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eBay Banishes Demons, Djinns, Work-From-Home Schemes And Other Hellspawn

Too Much Free Time

from the empower-your-earning-ability-with-this-One-Simple-Spell! dept

Fri, Aug 17th 2012 7:39pm — Tim Cushing
eBay's Fall Seller Update has just arrived, bringing with it several tables, FAQs, a bullet-pointed "Best Practices," and sadly, to the purveyors of certain goods, a list of categories that will no longer be welcome within the confines of Paypal Fraud Central eBay's listings. 
Several "metaphysical" categories are being dropped as of August 30th, and sellers will have to remove listings for "spells, curses, hexing, conjuring, magic, prayers, blessing services, magic potions, [and] healing sessions." Sadly, eBay says that "transactions in these categories often result in issues between the buyer and seller that are difficult to resolve," resulting in the discontinuation.
The full list of dropped categories also includes the following items:
work from home businesses & information; wholesale lists, and drop shop lists
It's not often that someone (inadvertently) makes the clear statement that, yes, work-at-home "information" is about as useful as a Haunted Magical Male Dog Familiar.

I have no doubt that any issues arising between the sellers of these "goods" and the purchasers would be "difficult to resolve." I can only imagine the response team asking questions such as "Did you feel you weren't getting scammed quickly enough?" or "Do you feel that the three day period was inadequate to test proper bonding with the dog spirit contained in the aquarium decor rock you picked up at a highly inflated price?"  This means that these sellers will most likely have to relocate* to the welcoming confines of Human Trafficking, LLC Craigslist, where buyers and sellers will be able to better match up vendors with victims, thanks to region-specific listings.

*Or, you know, just stay there.

While this news is likely disheartening to your average small businesswiccan and clickfraudster, it's probably for the best. The mantra around various suburbs, rural co-ops and unincorporated townships has always been "Put your money back into the community. Think Globally. Shop locally!" With these "alternative" businesses being shunted back to Craigslist (it's almost as if they never left!), citizens will be able to turn to their friends and neighbors for their next Incubus Succubus DJINN Summoning Spell or Doctor Job, Employment Website Sale. And that's the way things should be. Local merchants preying on local victims, all the while "thinking globally" about which offshore location would make a decent retirement spot.

Of course, as with any shakeup, there's bound to be a few victims. Due to eBay's culling of the categories, we may never know if this Haunted Doll Has Spirit Of An 18 YR Old Jogger Found Strangled To Death will ever find a happy home in which to "scream out loud and break things out of anger." But, if you act quickly, you could be the lucky person to give this possessed and needy doll "alot of attention," in order to prevent her from "screaming at night banging on the walls and knocking things over."

Perhaps picking up a cushy Doctor Job would give you the additional at-home time needed to give this doll your undivided attention, as well as allow you to get used to its "tendency to stare at people where it gets to the point of being very uncomfortable." Perhaps Haunted Doll could pitch in and babysit, giving you a much-needed night away from all the screaming, breaking and staring. After all, she is "good with kids and pets."

 

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Filed Under: auction, magic, potions, spells, work from home
Companies: ebay

56 Comments

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Reader Comments

The First Word

“
Now to be fair to the seller of the haunted doll, the seller has a 100% feedback rating, so you know this is some legit stuff.
—Donnicton
 ”

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  • icon
    Alana (profile), 17 Aug 2012 @ 7:45pm

    But where are the people selling magic "Stop piracy" buttons?!

    /s

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      Capitalist Lion Tamer (profile), 17 Aug 2012 @ 8:04pm

      Re:

      To actually stop piracy, I think you have to shell out for something in djinn form, like a "Royalty Succubus Djinn Infringement Dispel Sharebee Demon SOPA DotcoM SkrilleX."

      Guaranteed to stop all infringement within 3 days! If infringement continues, please contact us for an immediate [6 to 8 weeks] refund [less packaging, distribution, advances, digital conversion expenses, ivory backscratcher monies].

      Act now and received one (1) Trichordist feature post absolutely almost free! [Price of "almost free" post does not include applicable royalties, licensing fees and rhetorical devices {$1.99-$4.99/ea.}]

      Offer not valid in most states. Please consult a physician before, during and after use. Apply gentle pressure to stop bleeding.

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Karim, 18 Aug 2012 @ 3:32am

      Re:

      Guess what?

      I registered that domain. http://stoppiracybutton.com

      At some point, I'll get around to implementing it. Shouldn't be too difficult.

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      jd2112 (profile), 18 Aug 2012 @ 9:12am

      Re:

      The 'Magical Stop-Piracy Button' is located next to the door in each Google datacenter. If Google was to push that button in every datacenter piracy would magically disappear!


