If I Were The MPAA... How I Would Deal With My Car Break-In
from the a-study-in-contrasts dept
My family and I got back from our annual vacation in the Current Middle Ages last Friday morning around 2 a.m. Exhausted from the trip, I forgot to take in my iPod and left it visibly displayed on the front seat. When I went out to the car the next morning, I found the passenger-side window broken and the iPod (along with some other items in the front seat) stolen. I called the police, and an officer came out to take my report. He was properly professional and sympathetic. He informed me that the chief tool available was a database that pawnshops must maintain of any electronic devices that are pawned. If the serial number on my iPod came up in the database, they would nab the felon. Otherwise, though, there wasn't much hope. The officer also advised me that there had been some similar incidents in the general neighborhood and that the best way to avoid having my car broken into in the future was to make sure that no electronics or charging cords were visible. I thanked him for his professionalism and advice and that was that.
Then I got to thinking, what if I were the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) or the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA)? How would I handle the theft of my iPod and the advice from the police on how to avoid future break ins? Rather differently, as I explain below . . . .
So if I were the MPAA, how would I handle this?
Berate the cop who answered my call for not stopping the crime before it happened. I would also go around to everyone in my neighborhood and accuse them of "supporting theft" from their failure to set up a neighborhood watch to protect my right to leave my iPod in the front seat of my car.
When the cop told me that I could reduce the likelihood of future car break-ins by keeping electronics hidden, I would shout at the cop for "supporting theft." After all, I have a perfect right to keep my iPod in my car, prominently displayed if I want. How dare this cop tell me to change my behavior to avoid getting robbed!
Later, I would try to get the cop who advised me on how to avoid future car break-ins fired for "abetting car thieves." I would conduct a public smear campaign in which I accused this cop of being in bed with thieves, fences, and other nefarious dealers in stolen goods because he "supports theft" by advising me how to avoid future car break-ins rather than setting a 24/7 guard on my driveway or preemptively arresting anyone who looks like he or she might steal my iPod. After all, if you really cared about stopping theft, you wouldn't tell me to change my behavior or take steps to protect myself! I have a perfect right to leave my iPod in my front seat, and theft is wrong. So telling me to hide my iPod to avoid a break in means you don't really want to enforce the law.
While I'm at it, I will also accuse my neighbors of secretly wanting to steal my iPod. They have motive (who wouldn't want a free iPod?) and opportunity, so they are all prime suspects. I will demand the police conduct a house-to-house search. If they are too busy, I insist the police give ME the right to do a house-to-house search. I will also start harassing my neighbors and treating them like criminals. If they tell me to bugger off, and demand to see a warrant before I search their homes for my iPod, I will point to their bad attitude as proof that they are either thieves or support thieves. Why else would they object?
I would lobby the Montgomery County Council to place a 24/7 guard on my driveway so I can leave my iPod in the front seat. I would also insist on a video surveillance system and fingerprinting for anyone who comes with 500 feet of my car. Any neighbors who complain about what a waste of tax payer money this is, or that it invades their privacy, or that they don't like giving fingerprints to police to protect my right to leave my iPod in the front seat "support theft" and deserve the smear treatment.
I would give $1 million in campaign donations to any County Council rep who votes for my proposals. I would give the same amount to the opponents of any County Council member who even suggests that my proposals are a little extreme and maybe I ought to just put my iPod in the glove compartment. I would hold parties where County Council members can meet famous movie stars and recording artists, all of whom will urge the members of the County Council to vote for my eminently reasonable proposal to avert the veritable crime wave of iPod thefts in my driveway.
I would produce statistics that show that Montgomery County loses thousands of dollars and numerous jobs annually from iPod theft from my driveway. Anyone who questions the accuracy of these statistics "supports iPod theft."
Then I will wonder why I am so unpopular with my neighbors. I will conclude they have been deluded by the pawnshop lobby. Or they support iPod theft. But it can't be anything wrong with me, since I have a perfect right to leave my iPod in the front seat of my car and anyone who questions any measures to protect that right either supports theft or is being controlled by the pawnshop lobby.
You may ask, wouldn't it actually be easier, cheaper and more effective for me to change my habits and be a bit more careful about leaving my iPod and other electronic devices on the front seat of my car? To which I can only say "if you can even ask that question, you clearly support iPod theft."
Stay tuned . . .
Cross-posted from Tales of the Sausage Factory
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Filed Under: blame, law enforcement, mpaa
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Typo
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Prefects (in UK universities such as Oxford) tend to be spoiled rich kids who'd still steal your ipod just "because".
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Well said
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my family owned a bull-nosed Morris. Presumably it had a nose.
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Anyway isn't this an ipod analogy or a theft analogy not a car analogy at all?
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I should be able to have any iPod, anywhere, turned off, just on my say so.
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It is also sad, because this is true. I think that putting their situation into this context really helps regular people understand why we are up in arms against the current IP Industry lobbying efforts.
