We, The People, Are Sarcastic And Not Easily Mollified By Bland Political Non-Answers

from the yearning-for-authenticity dept

The White House's We, The People petition site is definitely an interesting experiment in an attempt to be more open in governing. However, as we discovered last week when we mentioned the petition against SOPA/E-PARASITE, many people believe that the administration is not really taking the whole thing seriously. In particular, there's been a fair amount of anger over the bland, political non-answers given to issues raised in the petitions. That's resulted in a petition to take the petitions more seriously, as well as a slightly more sarcastic response (found via Ars Technica), in the form of a petition demanding "a vapid, condescending, meaningless, politically safe response to this petition."
We demand a vapid, condescending, meaningless, politically safe response to this petition.

Since these petitions are ignored apart from an occasional patronizing and inane political statement amounting to nothing more than a condescending pat on the head, we the signers would enjoy having the illusion of success. Since no other outcome to this process seems possible, we demand that the White House immediately assign a junior staffer to compose a tame and vapid response to this petition, and never attempt to take any meaningful action on this or any other issue. We would also like a cookie.
While extremely snarky, it's a pretty good way of making a point. While the press may be mollified with boring standard political emptiness, the public is pretty damn sick of it. It seems like the public really yearns for just a bit of authenticity out there, and that's not what's coming back. Unfortunately, petitioning for authenticity just doesn't seem likely to get much of a result.
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Filed Under: answers, petitions, politics, white house


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  • icon
    Jay (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 9:18am

    The system is down

    Those aren't the only petitions that have been ignored.

    The Keystone Pipeline protests - People petition right in front of the White House but the administration won't take a position right before an election year.

    Marijuana legislation - Won't take an issue because "To date, however, neither the FDA nor the Institute of Medicine have found smoked marijuana to meet the modern standard for safe or effective medicine for any condition."

    Now think about this. Smoked marijuana has not been found to meet modern standards? Who makes those standards? And who does Obama not want to go against right before he asks them for money on new drugs or patents for making new pills?

    Which would you rather screw over? The people that can grumble that you made a bad call, or the people backing you?

    link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      Atkray (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 9:39am

      Re: The system is down

      I can't help but think that if or when marijuana is legalized, we will have to contend with
      "Home gardeners are killing the marijuana industry"

      link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        Jay (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:10am

        Re: Re: The system is down

        Damn you, you owe me a new screen...

        "Home gardeners are killing the hemp industry!"

        link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      A Guy (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:52am

      Re: The system is down

      The real problem concerning the legalization of marijuana is not its effect on the people that choose to partake. While it is not a healthy activity, it isn't any worse than alcohol or tobacco.

      The real problem is that it's eating into the profits of the drug cartels in Mexico. This "increased competition" is making a (literally) cutthroat market even worse. The violence and corruption is a destabilizing on the entire country of Mexico. Mexico, as a country, is too dependent on drugs as an income source.

      As the profits dry up, the violence and corruption escalates as cartels attempt to gobble up existing market share from others.

      It's another self made problem by our politicians. They created a huge market for illegal activity in Mexico by making all marijuana illegal in the United States and now the Mexican society is destabilizing as a result.

      Now the choices are either allow the narco state to continue and consume Mexico or take some demand away and watch their society destabilize and violence escalate, potentially spilling over into our country.

      If only someone had thought this through and worried about the unintended consequences before making asinine, unenforceable, prohibitions.

      link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        Cynyr (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 5:27pm

        Re: Re: The system is down

        actually I'm willing to bet a simple handheld device that could determine the amount of marijuana in the system and if that was enough to count as "intoxicated" for purposes of a DUI.

        We all seem to agree that driving while under the influence of pot would be bad, but with out a way to test for it, it is easier to just make it illegal all the time. Invent a "pot breathalyzer" and I'd bet legalizing it would work better.

        I personally think that it would be a good source of revenue with a hearty consumption tax of say 25%-40%.

        link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      gorehound (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 11:02am

      Re: The system is down

      Those petitions seem like a waste of time.I signed all the Marijuana ones and I got their stupid form letters.We really need to get a million pot smokers to march on Washington and force it down their corrupt throats.
      They do not mention how they allow Cigarettes to be legal with the 100's of cancer forming chemicals used just to make a cigarette.
      Marijuana is natural and has no chemicals in it during growing or in it in the making of your pipe/joint smoke.