      (For those who don't get the joke, electrical code requires all datacenters have an large red emergency power off button located next to the door.)

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 17 Aug 2012 @ 7:50pm

    The real question is, can the haunted doll take one of those doctor jobs? I sense a real synergy here just waiting to be leveraged.

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 17 Aug 2012 @ 7:54pm

    I feel...

    I feel stupider for having read this blog post.

    I can see why this was posted to a blog.

    I do not see why this was posted to Techdirt.

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      Capitalist Lion Tamer (profile), 17 Aug 2012 @ 8:07pm

      Re: I feel...

      Someone's ignoring the two-drink minimum...

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      That Anonymous Coward (profile), 17 Aug 2012 @ 9:20pm

      Re: I feel...

      Isn't the better question how long as eBay allowed these postings?

      And how many complaints did it take before it stopped being profitable for them?

      In the larger picture one could point out that no matter the format, hucksters often find a way to right technology forward. Chain Letters moved easily from snail to e-mail.

      That people want to believe in wacky outside forces rather than accept their own faults in these matters.
      (See also MPAA/RIAA/IFPI/et al vs the world for more coverage.)

      That some people implicitly trust what the magic box tells them is true, if you spam this all over FaceBook we all get free trips to Disney from Bill Gates!

      That a tech company has sat by for YEARS taking their cut of every single one of these transactions, and created subdivisions to house them... until it became a burden. But Craigslist is guilty of selling children for sex because people use the platform that way and CL needs to do more... where were these people in trying to stop eBay from making spells, hexes, etc profitable for themselves by allowing people to be scammed?

      I point out its Friday, this was posted in the evening, and its very possible Tim might have had 1 or 2 adult beverages. On the upside I have an auction on eBay right now for a spell to sober him right up... just give me your credit card number...

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        LDoBe (profile), 18 Aug 2012 @ 3:29pm

        Re: Re: I feel...

        I'll do you one better.
        I offer a homeopathic herbal remedy for being too drunk that works PERMANENTLY! Wireme your bank account numbers now! 10000X MOST STRENGHT!!!!1!1

        All you need to do is dump in Lake Michigan, wait 15 minutes for OPTIMAL MIXING and AGITATION, then drink 10 gallons of ocean water!

        [ link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        Capitalist Lion Tamer (profile), 18 Aug 2012 @ 3:59pm

        Re: Re: I feel...

        I point out its Friday, this was posted in the evening, and its very possible Tim might have had 1 or 2 adult beverages.

        Au contraire. I wrote this up Thursday afternoon when I was only under the influence of 1 or 2 adult substances.

        [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 17 Aug 2012 @ 8:14pm

    what the fuck am i reading

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      SujaOfJauhnral (profile), 17 Aug 2012 @ 8:25pm

      Re:

      Ugh... I don't know, I got lost somewhere between "HAUNTED magical male dog FAMILIAR" and "Hipmunk".

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      Atkray (profile), 17 Aug 2012 @ 8:26pm

      Re:

      For those of us that have just spent 50-70 hrs of the last week trying to eek out an existence, while simultaneously trying to cope with the repeated assaults on our freedoms and liberties from the likes of the ...AA's and other morally bankrupt individuals, corporations, and governments, this provides some entertainment that doesn't kill brain cells.

      It's Friday evening, time to lighten up.

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        SujaOfJauhnral (profile), 17 Aug 2012 @ 8:32pm

        Re: Re:

        this provides some entertainment that doesn't kill brain cells.

        ...................................................

        [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Rapnel (profile), 17 Aug 2012 @ 8:31pm

    Hm.

    Ebay is ass right up there with paypal, I think. I am simply astonished at the amount of 'paypal' only listings. Pal? Nobody that forms walls of distrust such as these folks do, in the name of whatever the hell their actions align with, is a pal-o-mine.

    Is there something special about sellers jockeying for feedback to the point of 'if you have something not stellar to say and actually say it we will rip you a new ass' that I should know about? You sellers let these guys skim your revenue why? Oh right because Google search would have your site listing on the way-down-low. I get it. Torrents suffer from that too, I think.

    I think I had a point or an opinion about something, somewhere, else. It's gone. In lieu of knowing what I was thinking on a minute ago, you know, about the article, that I really don't want to read again to make an attempt at recall, I will simply insult bob because he is not really bob after all, I think. bob may be dangerous, I would go so far as to say that he may even have issues with cats, hard to say. Anyway, bob needs rehabilitation as he suffers from .. something, something long and official sounding that I can't pronounce, or spell, but he suffers from it. I'm sure of it. So sure that I, well I don't know but I'm certainly sure of it. Of that I am certain. Certainly. and for those that just wasted 30 seconds - hat tip. These things take time. Time! That was it. Fuck me, it had nothing to do with the article..