It isn't because they are wrong (they DO have the right to leave their iPod in the front sead), but because they are going overboard in trying to criminalize or demonize behavior that is not illegal (living in the neighbourhood, suggesting that iPods should not be left on the front seat).
I would continue, but I would be re-iterating the above article.
Well Done Harold!!!
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Re:
Your post was excellent.
But you forgot to also say that you would try to have the Thief given an indefinite imprisonment no matter where he lived.If a Foreigner you would see him extradited.
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If the thief just stole your ipod, he goes to prison.
But if he then throws the ipod at a woman in a nightclub, beats her senseless and then tries to blame her for "being in the way", then they just introduce you to Chris Browns agent and a four album deal...
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This case of course will be easily discarded by whoever takes the device. You know, in much the same way DRM is discarded by all the pirates.
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Or for that matter, anyone who might STEAL you iPod.
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There would be only 1:
1. Sue the police officer for failing to stop the "theft" of the songs under current copyright laws. He goes to court, loses, and has to pay a staggering $250,000 per song.
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Fuck, I should have kept my mouth shut.
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But suppose the First Sale Doctrine was weakened, e.g. because it's a virtual copy, it's only "licensed" rather than sold. That means each subsequent owner of the iPod who played the song would be liable for infringement, theft or not. See http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20120608/18350819256/why-supreme-court-needs-to-make-sure-that-sell ing-used-ipad-isnt-copyright-violation.shtml
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And, isn't it entirely probable that the whole DMCA/DRM/Pirate thing happens because absolutely everyone wants to pirate and not pay? So DRM locks digital to product, and DMCA prohibits Fair Use/transfer - which is how the First Sale doctrine is weakened on that front.
And, aren't they putting that Web Connect DRM into most products, preventing a sale. Like PS3 video games and the like?
Overall - the First Sale Doctrine is already bypassed.
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Re:
"I would lobby the Montgomery County Council to place a 24/7 guard on my driveway so I can leave my iPod in the front seat. I would also insist on a video surveillance system and fingerprinting for anyone who comes with 500 feet of my car. Any neighbors who complain about what a waste of tax payer money this is, or that it invades their privacy, or that they don't like giving fingerprints to police to protect my right to leave my iPod in the front seat "support theft" and deserve the smear treatment."
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pawn shops.
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Re: pawn shops.
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From the RIAA
You just distributed some unknown number number of music files ILLEGALLY. You are clearly a huge pirate for distributing these files without the approval of the copyright holders.
You either need to recover said device immediately and ensure that any files that were on it have not been copied by the thief, or you will need to pay licensing fees for the distribution of the music.
Now, if the device was stolen by multiple thieves, you are also going to need to pay for a public performance license. They could be listening to this music together and we know your device was out in public because it was in your car.
We estimate the value of the music is somewhere between $10 million and $179 million, and will need you to provide an affidavit from someone at ICE who has recently used your device as proof if you want to argue for anything lower than the $179 million. If you cannot, we can help by asking the NSA - they track your music usage for us.
We are also going to assume a dirty pirate like you had a couple of movies on your iPod, so we will be copying the MPAA on this notice so they can also determine their fees.
Thank you for your cooperation
- RIAA
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Re: From the RIAA
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You have screwed us. It's our turn.
-RIAA
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3D printing
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http://www.thingiverse.com/thing:18690
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CALL THE MPAA and RIAA
OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!
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Re: CALL THE MPAA and RIAA
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I like this game
One of my neighbors has a rock garden. A rock was used to smash my car window. Sue neighbor for 500 times the cost of an iPod and car window. When neighbor has proof he was out of state at the time the theft occurred, agree to sue him for MERELY 100 times the cost to you for inducing/enabling the real criminal.
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Re: I like this game
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Either back up your words or stop commenting here and wasting the time it takes to read your idiodic comments
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Because of how he acted (ie. leaving his iPod clearly visible on the front seat of his car), he invited theft.
What he is saying is that when the same thing happens to the **AA (ie. making their content so hard to access in formats they want), they are also inviting theft. And then goes to correlate their response to theft with his own situation.
Clearly leaving your iPod on the front seat of your car is a bad idea. It is not illegal, and you certainly have a right to do so, but it is still a bad idea.
Creating content, and then locking it down behind paywalls, DRM, physical copies (when none are needed) isn't illegal, but in today's digital world, it is a bad idea.
He simply took the responses the **AA use for the "theft" of their content, and hypothetically applied it to the theft of his iPod.
No one is saying he is right, but they are saying the overreacting isn't the right idea either.
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Tears
How dare they suggest something as simple as putting the items in a glovebox? How dare they not do everything in their power not to protect what is rightfully mine? I pay good tax money and I deserve justice MY WAY!
**SARCASM MODE DISENGAGED**
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Re: Tears
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You, sir, are a common dirty pirate thief!
