Comcast Really Wants Me To Stop Calling Their Top Lobbyist A 'Top Lobbyist'
from the tomato,-tomahto dept
Comcast executive David Cohen is, by dictionary definition, a lobbyist. And not just any lobbyist; a gushing profile piece by the Washington Post in 2012 called him a "wonk rock star" and the company's "secret weapon," who uses "his vast network of high-powered contacts" to help craft Comcast-friendly regulations and apply pressure on DC policy makers. You know, a lobbyist. Unless you're Comcast, which has now e-mailed me repeatedly to demand I stop calling him that.After I mentioned that Cohen was hosting a $2,700 per plate fundraising dinner for Hillary Clinton last month, I received this e-mail from Comcast spokesperson Sena Fitzmaurice on June 18:
"Karl – your piece today is offensive and inaccurate. David Cohen doesn’t pretend he’s not a lobbyist – he isn’t by the definition of the legal term – we keep very close records of his time and activities to make sure the law is complied with – to imply that we are not complying with the law with no evidence is irresponsible journalism."You see, the legal DC definition of a lobbyist was beefed up slightly back in 2007, when the Lobbyist Disclosure Act was notably amended by the Leadership and Open Government Act of 2007. Those changes required that if an employee spends more than 20% of their time lobbying, they have to register with the government as a lobbyist, detail their travel with lawmakers, and more fully outline their contributions to politicians and their myriad foundations. Comcast addressed these changes by simply calling Cohen something else.
Cohen's technical title ever since has been Senior Executive Vice President of Comcast Corporation, though more recently the company has been calling him the company's "Chief Diversity Officer" with a big focus on "community investment":
"David L. Cohen is Senior Executive Vice President of Comcast Corporation. David has a broad portfolio of responsibilities, including corporate communications, government and regulatory affairs, public affairs, legal affairs, corporate administration and community investment, and serves as senior counselor to the CEO. He also serves as Chief Diversity Officer for the company."Cohen played the starring role in selling regulators on Comcast's acquisition of NBC Universal in 2011, crafting conditions it would later be discovered Comcast ignored at its leisure. Cohen's secret weapon during that transaction was Internet Essentials, a program that promised low-income households $10, 5 Mbps broadband for a limited time should they jump through a laundry list of conditions. The program was frequently criticized for being intentionally hard to qualify for, though it provided an endless sea of PR opportunities to help portray Comcast as an agent of pure altruism.
Cohen also spearheads Comcast's entirely-above board (and very common in telecom) practice of giving money to minority groups and organizations with the unwritten expectation that they parrot anti-consumer policy positions. These groups then sing the praises of Comcast's latest merger or sell their constituents downriver on issues like net neutrality, helping to create an artificial sound wall of support for Comcast policies, which, as you may have noticed in your travels, often don't benefit Comcast customers or the internet at large.
So while Cohen is clearly a lobbyist by dictionary definition or for anybody with optic nerves, he's not a lobbyist by legal definition. He's just a guy that really, really loves minority communities and helping the poor, and just happens to spend the lion's share of his time whispering in politicians' and regulators' ears. In fact, as Fitzmaurice was kind enough to illustrate in another e-mail to me on July 18, Cohen has absolutely nothing to do with lobbying whatsoever:
"While I know asking you to be accurate may be futile, David Cohen is not Comcast’s top lobbyist, in fact he is not a lobbyist at all. Lobbyist has a very specific legal definition, and David Cohen does not fit it. David has several different sections of the business which report up to him, only one of which is Government Affairs. The top lobbyist in Washington is Melissa Maxfield."I responded by informing Fitzmaurice that I'm using the Random House definition of lobbyist, not Washington's intentionally flimsy, watered down definition:
1. a person who tries to influence legislation on behalf of a special interest; a member of a lobby.
So, out of respect for Comcast's integrity and this nation's great and unimpeachable legal apparatus, I've decided to acquiesce and start calling Cohen something different. I'm tossing around a number of potential titles. Funpants McGillicutty? Comcast's "Overlord of entirely-authentic-and-not-at-all-politically-motivated-altruism"? Doctor Schnitzel-Fuhrer? Surely readers have a few suggestions.
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Filed Under: chief diversity officer, david cohen, lobbyist, pr
Companies: comcast
Reader Comments
The First Word
“Deffinitions
There are more definitions to a word than just the legal definition. Legal definitions are only important for when talking about rules and regulations in a technical way, not general news.Subscribe: RSS
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What....
Ever since Clinton (where my political chops begin) they have all be wearing a fairly fine array of them.
Nobody likes to call it like it is anymore from Political Correctness to Straight Up treason against the nation... unless of course you are at the wrong end of a disagreement with the power brokers.