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      That Anonymous Coward (profile), 17 Aug 2012 @ 9:20pm

      Re:

      pssst protip: eBay IS PayPal.

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      DogBreath, 18 Aug 2012 @ 8:24am

      Re:

      I think. bob may be dangerous,

      Thanks for reminding me of an old favorite Far Side comic, which I believe said something like "As if they say, a little knowledge is dangerous, then Bob is the deadliest man alive."

      One of those "post it on the bulletin board" keepers, as at the time I worked with a guy named "Bob" and he was, with his lack of knowledge,foresight and hindsight, definitely the "deadliest man alive". Good times.

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    That Anonymous Coward (profile), 17 Aug 2012 @ 9:22pm

    Wait wait wait...

    I've got an awesome Knock Knock joke that will make this all better and funnier...

    Okay you start...

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    technomage (profile), 17 Aug 2012 @ 9:56pm

    but but I liked the idea of the naked coven tech support that was being offered! You know, the ones that come to your house and dance naked windershins around your computer desk chanting:
    "wi yu no run li nux win doe is junk"

    now I'll have find a local coven....

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 18 Aug 2012 @ 9:04am

      Re:

      I think the idea of naked house calls has merit...it was even turned into a movie...you know the one where the sexy client answers the door clad only in a revealing maid outfit and asks you come in and show her your tool(s). And then Joe the naked plumber rings the door bell.I can't remember the name of it though.

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        John Fenderson (profile), 18 Aug 2012 @ 10:16am

        Re: Re:

        Hee! In my town, there really is a naked housecleaning service. Apparently a lot of people were upset that all they do is clean your house.

        [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 19 Aug 2012 @ 7:25pm

      Re:

      You can still place and ad looking for a coven. They just can't post offering the naked dance.

      They won't allow "Magic Potions" either. But they'll allow "holy water" ?

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    G Thompson (profile), 17 Aug 2012 @ 10:31pm

    So under this "decree" of Ebay's (which could be considered interference under some jurisdictions) I see that any religious text whatsoever will not be allowed to be sold.

    This includes but is not limited to The Bible (any version), Torah, etc etc.

    This would also include any study material like textbooks for religious study groups that have prayers in them.

    Though I suspect they are only doing this to get rid of non Abrahamic religions. Though one Abrahamic religion - Islam - will be next on the list of categories verboten I guess.

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 18 Aug 2012 @ 12:40am

    Don't know why, the kind of stuff you'd throw away
    I'll buy, on eBay.
    What I bought, on eBay-y-y-y-y-y-y. ...Y.


    ...Yyyyyy.

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    letherial (profile), 18 Aug 2012 @ 1:22am

    Buyer to ebay: My wish potion didnt work, i bought it on your site, i want my money back.
    Ebay: a wish potion?
    Buyer: Yes a wish potion, as you can see, i am guaranteed one wish, i drank the liquid and made a wish and nothing happened
    Ebay: errr....I think its time to remove 'potions' from our category's, as well as anything else that probably wont happen, sorry, no wish for you.
    Buyer: but but but...
    Ebay:

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 18 Aug 2012 @ 9:28am

      Re:

      Alway always always...Always when you buy a wish, the wish should be for a refund. Everybody knows that

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 18 Aug 2012 @ 3:06am

    Meh. All that shit is a scam, but if people are dumb enough to buy it oh well. I guess it is good they get all that off there though.

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      LDoBe (profile), 18 Aug 2012 @ 3:43pm

      Re:

      I gotta say I agree! While magic, homeopathy, and get rich quick schemes are complete scams and ethically reprehensible, anyone seeking these things really deserve exactly what they get: Nothing, or scammed.

      They're so obvious and transparent that anyone who's fooled deserve it. It's essentially economic natural selection, and is essentially the same as buying "Fresh" seafood out of the back of a van in in rural Colorado.

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    quawonk, 18 Aug 2012 @ 5:20am

    It's an indictment on humanity that people selling this shit make money. I could see it working in some gullible superstitious third world country, but the first world? Come on.

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      That Anonymous Coward (profile), 18 Aug 2012 @ 5:42am

      Re:

      Really? Have you not met the people who fall for the advance fee fraud scams via email?

      We have people handing money to preachers in this country who tell people all of their problems are from not giving enough to the church, or being good enough, or bad people working against them.

      If you dress them in crystals and feathers or a mitre it all is telling people its not your fault your life is bad, come with me and I can make it all better.

