I’ve been doing research and can’t seem to figure out how Dennis Crouch was able to access my account with the USPTO. It has always been my understanding that patent applications less than 18 months old and their office action responses are to remain confidential. I’m starting to think that Patentlyo’s Dennis Crouch just wants me to believe that it is common knowledge that you can access anyone’s records there at the USPTO. However, from my own research I have found no evidence whatsoever that it is possible. And more importantly, I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF HIS ACTIONS WERE EVEN LEGAL!That one comes complete with a poorly executed graphic showing Crouch's head mixed in with the text "Computer Hacking is Cool" and pretending that this is a class that Crouch teaches at the University of Missouri Law School.
The more I think about it, the more likely it is that Dennis Crouch may have broken a whole bunch of laws. When it comes to cyber crimes there are state laws (one for where he lives, possibly where I live, and that of Alexandria, Virginia (USPTO).
And then of course there are Federal laws as well such as the CFAA (Computer Fraud & Abuse Act) which makes it a felony to hack and steal documents similar to what Dennis mother fucking menace may have done.
Randomly, at the end of the first blog post, Schroeder goes off on how proud he is of the hard work he puts into designing his websites:
You see, for the past several years I have taught myself how to build my own websites, everything…from A-Z. I can do HTML, the Videos, the graphics, the images, CSS, and even the SEO. And I think that I can build one hell of a website. For the past several years, I have had countless people call me out of the blue and ask me who built my website. When I reveal to them that it was me, they usually respond with something like, “No, really, who actually built your website?”The website has to be seen to be believed. Not only does it not function without javascript, but the layout is ridiculous and confusing, the graphics don't line up, and (as mentioned) the graphic design is awful. So, not only can you get a patent lawyer who might start cursing you out and rant at you for not approving the patent he wanted you to approve, but he might start advertising his awful web design skills in the middle of it all. Wow. Here's a screenshot of one of the blog posts (each has their own "background" image that distracts from, well, everything.
I love building websites. I get absorbed in it, and I can’t tell you how many times I have looked up at the clock to see “3:AM”, and wonder where the past 12 hours went. Some guys have video games, girls have shoe hunting expeditions, I have the website munchies. So, if any of you have gotten this far and think you need a website, go ahead and give me a call, and I’ll hook you up!
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Filed Under: andrew schroeder, patents, rant, uspto
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OMG! Another of my idiot clones pops up!
I am NOT related in ANY known way.
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Re: OMG! Another of my idiot clones pops up!
It's stories like this that bring a tear to my eye.
But to be serious, ootb, you are just like this guy.
To see you try and distance yourself makes me laugh.
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Replace "dickhead" with "gentleman, scholar, and all-around great guy".
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Mikey--
You should get together with this guy. He's right on your wavelength. You can co-author posts about how President Clinton and Colbert violated the CFAA. Oh wait, you already did that one. Maybe the Dalai Lama did! Or Ghandi! Or the Pope! You guys could just pump out all kinds of FUD about random people violating the CFAA! It's a match made in heaven! I'm so happy for you two. Oh la la. I'm just so happy for ya.
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If he builds his own site(s)...
"Delight is a Pixedelic work, by Consorzio Creativo on Wordpress platform | Manuel Masia (designer and developer)"
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whoa
That is what its supposed to be doing lol... I will fire off a note to that fellow and see if it was actually purchased. Typically, stuff doesn't go completely off the rails like that unless its nulled.
Its more work to screw that up that bad than it is to code it from scratch.
Nigel
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Flabbergasted
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Re: Flabbergasted
"It has always been my understanding that patent applications less than 18 months old and their office action responses are to remain confidential."
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Re: Re: Flabbergasted
Given his "understanding" of website design, I think we might have found the problem.
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Re: Flabbergasted
Oh, I know, it's because the patent office was tickled and released it early. NICE!!!
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15 - 12 = 3 months, plus 12 months for one year, gives 15 months only.
</confused_by_the_date_format>
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I hate numbers
11 - 5 = 6 months. 6 + 12 = 18. Ta da.
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- Seriously though. What is more "logical" depends on what the end goal is. See Idne's post above for what makes month/day/year logical.
Me? I tend to work with computer systems where year-month-day makes the automated sorting easier. Therefore, that format is more logical for that use.
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Separated at birth?
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Schroeder is shredding his options here.
He probably was a victim of bullies in his early years LoL
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Who needs a cat... Schroeder's box....
Even when the web ranting stops, we have to assume, until opening the box, that Schroeder is both (alive and a douche) and (dead and still a dickhead).