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A rose by any other name...
Yesterday it was bribery. Today it's lobbying. Tomorrow it'll be something new that will retain its fresh new name smell until once again actions cause it to look bad.
In summary, if you want people to respect you, stop doing disrespectful things.
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Why not a spoonerism?
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Or a conspicuous denial
Comcast executive David Cohen is of the Profession Formerly Known As Lobbyist (Ninja'd!)
Comcast executive David Cohen, while not a lobbyist by any official capacity engaged in some lobbying-like activities such as...
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Re: Or a conspicuous denial
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Well, you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack" when keep claiming Google Fiber's 27,000 subscribers is driving the industry that serves millions.
All this story of getting hung up on a label does is inflate your ego.
Just tell us actions and facts, don't label. Non-fanboy (see how annoying labels are?) readers will decide based on substance, not your opinion.
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Re:
You see, that's how a top lobbyist gets it done.
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Re: Re:
Who?
Top... lobbyists.
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wormtail
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Re: wormtail
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Riiiight....
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Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"
All this story of getting hung up on a label does is inflate your ego.
Just tell us actions and facts, don't label. Non-fanboy (see how annoying labels are?) readers will decide based on substance, not your opinion.
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Re: Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"
Well, the facts say Cohen is a lobbyist by the dictionary definition.
readers will decide based on substance, not your opinion
Aha, funny thing mr substance. I"d invite you to research about the worst companies in America for a bit.
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Re: Re: Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"
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Re: Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"
You mean like referring to everyone on the site as "pirates?"
That kind of labeling?
Tell me, how hard is it really to actually insert your foot into your mouth?
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Re: Re: Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"
Piracy:
1 the practice or an act of robbery of ships at sea;
2 a similar practice or act in other forms, esp. hijacking.
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Re: Re: Re: Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"
The FBI’s Uniform Crime Reporting (UCR) Program defines robbery as the taking or attempting to take anything of value from the care, custody, or control of a person or persons by force or threat of force or violence and/or by putting the victim in fear.
Interesting. So whoever's labeling us as pirates really is full of shit.
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"
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Re: Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"
Or, put another way, "That term is technically correct. The best kind of correct."
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Re: Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"
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As for Cohen I suggest Chief "Not-a-lobbyist-by-Washington's-definition" Officer because I'm not creative.
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Re:
Chief "Not-a-Lobbyist-Wink-Wink-Nudge-Nudge" officer
Chief "Only-spends-19%-of-his-time-corrupting-the-political-process" officer
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Re:
While Maxfield may satisfy the political definition of lobbyist, sir Cohen has been the most vocal public voice of manipulation compared to mme. Maxfield. But if both aren't on the same page, that would be problematic for the company. Thus the points made by Cohen should be perfectly representative of Maxfield and the companys legally defined lobbying staff.
The endresult is solely a wordgame from Comcast in this case and barely qualifies as anything worth reporting. The piece, however, gives some really good transparency in the almost always completely opaque communication between a journalistic entity and a company.
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Re:
David L. Cohen (under Comcast legal department's interpretation of the Lobbying Disclosure Act (LDA) U.S.C. § ???? technically not a lobbyist)
Too long?
And I don't know how many § and subsections it would need of whatever convoluted legaleze Congress managed to vomit up to create the whole thing.
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To parahrase Shakespear e
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Deffinitions
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Re: Deffinitions
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"If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and swims like a duck, clearly it's part of the cable industry."
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Re:
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The "Un-Lobbyist"
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Re:
I think we are giving turds a bad name now...
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Re: Re:
Sir, you can't let him in here. He'll see everything. He'll see the top lobbyist!
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Re:
To maintain the finely crafted veneer of "totally-intentionally barely-technically not-a-lobbyist" Cohen,
Comcast keeps "correcting" people who "mischaracterize" his actions (*wink*) and malign his forthright and uncontroversial (*grin*) work.
They've got no right or power to stop people from using the completely appropriate term, but public consensus is reminded that he still technically isn't a lobbyist instead of settling on the reasonable and accurate belief that he is.
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the politician whisperer
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Is this "time on the job" or just time in general? Because 40 hours a week is only 23% of the week already. Give him a generous vacation schedule, and and he wouldn't even need to pretend to have other responsibilities.
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Keep it Simple
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Lobbytwister
Lobbytwistist
Lobbysurrealist
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Take a hint from the adult entertainment industry
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influence peddler in chief
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Person who lobbies
Comcast's person who pays in money and promises to get legislation passed
Any of those should work.
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How about a "Schmobbyist"
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Hey if the shoe fits...