      I made a few petitions and you can not find them on their website.But I do have links to them so White House why can people not see them ?
      MARIJUANA PETITION
      https://wwws.whitehouse.gov/petitions/!/petition/legalize-marijuana-adult-use-and-create-n ew-jobs-and-businesstake-us-seriously-and-no-form-letter/BT0ZrHlp

      UNEMPLOYMENT EXTENSIONS
      https://wwws.whitehouse.gov/petitions#!/petition/make-bill-which-will-only-cover-renewal -federal-emergency-unemployment-aid-emergency-millions/RYFBQ7Rx

      link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        Someantimalwareguy (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 11:24am

        Re: Re: The system is down

        Those petitions seem like a waste of time.I signed all the Marijuana ones and I got their stupid form letters.We really need to get a million pot smokers to march on Washington and force it down their corrupt throats....
        The problem here is that to get all those stoners off the couch you are going to need a really, really big bag of Doritos ready for them at the end of the march and a line of oxygen tents to resuscitate those who passed out along the way due to being out of shape...

        And trying to keep them focused on the path with a single, coherent message is going to be like herding cats...

        On a serious note however, I do strongly support the Libertarian agenda to repeal ALL drug prohibitions as it does nothing but breed black markets, violence, artificially high prices, wastes tax money, and places Law Enforcement in dangerous, life threatening situations when it would be more appropriate, efficient, and with a higher benefit to society as a whole to simply legalize and tax the consumption with proceeds going towards a medical, rather than legal approach to the problem of addiction.

        link to this | view in chronology ]

        • identicon
          Raven Morris, 10 Nov 2011 @ 8:16pm

          Re: Re: Re: The system is down

          Your statements are rubbish stereotypes of those who partake in cannabis.

          There are pot smokers in every area of society, including scientists, doctors, lawyers, elite athletes, politicians, people of every health level, success level, income, education level, every type of diet, etc.

          There is no rational, logical, or other functional reason why cannabis should remain illegal in any capacity. Proven by the US government's own studies to reduce the risk of various types of cancer. Filling more and more prisons with poor people who used drugs is pure insanity, and paid for with billions dollars of the people's money.

          link to this | view in chronology ]

          • icon
            nasch (profile), 10 Nov 2011 @ 8:52pm

            Re: Re: Re: Re: The system is down

            Your statements are rubbish stereotypes of those who partake in cannabis.

            It was a joke. You can tell because after that part he said "On a serious note however..." That means that what came before it wasn't serious.

            link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    ScytheNoire, 8 Nov 2011 @ 9:37am

    Sorry, "We, the People" has been modified to mean "We, the Corporations". Since Corporations are considered people, but are of larger importance to politicians because they give them large sums of money in the form of brib... err, lobbying and donations, it is only the will of the Corporation People who matter to the U.S. Politicians. So if you want answers, please ask the Corporation People's Public Relations Department.

    link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      GeneralEmergency (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 9:42am

      Re:

      .

      How would you -fix- the problem?

      .

      link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        The eejit (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 9:55am

        Re: Re:

        Nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

        link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        Wiggs (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:08am

        Re: Re:

        Overturn Citizens United, via executive order and then via a proposal for a Constitutional amendment stating that corporations cannot be recognized as individuals. Failing that, at least having legislation passed to that effect... but I imagine you could probably get the *people* of the states to ratify such an amendment.

        Institute term limits: 12 years for all Congressional offices - that's a political MAXIMUM of 6 House terms and 2 Senate terms per individual, and then 2 Presidential ones, should you be so lucky.

        Immediately remove Congress' ability to vote themselves a pay raise.

        Freeze Congressional salaries and index them only by inflation. Taking national office should be the civilian equivalent of serving in the military - a sacrifice.

        Commission a thorough investigation of campaign finance corruption, and eventually require all political action groups to have full transparency or severely reduced limits on contributions, remove the ability for corporations to contribute directly to any politican's coffers or campaign, and institute strict public funding for any direct contributions. This may also necessitate a law requiring broadcast/cable networks to provide time for political discussions during campaign seasons.

        ...and, while I'm dreaming, I'd also like to implement instant-runoff voting and make voting mandatory.

        How's that?

        link to this | view in chronology ]

        • icon
          Mike42 (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:34am

          Re: Re: Re:

          Awesome, but I would add a lifespan of 100 years (people have a lifespan, why not corporations?) and bring back the ability of states to dissolve the corporation at the slightest hint of impropriety.