I propose we conduct this experiment at once just to be sure....
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Just a thought...
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Re: Just a thought...
You might nail Schroeder for "attempted" defamation, but Crouch's readers are unanimous in laughing at Schroeder's incompetence. Fortunately for him, Dennis is smart enough to recognize a lunatic, and classy enough to ignore him.
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(You might have to squint really hard for that to make sense.)
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http://angelsharkwebsites.com/la-web-designer-blog-multimedia/wp-login.php
Simple Wordpress page probably without modification, I'd suggest wpscan first.
In all serious reality, I think WP is a great place to start but should be handled with care due to the massive holes which are fixed regularly.
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Something Similar.
=============================================================
[court transcript]
contempt
of court
From the transcript of a pretrial hearing that took
place on May 5,in a criminal court in Adelaide,
Australia,before judge Roy Grubb.In the transcript
below,the prisoner is Yusuf Biyikli,a Turkish immi-
grant charged with "assault occasioning actual bodi-
ly harm";Mr. Smart is the attorney for the crown.
[The charge is read]
PRISONER:Shut up,fucking poofter.You poofter,
thank you.
HIS HONOR:You just keep quiet,we will have
a word with you in a moment.
PRISONER:Fuck to you.All right,you poofter.
All right,I fuck you.That is answer.
HIS HONOR:It is said that you assaulted-
PRISONER:Fuck the English,fuck the colony,
all right.
HIS HONOR:If you don't shut up-
PRISONER:Fuck the judge too.That is not true.
HIS HONOR:Do we assume this is a plea of not
guilty?
MR.SMART:Yes,I think wa can assume that.
PRISONER:I fuck you,answer you,stuff you,
poofter.Is that enough for you answer?
HIS HONOR:That is no answer,but I take it as
a plea of not guilty.Inview of the out-
rageous outburst from the accused,I assume that
the torrent of language from him is a plea of not
guilty to each count.Remand for trial.Has some-
one been imprudent enough to grant a bail
agreement?
MR. SMART:I hesitate to ask him
PRISONER:Fuck you.
HIS HONOR:Do you wish to ask for bail?
PRISONER:You ask yourself bail,poofter.
Now ask me.
HIS HONOR:I don't have to ask.
PRISONER:Fuck the bail,fuck Australia.
HIS HONOR:I take it ,then, you don't wish
to seek bail.
PRISONER:Stuff that.
HIS HONOR:No application for bail,the ac-
cused is remanded for trial in custody.
PRISONER:Fucking bastard,poofter,melon-arse.
from Harper's Magazine,December 1993.
#
http://roma.theoffside.com/team-news/roma-cagliari-postponed-due-to-death-of-lazio-fan.h tml
==============================================================
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Obviously the patent office dropped the ball on the new HTML 6 standard he invented.
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Attorney's website; this is hilarious
The best part is trying to figure out why one Trademark fee is $450 and one is $500. However, he IS a Hollywood lawyer, as he points out on his website.
Looks like his "website" company is here: http://angelsharkwebsites.com/
Wow. Just. Wow.
As we say in the South, bless his heart.
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Re: Attorney's website; this is hilarious
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No, when people are asking who really built it, they're giving you an opportunity to dodge the bullet and say it was retarded chimp who only just discovered HTML. They're being polite and giving you the chance to save face.
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Here he seems to be claiming that the law school Crouch works at is a scam? Not really sure, he just vomited numbers all over a page and called it a day.
and here he has a badly-spelled attempt at the "Glenn Beck" style of ad hominem.
Looks like there's still more amusement yet to come, if you're willing to brave his remarkably shitty website to find it.
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Didn't you mean
But that's apparently not how Andrew Schroeder trolls.
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An SEO expert..
A Misogynist...
Who doesn't give a fuck.
What an amazing man!
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I don't always web design, but when I do, I prefer it to be sucky.
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§1.3 Business to be conducted with decorum and courtesy.
Applicants and their attorneys or agents are required to conduct their business with the United States Patent and Trademark Office with decorum and courtesy.
§10.23 Misconduct
(a) A practitioner shall not engage in disreputable or gross misconduct.
(b) A practitioner shall not:
(4) Engage in conduct involving dishonesty, fraud, deceit, or misrepresentation.
(6) Engage in any other conduct that adversely reflects on the practitioner’s fitness to practice before the Office.
§10.77 Failing to act competently.
A practitioner shall not:
(a) Handle a legal matter which the practitioner knows or should know that the practitioner is not competent to handle, without associating with the practitioner another practitioner who is competent to handle it.
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