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Re:
lying scumbag who sold his soul to evil corporate overlords.
Also, don't you find it hilarious that Comcasts apparently thinks of themselves of being in any position to make demands?
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Lobbysitter
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No. Comcast addressed these changes by not having Cohen spend more than 20% lobbying. If you have proof that Cohen is spending more time lobbying (irrespective of what his title is), then get him charged. Otherwise, this whole piece reads like a chastised child.
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Re:
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Re:
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Re:
David Cohen is not Comcast’s top lobbyist, in fact he is not a lobbyist at all.
Comcast appears to suggest he's both - a lobbyist, and yet not a lobbyist.
Seems as if there's enough ambiguity there to drive a truck through, and that's from their own spokesperson.
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Re: Re:
There's nothing wrong with that logic; unless I spend a fifth of my time actually being a cat...
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Re: a chastised child telling the truth
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Re:
Yes, using Congress' redefinition of the word lobbying. We're (well, I'm not anyway) not in Congress, so I've no obligation to use their definition. Congress calls things that are black white all the time, so no-one is surprised to see them do it again here.
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Re: Re:
Bode is implying that Cohen is still lobbying 20% - 100% of the time, but since his title is Chief Diversity Officer, Comcast can skirt the law. This is an idiotic assertion. Obviously, Comcast just told Cohen to keep his lobbying under 20% and then he can "officially" not be a lobbyist. If Bode thinks something else is happening, then he should get Cohen charged.
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Re: Re: Re:
I don't know if you're in the legal profession or what, but what you're missing is that there's more to this situation than what the law says. The law could be rewritten to say that someone is only a lobbyist if he does his lobbying while wearing a clown suit. However, that would not affect whether what a person was doing outside of a clown suit is actually lobbying - it would only affect the legal consequences for doing it.
Similarly, Karl is not saying that Cohen meets the legal definition of a lobbyist - he's saying he meets the ordinary dictionary definition of a lobbyist. Which was explicitly and specifically mentioned in the story.
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Re: Re: Re: Re:
The rest of the issue I totally understand. Yes, spending 19% of your time lobbying is basically the same as spending 20% of your time.
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
I see what you're getting at.
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
I think what Bode is really saying is that Comcast is skirting the intent of the law. Which is undeniably the case.
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Re: Re: Re:
He's still a lobbyist, he just avoids spending enough time to be required to be a registered lobbyist.
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Re: Re: Re: Re:
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Hmm.
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How about "lobbstrosity"?
That, or "Shitstain" with the "Notable" qualifier when you're feeling fancy.
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Re:
Reminds me of Halo medals.
Lobbstrocity
Lobbtacular
Lobbypocalypse
Lobbymanjaro
Lobbtastrophe
Some work better than others.
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Re:
Stephen King might object to the use of the term, although some might say it was apt.
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F That
Gov't attempts to redefine language are insidious and transparent attempts at changing the rules.
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Re: F That
They have been twisting language for a long time to render things like the constitution pointless.
Civil Forfeiture, Reasonable Suspicion, and bad comma placement are all examples of these things. And people think its all a mystery despite the fact that the founders are well on record for just exactly what they meant!
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Re: Re: F That
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By an amazing coincidence, his hosting a $2,700 per plate fundraising dinner for a politician doesn't meet the legal definition of bribery. Nor is the legal definition of influence peddling involved.
Let's just say that Comcast has placed David Cohen in the Washington bribery and influence peddling pipeline, and he's lodged there like a partially absorbed suppository. That doesn't meet the legal definition of calling him a lobbyist.
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Re:
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cabildero
That is the Spanish word for lobbyist.
More words of Spanish origin are becoming commonly used every day. No reason not to contribute. Besides, if we start using it some people will actually look it up and as a result actually think about what was said.
There are other words that come to mind, but my mother would not have approved of me using them. We could just use 'varmint'. She would not mind that one and it does imply the proper level of disdain.
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I just acquired the hobby
Of working hard to influence them all
It's not because they paid me
And no, nobody made me,
It's just that I'm at Comcast's beck and call
A lobbyist I'm not
That's simply Tommy rot
Your writing isn't funny
I hand out LOADS of money
To anyone who'll scream that they agree
It's not influence I'm buying
(Although I'm really trying!)
It's the only way that they'll be friends with me
A lobbyist NO WAY
I simply preach for pay!
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Re:
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Re:
What's that spell?
Lobbyist!
Probably...
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What a little shit. Should've told them to fuck off.
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weasel
professional liar
enemy of the people
enemy of the internet
corrupter of politicians
hater of democracy
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Just go through the alphabet.