      This also works in you dress them up in an elephant or donkey suit, they tell you what you want to hear rather than the truth and take your money and leave you waiting for your wishes to come true.

      What is your view of eBay making money off of offering the platform for these things to be sold?

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 18 Aug 2012 @ 9:10am

      Re:

      All the sellers are from the third world countries

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      fairuse (profile), 18 Aug 2012 @ 9:18am

      Re:

      Selling a dream is big bucks. No different than the late night yammer, "With my ground breaking system you too can make 1000 USD a week..

      [B roll -- fancy cars, hot females and a big house] ..

      I am willing to give you my secret to financial success for just 19.99 (s/h extra).".. and on and on ad nauseam for as long as the huckster wants to talk.

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      That One Guy (profile), 18 Aug 2012 @ 9:43am

      Re:

      Two words: Fad diets.

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    reboog711 (profile), 18 Aug 2012 @ 6:56am

    No more Ghost in a Jar?

    I wonder if the "Ghost in a Jar" auction would have fallen foul of these rulings.

    http://www.ghostinjar.com/

    I wonder if such a ruling could affect some of those folks that write fancy stories around common items in order to get them to sell higher.

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      That Anonymous Coward (profile), 18 Aug 2012 @ 9:28am

      Re: No more Ghost in a Jar?

      http://significantobjects.com/

      And I think the big difference is your dealing with actual objects. With many of the spells, hexes, etc your dealing with "intangible" items that are never delivered.

      A story around an item can be whimsical, farcical, etc... but in the end your bidding on an object. The story doesn't promise this object will regrow your hair, make someone fall in love with you, or summon a demonic beast to sex you up.

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 18 Aug 2012 @ 7:48am

    If only the TV stations would follow ebay's example and stop hosting all the religious scammmers with their fake miracles. Or better still ban all religions... period!

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 18 Aug 2012 @ 9:13am

    Does that include ipads? Jobs said they were magical.

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      LDoBe (profile), 18 Aug 2012 @ 3:49pm

      Re:

      I don't care for Apple products, but if some people want to worship Apple, it's their choice.

      Arthur C. Clarke said it best:
      Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

      My corollary is: As long as the people distinguishing are sufficiently ignorant, and uncurious.

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 18 Aug 2012 @ 9:42am

    I guess this explains why Mike is back to flogging t-shirts. He can no longer easily market that "get rich as a musician" book he seems to be working on.

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Josef Anvil (profile), 18 Aug 2012 @ 10:26am

    RIAA dispute

    The RIAA is pissed off because they bought their "magic anti-piracy web bullet" on eBay several times and it didn't work.

    First it was listed as DCMA then as DRM then HADOPI then ACTA then SOPA/PIPA then TPP.

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Donnicton, 18 Aug 2012 @ 1:07pm

    Now to be fair to the seller of the haunted doll, the seller has a 100% feedback rating, so you know this is some legit stuff.

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Scote, 19 Aug 2012 @ 8:02am

      Antiqueness is also intangible

      It is a bit hypocritical of eBay to ban items claimed to be imbued with intangible qualities like possession items when it continues to allow the sale of antiques.

      Some antiques sell solely for value of their craftsmanship, but others sell for the intangible "provenance'. The same is true for any item sold because it is claimed to have been owned by a celebrity.

      [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Sambo, 18 Aug 2012 @ 11:53pm

    Oh No!

    Oh no.

    This is a tragedy.

    Where are the MPAA/RIAA going to find the magic wand that will stop piracy?

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 19 Aug 2012 @ 6:26am

    So what? I signed up there to buy something and it was a pain in the ass. First I had to register then after about 20 minutes I finally got to order something only to find they don't like debit cards, even though I had a PayPal account (which they own), so I couldn't buy anything there. They wouldn't accept my Visa Debit card. Told it it was invalid. I found it to be a horrible experience which I never want to repeat. So I went to another web site and bought what I wanted, didn't even have to register. The thing I really regret is now I can't cancel or delete my account with them, so they still have all my information in their database including my debit card number. I don't like them. They are a data sucker. You know the type, they collect info on people, and the thought of what they do with it scares me to death.

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    casper, 23 Aug 2012 @ 7:36am

    Earn from home

    Want to earn money while you are surfing on net. Just install
    this software which is free.http://tinyurl.com/cvhpylu

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Angel, 12 Nov 2013 @ 4:52am

    Online Work

    Working online is better and easier. I have been searching for several techniques, reading and checking websites like this one http://goo.gl/3AK9rb to get ideas on how to work with the internet community.

    [ link to this | view in chronology ]


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