          Ya know, as long as we're wishing...

          link to this | view in chronology ]

          • icon
            Chargone (profile), 10 Nov 2011 @ 1:45am

            Re: Re: Re: Re:

            pretty sure the state already has that ability, at least most places.

            they just never use it because of the massive headache that would ensue.

            link to this | view in chronology ]

        • identicon
          Anonymous Coward, 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:40am

          Re: Re: Re:

          I'd sign that but I'm banned for signing the previously mentioned petition.

          link to this | view in chronology ]

        • identicon
          Anonymous Coward, 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:43am

          Re: Re: Re:

          I like the British system with structured, short campaign seasons. They seem less open to financial abuses as a result.

          link to this | view in chronology ]

        • icon
          gorehound (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 11:03am

          Re: Re: Re:

          that sounds more like it.We must end the marriage of big-money and Washington now.

          link to this | view in chronology ]

        • icon
          nasch (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 12:23pm

          Re: Re: Re:

          I like it, except that (thankfully) the President cannot vacate a court ruling via executive order. It would be up to Congress to overturn Citizens United. I don't know if a statute would be sufficient or if it would have to be a Constitutional amendment.

          link to this | view in chronology ]

          • icon
            Wiggs (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 12:46pm

            Re: Re: Re: Re:

            Excellent point - it does make sense that the President can't do that. So we'd need a cooperative Congress as well. Well, too bad that will never happen.

            And since we're all dreaming big here, I'd also like to add a Constitutional amendment which allows for a nationwide referendum on a vote of no confidence in the government. This would provide for a special election, initiated somehow by the states (I'm not sure on the logistical details) - if 75% of turnout votes no confidence in the government, a new nationwide election is triggered for ALL members of government (House, Senate, President) and all currently serving members are prohibited from being re-elected.

            Obviously the details are sketchy on this one, but this would sure put those idiots on notice, don't ya think?

            link to this | view in chronology ]

            • icon
              nasch (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 1:25pm

              Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

              Obviously the details are sketchy on this one, but this would sure put those idiots on notice, don't ya think?

              Yep. So let's see how long it takes Congress to enact such rules... :-(

              link to this | view in chronology ]

        • icon
          Michael Long (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 1:07pm

          Re: Re: Re:

          "...remove the ability for corporations to contribute directly to any politican's coffers or campaign..."

          Forget directly, how about at all? First, no Super-PACs. All contributions must be able to be sourced, and no PAC or political organization can donate to another PAC.

          Second, no corporation or business or organization shall have the right to contribute more money to a politician or party or PAC than may an individual, and limit individuals to $2K.

          And that $2K includes money, goods, and services.

          link to this | view in chronology ]

        • icon
          The eejit (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 3:34pm

          Re: Re: Re:

          You know, i suggested this elsewhere as a potential fix for US politics, and got looked at like I'd grown a new Tim out of my armpit.

          link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        Tech42 (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:45am

        Re: Re:

        The fix is quite simple, but will never be implemented.

        Just provide each registered candidate with a campaign budget for the election (to come from the federal elections department, whatever the US version is called). No external funding permitted.
        If candidates want to pool their money for a party campaign, fine, but no external funds.

        Then, and this is the really hard part, make any bribery(offering, soliciting, accepting) a really SERIOUS criminal offence, on the order of a 10-year minimum prison sentence and all personal assets seized.

        No more problem.

        link to this | view in chronology ]

        • icon
          Chris-Mouse (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:53am

          Re: Re: Re:

          I'd add in that any politician found to be accepting such bribes should be removed from office immediately, and banned from holding any elected office for life.

          link to this | view in chronology ]

          • icon
            Wiggs (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 11:06am

            Re: Re: Re: Re:

            I like both of these sets of ideas, and I'd like to add them to my own laundry list. Thank you.

            link to this | view in chronology ]

          • identicon
            Anonymous Coward, 8 Nov 2011 @ 12:21pm

            Re: Re: Re: Re:

            I'd add in that any politician found to be accepting such bribes should be removed from office immediately, and banned from holding any elected office for life


            Plus no pension.

            link to this | view in chronology ]

        • identicon
          S, 8 Nov 2011 @ 2:16pm

          Re: Re: Re:

          Simpler: define malfeasance as treason.

          It's fucking pathetic that soldiers are held more accountable for their actions than the men controlling them.

          link to this | view in chronology ]

        • icon
          The eejit (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 3:36pm

          Re: Re: Re:

          I suggested a minimum life sentence with parole possible after 10 years.

          link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      DannyB (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:12am

      Government of the corporations, by the corporations and for the corporations.