"Top dobbyist" will likely get the Rowling estate on your heals.
I like "top mobbyist".
How about "The Prophit"? Or "Comcast's chief storyteller"?
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Re: Just go through the alphabet.
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(A bird that's so full of shit it's too heavy to fly)
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Bottom Lobby
I like Chief Squirrel Executive, since he must have a short attention span with so much lobbying and not count as a lobbyist.
Or maybe we could call him "Licorice" (Lobbyist In Charge Of Reliably Injecting Campaign Endowment), but that's just to give him an abbreviation that makes him sound weird.
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CLOWN
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Comcast lobbyist
Lobbyist:
Any individual (1) who is either employed or retained by a client for financial or other compensation (2) whose services include more than one lobbying contact; and (3) whose lobbying activities constitute 20 percent or more of his or her services’ time on behalf of that client during any three-month period.
Lobbying Contact:
Any oral, written, or electronic communication to a covered official that is made on behalf of a client with regard to the enumerated subjects at Sections 3(8)(A) of the Act (2 U.S.C. § 1602(8)(A)).
Threshold Requirements
In order to determine the applicability of the LDA, one must first look at the definition of “lobbyist” under Section 3(10) of the Act. Under this definition, an individual is a “lobbyist” with respect to a particular client if he or she makes more than one lobbying contact and his or her “lobbying activities” (as defined in Section 3(7)) constitute at least 20 percent of the individual’s time in services for that client over any three-month period.
Lobbying activity is defined in Section 3(7) as “lobbying contacts and efforts in support of such contacts, including … background work that is intended, at the time it is performed, for use in contacts, and coordination with the lobbying activities of others.” If the intent of the work is to support ongoing and future lobbying, then it would fall within the definition of lobbying activities. Timing of the work performed, as well as the status of the issue, is also pivotal. Generally, if work such as reporting or monitoring occurs at a time when future lobbying contacts are contemplated, such reporting and monitoring should be considered as a part of planning or coordinating of lobbying contacts, and therefore included as “lobbying activity.” If, on the other hand, a person reports back to the relevant committee or officer regarding the status of a completed effort, that activity would probably not be included as a lobbying activity, if reports are not being used to prepare a lobbying strategy the next time the issue is considered.
Communications excepted from the definition of “lobbying contact” under Section 3(8)(B) of the LDA may be considered “lobbying activities” under some circumstances. Communications excepted by Section 3(8)(B) will constitute “lobbying activities” if they are in support of other communications which constitute “lobbying contacts.”
If a communication is limited to routine information gathering questions and there is not an attempt to influence a covered official, the exception of Section 3(8)(B)(v) for “any other similar administrative request” would normally apply. In determining whether there is an attempt to influence a covered official, the identity of the person asking the questions and her relationship to the covered official obviously will be important factors.
Whoever knowingly fails: (1) to correct a defective filing within 60 days after notice of such a defect by the Secretary of the Senate or the Clerk of the House; or (2) to comply with any other provision of the Act, may be subject to a civil fine of not more than $200,000, and whoever knowingly and corruptly fails to comply with any provision of this Act may be imprisoned for not more than 5 years or fined under title 18, United States Code, or both.
http://lobbyingdisclosure.house.gov/amended_lda_guide.html
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Re: Comcast lobbyist
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Schrödinger's Lobbyist
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Sena was a lobbyist
http://corporate.comcast.com/news-information/leadership-overview/sena-fitzmaurice
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#REKT
Sincerely,
Techdirt
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Corporate title acronyms - let's see...
INAL (I'm Not A Lobbyist)
HIGADFY (Have I Got a Deal For You!)
IYSMISY (If You Scratch Mine, I'll Scratch Yours)
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Just a Hobby
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Re: Just a Hobby
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An individual with a doctorate in rotation theory.
An individual whom appears to spend an inordinate amount of time talking about issues that benefit his employer as opposed to the general public.
An individual whom is full of human excrement.
An individual with an apparent lack of morality and ethics.
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My suggestion
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Re: My suggestion
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Re:
You may have missed the tongue in cheek tone of the article.
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He is a top Lobbyist for Comcast, also campaign contributions are bribes. #reality
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undercover lobbyist?
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Re:
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Dissembler in Chief.
"Officer in charge of Corporate Propaganda" has a nice ring too.
Fabulist, fibster, falsifier, mythomaniac, palterer, prevaricator, pseudologist, pseudologue, spinner of yarns, yarner, eye-wool puller.
It's interesting that we've managed to come up with so many words to describe the phenomenon.
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Re: Dissembler in Chief.
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Weaponized "Altruist"
Beautiful.
So call him something that points out how insidiously they've subverted things.