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What if someone committed the MPAA's crimes against you
A neighbor sees your iPod on the front seat of your car, so that neighbor buys the same car and same iPod and places his iPod in an identical spot on his front seat. Imagine the horror if everyone copied the same actions you did while leaving yours unharmed, still in your possession, and still in place; but they copied you!
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Re: What if someone committed the MPAA's crimes against you
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Punsick War
Your analogy is OK, but it fails in one aspect...RIAA/MPAA actions are civil actions, while physical theft is a criminal action. But it is a good comparison.
...Backwards into the future!
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Re: Punsick War
I'm guessing Aethelmearc, since war doesn't actually change that.
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One you missed
In fact, if I merely thought I saw you with an iPod, I would sue you! Or if it looked like there was something in your pocket that could be an iPod. (Or are you just happy to see me?)
Or merely if you had pockets. After all pockets are facilitating and enabling theft. For that matter, so is the car that I left my iPod in -- I should sue the car manufacturer.
Anything but go after the real criminal.
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What about car companies?
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Hmm.
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Don't Lock My Car
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False premise for analogy
To correct, you would have left your iPod on the seat of your convertible (top down, of course) and the iPod returned to said seat after the 'thief' had merely listened to your musical choices without paying you for the privileged.
No physical damage. No physical loss of property.
Then, the analogy to an MPAA/RIAA reaction would be accurate.
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Re: False premise for analogy
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:: sigh ::
Second - This article is an example of a bad analogy argument. "Minds, like rivers, can be broad. The broader the river, the shallower it is. Therefore, the broader the mind, the shallower it is." Yes, it's entertaining, but you're ascribing a ridiculous scenario to the **AA, which a) isn't provable, and b) devoid of any rational basis, and c) is petty and seems like it's making more digs at the **AA than valid points.
Yes, I agree with the sentiment. But, the style in which this was argued is, IMHO, not up to the high quality of other criticisms and analysis of the **AA's policies and procedures.
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Do you know that most broad rivers simply displace a large amount of water, and that they are, in general, deeper then narrow rivers? Two bad analogies don't make one good analogy.
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Sue
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It's the MPRIAA who call copying theft and this posting suggests that the MPRIAA is overeacting even if you equate copying to stealing.
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so
There..that makes about as much sense as a typical RIAA press release..............
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....and the MPAA still has their "iPod"
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That gets stolen at the mall, and then Apple sues Microsoft and Harold because "Your product is just copying our ipod's stealability features"
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#9
9. Without conclusive evidence, convince the local authorities that one of your neighbors is about to erase the songs on your iPod, therefore killing off all piracy related proof on a global scale. Have SWAT, police dogs, helicopters raid their house. Search for 15 minutes looking for your neighbor (who is sitting at the dining table reading the paper and was only found after their wife/husband pointed them out), seize all assets, rough them up and then demand they be incarcerated until they can turn a case of break and enter into a global piracy conspiracy.
Only afterwards is it proven that not only did they not steal the iPod, but they were interstate on holidays at the time.
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No no NO!
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Re: No no NO!
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Of course they have this little problem with over valuing and demanding the world you live on for the price of their product.
It's not worth that to me. I'll hang on to my money that is actually something I can use.
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The Boundary Between Piracy and Theft.
The kind of theft which I can think of, which most closely resembles piracy is "Theft By Usufruct," eg. staying in a motel room, and taking the towels with you when you check out. It has the same element of regarding the customer as a criminal, and not being able to lock down the property in question without destroying its usefulness to the customer. Theft By Usufruct used to have a life of its own, eg. people stealing the spoons when they ate, but of course, by now all the less ritzy establishments, up to and including food courts in shopping centers, use disposable plastic spoons. The same goes for things like salt-shakers. Eating and lodging establishments generally prefer to use disposables whenever possible, and when the customer will put up with it, to avoid being in the dishwashing and laundry business.
(*) A while back, one night in the middle of winter, when the snow was a foot or so deep, and the wind chill factor was considerable, I walked down to the store. Naturally, I was wearing suitable gear-- heavy boots, parka, and carrying a poncho which could be used as an additional windbreaker at need, not unmindful that we aren't very far from the site of George Washington's Fort Necessity. At the store, I noticed that one of the customers was dressed in pajamas, bathrobe, and bedroom slippers. It was obvious that she had not gone outside to get into her car. That was simply not the get-up for scraping ice off the windshield at about 20 deg F. The store had an awning covering its gas pumps and some of its parking places, those only about ten or twenty feet from the door. Still, it was an odd performance.
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Hilarious article!
Hilarious article!
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Article: If I Were The MPAA... How I Would Deal With My Car Break-In
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That's not like slutwalk at all.
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Another response
Each pedestrian found to have an ipod fitting the description of the stolen ipod should have himself and his family up in court for punitive damages of say 300 times the actual loss of the original ipod. Their ipod, clothes & footwear (which were all clearly used in the commission of their crime) are now evidence and will be impounded for an arbitrary amount of time.
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