      Government of the corporations, by the corporations and for the corporations.

      link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:02am

    Are you aware they disable your ability to sign petitions if you signed the marijuana petition?

    link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Loki, 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:25am

    If the public was really tired of it, they'd stop voting the same tired politicians into office they have for the past several decades. If the people floating these petitions around spent even half the time providing easy access/information to/about non-democrat, non-republican alternatives who might actually do something they might actually be worth taking seriously.

    link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:35am

      Re:

      Corporations bank roll elections, do you think they're going to bank roll a candidate that doesn't have their interests in mind?

      It's a nice thought but not going to happen with the current broken system. The current system is too dependent on money.

      link to this | view in chronology ]

      • identicon
        S, 8 Nov 2011 @ 2:18pm

        Re: Re:

        If people were actually sick of the way things worked, things would change.

        Do you think that vapid sound bites and vacuous 'debates' would hold their sway, if people didn't sit there eating it up like the pigs they are?

        link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      hothmonster, 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:56am

      Re:

      outside of maybe Nader/LaDuke I don't remember ever being offered a choice that wasn't "the same tired politicians"

      link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Manfred Manfriend, 8 Nov 2011 @ 12:47pm

      Re:

      They HAVE stopped voting. Check the percentages of people who bother to show up at the polls every election--those numbers have been going down for years. In fact it would not surprise me a bit to discover that even those numbers are less than we've been told.

      Since voting has been shown so clearly as the waste of time most people do something else on election night. Its only the true believers who show up year after year to vote for the home team...

      link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      Ron Rezendes (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 2:22pm

      Re:

      "If the people floating these petitions around spent even half the time providing easy access/information to/about non-democrat, non-republican alternatives who might actually do something they might actually be worth taking seriously."

      If you can guarantee that ICE and DHS will leave my perfectly legal website alone I might be willing to go that route. However, I don't think that's a guarantee anyone could keep.

      The thing about stifling free speech through over zealous and downright illegal seizures is that you have no idea what might have been done without such heinous acts acting as a deterrent.

      link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:29am

    We the people should be replaced with "We, the whiny minority". Just as the idiots in OWS try to declare themselves the 99%, you guys act like you have some sort of majority standing - and you don't.

    You don't get the answers you want because it is your very actions that force the politicians to have to craft laws that narrowly define things. Every time a law is enacted, a few sneaky people find ways around them, ways to abuse them, and ways to flaunt the law. So each time, the politicians must go back and try again to block you from your own stupidity.

    SOPA, Protect IP, and all of that are here because you guys couldn't control yourselves. You get what you get because you did it yourself. No stop whining because the politicians are tired of your shit and don't want to give you a straight answer. They don't owe you one.

    link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:40am

      Re:

      You don't make a lot of sense. You're arguing that the people who come to Techdirt, have somehow caused politicians to enact laws that narrowly define things, which people find a way around.. so to rectify that - SOPA and Protect IP, which are famously broad in what they cover is our fault?

      link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:47am

      Re:

      bahahahahahahaha. you hear that folks? people cannot manage themselves. its not the laws that are unjust, its the SNEAKING people do to get around them!

      stop whining because politicians are tired of us? politicians dont owe us one? they dont want to give us a straight answer, so we should deal with it?

      im gonna make what i hope is a safe bet, and assume your post was satire/snark? it was super funny, thanks for the chuckles bro.

      link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:51am

      Re:

      You sound just like the guys who like to abuse children.

      Judge William Adams beats daughter for using the internet

      link to this | view in chronology ]

      • identicon
        Anonymous Coward, 8 Nov 2011 @ 1:40pm

        Re: Re:

        Oddly, you just sound like an asshole.

        link to this | view in chronology ]

        • identicon
          S, 8 Nov 2011 @ 2:20pm

          Re: Re: Re:

          First: between you and me, I'd rather be an asshole than a child rapist.

          Second: your deft rebuttal of an apt comparison has me speechless with admiration. (AHAHAHAHAHA)

          link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:58am

      Re:

      So when the people skirt the law everything is our fault, but the corporations and politicians skirting the law can not be blamed for anything?

      link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 8 Nov 2011 @ 11:06am

      Re:

      Is that you Anon? The same one from Torrentfreak. Certainly sounds like the infamous Anon from TF. Writing style and what's said is spot on for said Anon.

      link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      Cynyr (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 8:39pm

      Re:

      yes yes feeding the trolls and all that...