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Actually, that's such a mouthful, you're probably better off abbreviating it to Chief BAG MAN.
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Re:
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regulatory interference in the favor of legacy businesses
Pushing for regulations to sustain legacy industries has been around for a long time.
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Here is something they could not complain about:
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Top Effective Lobbyist
Don't screw up their loophole, since what counts as lobbying? Working on the material to give to a politician?
Just the time spent talking to politicians?
Arranging events for everyone but making sure not to leave out his politician contacts?
Handing out information of his political contacts to others and telling them to say 'David sent me'?
Interacting with the politician's staff but not the politician?
Having other employee's do the time-consuming lobbying tasks that legally count as lobbying actions and then stepping in for the most important interactions so his recorded lobbying time is less than 20%?
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Executive Gargoyle & Intermittent Cash Funnel
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That 20% number?
Because 20% of 24 hours is 4 hours 48 minutes. That means he only has to spend 3 hours and 13 minutes of his on-the-clock hours in meetings, then spend the rest of his on-the-clock time lobbying and they can still claim "He's under 20%!!!"
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More Accuracy
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CCLbMWdoLntDAWHdoL
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Don't call a spade a spade...
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Karl Bode is TechDirt's Top Troll
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L. O. B. B. Y. I. S. T.
Legal Orchestrator of Bought and Borrowed Yays and Influence Sales Technician
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Re: L. O. B. B. Y. I. S. T.
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Star wars themed response
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THIS is why people hate government, because of the obvious disconnect from reality.
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Putting "a" in front of a word...
I suggest calling him Alobbyist. The apparent misspelling would get more attention and create multiple opportunities to clarify the difference between the legal and the real world definitions.
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Motherfoyer
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Only 20%?
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Mouth of Comcast
His Masters Voice.
The true name of his job must not be spoken!
(M)alignant (A)ssurer of (D)espair
MAD
(M)aking (U)SA (d)isabled
MUD
(B)ribing (i)s (b)uying (i)nfluence
BIBI
(C)aster (o)f (c)ongressional (k)owtowing
Cock
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My 2 cents
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Comcast's minister of Truth
Cohen is minister of Altruism.
Or minister of Love. Sounds better.
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New Name
He makes a noise, so call him that "You Noisy Fag Lobbyist".
He's trying to ruin your good time writing. Write in caps "YOU FAG!"
We'll all know exactly what you mean. At least those of us who depend on Southpark for enlightenment occasionally.
This entry for 'New Name' has been brought to you by the noisy protestations of Big Fag from Comcast. :)
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Re: New Name
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Re: Re: New Name
Maybe he's British.
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Re: Re: Re: New Name
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Re: Re: New Name
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Re: Re: Re: New Name
Were you the one that reported my post?
For whatever reason it's gone, I'm done with you Techdirt. Techdirt is history.
Jackass.
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Re: Re: Re: Re: New Name
Boy you are so touchy! What a fag.
:D
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Re: Re: Re: Re: New Name
What does watching TV have to with you perpetuating the use of a harmful insult that is against laws in some places?
Were you the one that reported my post?
Nope. I'd guess one of the staff of the site saw my comment and realised I'm right. Reported comments are only hidden, not deleted.
For whatever reason it's gone.
Which I'm glad to see. One of my friends is gay, and I'm gay myself.
I'm done with you, Techdirt. Techdirt is history.
Bye, don't let the door hit you on your way out!
Jackass.
Your unsuccessful attempt at another insult would hurt more if you weren't looking in a mirror as you said it and you quit making multiple comments after saying you're leaving.
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: New Name
Not specific to this scenario, but in general something being illegal to say somewhere is not a good enough reason to not say it.
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: New Name
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Re: Re: New Name
Do you watch any TV?
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Re: Re: Re: New Name
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Comcast's top lobbyist
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Someone butts in line; "What a fag". Someone steals your parking spot; "What a Fag!"
Nothing gay about it.
Carry on... :)
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Plain and simple
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New Names
Acting Powerbroker
Senior Person-Formerly-Defined-As-Top-Lobbyist
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Employment Agreement
[S]ubparagraph (i) above restricts Employee from working on the account, or otherwise for the benefit, of a Competitive Business as a result of Employee’s working as an employee, consultant or in any other capacity for an entity that provides consulting, advisory, lobbying or similar services to other businesses.
Please ask, Karl. The people want to know.
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The hell is a diversity officer?
Wtf is a diversity officer? Are they in charge of ensuring more qualified people dont get hired just so they can hire lesser qualified minorities so they can feel all warm and fuzzy?
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The Last Word
“My suggestion
"Congressional Fluffer"