      I'd like to point out that everything i currently download I'd be happy to spend say $100-200 per year on each(which is only 4-6 things but still). My conditions for spending that sort of money are:
      1) Timely posting content that stays around for at least 2 years.
      2) Quality high bitrate 720P or higher streams with 5.1 audio.
      3) Ability to watch from what ever the fuck device with a screen I happen to be looking at when I decide I want to watch it.
      4) Ad free, both the stream and the site I get it from. I am paying for it after all.

      Now for the record this is all motorsport stuff (F1, WRC, Dakar, MotoGP), and while some of it is sort of available in my local region, it is either highlights and not the full race, or it is commentated on by someone who clearly didn't even bother to find out how to say peoples names before sitting down let alone knows anything about the event, that is if it even makes it on air.

      As for what this site would be competing against, uploads with-in minutes of the normal TV broadcast ending, at 720P h264 packed in a MKV with 0 DRM. How it could be better? streaming would be nice, so I could just start watching instead of waiting for 6 GB to download. It could contain relevant extras say the position of each car on the track sync'ed with the video feed(offered for free(i think) on F1's website, but hard to sync unless you are watching live and is for windows only(no android, linux, OSX, winmo, iOS). Just not having to muck with bit-torrent, and seeding ratios and such. Also it could provide links to other similar events that were offered which may be of interest, like "ohh we see you like enduro rally, and fast track cars, maybe you would like to preview our coverage of 24 hours of Le Mans. It is kind of like an endurance rally and F1 all mixed together."

      Also would your boss at work take an answer like "well i'm not sure it it isn't bad, but i'm not sure if it isn't good either and while we are at it here is a circus with free bread."? Yes, politicians are my employees, there are notionally paid out of my taxes, and put in to that position by me, they sure as hell better answer to me.

      link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Mike42 (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 10:30am

    I signed this petition last week.

    With the crap way that the Obama administration has run things so far, I think the best thing that has happened to them is the Tea Party. When a group is so far to the right that Barry Goldwater says, "whoah", that's extreme. I wish there was a moderate to vote for...

    link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Ben (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 12:15pm

    Same in the UK

    I must have signed a dozen petitions on the UK's Number 10 Downing Street petition site. All responded to with a bland non commital statement.

    The 'your say' web site which allowed public to vote to repeal unpopular laws? Let down by poor coding and lack of government action.

    The one good thing about the latest government seems to be the amount of policy u-turns they make when the public cries out.... though that could just be because the public have a greater voice now thanks to twitter etc

    link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 8 Nov 2011 @ 1:41pm

      Re: Same in the UK

      Ben, next time you sign one, check the final results, and compare it the population of the UK. When you realize that it was signed by less people than attended the last Man City match, you will understand that you are being part of the 0.00001%, and that it is meaningless.

      link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        lucidrenegade (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 6:19pm

        Re: Re: Same in the UK

        Please do us all a favor and drop over dead.

        link to this | view in chronology ]

      • identicon
        Anonymous Coward, 8 Nov 2011 @ 8:28pm

        Re: Re: Same in the UK

        >you will understand that you are being part of the 0.00001%, and that it is meaningless.

        If we, the dissonant crowd on this site, is the meaningless, you and your ilk, as the anti-dissonant, are part of the 0.00001%, and as such constitute less than the 0.00001%.

        How does it feel being more meaningless than the meaningless?

        link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Benny6Toes (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 12:15pm

    cookies

    Only one cookie for the entire petition? That seems a bit small. I want my own cookie.

    link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    DizzyD (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 12:22pm

    I wonder...

    what kind of cookie they will give us?

    link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Mr. Oizo, 8 Nov 2011 @ 2:00pm

    There is no such petition ?

    Is that petition still alive because if I click through to 'https://wwws.whitehouse.gov/petitions?_escaped_fragment_=/petition/we-demand-vapid-condescending-me aningless-politically-safe-response-petition/gCZfn86x#!/petition/we-demand-vapid-condescending-meani ngless-politically-safe-response-petition/gCZfn86x' I actually don't see any of it.

    link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    That Anonymous Coward (profile), 8 Nov 2011 @ 2:29pm

    I will sign just for the cookie, as long it comes from that place that sold them the $300 muffins...

    link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Jim Douglas, 9 Nov 2011 @ 11:07am

    Authenticity

    Authenticity doesn't win elections. Actually, correction... it will win you elections, but it won't get you into one in the first place; people would vote for a person that they felt was honest, but the parties have no interest in sponsoring a candidate that doesn't toe the party line.

    link to this | view in chronology ]


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